beautifall
Title: Beautifall
Author: krintt
Rating: PG-13.
Type: One-shot. 2185 words.
Summary: The other half is with me.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters nor do I have anything to do with McDonald's. This is not real, nor do I wish it was. Title credits goes to my friend who does not have an LJ account.
Warnings: Implied eating disorders and character death.
He is an interesting guy, Kris thinks.
Black hair, black nail polish, leather jacket and really, really tight pants. Kris thinks maybe this is what normal guys look like in LA.
He's two tables to the front and one to the left from Kris and he just cannot look away. The guy is eating a burger and then someone calls him on his cell phone and Kris actually has to stop breathing when he smiles.
Kris turns his attention back to his fries, he's been staring too much. He distracts himself with dipping the fries in ketchup and then shooting it into his mouth.
And then he hears him laugh, and it's the song a smile would sing if it could make a sound.
Kris's head shoots up in time to see him stand, phone still on his hear and a grin still laced on his lips. Kris is still watching when he walks out the door.
And gosh, Kris thinks, there are some really beautiful people in LA.
-
Kris sees him again on Thursday, the next week.
He's wearing the same leather jacket and he still has the same black hair, although his nails aren't black anymore, it's some sort of dark but bright glittery blue. That color confuses Kris. He wishes the guy just stuck to black.
Now he's sitting a little farther from Kris, about six meters away. There's a salad in front of the guy and that throws Kris off a little. The last time he saw him, he'd been eating a cheeseburger.
And then someone behind Kris calls, "Adam!" and the guy's head snaps up and smiles at whoever called him.
And then Kris's brain gives off a little click.
Of course, Kris thinks. What else would he be called?
-
The next time Kris sees Adam, he's having ice cream and he's alone.
And it makes Kris ridiculously happy, for some reason. It's good he's eating ice cream. Ice cream is good and sugary and Adam will definitely love it.
Kris watches Adam from two tables away and he sees that Adam is not actually doing anything, just enjoying his ice cream.
Kris smiles.
And why do I care so much? Kris thinks. He decides it doesn't really matter.
-
Adam comes back to McDonald's after two weeks and Kris sighs, relieved.
Kris has been taking down the dates on a page in his journal, the days he sees Adam. There is a surprisingly big gap between the last date and this one.
Adam's not alone this time though, he's with the same guy from the night Kris learned his name.
And Kris sees that they're really cuddly and the guy is leaning his head and most of his body on Adam and he's smiling.They both are, actually. And they whisper to each other and giggle and glittersmile.
And for the first time ever, Adam catches Kris staring. He raises his eyebrows a little and (oh no) Kris blushes and looks back down at his cheeseburger.
"I love you, Brad!" Adam says loudly, like it's some sort of announcement to the whole world. Kris wants to melt into his chair.
Brad (Well, he does look like a Brad.) laughs and kisses Adam's cheek, whispers something into his ear and leaves McDonald's.
Adam watches Brad go and then looks back at Kris and Kris busies himself with his burger. Adam stabs a leaf of lettuce on his salad.
Kris decides he should leave first. So he does and Adam watches as he steps out.
And gosh, Kris thinks. I hope he doesn't hate me.
-
Kris and Adam are both in McDonalds again the next day.
Their tables are right next to each other but they don't talk, only nod at each other once.
They both eat in silence but Kris feels closer to Adam. In a way.
A sudden gush of cold air whips Kris's face and he wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. This is the first time Kris really ever notices his scarf. It's a nice, soft scarf that he's had for ages. His mom knitted it for him. It's a little strange and somehow not very used at all - it's just something he owns. It's a weird shade of green and it's much too long and it's not perfect at all, but that's why it's so special.
Sort of like Adam, Kris thinks.
-
Kris sees Adam again on a Friday.
Adam's eating a burger and Kris isn't eating anything. He doesn't go to McDonald's for food anymore.
Kris doesn't spend twenty minutes just staring at Adam, too. Somehow McDonald's just feels a little like home now. These days Kris just goes there to feel something familiar.
But he does still stare at Adam. For seven minutes at most.
Kris is watching Adam right now actually, and he notices Adam's face pales. Adam's hand flies to his mouth and Kris thinks what's wrong and right on cue, Adam turns around to look at Kris.
