rant: why I really do, indeed, deserve to go to college
the bombings in london really upset me. they made me unnerved, and sad for all the victims, and sad for england, who's the latest on the list for terrorism now. I don't understand, why are there such horrible people? why do people keep slaughtering each other? and why are innocent people always the targets? it upsets me, it really upsets me a lot.
I started my day early today, because the construction next door (less than 10 feet away from my bedroom) woke me up as it usually does, and I had to drive my dad out to the airport at 9. he's only gone until tomorrow night, attending a meeting where don west (the dipshit who's caused the company so much trouble and is the target of a pending lawsuit) is supposed to be present. I hope it goes well. I don't mention it in LJ because there's so much drama, but for the last few months, basically all of 2005, my dad's engineering business has been in lots of trouble because of this guy, don west, not doing his job, lying to the customer (a huge company that pays pretty much all of our bills) and disappearing. it looks like our company will sue him, and if that happens, I see no way we can lose. the guy is an unprofessional ass. I've had fantasies of one day meeting him and spitting right in his eye, or kneeing him in the groin, or at the very least dishing out some of my trademark kristen deliciously evil wit that I reserve specifically for people I need to tell off. so, I hope the meeting's gone well.
since mom and I are by ourselves, we went out to eat dinner at guadalajara tonight, the best mexican restaurant ever. that was fun.
so, for whatever reason, I got to thinking about myself tonight. I mean, specifically, I got to thinking about whether I was spoiled or not. because, sometimes, people address me as if I am. example: some people at work have an obvious bit of resentment towards me because not only do I go to college, but I go to a prestigious, expensive college, not to mention I'm passionate in what I'm majoring in. I've had a few people-- I can think of specific names-- talk to me like I'm a brat for the school I go to. to which I reply:
am I spoiled for going to college, nay, for going to loyola marymount? no. I am certainly not, without any trace, spoiled because I go to LMU. what I am, in contrast, is privileged. I am privileged not only because I can go to college, but because I go to the school of my dreams, and major in something I love with all my heart. I say privileged because I am there despite the fact that we don't have the money for the school, and because I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be at LMU, and because I thank god everyday that it's happened for me. yes, LMU is expensive-- this was re-enforced to me tonight when mom and I sat down to calculate monthly payments for my multiple student loans. and yes, LMU has a reputation for being a rich kids' school. but, bear in mind, I am NOT in that majority population of rich kids. I'm not even a california native there with a cal-grant.
no, I'm an out-of-state, caucasian, non-athletic female, and I got accepted to LMU not because of previous family members who attended the school, nor because of any part of my racial/religious/etc background. I got accepted because I worked my ass off to get the grades to get accepted. I knew that my only prayer for getting in would be good grades, and that's what I got. I have myself to thank for getting in, and I have lots of other people, mainly my parents, to thank for making it a reality-- but it all started with me committing to my work ehtic and my goals.
that's why I refuse to allow any accusations that I am spoiled or undeserving just because I go to LMU/college. anyone who writes me off or sneers in my direction because I am educated can go fuck themselves, because they're jealous and bitter for whatever reasons. I wish everyone could have the same blessing, but not everyone does, or can, for a variety of reasons. one of the things I'm most proud of in myself is how I got myself to LMU, and my determination to get in. I started applying myself from the first day I found out about LMU at 10-years old. I worked for 8 (9 if you include south seattle) long years to make it to where I am. so if you criticize me for having something I totally deserve going for me, well, it really does prove just how uneducated you really are.
...sorry to rant, I just had to get it out of my system.
I mean, work has been rough lately, because the higher-ups are taking advantage of my summer status. I'm getting snide remarks from people about "only sticking around to make some money before heading off to my fancypants university," and I'm fucking sick of it. how about it's called working a summer job, people? jeeze. they fail to realize that I'm not at LMU to show how much money I have (because lord knows I don't have it), nor am I there because I can afford it.... I'm there because it's my life's dream. it's my ultimate reward for working so hard for so long.
::sigh.::
on an un-related topic, I have the urge to go bar-hopping. well, I just want to go to a bar. I have a cute little purse I bought on sale that's perfect for bars/clubs and I'm dying to try it out... as L.A. as that makes me sound. I wanna try more drinks with malibu rum in them. what was that drink maria had called... a white russian?
well, to bed with me, although I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep these days. it's as if I feel like I'm wasting my time sleeping, that I have too many things to do while still at home to spend my time unconscious...
