Contemplating

[krash4]

So I am sitting here at 1:50 in the morning when i have to get up at 5:30 in the morning in otherwords I need to get up in 3hrs and 40min. Why am I still awake you ask? Beats the hell out of me. It could be many things. It could be the fact that I am sick and my cough seems to be getting worse even though I thought I was getting better. It could be that I got myself all riled up today about my relationship wih my father. But what I think it really is, is the fact that I'm in Statesboro getting into my new apartment, in which I have no furniture, but I'm happy and that scares me. It scares me because I am finally growing up. I have been saying for years that I am an adult but today I actually felt like one. And I know that it shouldn't be scary but it is. I don't like not knowing what is coming around the next corner. I know that it is part of life but I like to know what is going to happen. I'm in charge of my own life now and I don't know what's gonna happen in a year or where i'll be or who i'll be with. I'm scared I won't live up to my family's expectations or even to my own. You know when you doubt yourself and what your doing. Sometimes I wonder if me getting a D in Anatomy was a sign that I shouldn't be in athletic training. But if not athletic training then what?
I'm just really out of sync right now and i am hoping that camp will help me. 1 week with a room to myself church everyday friends and the great outdoors! I can't wait!