Let's make a list, shall we?

[screwdrivrsonic]

WHO: Master screwdrivrlaser and Doctor screwdrivrsonic
WHAT: Fixing the Doctor
WHEN: August 7
WHERE: Felspoon and Master's Tardis
WHY: Doctor's gone LOONY!!!! It seems only one who has the same mind can bring him back to his senses... mostly.
WITH: a bit of R-rated groping and a snog, but mostly a lot of bantering, wishywashies, and argness.



The Master left his TARDIS with a grin, extremely pleased with himself for having learned of the Doctor's location. It wasn't difficult to find him at all once he'd landed on Felspoon, and he was grateful that his fellow Time Lord had been dumped not too far from the landing site, not to mention the fact that he was still unconscious and therefore wouldn't put up a fight. He picked him up with a sigh, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous outfit as he carried him into the TARDIS, laying him on a bed in one of the guest bedrooms and pulling up a chair, watching him until he regained consciousness.

Doctor let out a sound somewhere between a hmpfh and a groan as he woke. One hand gingerly feeling the back of his head for any blood.

"Oh you're fine," the Master commented, rolling his eyes again. "Now wake up and get coherent, we have things to discuss. Important things." He opened the drawer of a small table nearby and pulled out a bag of jelly babies, tossing one at his head.

Doctor grabbed it and popped it in his mouth once he realised what it was, automatically. He sat up and looked Master in the eye. "Master."

"Doctor," the Master replied, before making a face. "Or is it 'Lord President' now?" he asked, tossing another candy at him.

Doctor caught it. "Whichever. I think my taken title's been usurped, as well as my TARDIS stolen."

The Master chuckled, nodding. "Not that I blame her in the least, I'd do the same myself. And so would you, once upon a time," he reminded him, biting off a jelly baby head.

"Dare I ask why I'm here. I assume I'm in your TARDIS."

"Oh bravo, however did you guess?" the Master replied, putting his feet up on the bed and leaning back in his chair. "Would you rather have been left on Felspoon by your lonesome?"

"Is that where she left me?" Doctor asked, then made sort of a bemused face. "I'm sure you have a reason. I doubt it was out of the goodness of your hearts."

"Of course I have a reason," the Master nodded, before simply staring at him for a few moments. "I need you," he stated, completely and utterly serious.

Doctor just looked back at him.

"I need you," the Master continued, "Because a cosmos without the Doctor scarcely bears thinking about. I need you, Doctor, to be yourself, because without you, there is no point to any of this."

"I cannot let the universe fall apart again, Master. I won't. I can't lose myself in the details anymore, I keep missing things when I'm too close."

"Some things are meant to be missed," the Master replied firmly. "All of this, everything that's happened, it isn't your fault. It isn't anyone's fault, things simply happen, and we must deal with the consequences. This is not dealing with them, this is avoiding them in the most extreme way possible. I would know."

"This is avoiding them being Repeated," he replied stubbornly.

"No it isn't," the Master sighed. "And you know it as well as I do. You've simply convinced yourself this is the best way to make yourself feel better, only we both know it isn't working."

"As stuffy and stagnant as they may have been, they DID do well at keeping an eye on things. Everything seems to be falling apart, and I'm sure that's a part of it," Doctor replied... sounding only very slightly uncertain.

The Master's lips curved upward in a small smirk of victory. "You're sure, but you don't know. Not really. And things fall apart, Doctor. Things fall apart, and piece themselves back together over time, they always have. It's how the universe works, whether or not it has Time Lords keeping an eye on things."

"I have to do something," he said quietly, looking down at his robed knees.

The Master sighed again, before moving onto the bed and tugging the Doctor into a hug, much as the other Time Lord had done to him on the Valiant. "All you have to do, Doctor, is come back to us. Take all the time you need to deal with your personal issues, but do it as yourself. Not as this," he replied, tugging at his uniform.

"If I hand't run... in the first place..."

"Then you would've run eventually," the Master pointed out logically, offering him another jelly baby. "You were never suited for a position of power, Doctor. It isn't your forte."

