"Let's just be friends" redux
Well, Jeremy and I talked a bit tonight. It was all, once again, a misunderstanding. He'd wanted to be "just friends" from the beginning, because he wasn't comfortable with being with a guy. I get that. He also told me that if he ever figures it out, apparently I'll be the first person he tells.
Even if he's in New York, or Ohio, or wherever it is he's going to get his masters or a job. And, in his own words, if I'm already taken, he'll give me his blessing.
Anyway... as I said goodbye I thanked him for having not made it as awkward as it could have been. We hugged, and I already knew that my heart was set. He wouldn't discover how he really felt anytime soon, so there was no point in being hung up over it. He's still fun to be around, and we're still getting to know each other, but now I don't have to deal with all of the awkward possible double meanings. We'll probably still make some puns, but I'm restraining myself.
A major part of the conversation was when I asked him about what he meant when he said "I'm not blind, I know what you want". I could see a number of different meanings, and without me even asking specifically about it, he mentioned that yes, it could sound as though he insinuated that all I wanted was sex, but that that wasn't what he had meant. He explained that the mixed messages he'd been receiving were from the, as he put it, broader view of things that wanted him to be a person comfortable with himself, and the narrower view, that wanted him to just say yes and admit to wanting to be with me. Admittedly, I may have let some of the latter slip through, but had wanted to be the former. Now, things seem more settled, and I can work solely on the broad view. One day, I hope he'll have the ability to be with a man if he wants to be, whether or not it's me. And that's a very liberating feeling.
Or maybe I'm just getting used to be single and prospect-free again.
Either way, the evening felt productive, even if the Autumn chill was coming in a little early. I'm happy that we can still be friendly and affectionate, but without some of the levels of awkward. If he decides while I'm around, great. More power to him. If he doesn't, I'll hear from him.
Right. The 'either way' was supposed to end with "I'm going to bed now", but since it didn't, I'm going to bed now.
Even if he's in New York, or Ohio, or wherever it is he's going to get his masters or a job. And, in his own words, if I'm already taken, he'll give me his blessing.
Anyway... as I said goodbye I thanked him for having not made it as awkward as it could have been. We hugged, and I already knew that my heart was set. He wouldn't discover how he really felt anytime soon, so there was no point in being hung up over it. He's still fun to be around, and we're still getting to know each other, but now I don't have to deal with all of the awkward possible double meanings. We'll probably still make some puns, but I'm restraining myself.
A major part of the conversation was when I asked him about what he meant when he said "I'm not blind, I know what you want". I could see a number of different meanings, and without me even asking specifically about it, he mentioned that yes, it could sound as though he insinuated that all I wanted was sex, but that that wasn't what he had meant. He explained that the mixed messages he'd been receiving were from the, as he put it, broader view of things that wanted him to be a person comfortable with himself, and the narrower view, that wanted him to just say yes and admit to wanting to be with me. Admittedly, I may have let some of the latter slip through, but had wanted to be the former. Now, things seem more settled, and I can work solely on the broad view. One day, I hope he'll have the ability to be with a man if he wants to be, whether or not it's me. And that's a very liberating feeling.
Or maybe I'm just getting used to be single and prospect-free again.
Either way, the evening felt productive, even if the Autumn chill was coming in a little early. I'm happy that we can still be friendly and affectionate, but without some of the levels of awkward. If he decides while I'm around, great. More power to him. If he doesn't, I'll hear from him.
Right. The 'either way' was supposed to end with "I'm going to bed now", but since it didn't, I'm going to bed now.