not a solitary soul will read this.
im not sure what the proper terminology for such a feeling is but its a hell of a funky feeling...
i stayed at diana's this weekend. which of course as always was magnificent.
went to the museum of sex, bought mini vibrating animals. haha i got a worm. its adorable, granted, is not exactly the word most use to describe their vibrator but none the less its what i have said. we just vegged. it was typical.
spent the next day shopping, also typical (even if i hate shopping). i then went to blink and fob at msg. diner after with diana chris kylie dob john bryan pj woo. blah blah blah home. kay.. leads me to this..
ive been in a very noticeable funk and music is what gets me through life, but for some reason tonight i just wanted to be somewhere else. i suppose i didnt want to accept the realities that were smacking me in the face. see, tonight, though i already knew such information, fall out boy announced this show would be their last show for a very very long time. thats great actually, saves me money, they have families, lives, upcoming marriages- be real people. nerves were stuck though. nerves that i have had brushed against before but stabbed tonight...
during the show pete gives a little speech explaining their departure ladeda and that they are going to play some so called special song in some kind of honor. however, they play the same stinking journey song they have been playing the whole tour! for reasons i cant explain, because they couldnt deviate from the line up for 1 fucking night i got incredibly mad! i stood arms crossed and irritated for the next 3 songs wondering why i even bother. why im even at this show because i saw it twice already and i dont even give a fuck if i see blink again. to continue though, fall out boy gets to their last song. of course, it is saturday, but mark apparently made a deal with pete to shave his head on stage. while this happened i stood there in disgust for the following reasons : a) what the fuck this is a little out of control. b) pete is chugging his beer while this is going on, mind you pete apparently didnt drink.. anyone remember those days? 3) "getting rid of the emo hair" i hate to tell you but if it wasnt for that hair you probably wouldnt have half the fame you do, oddly enough. -- and i happen to actually adore peter lewis kingston wentz.
this all boiled down to the main point of everything .. the cherry on top. the shaving is complete and i imagine this is what happens when you see your life flash before your eyes. a backwards, starting with that very scene, to every fall out boy moment i have experienced, or seen documented, in an intensely super speeded flipbook pace, ending with a very vivid image of pete in the dead on arrival video... HOLD THIS THOUGHT...
something pete also said, about how fall out boy was saving people's lives, how we were saving theirs etc. truth is, fall out boy didnt save my life. they were just so significantly part of my life that the reality of my all time favorite band is more or less going to disappear off the face of the earth ( yes there are going to be shows because no they arent going to end it as an opener band at the blink concert. come on. but we knew at the december show. they were done.) its one thing to cut something out of your life. it is entirely different when you have it stripped away from you in a collective 3 seconds flat and you cant do a thing about it. you couldnt even entirely prepare yourself because deep down you kept saying "oh no dont worry, they are going to last forever" nothing lasts forever. i wish it did though, i could feel like my life isnt falling apart. i could feel like at least i can truly depend on music, but i guess i really cant.
fall out boy didnt save my life, what they did do was lead me to the most important people in my life. its funny, you wouldnt imagine the impact, youd think well its just the silly band bre's been obsessed with since well anyone can remember. but if i wasnt for FOB i wouldnt had gone to see them with diana, which actually kinda means we never woulda talked again because we had nothing in common (so we thought) except one silly band. i would had never went to that video shoot, had that seat behind and across a theatre from and had the undying need to wait at the stairs and talk to chris and find out he is actually my clone, i would had never gotten close again with emily and in essence kiera and kristen and lauren and all of them and i would had never gone to the best concert of my life toms river new jersey day before thanksgiving. i would had never traveled the entire east coast (i probably wouldnt had gotten in that car accident either haha) here there and everywhere and met the most incredible people in the entire world!!! to lose the spark to the fire is kind of depressing. does a fire still burn with out its spark? will i still have the relationships with these people once the catalyst is gone? im forced to find out, and i guess thats what i hate the most. i cant decide if i wanted to find out. i just have to.
the first time i met the band was in DC (thanks justin haha ) and it was mad chill. hell i snuck in. i met them a trillion times since then and it had gotten progressively more and more strict and almost uncomfortable. they know who i am, we chit chat about life not like hey whats ups. i couldnt handle the mayhem though, the signing up to go to a signing! i didnt care that much, i grew up, i stopped being a stalker and started being human. step one: no more signings.
i followed a tour once. 5 shows down the east coast for a week and a half. 5 of the exact same shows. i always made sure i did at least 3. one day i couldnt find anyone to go to a show with me. i sold a ticket to conn's show to chris' friend. i met them there, i drove alone. step 2: i only go to NY shows now.
i went to a free outdoors show in washington square park. i waited alllllllll day. took off work. sat in a park allllll day. they gotthere and security wouldnt let them play... step 3: stop going to fucking everything they have... that nighti didnt go to the virgin record signing..-- i guess i was slowly preparing myself. i guess its not really being stripped but it still feels like it.... i consider it a much larger stepped program. i dont think FOB deciding to stop having shows is on the list but ive got to work with it.
back to that thought.. pete was looking like pete circa dead on arrival video and theres bre... BAM tears like a waterfall erupted from my face! i didnt know what else to do. now remember, i am alone at this show, single seat, next to some guy, who now thinks im insane...