Silent tears slipped out while he silently nibbled on the jelly baby.

"I have to try."

The Master rubbed the Doctor's back soothingly, as he'd done with Lucy in the past, and wiped away his tears gently. "No, you don't."

"If I don't, who will?" he replied, despondent.

"The universe was fine without anyone running it before," the Master reminded him. "When you were the Doctor, you were the man who fixed things. Made them better, and that was all that was needed. The Time Lords were meant to observe, not to interfere, but your interference has saved so many lives in the past." Never mind that he'd caused a good chunk of that destruction.

"And ended just as many."

The Master looked at him. "Gallifrey was not your fault."

Doctor shook his head.

"It wasn't," the Master replied, firm again. "You may have made some colossal mistake that contributed to its downfall, but it was not your fault." He paused, thinking for a few moments. "And even if it was, I would still forgive you."

Doctor became so still that he barely breathed, his hearts quietly beat. "....What?"

"I forgive you," the Master repeated slowly, locking his gaze with the Doctor's, nothing in it except for utter honesty and a hint of compassion, although he would never admit to either.

The Other closed his eyes, and swallowed hard.

"Take a look and see for yourself," the Master murmured, placing the Doctor's hands on his head, closing off any areas he had no intention of letting the other Time Lord see, but leaving the rest open.

Doctor's hands shook against Master's temples as he was given this very strong element of trust. Trust he didn't think he deserved. He barely skimmed the surface thoughts before he instinctively withdrew. 'Running away'. His forehead rested against his counterpart's instead, as he drew in shaking breaths.

I forgive you. The words were prominent in the Master's mind mixed in with a hint of longing and a glimmer of guilt, the sound of drums beating quietly underneath, a contrast to the racket they had made before the Doctor's attempt to fix him.

How can you possibly? he asked, his forehead still restig against the Master's.

Because you stayed, and I ran away, the Master replied, the guilt growing.

It's the only time you ever ran.

Not it isn't, the Master reminded him. Remember the stolen planets? I ran again, when I should have fought with you. Some ultimate front line soldier I turned out to be, hm? he asked, his mind voice chuckling a little. The point is, Doctor, that I can forgive you so easily because I know where the blame should be put.

No. The stolen planets weren't your responsibility.... Neither they, nor the outcome of The War are your fault. He put a hand on Master's shoulder.

And they were yours? the Master asked challengingly. What makes them any more yours than mine?

I was there. I had my hand in it. I interfered....

The Master rolled his eyes, mentally and physically. Of course you did, it was a war. You did what you thought was necessary. I did nothing, and that is worse.

Prydonians aren't meant for fighting. That was always the Patrexi niche. You did what you had to to survive. When it was over... The Doctor's mind trailed off into the chaos of the aftermath.

The Master held him close again, feeling a lump form in his throat as the Doctor remembered. He squashed it quickly, of course. He hadn't allowed himself to grieve after learning that they were the last; he couldn't allow it. Instead he had comforted himself with the knowledge that he still had the Doctor, and that was all he needed. You said it yourself...Prydonians aren't meant for fighting. You were one of us too.

Gallifrey, many planets, star systems and even galaxies were destroyed in a single instant. There had to have been another way. The Doctor sighed. "There had to have been," he whispered.

"It's over," the Master murmured, rubbing the Doctor's back again. "Wondering about what could have been isn't going to do either of us any good."

"I suppose not."

The Master gave him a calculating look, quiet again for a few moments. "Are you feeling any better?"

The Doctor opened his eyes to regard him. "I'm glad you survived, you menace," he said warmly, quietly.

"I always do," the Master replied, lips quirking in amusement.

"For a long time, I thought you hadn't," Doctor replied, smirking slightly, their foreheads still pressed together.

"I know," the Master grinned, not bothering to pull away. "I'm sure the look on your face when you realized was absolutely priceless."

"That look could have been just as much because you were stealing my stolen TARDIS, too, you know."

The Master snorted. "It's obviously not that difficult, especially if that friend of yours has done it. Really, you should take precautions against that sort of thing."

