(no subject)
Well, it's Sunday and the weekend is just about over. All those good times will now have to take their place in the past as I look at a pain in the ass week ahead of me. First off, I have to do a history project on the Roman government. It's not going to be too hard because I get to cheat and use power point ^_^. The worst is, I get to fail another physics common exam on Friday. I am going to spend some time going to the workshops and study sessions this week so I at least don't fail too much (if that's possible). The only good thing to look forward to this week is Girl show (W00T). On top of it all, today turned out to be pretty depressing. The temperature was about 61F, which is surprisingly warm for the beginning of March. Unfortunately, the clouds make everything look bleak. I look out my window and can't help but feel a little depressed. Sometimes weather has that effect on me. When it's warm and sunny I feel great and want to get outside. When it's cloudy I just mope around and start feeling depressed. Believe it or not, I'm really depressed. I try not to show my feelings too much to other people though. Whenever I feel down, I just fake a smile and go along with the drift. I just have a problem explaining my problems to people. Especially people who claim to be there to listen to me, but are never there! I just feel like, blah. Like, there is nothing to be happy or excited about at all. I look at my life and what I have accomplished and find that there isn't much there. Another thing I can't get out of my mind is my pool of 'friends.' I remember, when my mother was sick, more and more people started calling me. People who used to think I was the biggest loser in the world started treating me like their best friend. When my mom died, it was even worse! They all suddenly became my friends (and for sometime, I thought they were). Now I know it was all out of pity. That gets me both angry and depressed. People only talked to me, because of my mom. They faked friendship only because they didn't want to carry the grief of being mean to someone who just lost their mother. That's when I realized that I don't have many friends. It's just a thought that I couldn't shake out of my head for a long, long time. Even worse, I also realized I have become someone I hate! For example, I go around and call this girl I haven't talked to in a while. Now, we were friends, which is peachy. For some reason I call her too much, and I know every time I call her she just gets more and more annoyed about it. I've become an annoying prick, which is one of the worst things I could have done. I had a lot of feelings for this one, but now I don't know. I still do, and every time I try to tell her she just sighs and says, "what else is new?" Last night while I was trying to go to bed, I put myself in her shoes. And that's when I realized I've become an obnoxious prick. Now, you see what the hell the weather does to me? I have to go to dinner with my family soon, and I really dread going. I just know I'll get pelted with a thousand questions about stupid stuff and then have to listen to how and why my opinions on anything are invalid because I'm not 40 or something. That just really ticks me off. At least I have my GBA to take with me so I don't have to sit and listen to the dribble the whole time. Then I have a wonderful trip back to Newark ahead of me so I can clean my dorm room and sit through another "community standards and issues" meeting. I just know someone is going to set me off today, so I'm just going to sit in my room and try to fall asleep. I know I'll feel better tomorrow morning.
Until then.
Until then.