cant believe its happening

[kris143]

for some reason i feel like everything in my life is falling apart. i know thats not true but i just have that feeling these last few days. maybe its because im going through alot of crap and the one person i wish was here with me isnt. i know its not his fault at all and i know he'd be here for me in a heartbeat if he could but its just so hard without him here. especially since i cant talk to him tonight when i need him most. they arent expecting mr.larry to make it through the night. it sucks so much. i cant even like believe this is happening. i talked to him while we were in alabama three weeks ago and my dad talked to him the week after that while he was on vacation with his family. he came back from vacation and we were in new york and now we find out hes dying. he has less than a 5% chance of living. im so worried about greg and chris and ms.lisa. i just cant believe this is happening. my poor dad doesnt know what to do.. one of his best friends is laying in the hospital in critical condition and he cant see him or anything. he went to the hospital on saturday and he saw mr.larry and he squeezed his finger and smiled and then today he went there and they wouldnt allow anyone to see him so they stayed in the waiting room for a long time. its so hard. i hate losing people. i should be used to it by now but every time something like this happens it just starts all over again. i just really need roger right now and its killing me. it really is. i know i have other people who are here for me and all but i mean i just want to talk to rog. i need him to tell me everthing will be okay. i cant wait until he comes home on sunday. its so far away but i still just cant wait. im having trouble sleeping and i cant take my mind off him and mr.larry and its just not good for me. its really not. the lack of sleep is catching up to me big time. and school is starting monday.. been moving all this week. everything is hitting me at once. i know it'll all get better but i hate how life always does this. and i still miss roger :( i didnt think id miss him this much seriously. like i dont know if its because of all the crap thats going on with me right now and i really need him or if its because my feelings are stronger than i thought.. im just gonna guess its both because i missed him this much when i was in new york last week and i didnt know about mr.larry and everything else. i just want to sleep til sunday seriously. like it would go by so much faster and everything an then ill just feel so much better. i wish i could do something to help mr.larry. i really do. id give him a lung in a heartbeat if i could.

pray for mr. larry, mrs. lisa, chris, and greg dick. :-[