"I didn't expect her to knock me out," Doctor pointed out.

"With that attitude, I'm surprised she didn't earlier," the Master retorted. "Especially with your memories in her head."

"Second hand memories are different."

"They're still memories. Living inside her head. She saw Gallifrey burn as well, through you."

"She should have understood, then," Doctor replied. "She's still too human."

"Is that a bad thing now?" the Master asked curiously. "I remember when humans were like your favorite pets, it was nauseating."

"I don't know anymore," Doctor frowned.

The Master just barely refrained from rolling his eyes again. "Oh please. Just because a few relationships have gone to shit doesn't mean you should give up on them all together. Humans are good for you, Doctor. They're a part of what makes you...you," he explained, shrugging.

"I used to be very good at keeping their lives separate from mine, you know. It's only recently... nevermind," he shook his head a little, waggling the Master's along with.

"It's only recently you started falling in love with them?" the Master asked, raising an eyebrow. "I know what that's like too, Doctor."

"I suppose you do,"he agreed.

"Haven't seen Lucy, actually, since...well, you know," the Master admitted. "And I suppose there's Captain Hart now, but I'm not sure I'd call that love. Not like the way your Captain loves you," he mused. "Have you seen it, in his head? It's incredible. Still there, too, found it again when I was playing with him."

"I'm sorry." Doctor replied. "Yes. I have seen it. I.. you really should stop doing that. He's a fixed point."

"I know, that's why I can't resist," the Master sighed. "You avoid him like hell, I can't stay away. The drums love him. Not to mention he's part of the competition," he added, smirking.

"Competition?" Doctor frowned somewhat.

The frown was met with a grin. "For your hearts, obviously."

"You can't be serious."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," the Master hummed, finally pulling away and leaning back against the headboard idly. "But let's say for old time's sake that I was, what would you say?"

"For old time's sake, I would say you're being ridiculous," he answered, his forehead suddenly feeling cold at the sudden absence of Master's against it. He sat back as well.

"Hm, you would say that," the Master murmured, avoiding the Doctor's gaze a bit and hoping his disappointment wasn't audible. "Still, I think a good shag would do you wonders," he added, the smirk returning.

Doctor glanced at him sidelong, then looked at the ceiling with a sigh. "To borrow a human phrase...."

"I'm not the expert in human phrases around here, you'll have to finish that one," the Master pointed out, looking at him expectantly.

Doctor gave him a bemused look. "Are you offering?"

The Master merely gave him an 'Are you stupid?' look in reply. "To borrow a human phrase....'duh'."

"What about your Captain John Hart?" Doctor asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What about him?" the Master replied, copying the gesture. "He's a 51st century man, just like your Captain. He makes no effort to save himself for me, why should I bother doing the same?"

"Well, you never know what sort of human traits you pick up," he replied.

The Master hmphed, crossing his arms. "I don't pick up human traits," he sulked, offended. "That's your business."

"Says the man who now wears suits, rather than those awful velvet things," Doctor replied with a chuckle.

"Hey now, that's not a human trait," the Master protested. "This regeneration simply has a sense of style. And you have to admit, they are sexy suits," he pointed out.

"I would have to agree with that, yes."

The Master grinned, pleased with the compliment. "Your suits aren't half bad either, you know. Much nicer than this god-awful ensemble you've got going on," he replied, making a face again.

"You're just jealous that I'm a pack-rat no matter the regeneration, and I still have my graduation robes."

The Master snorted. "Like I would ever be jealous of you. Not to mention I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those things ever again, so what would be the point in keeping them?"

"You never know when a future regeneration may become nostalgic?" Doctor asked, pulling off the shouldertopper and setting it on the floor beside the bed, before stretching his neck.

"Doubtful," the Master replied, watching him stretch. "Need a little help with that tension?" he asked, amused.

"I've got a knot. Donna's got a strong swing."

"I'd imagine so," the Master chuckled, before positioning the Doctor in front of him and massaging his neck and shoulders. "She's a spitfire, that's for certain. Don't think I've managed to scare her yet."

