big revelation
Last night, I had a long talk with Missey. Again. I'm gonna really try this time. Its obvious that i have lots of baggage regarding my self-esteem. I camn blame people all I want, but its just me.
I still remember with crystal clarity what I talked about.
I was at Lunch in the cafeteria with a bunch of my "friends" Erik, Sam, Rob H. and Tracy Cole. I had a little thing for Tracy, but I wasn't talking to her at that exact second. Next thing I knew, the bitch looks at me and says "You know what, for some reason I just don't like you." God that hurt. I was trying so hard to be liked in HS and this bitch just cuts me deep.
I wish she had just ignored me like she usually did.
I had a really hard time anyway in HS, I didn't need that. After that, I avoided Tracy Cole like the plague. I don't think she noticed, but other people did. Stupid twit. I hope she's a crack whore now.
But that stupid twit really cut my self-esteem down to nothing. Its bad enough I had thick glasses and bad hair, shabby clothes and no educational motivation or interests. Wow. HS really sucked.
"It was like having 1 bouy in a million miles of ocean." I guess thats what it was, too. School was an ocean, Kevin and Cairnduff and the Brain Squad were my bouy. They seemed to care about me for me. Seemed to. Thats the operative word. I don't know if they would have taken a bullet for me, but I probably would have for almost any of them.
I was pretty obnoxious, I think, looking back now. I liked to butt into conversations and give my two cents. I was a total wiseass with almost no tact. But I was really nice to everyone, even the other ones people made fun of.
I still remember with crystal clarity what I talked about.
I was at Lunch in the cafeteria with a bunch of my "friends" Erik, Sam, Rob H. and Tracy Cole. I had a little thing for Tracy, but I wasn't talking to her at that exact second. Next thing I knew, the bitch looks at me and says "You know what, for some reason I just don't like you." God that hurt. I was trying so hard to be liked in HS and this bitch just cuts me deep.
I wish she had just ignored me like she usually did.
I had a really hard time anyway in HS, I didn't need that. After that, I avoided Tracy Cole like the plague. I don't think she noticed, but other people did. Stupid twit. I hope she's a crack whore now.
But that stupid twit really cut my self-esteem down to nothing. Its bad enough I had thick glasses and bad hair, shabby clothes and no educational motivation or interests. Wow. HS really sucked.
"It was like having 1 bouy in a million miles of ocean." I guess thats what it was, too. School was an ocean, Kevin and Cairnduff and the Brain Squad were my bouy. They seemed to care about me for me. Seemed to. Thats the operative word. I don't know if they would have taken a bullet for me, but I probably would have for almost any of them.
I was pretty obnoxious, I think, looking back now. I liked to butt into conversations and give my two cents. I was a total wiseass with almost no tact. But I was really nice to everyone, even the other ones people made fun of.