I started my day early today, because the construction next door (less than 10 feet away from my bedroom) woke me up as it usually does, and I had to drive my dad out to the airport at 9. he's only gone until tomorrow night, attending a meeting where don west (the dipshit who's caused the company so much trouble and is the target of a pending lawsuit) is supposed to be present. I hope it goes well. I don't mention it in LJ because there's so much drama, but for the last few months, basically all of 2005, my dad's engineering business has been in lots of trouble because of this guy, don west, not doing his job, lying to the customer (a huge company that pays pretty much all of our bills) and disappearing. it looks like our company will sue him, and if that happens, I see no way we can lose. the guy is an unprofessional ass. I've had fantasies of one day meeting him and spitting right in his eye, or kneeing him in the groin, or at the very least dishing out some of my trademark kristen deliciously evil wit that I reserve specifically for people I need to tell off. so, I hope the meeting's gone well.
since mom and I are by ourselves, we went out to eat dinner at guadalajara tonight, the best mexican restaurant ever. that was fun.
so, for whatever reason, I got to thinking about myself tonight. I mean, specifically, I got to thinking about whether I was spoiled or not. because, sometimes, people address me as if I am. example: some people at work have an obvious bit of resentment towards me because not only do I go to college, but I go to a prestigious, expensive college, not to mention I'm passionate in what I'm majoring in. I've had a few people-- I can think of specific names-- talk to me like I'm a brat for the school I go to. to which I reply:
am I spoiled for going to college, nay, for going to loyola marymount? no. I am certainly not, without any trace, spoiled because I go to LMU. what I am, in contrast, is privileged. I am privileged not only because I can go to college, but because I go to the school of my dreams, and major in something I love with all my heart. I say privileged because I am there despite the fact that we don't have the money for the school, and because I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be at LMU, and because I thank god everyday that it's happened for me. yes, LMU is expensive-- this was re-enforced to me tonight when mom and I sat down to calculate monthly payments for my multiple student loans. and yes, LMU has a reputation for being a rich kids' school. but, bear in mind, I am NOT in that majority population of rich kids. I'm not even a california native there with a cal-grant.
no, I'm an out-of-state, caucasian, non-athletic female, and I got accepted to LMU not because of previous family members who attended the school, nor because of any part of my racial/religious/etc background. I got accepted because I worked my ass off to get the grades to get accepted. I knew that my only prayer for getting in would be good grades, and that's what I got. I have myself to thank for getting in, and I have lots of other people, mainly my parents, to thank for making it a reality-- but it all started with me committing to my work ehtic and my goals.
that's why I refuse to allow any accusations that I am spoiled or undeserving just because I go to LMU/college. anyone who writes me off or sneers in my direction because I am educated can go fuck themselves, because they're jealous and bitter for whatever reasons. I wish everyone could have the same blessing, but not everyone does, or can, for a variety of reasons. one of the things I'm most proud of in myself is how I got myself to LMU, and my determination to get in. I started applying myself from the first day I found out about LMU at 10-years old. I worked for 8 (9 if you include south seattle) long years to make it to where I am. so if you criticize me for having something I totally deserve going for me, well, it really does prove just how uneducated you really are.
...sorry to rant, I just had to get it out of my system.
I mean, work has been rough lately, because the higher-ups are taking advantage of my summer status. I'm getting snide remarks from people about "only sticking around to make some money before heading off to my fancypants university," and I'm fucking sick of it. how about it's called working a summer job, people? jeeze. they fail to realize that I'm not at LMU to show how much money I have (because lord knows I don't have it), nor am I there because I can afford it.... I'm there because it's my life's dream. it's my ultimate reward for working so hard for so long.
::sigh.::
on an un-related topic, I have the urge to go bar-hopping. well, I just want to go to a bar. I have a cute little purse I bought on sale that's perfect for bars/clubs and I'm dying to try it out... as L.A. as that makes me sound. I wanna try more drinks with malibu rum in them. what was that drink maria had called... a white russian?
well, to bed with me, although I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep these days. it's as if I feel like I'm wasting my time sleeping, that I have too many things to do while still at home to spend my time unconscious...