"Have a care not to snap my neck, I really don't feel like regenerating again so soon," Doctor commented. "And yes, I think her fright-o-meter is non-existant."

"Well, not non-existant," the Master pointed out, his touch surprisingly gentle. "She was terrified by the attitude change. Although I have to admit, watching you break her hearts was delightful."

Doctor frowned, letting his eyes close as Master worked on the knot. "I still think someone's got to take up the Old Guard. Even just a little."

"Leave it to me then," the Master murmured. "I may not be all here in the head, Doctor, but I know how to run things. I remember my training just as well as you do."

"You can't resist meddling any more than the Monk could."

The Master smirked a bit. "Neither can you. But you did say 'Even just a little,'" he pointed out.

"I should have seen the stolen worlds thing coming," Doctor replied.

"Even Time Lords don't see everything."

"Maybe it's just because we haven't figured out how, just yet," Doctor sulked, leaning into the neckshoulder rub.

"We will, I'm sure," the Master hummed, working on the other Time Lord's back after all the kinks were worked out of his neck and shoulders. "You're far too tense for your own good, Doctor."

"I rather think I"m not tense enou-ooooh that feels good right there," he stretched his back a little.

The Master's smirk widened. "You're tense enough for the both of us, I think," he chuckled, working the knot out skillfully.

"Oh shut up, Menace." Doctor shot back with a smile.

"Giving me nicknames now, are we?" the Master asked, raising an eyebrow. "Not that I mind that one, it is particularly appropriate. Of course, I still prefer it when you use my name."

"I've been calling you that for years," Doctor retorted. "And it's not your name any more than Doctor is mine," he pointed out.

"Not in this regeneration," the Master replied, smiling a bit. "And it may as well be."

"May as well is never fact."

"I never said it was. The only person in this entire universe that will ever know it is you, Doctor," he pointed out.

"Who knows what the future will bring?" Doctor asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Hmm, certainly not us, I suppose," the Master chuckled. "Have you told anyone yours?"

"No. I... suppose someday in the future I may. But I haven't yet. No."

He looked at Master a moment thoughtfully. "You never told Lucy?"

The Master snorted again. "Hardly. I loved her, yes, but...." he trailed off, shrugging. "I didn't trust her, not completely. And I suppose I was right not to."

"Humans are fragile, Master," Doctor said, leaning back against him. "Too fragile."

The Master blinked when the Doctor leaned back against him, but didn't protest or attempt to move. "Time Lords are just as fragile," he reminded him. "Not that anyone would ever suspect."

"We oughtn't be."

"Why not?" the Master asked, stroking his hair idly. "Nobody's perfect, not even yours truly, and that is the only time you will ever hear those words from my lips," he chuckled.

"Because our people watched the Universe grow, and become inhabited with sentient races. Ours is the eldest - therefore we're responsible. We need to be strong." Doctor frowned to himself. "Not cowards."

"Being fragile and being a coward are not the same thing," the Master murmured, ignoring the twinge of guilt in his chest that flared up again. "But even the strongest beings have times of weakness. And in the end, said weakness only serves to make them stronger by knowledge gained from the experience."

"How Nietzschian of you," Doctor muttered, beating himself up mentally about different things... mostly Rose. Rassilon, how he missed her. She was better without him, though. Wasn't she?

"Who knows how many years it's been and I can still read you like an open book," the Master commented after watching him again. "Don't think that."

"Think what?" Doctor said, trying not to look guilty, his shoulders tensing again.

"None of that," the Master scolded, massaging the Doctor's shoulders again. "Don't think that she's better off without you. Because she isn't," he said quietly, the look in his eyes intense. "No one is better off without you."

"I'm not so sure about that," Doctor replied. "I get a lot of people killed, without setting out to do so," he added.

"So what?" the Master retorted. "None of that is your fault, because you said it yourself...you didn't set out to do it. People live, people die, that's the way of the universe, generally speaking. But you're so much more than that, Doctor. You're a brilliant, caring man, with a fantastic personality no matter what the regeneration. Once you've entered someone's life they can't forget you, or stop loving you if they've started," he murmured. "All those humans that love you...they still do, despite whatever you've done, I can see it."

