pity party..table for 1
Yeah believe it or not I haven't forgotten that livejournal exists.
I'm in depressed mood right now.I guess that since I will be 21 as of 30 minutes from now I'm just reflectin and thinking and feeling sorry for myself..fun huh? Throw into that the pregnancy emotions and it's a bunch of fun
It's just hard/weird to think that last year around this time I was still with Lynx and even though I can't say that I was happy,I was still oblivious to the fact our relationship was crumbling around me.I went to work everyday around 5pm,got off at midnite,went to Wal-Mart and sat like a good little puppet while all along he was with her..even while I was there I'm sure she was on his mind..and everyone knew it but me.Last year for my birthday he bought me this pretty pink crystal rose with a silver stem on it.
Then there's the pity party thing because I'm sure that no one even knows it's my birthday,everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives these days.Which is understandable yet still depressing.Th eonly b-day present this year was from Bo's money and I bought myself a cell phone.Damn I sound like a needy little kid don't I?
In 67 days I will have a lil girl,amazing isn't it.I'm going crazy trying to make sure that I have everything she needs..yet at the same time I'm terrified.How am I going to learn to handle 2 kids without 1 of them feeling as if they're being left out?This situation is so much different then when I was pregnant with Blaze.With him I was in a disillusioned stage that the love me and Lynx shared would be eternal.And with Ember..hell,there was enver any feeling between me and her dad.If I'm honest with myself,the only reason I even got with him was because I was tired of being alone after me and Lynx broke up...and from that decision and not being precautious..wham..here comes Ember.Don't get me wrong,I wouldn't change it,but it's alot different.
Then theres relationship trouble..everyone has it right? But I don't knwo if it's ebcause Im paranoid because of shit that happened with Lynx or what,but I cant help sometimes but to feel like I'm being led along.Im scared that I feel love for someone again..especially when so much could easily crumble it down.like the drugs,his wife,ehh too much to even begin to want to think of.I've gotten so down and confused about it that I've been thinking crazy..concerning canasta boy..yeah some people know what I'm tlakin about.But that is a mere of smoke in the summer breeze,more of an illusion then anything that'll actually ever be
I'm in depressed mood right now.I guess that since I will be 21 as of 30 minutes from now I'm just reflectin and thinking and feeling sorry for myself..fun huh? Throw into that the pregnancy emotions and it's a bunch of fun
It's just hard/weird to think that last year around this time I was still with Lynx and even though I can't say that I was happy,I was still oblivious to the fact our relationship was crumbling around me.I went to work everyday around 5pm,got off at midnite,went to Wal-Mart and sat like a good little puppet while all along he was with her..even while I was there I'm sure she was on his mind..and everyone knew it but me.Last year for my birthday he bought me this pretty pink crystal rose with a silver stem on it.
Then there's the pity party thing because I'm sure that no one even knows it's my birthday,everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives these days.Which is understandable yet still depressing.Th eonly b-day present this year was from Bo's money and I bought myself a cell phone.Damn I sound like a needy little kid don't I?
In 67 days I will have a lil girl,amazing isn't it.I'm going crazy trying to make sure that I have everything she needs..yet at the same time I'm terrified.How am I going to learn to handle 2 kids without 1 of them feeling as if they're being left out?This situation is so much different then when I was pregnant with Blaze.With him I was in a disillusioned stage that the love me and Lynx shared would be eternal.And with Ember..hell,there was enver any feeling between me and her dad.If I'm honest with myself,the only reason I even got with him was because I was tired of being alone after me and Lynx broke up...and from that decision and not being precautious..wham..here comes Ember.Don't get me wrong,I wouldn't change it,but it's alot different.
Then theres relationship trouble..everyone has it right? But I don't knwo if it's ebcause Im paranoid because of shit that happened with Lynx or what,but I cant help sometimes but to feel like I'm being led along.Im scared that I feel love for someone again..especially when so much could easily crumble it down.like the drugs,his wife,ehh too much to even begin to want to think of.I've gotten so down and confused about it that I've been thinking crazy..concerning canasta boy..yeah some people know what I'm tlakin about.But that is a mere of smoke in the summer breeze,more of an illusion then anything that'll actually ever be