LOG: ‘The last turkey in the window’

[downwardsaunter]

Who: Aziraphale misprintedbible and Crowley downwardsaunter
When: Today
Where: The Bookshop, Soho - London
What: Crowley complaining about those darn pedestrians, Aziraphale not getting sarcasm (still), then discussion of The Sound of Music, a certain Monty Python musical number, and descending into drunken ramblings then Admitting Things.
Why: Because we’ve never logged them before, and yes this log is insanely long but we promise it is full of giggles and awws.

The soft sunlight filtered into through the shop window, dust motes dancing in the shafts of light bouncing off the shelves and the owner's golden hair.

The sound of Queen playing very loudly, followed by the roar of an engine outside destroyed any comfortable silence in a fifty two mile radius of the shop. It was shortly after the Queen was shut off that the creator of said noise wandered in. "Pedestrians shouldn't be anywhere near the road, they should be in fields somewhere"

Aziraphale smiled a little to himself, "Do be careful," he chastised lightly not looking up from his work

"I was!", protested Crowley, "It's not like I hit any of them, which really does make me look bad, you know". He slouched down in a chair, putting his snakeskin boots on the desk.

Aziraphale knocked them off, "Well thank you." he replied with a gentle smile his head buried in the book

The demon rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses, putting his feet back up the moment the angel's back was turned. "And one was actually in the road this time....maybe at a zebra crossing, the details are hazy"

"Zebra crossings would be where they cross, Crowley."

"Yeah, well, I don't break for lines drawn on the ground", said Crowley pointedly, "What a stupid idea anyway. There should be...bridges, or something, above the roads"

"There are, sometimes”

"Pft", said Crowley, though it came out more hiss-y than anything else, "She could have dented the Bentley"

He rolled his eyes, "A car can be repaired”

Crowley sat up. "You better not have just referred to the Bentley as 'a car'", he said pointedly.

"Well it is a car".

"The Bentley is not just a car", said Crowley, sulking, "It's like....a big, metal extension of me"

Aziraphale blinked and blushed slightly, "Yes well.."

Crowley arched one brow, confused at the blush, before smirking. "My my, did the angel just have a, gasp, shock, horror...impure thought?"

"I most certainly did not," he replied with a sigh pulling down his tanktop.

Crowley grinned his pointed-tooth grin. "You did an'all!"

"Not everyone has a mind as filthy as yours,"

"I'm supposed to have a filthy mind, I'm a demon", Crowley replied, "And that wasn't my point anyway"

"What was your point?"

"My point was that you had a dirty thought, either about me or the Bentley"

"I did not, You've infected me,"

Crowley dipped his glasses, peering at him with yellow eyes. "You're digging yourself deeper, angel"

He sighed, "Oh hush," he replied setting the book back on the shelf.

Crowley chuckled to himself, pushing his glasses back on his nose and leaning back in the chair again. "'Bout time you loosened up a bit"

"I am loose enough thank you, there's nothing wrong with me," he sighed getting out a bottle of wine and sitting down opposite him.

Crowley laughed. "Aziraphale, when was the last time you did anything remotely 'loose' in all the time we've known each other?"

"I had two mince pies last Christmas."

Crowley actually blinked, which was rare for him. "....Well, wow, you're totally living it up, there, angel, those Up There will have to keep an extra close eye on you, in case you go off the rails completely"

"Exactly, you've had far too big an influence on me," he replied pouring the wine out.

"How's learning about sarcasm going for you?", asked Crowley, picking up his glass, swirling the liquid around.

"Very well I think I recognised someone using it on me last week," he replied with a pleased smile taking a sip

Crowley took a long, deep drink. Sometimes, the angel was far too easy and he felt the need to cut him a little slack. Not that it was the nice thing to do or anything. Because that would be crazy talk. "Was it another person trying to take your babies away?", he asked, gesturing to the books around them.

Aziraphale, frowned in memory, "I soon sent them to the right sort of shop.

Crowley chuckled low in his throat, draining his glass. "You mean a bookshop that actually sells books?"

"I sell my books," he protested

"Since WHEN?!", Crowley spluttered.

"Sometimes...to actual people."

Crowley smirked, pouring himself another glass. "I don't believe you, angel"

"Well I will do, one day."

"When that day happens, I'll wear terrycloth", said Crowley pointedly.

He rolled his eyes, "You had better stock up then," he replied drinking

"You're never going to do it, angel", said Crowley with a grin, "It would be like telling you to hack off a wing"

He frowned, "You’ll see."

"Oh, yeah, sure", Crowley snickered.

He frowned, "I will." He complained.

Crowley grinned. "Alright", he said, "Next person who comes in, you sell a book to"

"Depends on what they're like."

