(no subject)
ITS OVER...IM THROUGH
I didnt go to school today..so I was sitting here doing some work for school and listening to a cd(the cody cd)..and heard this song Im moving on..I happened to glance over and saw a picture of my grandfather.For those of yall who don't know..my grandfather and grandmother raised me since I was like 1 ..so they pretty much are my parents ...When I was in 8th grade my grandfather passed away. And when he did we were not on very good terms..that morning he dropped me off at school ..we got in a fight and I got out said "I hate you" and slammed the door..later that afternoon I was informed that he passed away..I couldn't have been more torn apart..the man that had basically saved me from living a horrible life..was gone..I Loved him so much but those were my last words to him..I decided to act like it didnt bother me..my friends witnessed this I went two years trying to hide the pain I had inside..and turned the most of it into anger..but at my old school I worked to forgive myself and talk about the pain I felt about his death and the guiltyness I felt inside.. anyways looking at his picture I just couldnt help my self..I started to cry ..and did for a while..if he was here..would my grandmother not be so sad??..It seemed when he was alive that my family was together..we had our problems..quite afew but nothing like it is now. I use to sit there and complaina bout everything but what I would give to have him back...I would treat him right and show him each day how much I love and appreciate him.. I looked at his picture and pictured what he would think if he could see me now??..his precious grandaughter being so angry, lieing ,doing drugs, etc. He would be soo dissapointed in me. I want something different for my life.. THIS ISNT ME..sure I make mistakes but some of the mistakes I have made recently have definitly been ones I could avoid. Im soo sick of seeing my grandmother be hurt by me..she doesnt deserve this. I dont like the feeling I had Saturday after Friday night..Im tired of going to bed praying to not wake up.
I may be loosing alot by this but I am sorry I am no longer going to act this way...I have realized alot..today I k now I will still struggle with somethings..but I have so much more inside me then to waste it away on crap..that will ruin me.. I have got people thinkin I am a totally different person then I really am..I really think there are only a few people who know the real me..
*you came and met me at wal-mart just because I needed someone
*you stopped yalls movie to drive and pick me up after I did something stupid
*you spent your money buying me food so I wouldnt pass out
*you yelled at me the whole way back for being so dumb
*you accepted my apology for coming to your house the way I did..and made me feel better
*you come and get me and we go to chick-fil-a and just sit there and talk about everything
Yall are truly the best friends I could ever have..I swear yall have been through soo much with me..I am sorry for what I put yall through Friday and even b4 that..
Anyways I have been to scared to do what I know is right out of fear that I will no longer be liked or will no longer have fun but with some advice and some thinking...and taking a long hard look at my biggest rolemodel...Ive decided...
ITS OVER...IM THROUGH