i stayed at diana's this weekend. which of course as always was magnificent.
went to the museum of sex, bought mini vibrating animals. haha i got a worm. its adorable, granted, is not exactly the word most use to describe their vibrator but none the less its what i have said. we just vegged. it was typical.
spent the next day shopping, also typical (even if i hate shopping). i then went to blink and fob at msg. diner after with diana chris kylie dob john bryan pj woo. blah blah blah home. kay.. leads me to this..
ive been in a very noticeable funk and music is what gets me through life, but for some reason tonight i just wanted to be somewhere else. i suppose i didnt want to accept the realities that were smacking me in the face. see, tonight, though i already knew such information, fall out boy announced this show would be their last show for a very very long time. thats great actually, saves me money, they have families, lives, upcoming marriages- be real people. nerves were stuck though. nerves that i have had brushed against before but stabbed tonight...
during the show pete gives a little speech explaining their departure ladeda and that they are going to play some so called special song in some kind of honor. however, they play the same stinking journey song they have been playing the whole tour! for reasons i cant explain, because they couldnt deviate from the line up for 1 fucking night i got incredibly mad! i stood arms crossed and irritated for the next 3 songs wondering why i even bother. why im even at this show because i saw it twice already and i dont even give a fuck if i see blink again. to continue though, fall out boy gets to their last song. of course, it is saturday, but mark apparently made a deal with pete to shave his head on stage. while this happened i stood there in disgust for the following reasons : a) what the fuck this is a little out of control. b) pete is chugging his beer while this is going on, mind you pete apparently didnt drink.. anyone remember those days? 3) "getting rid of the emo hair" i hate to tell you but if it wasnt for that hair you probably wouldnt have half the fame you do, oddly enough. -- and i happen to actually adore peter lewis kingston wentz.
this all boiled down to the main point of everything .. the cherry on top. the shaving is complete and i imagine this is what happens when you see your life flash before your eyes. a backwards, starting with that very scene, to every fall out boy moment i have experienced, or seen documented, in an intensely super speeded flipbook pace, ending with a very vivid image of pete in the dead on arrival video... HOLD THIS THOUGHT...
something pete also said, about how fall out boy was saving people's lives, how we were saving theirs etc. truth is, fall out boy didnt save my life. they were just so significantly part of my life that the reality of my all time favorite band is more or less going to disappear off the face of the earth ( yes there are going to be shows because no they arent going to end it as an opener band at the blink concert. come on. but we knew at the december show. they were done.) its one thing to cut something out of your life. it is entirely different when you have it stripped away from you in a collective 3 seconds flat and you cant do a thing about it. you couldnt even entirely prepare yourself because deep down you kept saying "oh no dont worry, they are going to last forever" nothing lasts forever. i wish it did though, i could feel like my life isnt falling apart. i could feel like at least i can truly depend on music, but i guess i really cant.
fall out boy didnt save my life, what they did do was lead me to the most important people in my life. its funny, you wouldnt imagine the impact, youd think well its just the silly band bre's been obsessed with since well anyone can remember. but if i wasnt for FOB i wouldnt had gone to see them with diana, which actually kinda means we never woulda talked again because we had nothing in common (so we thought) except one silly band. i would had never went to that video shoot, had that seat behind and across a theatre from and had the undying need to wait at the stairs and talk to chris and find out he is actually my clone, i would had never gotten close again with emily and in essence kiera and kristen and lauren and all of them and i would had never gone to the best concert of my life toms river new jersey day before thanksgiving. i would had never traveled the entire east coast (i probably wouldnt had gotten in that car accident either haha) here there and everywhere and met the most incredible people in the entire world!!! to lose the spark to the fire is kind of depressing. does a fire still burn with out its spark? will i still have the relationships with these people once the catalyst is gone? im forced to find out, and i guess thats what i hate the most. i cant decide if i wanted to find out. i just have to.
the first time i met the band was in DC (thanks justin haha ) and it was mad chill. hell i snuck in. i met them a trillion times since then and it had gotten progressively more and more strict and almost uncomfortable. they know who i am, we chit chat about life not like hey whats ups. i couldnt handle the mayhem though, the signing up to go to a signing! i didnt care that much, i grew up, i stopped being a stalker and started being human. step one: no more signings.
i followed a tour once. 5 shows down the east coast for a week and a half. 5 of the exact same shows. i always made sure i did at least 3. one day i couldnt find anyone to go to a show with me. i sold a ticket to conn's show to chris' friend. i met them there, i drove alone. step 2: i only go to NY shows now.
i went to a free outdoors show in washington square park. i waited alllllllll day. took off work. sat in a park allllll day. they gotthere and security wouldnt let them play... step 3: stop going to fucking everything they have... that nighti didnt go to the virgin record signing..-- i guess i was slowly preparing myself. i guess its not really being stripped but it still feels like it.... i consider it a much larger stepped program. i dont think FOB deciding to stop having shows is on the list but ive got to work with it.
back to that thought.. pete was looking like pete circa dead on arrival video and theres bre... BAM tears like a waterfall erupted from my face! i didnt know what else to do. now remember, i am alone at this show, single seat, next to some guy, who now thinks im insane...