Crowley arched one eyebrow. "They're people with money. Wanting to buy a book", he said, "They don't need a personality test"

"I can't just give my books to just anyone”.

"They're books, Raph, not people", pointed out Crowley.

“They should still be cared for”, he chastised

Crowley rolled his eyes from behind his glasses. "I'm sure one day, they will thank you for it", he said, "Right before you send them off to book-university"

He huffed, glaring at him, "Don't be facetious."

Crowley gave a sharp-toothed grin. "I'm not being facetious, I'm being sarcastic, there's a subtle difference"

"Not that I can see."

"That, oh halo-ed one", said Crowley, examining his wine glass, "Is because you don't understand sarcasm. At all"

"I do sometimes," he protested pouring himself another.

"Only when I point it out to you", said Crowley, giving him a pointed look, "And then I have to really try. It was even worse Up There"

He frowned, "Well it's not like you really use it Up There”.

"No, I do remember", mused Crowley, draining his glass and eyeing the empty bottles, "The mind-numbing boredom of it all. Not that Down There is that quick to catch it, either"

"It wasn’t THAT dull, and we always have the INEFFABLE PLAN"

"Oh, yes the plan", Crowley poured himself another glass, "All hail the plan. And not that dull? Three words for you, angel: Sound. Of. Music"

Aziraphale paled, "Yes well...oh alright," he replied with a frown drinking his glass down.

"S'like that song", said Crowley, pouring them both a fresh glass.

"Which one?" he asked slurring his words a little

"That one", said Crowley, waving a hand, "The one in the movie. With the angels with the breast-shirts". He paused, trying to remember something else about it. "Those Python blokes did it"

“The angels with breasts?" he asked staring at Crowley's glass.

"Yeah!", Crowley nodded, sloshing his glass everywhere, "I don' think they were real breasts, prolly plastic or summat. They wore Christmas skirts"

"I don't think I saw this?" he replied staring at his own.

"Prolly didn'", said Crowley, laughing, "S'got all the thing that make you blush an' mumble in it. Lotsa blasphemy and sex"

Aziraphale blushed on cue although whether it was his words or the drink he wasn't sure." I don't know why you watch it, it gives a bad image to angels whatever it is."

Crowley smirked. "Cause it's funny and it takes the piss out of angels", he said, "An' that's always fun, 'cause you're a bunch of stuck-up-buggers"

"Better than being a sinful degenerate."

Crowley gave a low smirk, taking off his glasses, snake eyes glinting in amusement. "Oh, but it's ssssssssssssssssssssssso much fun", he replied, "You should try it sometime"

"No thank you," he replied firmly

"Hmn", Crowley drained his glass, "You don't know what you're missing, angel"

“I'll just have to live vicariously through you."

Crowley's eyebrow shot up, before he chuckled. "M'sure there's a word for that"

"What?" he asked pouring another glass

"I dunno", Crowley squinted, before taking another drink, "S'one of those big, fancy words you like"

"I think you're making it up," he slurred

"Noooo, I'm not", said Crowley, waving his hand, "There really is a word". He scrunched his face up for a moment. "Something-pify?"

"I think you're drunk,"

"M'not drunk", said Crowley, swaying a little, before narrowing his eyes accusingly at Aziraphale, "You're drunk"

"I'm not...well maybe a little." He whispered into the glass

"Maybe a LOT", replied the demon, before sighing, and resting his chin on the desk, poking his empty wine glass, "At leasssst you're not talking about sssspaccccessshipssss thissss time"

"What's wrong about that?" he mumbled looking up at him

"'Caussse it wassss rediculoussssssss", responded Crowley with that he thought was logic, "And it sssscrewed up my metaphor"

"Your metaphor was daft to begin with”.

"Wasssn'", said Crowley, trying his best to reign in his S's again, "Good metaphore, it wass. Bloody musssical"

Aziraphale rolled his eyes before frowning, "The wine is all gone"

Crowley lifted his head and peered at the empty bottles. "Well, bugger", he said, poking an empty bottle, "There ssshould be lawss againsst that ssort of thing"

"I might have another somewhere." he mumbled

"Really?", the demon brightened up considerably, glancing about, "Which hiding place?"

"My cupboard I think". he whispered swaying over to it.

Crowley leaned back in his chair, watching his companions progress, "Didn't we drink that one in 1605?"

"Did we? Oh... never mind then."

"Bugger", Crowley sighed, "S'that all the drink you've got here?"

"Might be some in the kitchen"

"Kitchen is good", Crowley nodded, standing and swaying a little, though whether that was the booze or more of a serpentine instinct because of the booze kicking in was anyone's guess, "To the kitchen, then, angel"

"Then I have to move again," he sighed

"I could prolly find it", said Crowley, making his way towards the kitchen, nearly bumping into the wall.

