The Great Divorce
Hey Kristina, it's Kristina from the future here.
You had some questions, and I think I'll be able to answer them.
-How difficult was it to walk out of the office?
I had extreme anxiety about this the weekend before, and I talked to M about it who diffused my anxiety with humor. I was terrified of the moment I would rise from the chair for the very last time and walk down the stairs for the very last time.
What helped is that on Monday, the second-to-last day, was an overall positive experience for me. I read through and deleted all the old personal e-mails I had saved (some 18 years old!) and remembered the good times. I also had lunch with D and we talked a lot about the company as it was and how emotionally attached we were to it. As I left the office that night, I was confident that I would be able to keep that good mood going and I even called my mom to say so.
Come the Day of; the Day when Kristina said goodbye.
I showered in the morning, had some coffee, but didn't bring a thermos as I usually did. I did some real work in the morning, but then it was mostly chilling. My wonderful boss and I went to the cantina for lunch and he talked to me about NATO of all things. I was thinking to myself that "right now I feel okay, but the next time I leave the office I'm not going back." I went back, was excused from my last meeting and wrote goodbye in the chat to a few selected people along with The Gambler with Kenny Rogers (which is my leaving the company-anthem.)
Then I took the final stroll out of the office, said goodbye in person to some people, my computer and keycard on the desk. As I went down the stairs I thought to myself "This is going fine, my legs are working! I don't have anxiety!"
And then I went home. And then I went to a café with M.
-Did you get a gift?
Yes! On Friday I hosted a going-away party in my apartment with my boss and favorite co-workers who brought the food I had selected (sandwich cake and pannacotta). It was a lovely time. I got a box full of booze and cocktail supplies (including fresh fruit,) a cocktail book, champagne glasses, a Star trek snusbox, a journaling book, and a framed wordmap. Apparently, they had asked people to hive three words they associate with me. Most importantly, I got two great speeches - filmed, so I can enjoy them whenever I want!
I felt very appreciated and in the center of attention; which made me very happy. <3
-Did your depression get better or worse? Neither.
-Are you bored or lonely? I'm often bored and I am very lonely, but that's the same as before I quit. I definitely miss my colleagues though. ;_;
-Do you worry about money? No, on Friday morning I was offered a new job with the same pay, lol. So I was able to pocket that sweet, sweet settlement money. And I know through the grapevine that my old employer hasn't found a replacement for me yet, so that makes me extra happy. Fuck them. I hope they burn in corporate hell.
-How do you spend your days?
I go to Stockholm Tuesdays and Thursdays to work in the office as per company policy, and the remaining three days is home office. The job is boring but still in my field, so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
-What do you feel about your chances of getting another job?
Already settled.
-Do you know what you want to do with your life?
Yes, not this, lol. I want to be a spot trader or a writer, and I want to live in a nice home where other people are close by. I want to spend more time with my friends and I want to read more fanfiction!