(no subject)
I don't like BruinLife right now. Not because I really don't like it, but that it serves as a constant reminder of my failures.
I didn't do a good job this year. Agreed. Next year's editor seems more capable than I am. Agreed. Every time I work on BruinLife stuff, it keeps reminding me of what "should've" been done. I mean, I know I fucked up badly, but I don't want it to bog me down every day like it has been. Contrary to what I said in my editor's thank-you note, I don't know if I have ever found my bruin life. In fact, I've wondered what my life would be like without BruinLife. To be more specific, I wonder what my life would be like without being an editor on BruinLife, or being on a different staff, away from marketing & business. I guess I should stop wondering, because that's really what's been depressing me lately. I didn't finish with a good note, and I know I could've tried harder, be a better leader, and get the staff together. But, I did not.
Also, I've realized recently that the only thing I really did was to "try" to organize the business aspect of BruinLife better. Not much was done to marketing, again. Even the excel spreadsheet I created, yes, I know it sucks bad, but I could use some appreciation. I mean, seriously, when I started, there was no database. Everything was on paper, except the most recent years. However, those recent databases weren't even put together, so it was really difficult to find any past yearbook transactions.
I guess what I really am seeking is some appreciation for what I have contributed. However, it seems that many of the newcomers, since they haven't been here for long (most of whom are first year students), they don't realize how much yearbook has progressed in the recent years; they don't know what it was like to try to get things together from nothing. Yes, what I have done may not be the most efficient, may not be the best, but it was the best I could do with the resources I had. We didn't have a tech staff, so we couldn't get a good database that is geared toward BruinLife. and since I didn't have any programming knowledge, Excel was all I could do. True, excel is so versatile that unless you really do a good job gearing it toward BruinLife, it pretty much is an inefficient database. People aren't keying the data in the same format, so there are rooms for inconsistencies and errors. But it did solve the problem at hand: organization. We had a master database that has all the past transactions; we had knowledge of to whom the yearbooks were sold to and the quantity that was ordered. Knowledge is key to success in a business. To think that I've done a lot of work on that aspect of M&B to keep things together and yet am being shoved aside without much appreciation, that's pretty frustrating. In fact, I think my main frustration comes from my interaction with a few people. Even though it's only a few, their comments are sharp as a dagger, slashing my accomplishments apart, and only keep me alive so that they could get information out of me when they really needed me. I feel like I am being used.
A few things I hate in life: being used and to not be appreciated for the good work I try to do.
Not that I can do much about that. I am not going to be a douche and refuse to teach stuff to people, even though they probably only interact with me because they really need the information, not because they want to learn so they could contribute back to the organization. It's just that at the same time, I can't help to want to just quit everything. Well, tomorrow, I am going to pass down as much information as I can gather, and hopefully most of the shit will be done so that I won't have to worry much about it. For the summer, I will only work if, and only if, my friend asks me to do it as a favor. I won't do it if it's coming from those that desperately need my help and only ask for help when they need me. I don't want to be used.
- C.J.
I didn't do a good job this year. Agreed. Next year's editor seems more capable than I am. Agreed. Every time I work on BruinLife stuff, it keeps reminding me of what "should've" been done. I mean, I know I fucked up badly, but I don't want it to bog me down every day like it has been. Contrary to what I said in my editor's thank-you note, I don't know if I have ever found my bruin life. In fact, I've wondered what my life would be like without BruinLife. To be more specific, I wonder what my life would be like without being an editor on BruinLife, or being on a different staff, away from marketing & business. I guess I should stop wondering, because that's really what's been depressing me lately. I didn't finish with a good note, and I know I could've tried harder, be a better leader, and get the staff together. But, I did not.
Also, I've realized recently that the only thing I really did was to "try" to organize the business aspect of BruinLife better. Not much was done to marketing, again. Even the excel spreadsheet I created, yes, I know it sucks bad, but I could use some appreciation. I mean, seriously, when I started, there was no database. Everything was on paper, except the most recent years. However, those recent databases weren't even put together, so it was really difficult to find any past yearbook transactions.
I guess what I really am seeking is some appreciation for what I have contributed. However, it seems that many of the newcomers, since they haven't been here for long (most of whom are first year students), they don't realize how much yearbook has progressed in the recent years; they don't know what it was like to try to get things together from nothing. Yes, what I have done may not be the most efficient, may not be the best, but it was the best I could do with the resources I had. We didn't have a tech staff, so we couldn't get a good database that is geared toward BruinLife. and since I didn't have any programming knowledge, Excel was all I could do. True, excel is so versatile that unless you really do a good job gearing it toward BruinLife, it pretty much is an inefficient database. People aren't keying the data in the same format, so there are rooms for inconsistencies and errors. But it did solve the problem at hand: organization. We had a master database that has all the past transactions; we had knowledge of to whom the yearbooks were sold to and the quantity that was ordered. Knowledge is key to success in a business. To think that I've done a lot of work on that aspect of M&B to keep things together and yet am being shoved aside without much appreciation, that's pretty frustrating. In fact, I think my main frustration comes from my interaction with a few people. Even though it's only a few, their comments are sharp as a dagger, slashing my accomplishments apart, and only keep me alive so that they could get information out of me when they really needed me. I feel like I am being used.
A few things I hate in life: being used and to not be appreciated for the good work I try to do.
Not that I can do much about that. I am not going to be a douche and refuse to teach stuff to people, even though they probably only interact with me because they really need the information, not because they want to learn so they could contribute back to the organization. It's just that at the same time, I can't help to want to just quit everything. Well, tomorrow, I am going to pass down as much information as I can gather, and hopefully most of the shit will be done so that I won't have to worry much about it. For the summer, I will only work if, and only if, my friend asks me to do it as a favor. I won't do it if it's coming from those that desperately need my help and only ask for help when they need me. I don't want to be used.
- C.J.