"Are you sure?" he asked blearily

"Yep!", said Crowley, vanishing into the kitchen. Shortly after, there was a yell and a rather loud crash, silence reigned for a few seconds more. ".....Ow"

"What've you done?" He asked rushing through.

The demon was somewhere underneath a pile of pots and pans. "I got the wrong cupboard", came Crowley's voice from under the pile.

He stumbled along pulling the pans off him with a sigh.

Eventually, a rather bedraggled Crowley surfaced. "....Why the bloody hell do you have so many.....no, no I don't think I want to know", he replied, thinking hard for a moment, his suit going back to a pristine condition.

"I don't have too many," he replied

Crowley stood, a bit shakily, and gestured to the pile. "This here, Aziraphale, is too many", he said, "You don't even need to eat"

"It's so people don't ask questions."

"Who's going to ask questions?", asked Crowley, "I'm the only person that ever comes here"

“Someone might”

"Like who?", asked Crowley, arching a brow, "The kitchen-pan inspectors?"

"Perhaps." he replied putting them away

Crowley hmffed, smoothing out his hair, pausing, taking stock of things, then frowning. "Where did I leave my glasses?"

“Maybe on the table?" Aziraphale replied to the cupboard.

"Oh, right", he frowned, "That requires walking, and I don't want sobriety to kick in just yet". He considered, then went about pulling apart another cupboard. "I thought we restocked this after the Incident"

“I thought we did," he replied peering in “Oh it might be the one next to it."

Crowley shrugged, starting to dismantle the other cupboard, before making a triumphant noise. "HAH!", he said, pulling out a bottle of wine.

“Oh good, I'll just sit here, go fetch some glasses." he replied sitting on the floor.

The demon looked down at the angel, before sighing, staggering off to the other room, fetching back their glasses, his beloved sunglasses balancing on the top of his head. "I'm not your slave, you know", he commented, sitting next to Aziraphale, opening the wine.

He smiled, “No you're my demon" he teased holding out his glass.

Crowley rolled his eyes, pouring the wine for him. "That suggests ownership, I shouldn't let you drink for that", he sulked, pouring some in his own glass.

"Well it's true," he whispered with a drunk smile.

Crowley peered curiously at his companion. "That you own me?", he asked.

"Well I suppose in a way you own me, too. Dual ownership."

"Hmmm", Crowley sat back a little, before draining his glass, "I can't remember ownership being part of the Arrangement. Did I miss a memo?" He paused, then smirked at the angel. "And you're completely hammered, you are"

"I am not, I'm carefully tipsy"

"Nope, definitely drunk", Crowley decided, pouring another glass for them each, "You only go on about liking my company when you're really pissed, or there's an apocalyptic event"

"What if there’s both?"

Crowley tilted his head to the side, serpentine eyes looking at him in confusion. "Both of what?"

“Drunk during an apocalypse..."

"Ah", Crowley nodded, then considered, "I dunno. We never thought up protocol for that, did we?"

"Nope..." he slurred

"We should do that", the demon decided, taking another long drink of his wine, swaying a little before resting his shoulder against Aziraphale's, "Making up protocol and stuff. 'Cause the last one came pretty close to that"

"How would it start?"

"Getting very, very drunk, I'd imagine", Crowley said, shooting Aziraphale a grin.

He smiled, “I meant the declaration"

"I dunno", Crowley waved a hand in the air, "This declares that the angel Aziraphale and the demon Crowley may engage in the following activities when they are both rat-arsed and the world is coming to an ende". He eyed his empty wine-glass. "Summat like that"

“Alright, sounds like a plan," he replied with a drunken almost giggle, "What activities?"

"Summat we don't do normally", Crowley slurred, "To mark it as a special oca'sion, like"

"Alright...well we'd already be drunk, what if you have to help an old lady cross the road?"

Crowley pulled a face. "Can I get you to push her back out into the road when I'm done? Preferably into oncoming traffic?"

"No!" he exclaimed with wild drunken eyes

"Then I shouldn't be expected to help a little old lady across the road, then", Crowley huffed, crossing his arms and sulking, “No, that won’t do. It’ll have to be something else”

"What?" He asked leaning tiredly against him.

There was a light movement in the air as jet black wings unfolded from Crowley's back, one folding around the angel, done almost sub-consciously. "I dunno, I could teach you how to dance something that's not from the nineteen fifties?"

Aziraphale stared at his bottle settling against him, "There's nothing wrong with how I dance, I don't need to copulate on stage.”

