Very amusing, but if this was written to be serious then I'm scared.
Are you (or your child) goth?
-Frequently wears black clothing.
Well yes, many of my clothes are black.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
The only one I own is Iron Maiden, and I don't wear it, so no.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
Used to, but not anymore.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
Nope, sorry skippy.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
I've got my left ear pierced, and I'd like to get a tattoo- but after receiving certain threats I've decided against it.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Marilyn Manson and his band are a bunch of shitheads that found a gimmick that sells. Answering the question though, yeah I listen to a lot of metal- among other things.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Can't even begin to deny that one.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Well being the little puke that I am I never really had interest in any of the above from the start.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Not really, death sure- only out of morbid curiosity- but not the rest.
-Takes drugs.
LiekOMG- Prozac!
-Drinks alcohol.
Rarely.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Suicidal? Nah not in a while. Depressed? Well thats what the Prozac is for!
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Not in a while, but in the past yes.
-Complains of boredom.
Far too often I'm sure.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
I'm I'm not careful I'll sleep my life away.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
Only when something is bothering me.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Nah, not really anymore, but I used to I'm sure. It might just- dare I say it- be a teen thing!
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Yeah I do, more than I'd like to.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
I don't have to request it, no one around here ever spends much time together.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Well yeah, I suppose, but then I think I am technically an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Nah not really, I think I'm pretty respectful, or I try to be.
-Misbehaves at school.
Yeah, I'll admit it, I was a little twat.
-Misbehaves at home.
Not really. Although my parents might disagree.
-Eats excessively or too little.
Eh, possibly, depends on my mood I guess.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
I have never actually had Count Chocula- sad eh?
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Well there was that time in Vegas...
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
My mind has been ruined by the mass-market media, please dear leftist nanny state, come and save me!
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Er, yeah.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
I don't use the inernet I use the intarw3b!
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Er, maybe, depends on the music and my mood eh?
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Nope, not really, hell I can barely slow-dance.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
No! Never! Sexual activity will send me straight to HELL!
-Masturbates.
Er, what I do alone in my room with me, myself, and I is none of your damn business.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
Let me check...
...nope.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Nope, sorry.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
I have a few pins, but most are right-wing pro-war. The rest are Friday the 13th and Christina Ricci pins.
-Claims to be a goth.
Not since I was in school matey.
-Frequently wears black clothing.
Well yes, many of my clothes are black.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
The only one I own is Iron Maiden, and I don't wear it, so no.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
Used to, but not anymore.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
Nope, sorry skippy.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
I've got my left ear pierced, and I'd like to get a tattoo- but after receiving certain threats I've decided against it.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Marilyn Manson and his band are a bunch of shitheads that found a gimmick that sells. Answering the question though, yeah I listen to a lot of metal- among other things.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Can't even begin to deny that one.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Well being the little puke that I am I never really had interest in any of the above from the start.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Not really, death sure- only out of morbid curiosity- but not the rest.
-Takes drugs.
LiekOMG- Prozac!
-Drinks alcohol.
Rarely.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Suicidal? Nah not in a while. Depressed? Well thats what the Prozac is for!
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Not in a while, but in the past yes.
-Complains of boredom.
Far too often I'm sure.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
I'm I'm not careful I'll sleep my life away.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
Only when something is bothering me.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Nah, not really anymore, but I used to I'm sure. It might just- dare I say it- be a teen thing!
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Yeah I do, more than I'd like to.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
I don't have to request it, no one around here ever spends much time together.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Well yeah, I suppose, but then I think I am technically an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Nah not really, I think I'm pretty respectful, or I try to be.
-Misbehaves at school.
Yeah, I'll admit it, I was a little twat.
-Misbehaves at home.
Not really. Although my parents might disagree.
-Eats excessively or too little.
Eh, possibly, depends on my mood I guess.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
I have never actually had Count Chocula- sad eh?
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Well there was that time in Vegas...
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
My mind has been ruined by the mass-market media, please dear leftist nanny state, come and save me!
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Er, yeah.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
I don't use the inernet I use the intarw3b!
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Er, maybe, depends on the music and my mood eh?
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Nope, not really, hell I can barely slow-dance.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
No! Never! Sexual activity will send me straight to HELL!
-Masturbates.
Er, what I do alone in my room with me, myself, and I is none of your damn business.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
Let me check...
...nope.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Nope, sorry.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
I have a few pins, but most are right-wing pro-war. The rest are Friday the 13th and Christina Ricci pins.
-Claims to be a goth.
Not since I was in school matey.