(no subject)
Well I guess you could say I decided to write in here again. Umm, so the 4th was boring. That about sums it up. I did see Matt though which was cool and went to Devin's house to play badmitton with Jordan and Drew. That was fun times. The fireworks were cool for awhile but then they lasted forever and I got bored. Jordan threw a smoke into someones truck ly and that was made into a huge thing. But anywayz...Bethany's gone this week. She's at camp. I have to baby sit all week. Today wasn't that bad I guess. She slept the whole time.
Umm about God...
Yea I dunno about that. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't believe in Him. Its just so complicated for me. I don't understand so many things and then feel stupid when I ask questions. I had camp a couple weeks ago and it was the first time EVER that I'd ever gone to an event and not gotten anything out of it. I dunno if I didn't have the right attitude or what but yea, I didn't get anything out of it. Pickle said something one night about "not having enough joy in your life" and well I think thats me. I didn't make a huge scene and go to the alter and cry and have all my friends come up there with me and cry too...but I did talk to God about it. I dunno if a lot of people see me. I'm so tired of not feeling. Of being numb. I don't understand. When I'm with people I usually try to at least laugh when everyone else is and I guess there have been times when I actually was having a good time. Like with Bethany and Robby yea, those are good times. But I dunno. Noone ever hears my opinion b/c I never give it. Not b/c I don't have one just b/c well there's two reasons actually. One, who really wants to hear my opinion? and two I'd rather not say anything and have them not be mad at me than to say something and have someone me the rest of my life just b/c I opened my mouth. And I guess that brings up something else. I how I care so much about what everyone else thinks. I that. I see certain people who are so...I dunno, awesome. They've got their crap together. lol Well crap look how much I've typed. I'm gonna go.
Later
Umm about God...
Yea I dunno about that. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't believe in Him. Its just so complicated for me. I don't understand so many things and then feel stupid when I ask questions. I had camp a couple weeks ago and it was the first time EVER that I'd ever gone to an event and not gotten anything out of it. I dunno if I didn't have the right attitude or what but yea, I didn't get anything out of it. Pickle said something one night about "not having enough joy in your life" and well I think thats me. I didn't make a huge scene and go to the alter and cry and have all my friends come up there with me and cry too...but I did talk to God about it. I dunno if a lot of people see me. I'm so tired of not feeling. Of being numb. I don't understand. When I'm with people I usually try to at least laugh when everyone else is and I guess there have been times when I actually was having a good time. Like with Bethany and Robby yea, those are good times. But I dunno. Noone ever hears my opinion b/c I never give it. Not b/c I don't have one just b/c well there's two reasons actually. One, who really wants to hear my opinion? and two I'd rather not say anything and have them not be mad at me than to say something and have someone me the rest of my life just b/c I opened my mouth. And I guess that brings up something else. I how I care so much about what everyone else thinks. I that. I see certain people who are so...I dunno, awesome. They've got their crap together. lol Well crap look how much I've typed. I'm gonna go.
Later