The gray in Adam's eyes is wild and thrashing and begging and screaming and Kris can only stare.
Flurry of panic and Adam gets up from his seat and makes for the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him.
Kris gets up from his chair, too, and walks to the bathroom. He presses his ear on the door (I must look stupid) and he closes his eyes. He hears Adam retching inside.
Kris thinks McDonald's suddenly didn't feel like home anymore.
-
Adam is in McDonald's again the next week and Kris thinks he looks tired and thinner.
Adam isn't eating anything, he's only got a bottle of water from the vending machine outside. He has his head in his hands and Kris...
Kris is worried.
Kris sees Brad enter Mcdonald's too and he thinks he'll take care of this, he'll take care of Adam.
So he looks away.
Two minutes later, there is a shouting match in the restaurant and Kris's head snaps up and his eyes frantically dart to Adam and Brad.
Adam's crying, tears rolling down his face, and he's sobbing ang begging Brad no please no and Kris can see Brad's holding back tears, too, and it's all a mess. The manager of McDonald's comes to their table, saying what's going on, please take this outside and then Brad whispers a soft something to Adam and Adam stops.
Adam stops moving and his face goes blank and even Brad is taken by surprise.
"Go," Adam says, hoarse and defeated.
Kris watches Brad turn around and leave and he wants to scream. He was supposed to make you smile, Adam!
Adam collapses on his chair and he's still sobbing, shoulders shaking and head in his hands. The manager tries to comfort him but Adam roars at her to go away and then she does.
Kris feels helpless just staring at Adam with his mouth maybe open. He just doesn't know what to do.
He decides to leave McDonald's. He passes Adam's table on the way out and stops. He unwraps his scarf - the same scarf from all those night ago - from his neck and quietly drapes it around Adam's shoulders. Then he leaves, too.
Kris thinks maybe it'll help.
-
Adam is not McDonalds the next week, for all seven days.
Kris thinks maybe the scarf didn't help at all.
-
Still no Adam.
It's been two weeks, Kris thinks.
-
The next time Adam steps inside McDonald's, it's been a month.
Kris can't even look at him. Adam is still so beautiful and he is so, so thin. His skin is sticking to his cheekbones and Kris is actually scared his flesh would break and his bones would pierce through.
Adam orders a salad and sits at the table next to Kris's, and that's fine with both of them. Kris is there for Adam, and he does believe they are friends. They are just the kind of friends who don't need to talk. In fact, they don't need to know anything about each other. All they have to do is keep each other company and feel something familiar. It's a strange kind of friendship but neither of them mind.
Adam eats his salad slowly, all the while holding his stomach. Kris thinks maybe it's habit he's grown to have.
When Adam's done with it, he smiles at Kris, apologetic and somewhat delirious. It's a different smile, one Kris has never seen before. The smile is still stunning, of course, but it's not the cheeseburger smile Kris loves.
Adam stands up from his chair with an unspoken excuse me. He goes to the bathroom with his fingertips on his lips.
Kris thinks of how the salad must look now, after two minutes in Adam's body.
-
Two weeks later, Kris steps in McDonald's again. Adam is nowhere there.
Kris is thankful Adam didn't come. He didn't want to see him broken like this.
And then Kris catches just the faintest glimpse of something familiar, a shade of green he recognizes.
It's his scarf. Or... it's Adam's scarf. And it's on a table, a crumpled mess of his momma's hard work and his own memories.
Kris goes to that table and picks the scarf up. It's a lot shorter than he remembers.
There's a note stapled on the end of the scarf, where all the threads come undone.
The other half is with me.
Kris thinks maybe Adam should have come, after all.
-
Everyday Kris checks McDonald's to see if Adam is there.
He never is.
Maybe the scarf was his goodbye, Kris thinks. Hope not.
-
Kris sees Adam again exactly two months after he left half of his - their scarf on one of the tables.
They don't talk. Their tables aren't even next to each other, in fact their tables are pretty far from each other. They don't even eat. They only sit and watch each other.
There are dark bags under Adam's eyes and scars where there shouldn't be and there is skin painted on his skeleton. He has the same black hair, although thinner than before, and Kris notices Adam's nails are black again and that's nice, that's something Kris is used to. Adam's wearing the same leather jacket from the first time Kris ever saw him and he looks so small in it now.
