one of the worst days of my life
as I said, on friday I got off a plane and went straight to the tattoo parlor. I met rachael there, just in time to see her get her star tattoo on her foot. I got the same thing right after her, in the same spot (in the flip-flop strap area between the big and second toes). rachael's star fades from purple to pink and mine is just solid pink in a black outline. maria got hers earlier that day. hers is a huge black star on her ankle that is a replica of a painting she found. it's really magnificent. anne got hers after rachael and I. it's really small and on her foot and a pretty shade of aqua blue. I have pictures that I will post later.
instead of recounting the service, I'm going to copy the text I left in a comment describing the service:
kristin's service was absolutely beautiful and completely devestating.
it ran about an hour and a half long. the church overflooded with people, who were crammed in the aisles and back of the church. the viewing wasn't scheduled until 2:30 but people showed as early as 1. her poor boyfriend was seldom seen without kristin's brothers and best friend holding him tightly as his choked sobs echoed throughout the building. grown men couldn't contain their tears. the priest even had to pause during speaking to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. anne o'dowd read a lovely speech, as did one of kristin's friends and ted. her parents also spoke individually and her brothers spoke together. there were flowers everywhere- I counted at least 25 bouquets, bursting with flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes. her casket was an unpainted wood grain and inside, kristin laid peacefully, looking completely angelic. she looked like kristin, but at the same time, she didn't... she had her hair down, with a slight crimp, and a moss green feathery scarf draped around her shoulders and down her chest. a teddy bear lay next to her and friends and loved ones dropped notes they'd written into her lap. she was absolutely, heartbreakingly beautiful. the seattle university choir sang, with a solo by kari schiffrin. the program included a poem she had written that was about dying- I'll type it and post it later- and the priest read it twice during his homily, which he called "ripped open." another poem of hers was read that was dated 1998, called "butterfly," and which was also, somewhat chillingly, about death. I don't have a copy of it but I wish I did. after the service was over, we were encouraged to take flowers on our way out. there will also be a memorial concert for kristin next saturday at bainbridge island's grange.
it was one of the worst days I've had in my life.
and it was, too.
I could hardly even enjoy the ferry rides because I was so miserable over my friend being gone.
I was happy to see theresa and aylen and sabrina and meg and all the other friends of mine who showed. even mr. karp, mr. eckleberg, and mr. wadleigh came. mr. karp had one of kristin's cds tucked into his blazer pocket.
we made a tri-fold posterboard to display with pictures of kristin all over it. we weren't the only ones who had that idea- there were three others- and together, they formed a magnificent photo wall of kristin.
it rained. looking out of the cross shaped windows in the church, listening to kristin's friends and family and the choir, the rain fell. and it seemed appropriate. it made me wonder if kristin were crying with us, too.
after the service and reception we visited at the roach house for awhile. I made friends with a few new people, like jason, who later graciously burned me a cd of kristin's band's music at his house. I hugged both of her parents tightly- her parents are amazing people. it's no wonder why their family is so incredible.
I left the house around 10:30 and came back 12 hours later. I fell asleep on the couch.
still, though, I don't feel like this is real.
I am in so much pain from all of this that I really can't say if this hole in my heart will ever be mended.
I just hope that I keep in touch with my friends for the rest of my life. I want to learn from kristin and honor her memory by going the extra mile. I want to come home to seattle and volunteer in my community. I want to donate to noel house for her and I want to donate to organizations raising money for anuerysm treatment, detection, and prevention. I want to become involved in my church and mentor people. I want to help people and give back as much as she did. I really don't think her work on this earth was done-- I'm really struggling to believe that-- but I want to pick up where she left off. I felt like this when grampy died, too, but now it's even clearer that I need to help my world.
now, I don't know what to do with myself. I need to grieve for awhile, and I will. I graduate from college on saturday, then come back to seattle, again, for a week. and during that week, I'm not making myself do anything. I'll nurture myself and my soul. then, when I'm back here for good, my mission will begin. but right now, and until my thesis is over, I need time to take care of school and my ends in la.
I hope everyone is okay. I hope I'll be okay. I hope kristin is okay.
instead of recounting the service, I'm going to copy the text I left in a comment describing the service:
kristin's service was absolutely beautiful and completely devestating.
it ran about an hour and a half long. the church overflooded with people, who were crammed in the aisles and back of the church. the viewing wasn't scheduled until 2:30 but people showed as early as 1. her poor boyfriend was seldom seen without kristin's brothers and best friend holding him tightly as his choked sobs echoed throughout the building. grown men couldn't contain their tears. the priest even had to pause during speaking to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. anne o'dowd read a lovely speech, as did one of kristin's friends and ted. her parents also spoke individually and her brothers spoke together. there were flowers everywhere- I counted at least 25 bouquets, bursting with flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes. her casket was an unpainted wood grain and inside, kristin laid peacefully, looking completely angelic. she looked like kristin, but at the same time, she didn't... she had her hair down, with a slight crimp, and a moss green feathery scarf draped around her shoulders and down her chest. a teddy bear lay next to her and friends and loved ones dropped notes they'd written into her lap. she was absolutely, heartbreakingly beautiful. the seattle university choir sang, with a solo by kari schiffrin. the program included a poem she had written that was about dying- I'll type it and post it later- and the priest read it twice during his homily, which he called "ripped open." another poem of hers was read that was dated 1998, called "butterfly," and which was also, somewhat chillingly, about death. I don't have a copy of it but I wish I did. after the service was over, we were encouraged to take flowers on our way out. there will also be a memorial concert for kristin next saturday at bainbridge island's grange.
it was one of the worst days I've had in my life.
and it was, too.
I could hardly even enjoy the ferry rides because I was so miserable over my friend being gone.
I was happy to see theresa and aylen and sabrina and meg and all the other friends of mine who showed. even mr. karp, mr. eckleberg, and mr. wadleigh came. mr. karp had one of kristin's cds tucked into his blazer pocket.
we made a tri-fold posterboard to display with pictures of kristin all over it. we weren't the only ones who had that idea- there were three others- and together, they formed a magnificent photo wall of kristin.
it rained. looking out of the cross shaped windows in the church, listening to kristin's friends and family and the choir, the rain fell. and it seemed appropriate. it made me wonder if kristin were crying with us, too.
after the service and reception we visited at the roach house for awhile. I made friends with a few new people, like jason, who later graciously burned me a cd of kristin's band's music at his house. I hugged both of her parents tightly- her parents are amazing people. it's no wonder why their family is so incredible.
I left the house around 10:30 and came back 12 hours later. I fell asleep on the couch.
still, though, I don't feel like this is real.
I am in so much pain from all of this that I really can't say if this hole in my heart will ever be mended.
I just hope that I keep in touch with my friends for the rest of my life. I want to learn from kristin and honor her memory by going the extra mile. I want to come home to seattle and volunteer in my community. I want to donate to noel house for her and I want to donate to organizations raising money for anuerysm treatment, detection, and prevention. I want to become involved in my church and mentor people. I want to help people and give back as much as she did. I really don't think her work on this earth was done-- I'm really struggling to believe that-- but I want to pick up where she left off. I felt like this when grampy died, too, but now it's even clearer that I need to help my world.
now, I don't know what to do with myself. I need to grieve for awhile, and I will. I graduate from college on saturday, then come back to seattle, again, for a week. and during that week, I'm not making myself do anything. I'll nurture myself and my soul. then, when I'm back here for good, my mission will begin. but right now, and until my thesis is over, I need time to take care of school and my ends in la.
I hope everyone is okay. I hope I'll be okay. I hope kristin is okay.