"That's the problem."

"Why is it a problem?"

"They age. They need to be with their own kind, or as close to as they can be. I want to be selfish, and I absolutely cannot allow that."

The Master thwapped him upside the head. "Idiot," he muttered fondly. "Your lifespan is not the same as theirs, this is true. But some humans live on far longer than their human partners do in their time spans. This is no different."

"...Ow." Doctor rubbed at his head. It hadn't really hurt, and he should have expected it. "Perhaps."

"Definitely," the Master replied, nodding. "They will die, this is true. Well, perhaps not in the case of the freak," he muttered. "But their memories will live on through you, Doctor, and through your children. I don't think that's being selfish."

"It is when I've another self to worry about," Doctor grumped.

The Master rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. "They've already survived one regeneration, they can easily survive another," he pointed out.

"I meant the human me," he pointed out.

The Master blinked. "Ah. Yes, that would be confusing. Have you talked to him?"

"Ehrm...."

The Master grinned. "You haven't, have you?"

"I.. dumped the both of them off on that Parallel world before the bridges closed off again," Doctor replied.

"Yes, but you can easily visit them again," the Master replied, giving him a look. "I know about the barriers between fandoms. You should meet them again, you know, in a neutral territory, once you've all calmed down a bit more," he said thoughtfully, echoing both Donna's and Jack's ideas, suggesting that perhaps this was not simply a human notion to be written off.

Doctor pulled away, setting his jaw. "No."

The Master pulled him close again, locking his gaze with the Doctor's. "You were the one who talked about needing to be strong, Doctor. This is how you get stronger. Facing your fears."

"It's not fear. It's doing what has to be done," he said stubbornly. "It will be worse for her, for all of them, if I remain approachable," he tried pulling away again.

"It's fear, Doctor," the Master murmured, pulling him back, wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace. "Under the pretense of doing what has to be done. I know you."

"Not as well as you think, apparently," Doctor replied, still trying to get away. Damn this skinny body.

"Even now, you're trying to get away from what you're afraid of," the Master chuckled, placing his fingers under the Doctor's chin. "But I won't let you this time," he murmured, before kissing him slowly. "Because I want you to be strong."

"I'm not afraid of you," Doctor grit out.

"No?" the Master asked, staring at him. "Then tell me what you are afraid of, Doctor. Tell me what you fear."

"I told you, I'm not afraid," Doctor replied, gritting his jaw tighter.

"I think you are," the Master replied, smirking as a light went on in his head, remembering their past together. "I think you're afraid of committing. I think you're afraid, Doctor, of saying goodbye."

"Shut up."

"That never worked in the past, it's not going to now."

Doctor muttered a name, one that was impossibly Gallifreyan to pronounce, ", Shut. Up."

The Master murmured the Doctor's Gallifreyan name in reply, his gaze challenging. "Make. Me."

"I'm not playing that game," Doctor replied, his gaze hardening.

"Oh it's not a game, Doctor. You see, games are fun. Funny, even. And funny, Doctor, is like this," he replied, grinning maniacally. "Not funny, is like this," he continued, frowning. "And right now I'm not like - " he smiled again, "I'm like - " he frowned, "Because I. Am. Serious."

"So. Am. I." Doctor replied.

"Then make me shut up," the Master challenged again, placing their foreheads together once more, his gaze burning into the Doctor's. "I dare you."

"That was low," Doctor growled back before taking Master's mouth in a biting kiss, reminiscent of days in the Academy, of times when no one was around, of times during The War.

The Master groaned into the kiss, returning it fierce and deep, all teeth and tongue. Like I ever play fair, he thought at him, his mouth otherwise occupied.

Bastard, came the mental reply as the vicious kiss continued.

And proud of it, the Master replied, his smirk audible in his mind voice as he backed the Doctor against the headboard, straddling him and tangling his fingers in the other Time Lord's hair as he kissed him, breaking said kiss only to attack the Doctor's neck, leaving biting red marks along it.

