(no subject)
So Rachael has decided to hold off on sex. Very frustrating. I wouldn't mind, truly wouldn't, but its on the heels of her telling me how she's confused and questioning us.
/\ that was soemthing I started writing way early in the morning, and then fell asleep. Well, thats old news.
What is new news is, I should be in bed! 5 am, work at 10, so if i fall asleep in 4 minutes I will get just 4 hours of sleep. I already got like, 3 hours. Gah.
She bitched me out tonight for getting angry with her. I got angry with her because she made a comment about wishing she was dead, and then informed me she was going to sleep. Then she ignored me when i insisted she tell me what was wrong. So I demanded to know.
then she blew up at me.
it really pissed me off. She KNEW how I would react. Im on a razors edge of not caring. And not caring isn't really condusive to a good relationship.
On another note, in my battle of not having money, I've somewhat controlled my spending, but I still owe the bank money, I haven't paid my car insurance yet (woops) and I'm gona owe my dad rent this coming paycheck. I really wish I was paid every week. I know, its the same amount no matter what, its just easier overall.
And on the body front, no change. Although I did get out of the shower a few nights ago and decided to send a picture or two to rachael (I figure i want her to do the same for me, far be it for me to be a hypocrite) purely because looking in the mirror, I felt sexy. My arms are looking a bit beefier then in the past, and my stomach, though still bigger then I would like, had some kind of tautness to it that suggested I'd just done a couple sit ups. It made me happy.
As for the smoking...my willpower is a chain, and stress is a big industrial sized bolt cutter. I'm afraid I may have become addicted again. All behind Rachaels back, which means I can't even go to her for help.
Fuck.
I would tell her if I thought she wouldn't blow it all out of proportion.
But I suppose thats why I call this my secret war.
/\ that was soemthing I started writing way early in the morning, and then fell asleep. Well, thats old news.
What is new news is, I should be in bed! 5 am, work at 10, so if i fall asleep in 4 minutes I will get just 4 hours of sleep. I already got like, 3 hours. Gah.
She bitched me out tonight for getting angry with her. I got angry with her because she made a comment about wishing she was dead, and then informed me she was going to sleep. Then she ignored me when i insisted she tell me what was wrong. So I demanded to know.
then she blew up at me.
it really pissed me off. She KNEW how I would react. Im on a razors edge of not caring. And not caring isn't really condusive to a good relationship.
On another note, in my battle of not having money, I've somewhat controlled my spending, but I still owe the bank money, I haven't paid my car insurance yet (woops) and I'm gona owe my dad rent this coming paycheck. I really wish I was paid every week. I know, its the same amount no matter what, its just easier overall.
And on the body front, no change. Although I did get out of the shower a few nights ago and decided to send a picture or two to rachael (I figure i want her to do the same for me, far be it for me to be a hypocrite) purely because looking in the mirror, I felt sexy. My arms are looking a bit beefier then in the past, and my stomach, though still bigger then I would like, had some kind of tautness to it that suggested I'd just done a couple sit ups. It made me happy.
As for the smoking...my willpower is a chain, and stress is a big industrial sized bolt cutter. I'm afraid I may have become addicted again. All behind Rachaels back, which means I can't even go to her for help.
Fuck.
I would tell her if I thought she wouldn't blow it all out of proportion.
But I suppose thats why I call this my secret war.