(no subject)
Im breakin the routine that Ive been in because usually I post a journal entry to myspace and then copy and paste it to here..but myspace is being completely stupid and wont let me update..so here goes anyway.
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I talked Bo into taking me to see Matt today...
in order for you to understand that I must give a little background info
-in general purpose the is Matt,his mom,his brother TJ,and his 2 sisters...all of them have been family friends for years,hell me and TJ went to headstart together.Tj was the guy that I lost my virginity to..I havent seen any of them since I moved to New York in '99.Upon moving back to Arkansas last year I tried fruitlessly to contact them..the number that I had for them for years was no longer helpful for it gave me a disconnected notice.
*flash forward to a couple weeks ago*
-a friend of mine Luke decided to introduce me to his friend..also named Luke.Well Luke(2)is from Ravenden..which is where I used to live and where Matt and them lived..so I asked him if he knew them and her said yes..come to find out that their house had burnt so they moved away to Hoxie..and through his nephew he was able to give me a number for Matt!
Okay..enuff background..anyways on a whim I talked Bo into taking me to see Matt..we had Brenda watch Ember and headed that way (had to go that way anyways for other purposes whihc will be disclosed later)when we got there I was completely shocked at how much Matt has changed..ehll he was like..11 or 12 last time I saw him now hes developed into a rather handsome young man..although suprisingly he in no way resembles what I remember his brother looking like..we chilled there for awhile..me,Bo and Blaze..and hung out with Matt and his mom.
Now my problem is that I cant help but wonder what TJ looks like these days..what it would be like to see him again,yet I dont know how to accomplish seeing him..or even if its a good idea.I know Bo would be completely against it..but does that make it wrong?Just because I lost my virginity to him?
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on another story..we went and got the girl's Social Security cards from Barb so that Bo can file the girls on his taxes.I can tell how much she despises me and it makes me feel bad..but she had already left him months b4 anything started between us..so I dont know how to feel..in some ways I feel guilty because I compare it to what I went through with Lynx because of Misty..but it's not the same is it? I mean..Misty broke us up..and they were already broken up.Her daughter is wnating to leave already ebcause Barb is still doing dope.How sad is that? She just got the kids back from DHS..yet shes back to the same things..can she not see how badly it hurts the girls?
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yeah I think somewhere along the line I had anothe rpoint/questioning myself thing to put down but Ive forgotten it.Im waiting for Ember to wake up..feed her and change her,then I'm going to try to get a few hours sleep..maybe that will help em to remember what it is that illudes me at this time
___________________________________________________________________________
I talked Bo into taking me to see Matt today...
in order for you to understand that I must give a little background info
-in general purpose the is Matt,his mom,his brother TJ,and his 2 sisters...all of them have been family friends for years,hell me and TJ went to headstart together.Tj was the guy that I lost my virginity to..I havent seen any of them since I moved to New York in '99.Upon moving back to Arkansas last year I tried fruitlessly to contact them..the number that I had for them for years was no longer helpful for it gave me a disconnected notice.
*flash forward to a couple weeks ago*
-a friend of mine Luke decided to introduce me to his friend..also named Luke.Well Luke(2)is from Ravenden..which is where I used to live and where Matt and them lived..so I asked him if he knew them and her said yes..come to find out that their house had burnt so they moved away to Hoxie..and through his nephew he was able to give me a number for Matt!
Okay..enuff background..anyways on a whim I talked Bo into taking me to see Matt..we had Brenda watch Ember and headed that way (had to go that way anyways for other purposes whihc will be disclosed later)when we got there I was completely shocked at how much Matt has changed..ehll he was like..11 or 12 last time I saw him now hes developed into a rather handsome young man..although suprisingly he in no way resembles what I remember his brother looking like..we chilled there for awhile..me,Bo and Blaze..and hung out with Matt and his mom.
Now my problem is that I cant help but wonder what TJ looks like these days..what it would be like to see him again,yet I dont know how to accomplish seeing him..or even if its a good idea.I know Bo would be completely against it..but does that make it wrong?Just because I lost my virginity to him?
________________________________________________
on another story..we went and got the girl's Social Security cards from Barb so that Bo can file the girls on his taxes.I can tell how much she despises me and it makes me feel bad..but she had already left him months b4 anything started between us..so I dont know how to feel..in some ways I feel guilty because I compare it to what I went through with Lynx because of Misty..but it's not the same is it? I mean..Misty broke us up..and they were already broken up.Her daughter is wnating to leave already ebcause Barb is still doing dope.How sad is that? She just got the kids back from DHS..yet shes back to the same things..can she not see how badly it hurts the girls?
_________________________________________________________________
yeah I think somewhere along the line I had anothe rpoint/questioning myself thing to put down but Ive forgotten it.Im waiting for Ember to wake up..feed her and change her,then I'm going to try to get a few hours sleep..maybe that will help em to remember what it is that illudes me at this time