Doctor thought about stopping him, but there were other factors. One, how responsive this body was, and how well Master knew what buttons to push. Two, Master might start talking again, and he really didn't want that. Three, it'd been a good few decades since he'd been with ... with Rose, at least for him, and damn but maybe those Apes had something right. He didn't like how short Master's hair was now, though. Nothing to grip onto (and he tried) so his fingers found the other Time Lord's shoulders instead as he groaned at the ferocity.

The Master smirked against the Doctor's neck at his groan, grinding his hips against the Doctor's in a slow, almost teasing fashion. "Been awhile, hm?" he murmured into his ear, before sucking on the earlobe, tugging on his hair a bit.

"I said shut up," Doctor replied, his hands grasping at the Master's arms as he pushed him back off him, reversing their positions.

A flicker of unexpected surprise flashed through the Master's eyes when the Doctor switched their positions, and he struggled to regain control. "I said make me," he retorted.

"I intend to," Doctor replied, taking another controlling kiss, as his hand did something that definitely wasn't on the sub menu.

The Master whimpered into the kiss, not that he would ever admit to the noise, and bit at the Doctor's lips and tongue again, pressing back against his hand eagerly. It had obviously been far too long for him as well, though in a different sense. "Get to it then," he growled, groping the Doctor in return through his graduation robes. "And take these awful things off before I rip them off."

Doctor pulled open the robe and dropped it to the floor, there in slacks and a twentieth century dress shirt. He bit at Master's lips again, slipping one leg between his thighs as their hands moved.

"Much better," the Master groaned, before unzipping those slacks, his fingers slipping inside as he ground back against the Doctor, his crisp black suit rumpling. "Imagine their faces if they could see you like this," he murmured against his lips, the sound of drums growing in his head. "Imagine what they would say if they saw you with me."

Doctor bit at Master's lips again, his hand slipping down the Master's slacks. "Imagine what I'll do if you don't tell me where you keep the lubricant," he half growled.

"Right next to the jelly babies," the Master chirped, pointing at the desk beside them. "Hand me one of those while you're at it, will you?"

Doctor climbed off, and the sack of Jelly Babies smacked Master in the face. He picked up the tube, then paused. How long had it been for everyone else?

"Ow," the Master complained, before munching on the candy and smirking at him. "Not all that long. They'll think you're a right bastard, really."

Doctor frowned.

"It's not even been more than a few months since you dropped them off on that parallel world, you know," the Master continued, his smirk growing along with the noise in his head.

"It's only been a few months for them," Doctor repeated slowly, the frown getting deeper.

"Oh yes," the Master replied, grinning. "Maybe less, not quite certain. Check the journals," he pointed out.

"I thought it'd been longer," Doctor said, placing the tube back in the drawer.

The Master rolled his eyes, growling a little in frustration as the sound of drums in his head grew now that he didn't have an outlet. "Does it really matter either way? It's not as though you have feelings for me anymore."

Doctor slammed the door shut and looked at the Master, "Yes, it matters. Rose doesn't deserve that, and neither do you."

"Since when have you ever cared about what I deserve?" the Master growled, curling up a little and taking a deep, calming breath, closing his eyes as he had done when he was Yana and the noise was too much. "But if you do care about what she deserves, you should go to her. Be the Doctor, and fix what you've broken."

Doctor moved to sit beside him, this time the comforter, as he rested one hand on Master's head and went in to help dull the noise. "I can't."

"You can," the Master replied, latching onto the Doctor's presence in his mind like a lifeline. "You have to."

She deserves better, he replied, doing the best he could to cotton over the drums.

That may be, the Master agreed, focusing on the Doctor's mind voice. But you at least owe her a conversation, if nothing else. You said yourself that we shouldn't be cowards, Doctor, and running away as you've done is the cowardly thing to do.

It's easier for her if she hates me, he replied uncertainly.

No it isn't. Trust me as someone who knows, the Master murmured, the noise dying down a bit as he leaned against him.

Doctor sighed. Running is easier, he 'said', kissing the Master's forehead and cradling him against the madness.

It is. But it isn't what makes you stronger, the Master replied, curling closer into the Doctor in his own rare moment of weakness.