"It's not copulating", Crowley chuckled, shaking his head, "It's gyrating, those are two very different things"

"Not from what I can see”

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Aziraphale, you wouldn't know copulating if it came up and bit you on the....", he paused, deciding to choose his word carefully, "...nose"

Aziraphale tried to look at his nose as it blurred. "I know enough, it involves nudity and kissing."

Crowley watched his companion for a moment. "Right. I'm going to buy you a book on the subject", he said, "Because you're....well, you know a bit more than when we left Eden, but still..."

He frowned, "I know a baby carriage is also involved," he supplied.

Crowley raised his eyebrows. Very high. "Um...no, Raph. Not at all", he paused, "Well, maybe if you knock someone up, but then there's no baby carriage for nine whole months and dear Someone was I really this clueless once?"

"I'm not clueless," he defended

Crowley looked pointedly at him. "Yes, Raph, you are", he said, "You wouldn't know the first thing to do if someone hit on you". He considered. “Actually, I do, you’ll panic and come running to me”

"So? You know about these things." he explained

Crowley smirked. "Well, of course I do", he said, "But that's because I decided to grow a sex drive"

"You're supposed to, you're a demon."

"Guilty as charged", Crowley allowed, "But I grew one before I Fell. I made that extra effort.....mostly because I was bored and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about"

"Oh and what is it about?"

Crowley opened his mouth, then paused. He considered for a moment, trying to work out how to explain sex to someone who had never so much as a vague idea about it. "Well...ummm....ah", he frowned, "It's a little difficult to put into words. It's very....fun"

"Like chess?" he asked

"Um...no, Aziraphale, not like chess", said Crowley, thinking, "It's...umm..". He paused and glanced at the wing he'd wrapped around the angel's shoulder. "You remember flying for the first time, when you were in a human body, so you had that little bit of fear of slamming into the ground and ending back...There?"

He blinked and nodded confused, "Humans don't fly."

Crowley took a deep, claming breath. "Yes, so when you went flying for the first time on Earth, you had that little bit of doubt that it wouldn't work, right?"

"Right..." he replied uncertain

"And then you suddenly catch the wind, and hey, you're flying and it feels great, what with the wind and everything, and being able to feel it all", Crowley waved a hand vaguely, "Sex is a little bit like that. But you share it with someone else"

He blinked, "Oh...so why do they make such odd faces?"

"Well, because it's very...intense", Crowley tried, then grinned, "Hey how do YOU know about the faces they pull?"

He blushed, "I may have caught someone, by accident."

Crowley sat up a little, his grin widening. "Okay, details now, Raph"

"His cheeks brightened," No! I thought he was attacking her."

Crowley laughed. "Where on Earth was this?"

"Round the back of the shop.”

"THIS shop?", asked Crowley, wide-eyed, "The sneaky little buggers!"

"Exactly, I tried to attack him with my broom."

Crowley laughed, shaking his head. "I bet he wasn't too impressed", he teased, before a wicked gleam shone in his eyes, "So....what did you think of it, overall?"

He blushed, "I was rather avoiding being hit by my own broom at the time."

Crowley's eyebrow arched again. Before he realised. "Ah. Right", he chuckled, giving the angel a gentle nudge with his shoulder, "Well, at least I understand the sudden interest"

He blushed, "There's no sudden interest." he complained, “You wanted to teach me to dance."

"And then you started talking about sex", grinned Crowley, before winking, "You know the rules, Raph, you have to choose to get rid of that pesky sexless thing to know properly"

He frowned softly “You mean make one of those dead turkey things?"

Crowley looked at him for a full minute. ".....Dead turkey things?"

"Yes you know," he replied waving his hand in the vague direction of his groin. What did that young woman call it? The last turkey in the window."

"OH!", Crowley laughed, "That's called a penis, or, in fact, any other number of names, and yes, you do need to have one of those for the sex thing. If you're a guy. Which you are...sort of"

"Oh well I had one of those at least I think I do I’ve never used it”, he mumbled trying to peer down the waistband of his slacks.

"Right....yes", Crowley watched him, with something akin to fond amusement, "Well, you'll know if you have one. Bugger, we need to get you a date or something, won't we?"

"A date? I'm not doing this you know." he protested

Crowley smirked at him. "Aren't you even in the least bit interested?", he asked, temptation mode kicking in out of complete demonic instinct, "It'sssss a lot of fun, you know"

He blushed brightly, "No, if I was meant to do it I'd have done it already."

"That'ssss crazy angel logic", pointed out Crowley, "And of courssse you won't have done it. The only persssssson you talk to on Earth isssss me"

"Well I couldn't have done it with you then, if we were supposed to but we weren't and so I haven't”

Crowley did another rare blink. "Okay, point one, I don't listen to 'supposed to's', and you can sleep with whoever the He.... whoever you want to"

He frowned softly wondering if he was a little too drunk or whether the demon was getting to him. "Its one of yours though, if I was meant to do it, it would be one of mine."