And Kris thinks, no. No, this isn't what normal guys look like in LA. Because Adam is not a normal guy. He is beautiful, he's just messed up right now. He's just thin right now. He's just really, really thin right now. He's beautiful and he always was and he always will be.
Kris thinks he isn't in the right place to stop Adam from starving himself and puking out the very little he eats and spending hours in the gym. That's not what he's supposed to do. He's only supposed to keep him company, he's only supposed to be there for Adam wordlessly. That's what their friendship, or whatever they had, is.
Adam gets up from his chair, walks to Kris, and kisses the top of his head.
His kiss feels weightless.
They stay like that for a minute, Adam with his chin resting on Kris's hair, and Kris just sitting there. And then, like a feather floating away, Adam leaves. He walks to the door and opens it, turns around to give Kris one last twisted half-smile.
And gosh, Kris thinks, there are some really beautiful people in LA.
-
Kris never steps foot in McDonald's again.
Kris thinks home isn't in it anymore. Just ghosts of things he remembers.
-
After Christmas, Kris comes to McDonald's for what he promises himself is that last time.
He takes a seat, just takes a seat. He isn't going to eat anything. He just wants to be here one last time.
He stares at the table, picking at all the scratches on its surface. It's actually a pretty table, he thinks. But there are scratches on it. That's what makes it imperfect. That's what makes it real.
He looks up and he notices someone is sitting on the table in front of his, reading the newspaper.
It is a strange thing to notice something you have forgotten about ages ago. Newspapers. Kris had forgotten about its existence for a couple of months there. He props his elbow on the table and leans his chin on his palm and reads what he can.
It's the obituaries he finds himself reading, because it's what's on the back of whatever page this someone is on. Okay then. Kris reads it.
And then he sees a name that sparks a little something in him.
Adam Lambert.
Kris does not know if Adam Lambert is his Adam. They never even got to exchange names properly; they never even got to talk. But in Kris's mind, there's only one Adam in the world.
And he's dead.
Kris gets up and leaves McDonald's, wrapping his half of their scarf tighter around his neck.
Wonder if Adam is wearing his half, Kris thinks.
Author: krintt
Rating: PG-13.
Type: One-shot. 2185 words.
Summary: The other half is with me.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters nor do I have anything to do with McDonald's. This is not real, nor do I wish it was. Title credits goes to my friend who does not have an LJ account.
Warnings: Implied eating disorders and character death.
He is an interesting guy, Kris thinks.
Black hair, black nail polish, leather jacket and really, really tight pants. Kris thinks maybe this is what normal guys look like in LA.
He's two tables to the front and one to the left from Kris and he just cannot look away. The guy is eating a burger and then someone calls him on his cell phone and Kris actually has to stop breathing when he smiles.
Kris turns his attention back to his fries, he's been staring too much. He distracts himself with dipping the fries in ketchup and then shooting it into his mouth.
And then he hears him laugh, and it's the song a smile would sing if it could make a sound.
Kris's head shoots up in time to see him stand, phone still on his hear and a grin still laced on his lips. Kris is still watching when he walks out the door.
And gosh, Kris thinks, there are some really beautiful people in LA.
-
Kris sees him again on Thursday, the next week.
He's wearing the same leather jacket and he still has the same black hair, although his nails aren't black anymore, it's some sort of dark but bright glittery blue. That color confuses Kris. He wishes the guy just stuck to black.
Now he's sitting a little farther from Kris, about six meters away. There's a salad in front of the guy and that throws Kris off a little. The last time he saw him, he'd been eating a cheeseburger.
And then someone behind Kris calls, "Adam!" and the guy's head snaps up and smiles at whoever called him.
And then Kris's brain gives off a little click.
Of course, Kris thinks. What else would he be called?
-
The next time Kris sees Adam, he's having ice cream and he's alone.
And it makes Kris ridiculously happy, for some reason. It's good he's eating ice cream. Ice cream is good and sugary and Adam will definitely love it.
Kris watches Adam from two tables away and he sees that Adam is not actually doing anything, just enjoying his ice cream.
Kris smiles.
And why do I care so much? Kris thinks. He decides it doesn't really matter.
-
Adam comes back to McDonald's after two weeks and Kris sighs, relieved.
