I need to let it out somewhere...
This is brutal truth, dont read this if you cant handle it or dont want to know..
For some reason, these last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. I have felt every feeling that i could have felt at any point. My latest is frustration. Im frustrated with school, school work, my father, and even my friends.
Now, i may be very sesnitive right now, but people who are close to me should know when im sensitive or not--its always written on my face. Well it seems as if, in the last few weeks, my close friends keep drifting farther and farther away from me. Nikki has barley talked to me since we went to the rodeo, i havent talked to Erica since that night, and even Chase. Ive been really close to Chase, because he knows me. We dated for so long, and he just knows me. But this whole week, he has been the biggest asshole ive ever seen.He has been avoiding me whenever possible and all that normal "im a guy" bullshit. This is pretty much unlike him. And, its pissing me off that he gives me 0 consideration. After this whole time, im still no body to him. Which i must say is largley unfortunate. I just have an overwhelming feeling of everyone drifting away, and im starting think it is becase of me. I mean, this is the time im supposed to be happy and almost carefree right? Well im not. Im not because friends have always been absolutly everything to me, and right now, they are drifting and im left to wonder why.
With school, im just so ready to be done. I am having a real issue with alot of the students at WHS. They are all so spoiled and it is really showing now. Plus, people who dont know me are being bitchy to me and sayin shit about me. Who the hell are they to have that authority? They dont know who the hell i am. They dont know what im capable of or what ill be capable of one day. GGrrr....I spent another period in ISS, this time for Mrs. Marsh. She has been out to get me ever since i got her caught cheating on absences by the administrators. I am so not happy about her attitude and the disrespect she keeps showing me. Not everyone else, just me. So she told me not to interrupt her today (in her bitchy tone towards me) and so i told her she was a bitch. And believe me, i could have come up with so much more to say.But i was content for now...after i graduate, that could be a different story.
Then how bout this one for a kicker. I have cheered with Elite Cheer and Dance for almost 3 years now. I quit due to stress, school work and Prom, well in advance of our last competition. Well, not only are they rude to me now, but they dont even want me to attend the awards banquet tomorrow night. I dont want to eat, and i dont want to stay long. Only for like a 1/2 an hour or so, but they suggested in a harsh but somehow civil way that i not attend, but that i say my goodbyes to everyone by driving to the gym for one of the practices. What a load of bullshit....i spent so much time and did so much shit for them, and what happens? I get shitted on and told not to come to my last awards banquet. Bitches.
Im through with caring, i dont give a shit anymore. I am going to develope a tougher skin, and no one will be able to hurt me or break my heart ever again. Its just not worth it to me. I dont think that i need to feel like this so everyone can be happy.
Fuck all this shit.
For some reason, these last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. I have felt every feeling that i could have felt at any point. My latest is frustration. Im frustrated with school, school work, my father, and even my friends.
Now, i may be very sesnitive right now, but people who are close to me should know when im sensitive or not--its always written on my face. Well it seems as if, in the last few weeks, my close friends keep drifting farther and farther away from me. Nikki has barley talked to me since we went to the rodeo, i havent talked to Erica since that night, and even Chase. Ive been really close to Chase, because he knows me. We dated for so long, and he just knows me. But this whole week, he has been the biggest asshole ive ever seen.He has been avoiding me whenever possible and all that normal "im a guy" bullshit. This is pretty much unlike him. And, its pissing me off that he gives me 0 consideration. After this whole time, im still no body to him. Which i must say is largley unfortunate. I just have an overwhelming feeling of everyone drifting away, and im starting think it is becase of me. I mean, this is the time im supposed to be happy and almost carefree right? Well im not. Im not because friends have always been absolutly everything to me, and right now, they are drifting and im left to wonder why.
With school, im just so ready to be done. I am having a real issue with alot of the students at WHS. They are all so spoiled and it is really showing now. Plus, people who dont know me are being bitchy to me and sayin shit about me. Who the hell are they to have that authority? They dont know who the hell i am. They dont know what im capable of or what ill be capable of one day. GGrrr....I spent another period in ISS, this time for Mrs. Marsh. She has been out to get me ever since i got her caught cheating on absences by the administrators. I am so not happy about her attitude and the disrespect she keeps showing me. Not everyone else, just me. So she told me not to interrupt her today (in her bitchy tone towards me) and so i told her she was a bitch. And believe me, i could have come up with so much more to say.But i was content for now...after i graduate, that could be a different story.
Then how bout this one for a kicker. I have cheered with Elite Cheer and Dance for almost 3 years now. I quit due to stress, school work and Prom, well in advance of our last competition. Well, not only are they rude to me now, but they dont even want me to attend the awards banquet tomorrow night. I dont want to eat, and i dont want to stay long. Only for like a 1/2 an hour or so, but they suggested in a harsh but somehow civil way that i not attend, but that i say my goodbyes to everyone by driving to the gym for one of the practices. What a load of bullshit....i spent so much time and did so much shit for them, and what happens? I get shitted on and told not to come to my last awards banquet. Bitches.
Im through with caring, i dont give a shit anymore. I am going to develope a tougher skin, and no one will be able to hurt me or break my heart ever again. Its just not worth it to me. I dont think that i need to feel like this so everyone can be happy.
Fuck all this shit.