Crowley rolled his serpentine eyes. "Aziraphale", he said slowly, "Almost everything on Earth has sex, do you really think He would have built them to be equipped to do it if he wasn't expecting them to?"

He opened his mouth before closing it and opened it again before he looked at him confused. "Oh..."

"See?", Crowley gave a slow smile, "It's not like it's a big, wicked thing of doom, here". He shrugged. "Humans use it as an extra way to express love for one another"

"Oh...even by pulling odd faces?"

Crowley chuckled, smiling softly. "Even by pulling odd faces", he said, "That's because it's very..intense"

He frowned and looked down at his fingers. "It's so messy,"

"Well....yeah, and sweaty", Crowley smiled fondly, then looked at him, "That's what showers are for. But you don't even notice it, really, not in the act, anyway, you're too busy enjoying each other"

“Oh..." he replied confused.

Crowley watched him again, doing his very best to push down that whole temptation thing because, well, he LIKED Aziraphale, he was the only being anywhere who understood him, after all, and he didn't want him getting hurt...or worse. He folded his wing a little tighter around him. "But hey, you don't have to if you don't want to, it's not a requirement"

He nodded curling into him and nursing his wine. "I just don't understand”.

"It's very difficult to explain", said Crowley, apologetically, "It's one of those understand by doing things"

"Oh," He replied with a frown. "Maybe it's in a book." he whispered

"Books explain the technical stuff, Raph, but this really is one of those life experience things", said Crowley, sighing and wondering when, exactly, he'd clearly lost his touch, giving the angel another hug with his wing, black feathers cocooning him safely.

He sighed softly settling in and offering him some of his wine. "Alright."

Crowley smiled, taking it with a nod and having a drink. "Don't worry about it, Aziraphale, I still like you either way"

He smiled happily "Good, I don't think I'd have appreciated it if you thought less of me for it."

"Hey, I might be a demon, but give me some credit", said Crowley, "I'm not completely heartless. Besides, if I don't have you, who else can I ruddy well talk to? The Houseplants?"

"At least they don't talk back," he teased

"Good point", the demon allowed, before chuckling, "Nah, you're alright, you are. For an angel"

"I suppose you're alright too, for a demon." he replied with a smile.

"Just don't let it get spread around", said Crowley, rolling his eyes, "I have a reputation, you know"

He smiled, "Well so do I you know." he teased

"Yes, mostly as the guy who lost the flaming sword", teased Crowley, before ruffling his companion's blond hair, "Or the Southern Pansy"

"Better than being a flash bastard.:" he teased leaning into the touch

Crowley laughed. "Hey, I take pride in being a flash bastard", he said, "It's a highly desirable trait"

"For a demon perhaps."

"That strange human captain seems to thing so", smirked Crowley, "Haven't met a flirt like that for a long while"

"Yes, blood brothers practically the pair of you."

"Oh, I think he'd want to do something more than be brotherly to me", Crowley chuckled low.

He rolled his eyes "Yes well. never mind "

"What?", he chuckled softly, looking at him, "I am what I am, Raph, even if I'm.....slightly diluted". He considered. "He's quite the looker, too"

He sighed, "I hadn't noticed."

Crowley watched him a moment. "Well, of course you wouldn't you're YOU", he said, then paused, ".....You alright, Raph?"

He looked back at him, "I'm fine."

"Yah...huh", said Crowley, "I've known you for over six millennia, Aziraphale, you're going to have to try harder than that"

“I’m fine," he insisted. "He's very...smug isn't he?"

Crowley considered. "Yeah, he is a bit", he agreed, before arching a brow in a slow smirk, moving to rest his chin on the angel's shoulder, his movements very serpentine, "Why? Jealousssssssssssss?"

He pulled his head away shaking his head. "Don't be ridiculous, he just seems a bit...of a twit."

Crowley tilted his head to one side before his grin widened. "You are an'all", he said, "You're jealous! You hardly ever call anyone a twit"

He frowned. "He's different, I don't like him." he mumbled

Crowley laughed, shaking his head. "Well, bloody hell, I never saw that one coming", he said, "I didn't imagine people would get jealous over 'ol snake eyes, here"

He frowned, " Oh shut up, I am not." he huffed pushing himself up shakily

Crowley let his wing drop, now devoid of the angel that had curled up in it. He frowned a little at the loss, before chuckling and standing. "All you had to do was say, you know"

“I’m not jealous." he insisted setting his glass on the side.

