HEAR ME ROAR!!

[krazy_julie]

ok so im not a huge whale but im also not a twig..and i usually dont have a promblem with who i am or what i look like!! honestly i try so hard to make myslef feel good about who i am and what ive become and although i dont have a problem on what ive become...i do have a problem with what i look like!! but then i think that if i went on a diet or wahtever and lost tons of weight i would still think i was fat and i would continue doing it until i almost die and im not trying to be a drama queen when i say that ive been there and ive tried....but i dont think i was meant to die so young...honestly ive done stupid ass things ans some shity ass things in my 17 years f life but fuck....i just wasnt meant to die...eventhough im happy with my life right now..something is deffinately missing....i just spent like an hour looking at myself in a bikinni that i got today to see if it was somethin that i really wanted...i bought it out of spite..that and because everywhere we went thats all the fuckin sold....ok i know that im not a twig to wear it but im also not whale..so what about the people who really are whales....what are they gonna do....is society gonna force them to wear a two piece...seriously???!?!?!? and everyone knows that they will be talked about...how could people do that to other people...i always say be nice to others or whatever but seriously..what are the actually fat people gonna do??? i think its wrong how our society is built up on skinniness and and stuff...i was so sad when forrest was like you have to wear a two piece because were not in 1990....still what about the people who really dont feel comfertable with your body..! i can tell you right now i really am not comfertable with my body...or else i would flaunt it everywhere....i know i shouldnt care what people think...but i do want to look atleast a tad bit ok..and not way out of line!! i hate how everything is based on looks...if your fuckin skinny you get everything.....seriously...some people cant help but actually be over weight...it runs in some peoples families...i know for a fact it runs in mine but everyone in my family staves themselves to feel better about it.ad they are the most unhappy people ive seen in a long time!! i dunno..i guess all i want is a little bit of confidence before i go to th river and expose my entire body in a two peice for the frist time ever in my life!! i dont want anyone to say julie you really are skinny or youll look fine.i want the honest truth....even if it hurts...i dont fuckin care...because its gonna hurt more if i hear it from someone else other than the people i love!!
anyways im off to bed...im done complaining about myself!!
please just be happy with who you are and what youve become...dont be like me..be happy for your talents not what your missing....seriosly its not worth it..once you like yourself other people will start to see that too!!
i know follow your own advice..but its easier to say than follow it!!
xoxoxoxox
juie