Why.......
Why do I constantly think of 2 things....
1: Money
2: Food
Its getting ridiculous. I eat way more than I should. Fasting is out of the question. Another job is out of the question. There just aren't any logical answers to my thought process.
Money:
I'm broke. Like not just a little bit broke. a lot bit. I have barely any money to buy lunch. (which should help with the whole eating thing) The sad thing is, it has nothing to do with the new house. I have plenty for that. I just want to buy nice things for myself. I can't do that AND pay for the things I need also. I buy clothes, sunglasses, food (i dont need), dvds, cds, phones. pretty much when I see something I want, I buy it. Whether I can afford to or not at the time. Its getting to the point where it's all I can think of. Besides food.
Food:
I hear someone say "Jr Bacon cheeseburger" and i'm instantly on my way to Wendys. Its like it triggers something to where I have to have it. Maybe its tied in with my money spending. I'm not sure. But I do know that I think about every bite of food that goes into my mouth, knowing I shouldnt eat it but still do. I sit on the couch thinking about how nice it would be to take a walk or do some push ups. but I never do, knowing I should. I'm not going to be little forever. sooner or later everything is going to catch up with me. And I'll be even unhappier then. I'll look at myself in the mirror and say to myself, "you just sat back and watched yourself do this, its all your own fault". And it is. every last part of it. One day though, I will be skinnier. And I will actually believe people when they say "your tiny!" But until then, I'll just sit around and eat I guess.
as far as today goes, I've had a bowl of cereal, a dt dr pepper and i'm now having a sugar free red bull. I was hungry almost 1.5 hours after my cereal. something is seriously wrong with that. So I didn't eat. And i'm trying to punish myself now by not eating lunch. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.
C
1: Money
2: Food
Its getting ridiculous. I eat way more than I should. Fasting is out of the question. Another job is out of the question. There just aren't any logical answers to my thought process.
Money:
I'm broke. Like not just a little bit broke. a lot bit. I have barely any money to buy lunch. (which should help with the whole eating thing) The sad thing is, it has nothing to do with the new house. I have plenty for that. I just want to buy nice things for myself. I can't do that AND pay for the things I need also. I buy clothes, sunglasses, food (i dont need), dvds, cds, phones. pretty much when I see something I want, I buy it. Whether I can afford to or not at the time. Its getting to the point where it's all I can think of. Besides food.
Food:
I hear someone say "Jr Bacon cheeseburger" and i'm instantly on my way to Wendys. Its like it triggers something to where I have to have it. Maybe its tied in with my money spending. I'm not sure. But I do know that I think about every bite of food that goes into my mouth, knowing I shouldnt eat it but still do. I sit on the couch thinking about how nice it would be to take a walk or do some push ups. but I never do, knowing I should. I'm not going to be little forever. sooner or later everything is going to catch up with me. And I'll be even unhappier then. I'll look at myself in the mirror and say to myself, "you just sat back and watched yourself do this, its all your own fault". And it is. every last part of it. One day though, I will be skinnier. And I will actually believe people when they say "your tiny!" But until then, I'll just sit around and eat I guess.
as far as today goes, I've had a bowl of cereal, a dt dr pepper and i'm now having a sugar free red bull. I was hungry almost 1.5 hours after my cereal. something is seriously wrong with that. So I didn't eat. And i'm trying to punish myself now by not eating lunch. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.
C