(no subject)
Ahh well things have been kinda hectic lately, in my mind atleast. I've been getting myself stressed out again recently and it sucks because theres noone i want to talk to about anything.. I create all these issues in my mind that are really rediculous or that Im just thinking too into, and its not even anything specific, just everything really. It seems like any time I talk to someone about things that are on my mind they make me more stressed out and make me feel like an idiot for even thinking about some of things. Theres been a lot on my mind with my self esteem lately, thats a biggy. Just different things everyday and its driving me crazy. It doesnt help getting on the criticism i get either, whether kidding or not. I know im not perfect and i like to know when ive done something wrong, but i just cant take any of it anymore. Being around the people Im always around doesn't exactly help out too much either, but its not their fault. My parents are really looking into the moving thing now too - they went to go look around at different places and everything this past weekend and plan on going out again some time soon. I've been so happy about moving until now, when it's actually becoming more and more of a reality. Im scared to move, im scared to lose the few people in my life that I actually love and cherish. Im scared of the change, although a change from high schools may potentially be very great. Theres been so much change going on lately, which im horrible with, and its becoming overwhelming really, too much big change. Ive just had so much on my mind lately and im so stressed out, and it seems like noone notices or even cares. Everyones got their own things going on right now and no, i dont expect them to drop what theyre doing to come take care of me, thats not what i want at all. I dont want to talk about anything going on with me either, but i want everyone to realize Ive been really upset lately about a lot of different things, and im really sorry for all the different things ive done or may do because of everything thats going on with me. I know ive been different lately and i dont know what to say about it. I think right now what i need most is just some space. I cant deal with anyone right now at all unless its calm and im having fun.
Well, besides all of this emotional crap i have going on with me, not much has really been going on lately i guess. Last week was Drew's funeral, which surprisingly still has not gotten me to realize he is actually gone, I think its going to take a while for that to happen. But it was nice to be with everyone that day, it seemed like a great weight was lifted off of everyone. I found out friday at school that i needed to go to parker's prom the following night, so i went to that and it basically sucked. I have to work pretty much all this week and hope that ill be able to get paid by friday, and then i have to get ready for prom all over again, but this time i actually want to go. Im hoping it turns out well, it should. I think if i calm myself down this week and can release my stress then it will be a lot of fun. The school years almost over, thank God! Im really happy about that. Mom and i r going on vacation at the end of May, maybe on a cruise or to busch gardens, who knows, but sounds like a nice way to start off the summer. It doesnt look like im going to get my car running any time soon, if at all, which BLOWS! lol but oh well, im over it i guess. Well, i guess thats all for now. Later
~Michelle
Well, besides all of this emotional crap i have going on with me, not much has really been going on lately i guess. Last week was Drew's funeral, which surprisingly still has not gotten me to realize he is actually gone, I think its going to take a while for that to happen. But it was nice to be with everyone that day, it seemed like a great weight was lifted off of everyone. I found out friday at school that i needed to go to parker's prom the following night, so i went to that and it basically sucked. I have to work pretty much all this week and hope that ill be able to get paid by friday, and then i have to get ready for prom all over again, but this time i actually want to go. Im hoping it turns out well, it should. I think if i calm myself down this week and can release my stress then it will be a lot of fun. The school years almost over, thank God! Im really happy about that. Mom and i r going on vacation at the end of May, maybe on a cruise or to busch gardens, who knows, but sounds like a nice way to start off the summer. It doesnt look like im going to get my car running any time soon, if at all, which BLOWS! lol but oh well, im over it i guess. Well, i guess thats all for now. Later
~Michelle