Kris has been taking down the dates on a page in his journal, the days he sees Adam. There is a surprisingly big gap between the last date and this one.
Adam's not alone this time though, he's with the same guy from the night Kris learned his name.
And Kris sees that they're really cuddly and the guy is leaning his head and most of his body on Adam and he's smiling.They both are, actually. And they whisper to each other and giggle and glittersmile.
And for the first time ever, Adam catches Kris staring. He raises his eyebrows a little and (oh no) Kris blushes and looks back down at his cheeseburger.
"I love you, Brad!" Adam says loudly, like it's some sort of announcement to the whole world. Kris wants to melt into his chair.
Brad (Well, he does look like a Brad.) laughs and kisses Adam's cheek, whispers something into his ear and leaves McDonald's.
Adam watches Brad go and then looks back at Kris and Kris busies himself with his burger. Adam stabs a leaf of lettuce on his salad.
Kris decides he should leave first. So he does and Adam watches as he steps out.
And gosh, Kris thinks. I hope he doesn't hate me.
-
Kris and Adam are both in McDonalds again the next day.
Their tables are right next to each other but they don't talk, only nod at each other once.
They both eat in silence but Kris feels closer to Adam. In a way.
A sudden gush of cold air whips Kris's face and he wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. This is the first time Kris really ever notices his scarf. It's a nice, soft scarf that he's had for ages. His mom knitted it for him. It's a little strange and somehow not very used at all - it's just something he owns. It's a weird shade of green and it's much too long and it's not perfect at all, but that's why it's so special.
Sort of like Adam, Kris thinks.
-
Kris sees Adam again on a Friday.
Adam's eating a burger and Kris isn't eating anything. He doesn't go to McDonald's for food anymore.
Kris doesn't spend twenty minutes just staring at Adam, too. Somehow McDonald's just feels a little like home now. These days Kris just goes there to feel something familiar.
But he does still stare at Adam. For seven minutes at most.
Kris is watching Adam right now actually, and he notices Adam's face pales. Adam's hand flies to his mouth and Kris thinks what's wrong and right on cue, Adam turns around to look at Kris.
The gray in Adam's eyes is wild and thrashing and begging and screaming and Kris can only stare.
Flurry of panic and Adam gets up from his seat and makes for the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him.
Kris gets up from his chair, too, and walks to the bathroom. He presses his ear on the door (I must look stupid) and he closes his eyes. He hears Adam retching inside.
Kris thinks McDonald's suddenly didn't feel like home anymore.
-
Adam is in McDonald's again the next week and Kris thinks he looks tired and thinner.
Adam isn't eating anything, he's only got a bottle of water from the vending machine outside. He has his head in his hands and Kris...
Kris is worried.
Kris sees Brad enter Mcdonald's too and he thinks he'll take care of this, he'll take care of Adam.
So he looks away.
Two minutes later, there is a shouting match in the restaurant and Kris's head snaps up and his eyes frantically dart to Adam and Brad.
Adam's crying, tears rolling down his face, and he's sobbing ang begging Brad no please no and Kris can see Brad's holding back tears, too, and it's all a mess. The manager of McDonald's comes to their table, saying what's going on, please take this outside and then Brad whispers a soft something to Adam and Adam stops.
Adam stops moving and his face goes blank and even Brad is taken by surprise.
"Go," Adam says, hoarse and defeated.
Kris watches Brad turn around and leave and he wants to scream. He was supposed to make you smile, Adam!
Adam collapses on his chair and he's still sobbing, shoulders shaking and head in his hands. The manager tries to comfort him but Adam roars at her to go away and then she does.
Kris feels helpless just staring at Adam with his mouth maybe open. He just doesn't know what to do.
He decides to leave McDonald's. He passes Adam's table on the way out and stops. He unwraps his scarf - the same scarf from all those night ago - from his neck and quietly drapes it around Adam's shoulders. Then he leaves, too.
Kris thinks maybe it'll help.
-
Adam is not McDonalds the next week, for all seven days.
Kris thinks maybe the scarf didn't help at all.
-
Still no Adam.
It's been two weeks, Kris thinks.
-
The next time Adam steps inside McDonald's, it's been a month.