Crowley tilted his head to one side again, watching him for a moment, before shrugging, his wings folding back away and disappearing. "I suppose not", he said, "I'm not exactly a first rate catch for a Heavenly entity"

He frowned washing his glass, "Don't be silly”.

"Where's the silly in it?", asked Crowley, "I'm a demon, you're an angel. We’re caught on opposite sides of an unending war, our friendship is something so rare it borders on a miracle". He shrugged, pulling his sunglasses over his eyes, using their safe comfort to slightly hide in. Not that he ever hid, mind you. "Nah, you want to find yourself one of those types that runs homeless shelters or rescues kittens or summat"

"Kittens?" he asked watching him

"Or puppies, I don't bloody know", said the demon waving a hand, "Someone full of goodness and light, at any rate. Which I'm not, and I never will be. Hence why I'm not exactly expecting angels to give a damn about me, really"

He sighed, "Now you're being daft, Crowley, I do care about you."

"Yeah, but not like that", said Crowley, then gave a small smile and shrugged, attempting nonchalance, "But that's okay"

"Not like what?" he asked walking to him.

"Erm....", Crowley shifted uneasily, "That thing we were talking about...with the jealous and the twit and that"

His brow furrowed, confused, " I don't understand, I think you can do much better than him."

Crowley ran a hand through his black hair, giving a low chuckle. "And once again you miss the point entirely", he said, before watching him, though keeping the safety of his sunglasses firmly on, "Do I really, Aziraphale?"

He nodded looking at him worriedly. "Of course. You deserve someone wonderful, who makes you smile and can keep up with you."

Crowley chuckled softly. "Thanks, angel", he murmured, chastising himself for being so damn SOFT and it would serve him right if They came to collect him for being such a damn nancy boy, "But I've only met one person who meets all three of those criteria"

He frowned leaning against his counter, "Already?" he asked softly. "But it's only been 6 millennia...and he's so dreadful."

"Not him, you stupid Norbert", Crowley laughed fondly, shaking his head, before looking at him, "You"

"Me?" he asked in surprise. "You like me?"

"There we go", said Crowley, "Do try to keep up, angel"

He smiled happily, "Better than the loud one?" he asked, lit up and pleased.

"Of course better than the loud one", Crowley rolled his eyes from behind his sunglasses, "Who is it I've spent most of my time around since the Beginning of this planet, mm?"

He smiled happily swaying from side to side leaning against the counter smiling. "Me I suppose." he replied his eyes sparkling.

"Well, there you go, then", said Crowley, with a wave of his hand, before pausing, ".....And you haven't tried to chuck holy water at me or hit me with a chair or anything yet..."

He blinked confused, "Why would I do that?"

Crowley arched a brow. "Well, because you're an angel and not supposed to entertain such thoughts"

"What thoughts?" he asked confused

"Awww bugger", said Crowley, "You know that whole romancing thing"

"The what? Love?" he asked

Crowley visibly winced, then looked downward, frozen in place for a second, before deciding that they weren't watching him as closely as they did straight after the whole 'incident', and relaxed a little. "Shhh not so loud", he hissed, "And yeah......that"

He blinked at him confused, "But love is one of the most beautiful aspects of heaven created. I’ve always loved you." he replied with a shrug putting the wine away.

"I....errr...", Crowley paused, "You wot?". He paused again. "You never bloody said!"

He shrugged, "Well I thought you knew." he replied washing Crowley's glass and setting it on the side.

"Well..no.actually, no I didn't", said Crowley, frowning, "Bloody hell, I've been sodding trying to work out how to tell you for half a damn millennium"

He frowned softly, "You just had to ask Crowley...only this half millennium?"

Crowley frowned. "Well, I didn't think", he said, "You're a sodding angel, all pure and that, and I'm.....". He sighed, taking off his glasses, serpent eyes locked on Aziraphale, "I'm a demon, I'm not supposed to feel like this"

Aziraphale smiled a little drying his hands. "You're still a creature of God's, maybe you are supposed to."

"I Fell, Aziraphale", Crowley reminded him, "That makes the whole G-deal null and void.....or it's supposed to"

"I don't think so," he replied softly. You're not wholly bad, Crowley. You never were."

"Shhhhhh", said the demon again, glancing down worriedly, before looking back at him, "Yeah, I'm a failure as a creature of Hell, I know"

Aziraphale walked forward and took his hand, "You're not a failure, never that." he whispered. "You're my constant companion."

Crowley glanced down at their hands, still clearly having difficulty with this. Sex? Sin? Flirting? Oh that was easy, not a problem. But this was something else, and FAR from what was considered proper demon behaviour. "Yeah...well, someone had to keep you out of trouble"

He smiled, "And I am glad for every second of it." he announced squeezing his hands.

