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OK so around the end of june I moved to Missouri(yes, the state) and I love it...the people are great, I'm with family that cares, I am starting a life here that I couldn't have in MD, but something isn't right...I don't know if it's the lack of people, or the abundance of silence, the lonliness of dark and curving roads, or that my heart forgot to make the trip...whatever it is, I am at odds with myself...I want to stay and not be percieved as a failure...not that I really care what people say anymore...but I miss the familiarity and the lights...I miss the buzz of cars at night(opposed to the hum of crickets) I need a town where everything doesn't shut down before 10:00 every night...I want to be able to get up in the middle of the night and walk to wherever I want to be...but I DON"T WANT TO RUN AWAY...I've become too good at that...I need to stop playing life like it's a game...stop treating everything like it will work out on it's own...because it won't...I enjoyed the vacation but I want to come home...Home is where you make it,true, but it helps if you have someone there to help you...I thought I wanted to get out of Baltimore because it was bringing me down, but the truth is, it was holding me up...I left in such a hurry that I didn't take the time to look around and I hurt a lot of people...For that, I am sorry, but I'll make it up to you...this vacation has been a blast and I've learned a lot in this short amount of time...I'm not a failure, I'm just a realist who has a grip on what I want...Catch is...how long can I hold on...