Kris can't even look at him. Adam is still so beautiful and he is so, so thin. His skin is sticking to his cheekbones and Kris is actually scared his flesh would break and his bones would pierce through.
Adam orders a salad and sits at the table next to Kris's, and that's fine with both of them. Kris is there for Adam, and he does believe they are friends. They are just the kind of friends who don't need to talk. In fact, they don't need to know anything about each other. All they have to do is keep each other company and feel something familiar. It's a strange kind of friendship but neither of them mind.
Adam eats his salad slowly, all the while holding his stomach. Kris thinks maybe it's habit he's grown to have.
When Adam's done with it, he smiles at Kris, apologetic and somewhat delirious. It's a different smile, one Kris has never seen before. The smile is still stunning, of course, but it's not the cheeseburger smile Kris loves.
Adam stands up from his chair with an unspoken excuse me. He goes to the bathroom with his fingertips on his lips.
Kris thinks of how the salad must look now, after two minutes in Adam's body.
-
Two weeks later, Kris steps in McDonald's again. Adam is nowhere there.
Kris is thankful Adam didn't come. He didn't want to see him broken like this.
And then Kris catches just the faintest glimpse of something familiar, a shade of green he recognizes.
It's his scarf. Or... it's Adam's scarf. And it's on a table, a crumpled mess of his momma's hard work and his own memories.
Kris goes to that table and picks the scarf up. It's a lot shorter than he remembers.
There's a note stapled on the end of the scarf, where all the threads come undone.
The other half is with me.
Kris thinks maybe Adam should have come, after all.
-
Everyday Kris checks McDonald's to see if Adam is there.
He never is.
Maybe the scarf was his goodbye, Kris thinks. Hope not.
-
Kris sees Adam again exactly two months after he left half of his - their scarf on one of the tables.
They don't talk. Their tables aren't even next to each other, in fact their tables are pretty far from each other. They don't even eat. They only sit and watch each other.
There are dark bags under Adam's eyes and scars where there shouldn't be and there is skin painted on his skeleton. He has the same black hair, although thinner than before, and Kris notices Adam's nails are black again and that's nice, that's something Kris is used to. Adam's wearing the same leather jacket from the first time Kris ever saw him and he looks so small in it now.
And Kris thinks, no. No, this isn't what normal guys look like in LA. Because Adam is not a normal guy. He is beautiful, he's just messed up right now. He's just thin right now. He's just really, really thin right now. He's beautiful and he always was and he always will be.
Kris thinks he isn't in the right place to stop Adam from starving himself and puking out the very little he eats and spending hours in the gym. That's not what he's supposed to do. He's only supposed to keep him company, he's only supposed to be there for Adam wordlessly. That's what their friendship, or whatever they had, is.
Adam gets up from his chair, walks to Kris, and kisses the top of his head.
His kiss feels weightless.
They stay like that for a minute, Adam with his chin resting on Kris's hair, and Kris just sitting there. And then, like a feather floating away, Adam leaves. He walks to the door and opens it, turns around to give Kris one last twisted half-smile.
And gosh, Kris thinks, there are some really beautiful people in LA.
-
Kris never steps foot in McDonald's again.
Kris thinks home isn't in it anymore. Just ghosts of things he remembers.
-
After Christmas, Kris comes to McDonald's for what he promises himself is that last time.
He takes a seat, just takes a seat. He isn't going to eat anything. He just wants to be here one last time.
He stares at the table, picking at all the scratches on its surface. It's actually a pretty table, he thinks. But there are scratches on it. That's what makes it imperfect. That's what makes it real.
He looks up and he notices someone is sitting on the table in front of his, reading the newspaper.
It is a strange thing to notice something you have forgotten about ages ago. Newspapers. Kris had forgotten about its existence for a couple of months there. He props his elbow on the table and leans his chin on his palm and reads what he can.
It's the obituaries he finds himself reading, because it's what's on the back of whatever page this someone is on. Okay then. Kris reads it.
And then he sees a name that sparks a little something in him.
Adam Lambert.
Kris does not know if Adam Lambert is his Adam. They never even got to exchange names properly; they never even got to talk. But in Kris's mind, there's only one Adam in the world.
And he's dead.
Kris gets up and leaves McDonald's, wrapping his half of their scarf tighter around his neck.
Wonder if Adam is wearing his half, Kris thinks.