"I'm an expert at rejection"
Well some things have changed and some haven't, but at least now I have a better idea of where things are heading. Hopefully the calm seas will continue and I won't venture into another storm, anytime soon anyways. It's strange though I've always had this feeling of being out of place, no matter where I am. I just feel like I don't have a place to call home. I feel like I have to be moving on all the time, when all I really want is a place where I can close my eyes and relax for five minutes at a time. It just seems like whenever I find that, it doesn't want me to be there. So, I go. I pack up and move on, looking back only in memory. On to the next destination that'll take me for my next rest stop. There are very few things that I would call constants in my life, and there are even fewer things that I desire to be constant. To be honest they are probably things that everyone wants; someone that truely loves you, a place to call home, and an enjoyable job. It's just right now I can't picture myself obtaining these things. Sometimes I just doubt my strength to make it through. "take what you can get and make the best of it." Now don't confuse what I say next with some suicidal thing or whatever, cause it's not, but if I can't have those constants I desire all I would like to do is leave a mark on this superficial and temporary world, so that I'm remembered for what I created and what I believed, not who I became. In reality all anyone wants is to feel like they're a part of something. Maybe I'm just being the "melodramatic artist," but you know what YOU CAN'T HELP WHAT YOU FEEL and you shouldn't pretend you don't feel something just cause it scares you.