Friggin idiot I am
I wish I knew what my problem was. One minute I'm happy the next i'm depressed as fuck. I wish I knew what to do to change this. I just feel alone..i feel emotionally drained and mentally worn out. I feel like i've been worrying over nothing and that I am the only one. I hate feeling like i'm going insane when the other party isn't. :sigh: What is my problem?
I might as well lay everything out flat right now..I am in love with my boyfriend, this distance is killing me in everyway possible and even though in my heart I know it's not true, it feels like I'm the only one. I'm just too sensitive lately...I wish I wasn't but what can I say, I'm a girl. I feel like with each passing day i'm losing another part of him and myself...Maybe it's because I've never been with someone for this long or maybe it's because I'm not used to not having full control of my own heart...Whatever the reason is I feel like a pety child and in a way whether it sounds stupid or not, unworthy...maybe im just going insane slowly...
All I do know is that I've been crying on and off for the pass 3 days and it seems no matter how much I think I get it out of my system it doesn't work. The reason I don't tell him about this is because I'd sound like an idiot and I'm afraid that if i do say something then it won't be taken seriously or that I'll be committed lol....I wish I didn't feel like this but above all I wish I was home just so I could cry in his arms and feel warm and loved....
..
.....I need a hug...
I know I sound crazy but what if im not..that's my problem right there..I have too much doubt in myself and my self-esteem or image or whatever the fuck u want to call it...I guess lvoe scares me to an extent..especially when life has already shown there are no gurantees...all I know is that I love him and that wont change...
Now that I bored everyone and that i feel a lil better..back to the movie
I might as well lay everything out flat right now..I am in love with my boyfriend, this distance is killing me in everyway possible and even though in my heart I know it's not true, it feels like I'm the only one. I'm just too sensitive lately...I wish I wasn't but what can I say, I'm a girl. I feel like with each passing day i'm losing another part of him and myself...Maybe it's because I've never been with someone for this long or maybe it's because I'm not used to not having full control of my own heart...Whatever the reason is I feel like a pety child and in a way whether it sounds stupid or not, unworthy...maybe im just going insane slowly...
All I do know is that I've been crying on and off for the pass 3 days and it seems no matter how much I think I get it out of my system it doesn't work. The reason I don't tell him about this is because I'd sound like an idiot and I'm afraid that if i do say something then it won't be taken seriously or that I'll be committed lol....I wish I didn't feel like this but above all I wish I was home just so I could cry in his arms and feel warm and loved....
..
.....I need a hug...
I know I sound crazy but what if im not..that's my problem right there..I have too much doubt in myself and my self-esteem or image or whatever the fuck u want to call it...I guess lvoe scares me to an extent..especially when life has already shown there are no gurantees...all I know is that I love him and that wont change...
Now that I bored everyone and that i feel a lil better..back to the movie