"Heh", Crowley said, for one time since..um..EVER, the quieter, shyer party of the two, "Wow...um.. wasn't expecting this"

“Expecting what?" he asked with a confused look watching him.

"This", the demon waved vaguely between them, "To be honest I thought we'd be dancing around this point for at least another century"

He shook his head, "I don't understand we've always been like this"

"I mean the whole....", Crowley looked around, or more precisely, down, before whispering the word quickly and quietly, "Love.... thing. More to the point, openly admitting it"

He looked around before letting go of his hands and shrugging bemused, "I'd have told you millennia ago if you'd asked me."

Crowley chuckled. "Well, I didn't think to ask, did I?", he said, "You always seemed so.... clueless is a bit harsh... no, it works, clueless about it"

He blinked, "Oh..." he replied his smile falling to a frown.

"....What?", asked Crowley, watching him.

He frowned, "There’s nothing wrong with being clueless."

"I didn't say there was", Crowley offered him a smile, "It's one of your endearing, if sometimes irritating features, angel"

"Oh...alright," he replied appeased before smoothing out his waistcoat. "Are you happy you've gotten that off your chest?

"Yeah, I am, actually", replied Crowley, with a nod.

He smiled running a hand through his hair. "Well that's everything cleaned up then." He replied heading back into the shop

Crowley blinked, in fact, he blinked twice, which had to be some kind of record for him. "...Wait...what...", he paused, "...That's it?"

He stopped in the doorway looking at him ,"Well ..." he shrugged softly. "I don't know what else you imagine I'd do. I told you I wouldn't get angry."

"Well, no, you're not angry", Crowley allowed, moving over to him, "But are we actually going anywhere with this? 'Cause I'm a little confused and likely to start forgetting to reign in my S's soon"

He looked back at him confused, "Go where? I thought you liked it in London?"

Crowley ran his hands raggedly through his hair, making a noise of frustration. "I meant you and me, not moving places", he said.

He frowned watching him, "I don't understand what you mean."

"Of course you don't", Crowley chuckled to himself, "You're an angel. A problem with entity translation, here". He sighed, trying to think of a way to explain it, which was much akin to a lion explaining to the nice little lamb why it was going to eat it. "Do we just carry on as normal, now? Or...."

"Or what?" he asked his eyes wide and trying to understand.

"Or are we....do we...", Crowley sighed, he was no good at this gentle explaining thing. It went against every fibre of his demonic nature. Demons didn't explain things, they just did them. It was roughly at the point his brain came up with that conclusion he decided his course of action. "Fuckit", he said, grabbing the front of the angel's waist coat and pulling him in, pressing a firm kiss on his lips.

Mmmph!" He exclaimed as he was yanked forward his eyes wide as Crowley kissed him.

Crowley kept his lips pressed against Azirpahale's for a few moments more, before pulling back, letting go of his companion's waist coat and stepping back a little, serpent eyes watching him cautiously, gauging both the angel's reaction, and exactly the distance between them and the exit to beat a hasty retreat if needed.

Raph stared at him eyes wide before his fingers touched his lips. "Oh my..."

"Um..yeah", replied Crowley, wishing he still had his glasses to hide behind, but realising he'd misplaced them during this talk.

"So that's what it feels like?"

"What? Kissing?", the demon looked at him, then remembered who he was talking to, "Yeah, Raph, well, a bit of it anyway"

He nodded, "I can see why its so tempting."

"Well, I'm all about the tempting", said Crowley with a slow grin, before catching himself, "I mean. Um. Yes"

He blinked looking at him guiltily and unsure.

Crowley arched a brow. "Ah. This is the part where I'm reminded of the fact you're a Heavenly body and you shouldn't do that sort of thing, isn't it?", he asked, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

"I...I don't know.." he whispered worried

Crowley frowned a little. "....Aziraphale?", he asked, "...What is it?"

He sat down on the step watching him before chewing on his lip a little upset. "I liked it."

"And that's a bad thing?", asked Crowley, before pausing, "Oh....right"

He looked at him worriedly.

Crowley frowned. "Sorry", he said, giving an apology was just about as rare as the demon remembering to blink, "It wasn't my intention to upset you". Oh yeah, great demon you are, he chastised himself.

"No I know," he whispered reaching his hand out for him.

Crowley hesitated for a moment, before sighing, clearly he was already as screwed over as he could possibly be with Hell, no point really trying to gain back any real demonic standing anymore. He frowned, taking the angel's hand and squeezing it gently.

He smiled leaning his head against the doorframe pulling him closer

"Look...angel, don't worry about it", Crowley sighed, letting himself be pulled in, "We can go back to how we were, if you're more comfortable"

He looked at him, "But you like this," he replied softly

"Well...yeah", said Crowley, "But the point is you're both supposed to. When it's one sided it's....", he frowned, "Dark territory"

He looked at him, "We could stay in the middle."