Alright. Doctor sighed. That muffling should have stayed up longer, he commented, changing subjects. Has anyone else been mucking about in there?

In my head? the Master asked, frowning. Not that I'm aware of. John has a strong sense of telepathy and empathy, but I don't think he's done anything to me.

There must be a way to dim them better. I can't carve them out, they're too interwoven, Doctor frowned.

The Master shrugged. "I've had them since I was a child, of course they're too interwoven. As far as I know, there are three things that calm them...destruction, sex, and you," he chuckled.

"It would be preferable if you resorted to the latter two," Doctor replied ruefully.

"Sometimes I don't have a choice," the Master murmured. "Not that it's completely involuntary, of course, destruction is just fun," he added, grinning again.

Doctor rolled his eyes. "My best enemy. It doesn't have to be that way."

"You know it does," the Master chuckled. "Someone's got to keep you on your toes and in check."

"Someone has also, for all intents and purposes, seemed to kidnap me."

The Master smirked. "Like you want to leave."

"Not just yet," Doctor admitted.

The Master's smirk turned into a genuine smile. "Stay with me then, at least for a little while."

"Just until I've got my courage up and my sanity back in order."

"Exactly," the Master chuckled, offering him another jelly baby. "It's a sad day indeed when I'm the sane one out of the two of us."

"Thank you," he popped it in his mouth, "It is at that."

"You're welcome," the Master replied, biting the head off of another one himself. "You have quite a list of people to apologize to, you know. It's rather impressive."

"I'm rather fond of the 'act like nothing happened' method."

The Master gave him a 'you're being stupid again' look. "That will only hurt them more, and you know it. It's just the same as running away."

"Do you have any bananas?"

"Bananas?" the Master asked, blinking. "I may have some somewhere. Feeling hungry?"

"I could murder a banana right now. Or even better, you ever have a banana daiquiri?"

"Can't say that I have," the Master replied, before looking at him suspiciously. "I see what you did there."

"I inadvertantly invented it, you know, the banana daiquiri. Was in a really great French party-"

"Doctor," the Master interrupted, giving him a pointed look. "Don't make me snog you again."

"It would be best if you didn't."

"Exactly," the Master replied, crossing his arms. "So stop avoiding the subject."

"Which one?"

"The one about you having people to apologize to."

"Oh. That one."

"Yes, that one," the Master replied, rolling his eyes. "Let's make a list, shall we?" he hummed, counting them off on his fingers. "Item number one, apologize to Rose for abandoning her without a proper explanation or a goodbye. Two, apologize to your clone for not speaking to him. Three, apologize to the freak for kneeing him in the groin while pregnant and making him think you wouldn't rescue him if he asked, four for breaking the DoctorDonna's hearts and leaving her alone to deal with your memories, and I'm sure there are plenty more I'm missing."

"I need a really big daiquiri."

The Master smirked again. "You'll get one if you promise to apologize to them instead of running away."

Doctor sighed, leaning his head against the bed board. "Fine."

"Really?" the Master asked, blinking again. He hadn't actually expected the Doctor to agree to it, unless he was agreeing just to get him off his back about it.

"Besides, Donna's got my TARDIS."

The Master shrugged. "And I've got one as well. I'll take you to all of them once you've had a chance to recuperate. And you get no say in the matter."

Doctor made a grumpy sound.

The Master grinned and poked him. "Not like you have a way to escape, you know."

"Sure I do," Doctor said.

"What, that sonic thing of yours?" the Master asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's nothing compared to laser."

"I bet I could make your laser break," Doctor said, reaching in his pocket and FREEZING.

The Master tilted his head curiously. "What's wrong?"

Doctor frowned and pulled away, searching the rest of his pockets. "Oh now, that's low, even for you," he grumbled.

"What did I do?" the Master blinked, before his eyes widened. "She took it, didn't she."

Doctor stared at him, realisation dawning that A: Master didn't take it and B: his Sonic Screwdriver was gone. "BITCH STOLE MY SONIC SCREWDRIVER!!!!"