(no subject)
hey hey
i just feel the need to rant
i know its the stress talking but i feel like im having a nervous breakdown. i mean between piano, school, home, and soccer i just cant deal with it all at once. and soccers so goddamn competitve and i went from comfortable with who my playing to feeling like shit and like im competing for worst player on the team. at least 4 goals in the scrimmages were my fault and it just sucks that i cant find a position that im good at. and i mean its not just soccer thats stressing me obviously. school stuff is just getting harder for me to do well in bc im always focusing on something different and worrying about hw and stuff i havent finished bc of whatever reason. and finding out about tests n quizzes that day doesnt help and i feel so uncomfortable. i dont even want to think of finals and taking the ACTs right after. everything just feels wrong. the situation at home isnt the greatest anyways. my moms on the "i dont trust you" stage again so she contstantly checks my stuff and yells at me when i come back home. yeah its a fabulous greeting to come back to. whooo. idk this sounds so lame. i know that i dont have problems like other ppl but when i stress out, its total pressure and i dont deal well with it. and my eye or some face muscle starts to twitch. roar. i just wish that i could see soccer as an outlet and not an added chore. right now i feel like i need to practice for soccer practice bc everything i do is totally under average the rest of the girls. and that really makes me feel like shit bc i get flustered and i play shittier and im just so frustrated with myself that i just want to rip my hair our and scream. bc this feeling sucks. i mean sure, ive gone thru this before, but not so down and low feeling. it just makes me want to quit. its so embaressing how bad im playing. it just bothers me and stupid things like finding a ride home or finding out theres stuff tht i shudve done tht i didnt do def doesnt help.
and i just feel the need to curl up in a ball and have a good emo-cry.
myrantssucksorryfortakingupyourtime
mmyeah LJcut wasnt supposed to happen 3 times....sorry
i just feel the need to rant
i know its the stress talking but i feel like im having a nervous breakdown. i mean between piano, school, home, and soccer i just cant deal with it all at once. and soccers so goddamn competitve and i went from comfortable with who my playing to feeling like shit and like im competing for worst player on the team. at least 4 goals in the scrimmages were my fault and it just sucks that i cant find a position that im good at. and i mean its not just soccer thats stressing me obviously. school stuff is just getting harder for me to do well in bc im always focusing on something different and worrying about hw and stuff i havent finished bc of whatever reason. and finding out about tests n quizzes that day doesnt help and i feel so uncomfortable. i dont even want to think of finals and taking the ACTs right after. everything just feels wrong. the situation at home isnt the greatest anyways. my moms on the "i dont trust you" stage again so she contstantly checks my stuff and yells at me when i come back home. yeah its a fabulous greeting to come back to. whooo. idk this sounds so lame. i know that i dont have problems like other ppl but when i stress out, its total pressure and i dont deal well with it. and my eye or some face muscle starts to twitch. roar. i just wish that i could see soccer as an outlet and not an added chore. right now i feel like i need to practice for soccer practice bc everything i do is totally under average the rest of the girls. and that really makes me feel like shit bc i get flustered and i play shittier and im just so frustrated with myself that i just want to rip my hair our and scream. bc this feeling sucks. i mean sure, ive gone thru this before, but not so down and low feeling. it just makes me want to quit. its so embaressing how bad im playing. it just bothers me and stupid things like finding a ride home or finding out theres stuff tht i shudve done tht i didnt do def doesnt help.
and i just feel the need to curl up in a ball and have a good emo-cry.
myrantssucksorryfortakingupyourtime
mmyeah LJcut wasnt supposed to happen 3 times....sorry