"We are very good at the middle", agreed Crowley.

He watched him before smiling a little "It is nice."

"Also necessary", responded Crowley, before smiling slowly, "Unless you're referring to something else"

"What else?" he asked curious

Crowley chuckled. "Never mind, Raph"

He shrugged, "I was talking about the kiss."

Crowley very, very nearly facepalmed. "So was I", he said shaking his head, amused.

He smiled, "So what was the other thing?"

"Erm", said Crowley, "Nothing, random demony thoughts. Best to ignore them. Lead us not into temptation and all that"

He smiled playing with his hand, "So is this moving it on?"

Crowley allowed the action....okay, maybe enjoyed it. "I think so"

He smiled a little, "So, what can we do?"

Crowley looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged, "What constitutes the middle?" he whispered

"Oh", Crowley moved to sit next to him on the step, "Well, I guess that depends on what you're comfortable with"

"Oh, well I don't know what I am comfortable with."

"Of course you don't", Crowley chuckled, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Okay. Taking it step by step, then. How'd you feel bout the kissing?"

He smiled , "I liked it," he murmured

"Aright", Crowley nodded, "We can have that, then, and then after you're used to it, I can try summat else and you can tell me if you're okay with it or not, how's that?"

“Alright." he replied with a soft smile.

Crowley nodded. "That's settled, then"

Aziraphale smiled, glancing up at the sky before leaning in and stealing another.

Crowley smiled a little into it, reigning in his demonic nature, keeping it slow and gentle, letting the angel get used to the feel.

Aziraphale smiled against his mouth leaning back against the doorframe his hands clutching at the bottom hem of his own waistcoat.

Crowley rolled his eyes a little, taking Aziraphale's hands in his own and putting them around his waist, before sliding his own onto the angel's shoulders, deepening the kiss cautiously.

Aziraphale's brows furrowed at this new sensation as he parted his lips tasting him slowly

Crowley shivered lightly, suppressing a groan as his long forked tongue flickered out, brushing against Aziraphale's, before trying his very best to behave. It certainly wasn't easy.

He yelped a little before feeling his flickering tongue gingerly

Crowley, using an awful amount of self control, slowed his movements, his tongue moving gently along the angel's letting him get used to the feel, one hand moving to curl in soft blond hair.

He smiled breathing out as he closed his eyes melting into the strange warm sensation.

Crowley smiled as he felt Aziraphale relax a little, fingertips brushing on the nape of the angel's neck as he kissed him slowly, forked tongue tasting him.

He shivered and smiled, his breath catching at the excitement and fire growing in his belly. "Like this?"

Crowley smiled against his lips. "Exactly like thisssssssssss"

His blush deepened, "Is it supposed to feel like this too?" He whispered against his mouth

"Like what?", Crowley murmured softly, yellow eyes watching him.

"Like..." he glanced at the ceiling, "Like fire," he whispered

"Oh", Crowley chuckled softly, "Yes, yes it is"

"Ooh...it's exhilarating." he whispered flushed

"Told you ssssso", responded Crowley, his thumb tracing the line of Aziraphale's jaw.

He pulled away with a blush, cleaning his glasses and quite at a loss with what to do with himself

Crowley laughed softly at him, watching him, amused. "You alright there, angel?"

“Yes I umm...”, he blushed smiling happily as he stared at his glasses.

"Left you speechless, huh?", Crowley gave a sharp-toothed grin, "I'll take that as a compliment"

He rolled his eyes with smile. “Oh, do hush up."

Crowley smirked. "I think I'll enjoy basking in the fact I made you blush"

"I allow you too much freedom I'm sure of it”.

"Took the tag off, can't take me back now", Crowley chuckled.

He smiled watching him. "You're going to crow about this aren't you?"

"Well, my name IS Crowley", he grinned, before sitting back, "Don't fret, angel, I won't do anything to ruin your well made reputation"

He smiled and stood up feeling his kiss bruised lips, "I should get back to work." he murmured softly.

"Yes, with the not-selling of the books", Crowley replied, standing himself, "And I should...um... probably break a traffic light or something, make it look like I'm at least trying"

Aziraphale smiled and leaned in taking a kiss. "Have fun."

Crowley smirked into it, returning it. "I always do", he said, putting his sunglasses back on, "I promise not to push any little old ladies into oncoming traffic, even if the opportunity presents itself"

"Good," he replied pointedly before smiling as he watched him leave

Crowley gave a half-arse wave, vanishing out of the shop, the sound of a very old Bentley roaring into life and tearing off at far greater speeds than London generally allowed following soon after.