Wouldn't it be nice if we were older?
I seem to either write a lot for a while and then not at all for even longer and then back to a lot. I don't know why but I go from just feeling like I need to get stuff out here and then back to thinking I shouldn't bother cuz it's all pointless and no one really cares about my pathetic life.
Yeah..I'm depressed. I'm depressed, and soo very sore from shoveling all day saturday and sunday at like a ton of different houses that are huge, with huge driveways, and sidewalks, and the snow is up to my waist. Fun stuff. NOT! Hopefully Chris makes enough money for bills and stuff tho. That'd help him out a lot. Not that I should care anymore. But I do, and I'm pretty sure I always will.
Something I want really bad right now is to not be me, I wish I was a completely different person but I've been me for almost 18 years now and I feel so stuck that it's pointless to even keep trying to change. I dont know why I do the things i do anymore. Or even think what I think. Does this make any sense? I'm in the worst mood right now and on the verge of tears for the 100th time today so this probably doesn't. I just wish I was different. I wish my life was better. It could always be worse tho right? Even tho it feels like it already is worse. Well, could it be better? I'm finding out more and more, no, it cannot.
It's so weird to be so content at one time with just being on my own most of the time with just the few friends/acquaintances I need and then I hate it. Life seems so pointless sometimes.
What am I going to do when I graduate? I have no where to go and no way to get there. Great. Is anyone else constantly being reminded that they have to figure things out fast and worrying about it all the time? Its starting to really bother me and I haven't the slightest idea of what to do about it?
I hate/despise (whichever word is stronger) money! It's the route of all evil. Right? I'm starting to believe so. Does anyone else agree with that or is it just me?
"If you wake up at a different time
and in a different place, could you
wake up as a different person?" I wish.
This was pretty pointless and random. Oh well, I don't know why I even bother anymore.
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? It would be so much easier if I was older....as old as you already are.
I need something. I wish I knew what it was.