The Undelight of Sobriety and Rumination
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 11:59 p.m.
I’ve been having a rough couple days for some reason. For all intents and purposes, life is going absolutely F-ing great. I’ve got a marvelous fledgling relationship with a pretty epic dude, I finally got a job, and I’m not dying of any life-threatening illnesses at the moment. I guess there’s just been a lot on my mind.
For starters, family. My step-mom and dad are moving back up to NY after Thanksgiving. My dad recently got a job at a KFC in Bradenton, and my step-mom had been collecting unemployment or disability pay (one or the other, I can’t remember which), but even still they couldn’t make the rent/mortgage payments (again, I don’t even know which). So they’re heading back to NY to stay with my step-mom’s mom. Job prospects up there are less dismal than down here, so hopefully they’ll be better off.
My step-mom has been helping me out a lot lately with food, though, by sending me her food stamp card once every month or two. I actually just got to go shopping today because of that. Next month, though, she’ll be in NY and probably won’t be able to help me, because mailing a card across the country is a bit higher risk than mailing it one county over in the same state. Which brings my own worries to the surface about qualifying for my own food stamps in time, and getting my SafeLink paperwork finished at the same time (since they both require approximately the same number of paystubs to verify correctly) and making sure I clock enough hours at work while not letting my school work suffer.
That in and of itself is a conundrum. Even now, in Week 4, I’m terribly behind in Computer Modeling II and Intro to 3D Animation. Not for lack of understanding what we’re doing, but for lack of time on a functional computer. I’ll admit, a small bit of procrastination and distraction are at fault, but for the most part I just can’t seem to find the time to do it.
I watched one of the promotional videos for Final Fantasy XIII and that level of detail, effects, and animation in game graphics is what I strive for. That is what I’m working for, and hope to one day surpass. And I’m failing myself in my own hopes and goals here, by being incapable of even staying on top of my introductory 3D work.
I’m supposed to go to Howl-o-Scream with some friends that I haven’t seen in ages on Thursday night. I want to go. I technically have the money to go. But I technically don’t have the time to go. I really need to catch up in my 3D classes, and going out Thursday night after a day full of classes, with work and a class the next day starting at 8 a.m., just doesn’t sound like a good idea. But it’s in two days. I would feel like such a jerk if I backed out last minute like this… I just feel so torn on the matter. I really need to get on task with everything.
I guess part of my hesitation also comes from my bills. I’ve owed the school money ever since I started attending. It’s gained some lovely interest so far, too, so I’m pretty inclined to take care of it as soon as possible. I also received my wonderful bill from the hospital from when I was facing my could-have-been-lethal Staph infection, and the cost of not-dying is $284. Never mind that I still have some weird, non-progressive, non-improving pockets left. At that price tag, I’m more inclined to deal with them and their occasional mild discomfort than find out what they are and get them checked out or removed. I technically can’t spend a penny out of my next two or three paychecks if I want to level these two bills alone.
Then there’s the fact that I’m overdue for my lady-tests. By about a year, maybe two. That will be an easy $75 or more.
And my 6-7 year old glasses that have been falling apart for the past couple months. That’s something that is beyond overdue. I can’t even creatively imagine a word that signifies the degree of overdue-ness proper for this situation. The eye exam can be $75-100, and the glasses themselves are $300 to $400, depending on my lenses and frames. Those figures in and of themselves pretty effectively signify why I’m so fucking blind right now. And will continue to be for at least three more months, assuming I spend every paycheck I get on the things I’ve outlined so far, without taking extra time to save like I originally planned. With saving, I won’t be looking at new glasses until May 2010. I’ll be 21 and legally blind at that point.
Ugh, I can’t believe it’s almost 2010. The holidays are just two months away. My family up in NY wants me to visit, but with work (and my obviously dire need for some money) I don’t think I’ll be able to do it at this point. I was really looking forward to it, but I guess that’s just life. It’ll be the first vacation I actually get to spend without traveling then, at least, since I graduated high school. After graduation, I traveled solo from Bradenton to Orlando and back. Then for winter break at USF I went to Chicago. Spring break I had to brave the Tampa public transportation system, which was enough of an experience in traveling to qualify as actual travel. Then, after getting into AI, I went to Chicago again for that winter break. Spring break was a week spent home, but isn’t a proper vacation anyway. Summer I got dragged up to Chicago for a third time, not on great terms. Shortly after starting the new quarter when I got back, I got to go up to NY/PA. Fall break was four weeks ago, and it was a lot of relaxation and the beginning of what is, so far, an amazing relationship. This next break, winter 2009, might just be nice to stay for a solid three weeks in the same place without having to worry about planes and airports and luggage… even at the expense of not being able to see family or have godly NY pizza again.
We’ll see how things roll about with all that. If I do end up going, I’d really love to have Luke along. My family was willing to bring David up, so I don’t see them having a problem with Luke. But, we’ll see.
I think I’m going to have to skip on some hours at work so I can get homework done at school. Not too thrilled about that =/
Pero. Que será, será.
I’ve been having a rough couple days for some reason. For all intents and purposes, life is going absolutely F-ing great. I’ve got a marvelous fledgling relationship with a pretty epic dude, I finally got a job, and I’m not dying of any life-threatening illnesses at the moment. I guess there’s just been a lot on my mind.
For starters, family. My step-mom and dad are moving back up to NY after Thanksgiving. My dad recently got a job at a KFC in Bradenton, and my step-mom had been collecting unemployment or disability pay (one or the other, I can’t remember which), but even still they couldn’t make the rent/mortgage payments (again, I don’t even know which). So they’re heading back to NY to stay with my step-mom’s mom. Job prospects up there are less dismal than down here, so hopefully they’ll be better off.
My step-mom has been helping me out a lot lately with food, though, by sending me her food stamp card once every month or two. I actually just got to go shopping today because of that. Next month, though, she’ll be in NY and probably won’t be able to help me, because mailing a card across the country is a bit higher risk than mailing it one county over in the same state. Which brings my own worries to the surface about qualifying for my own food stamps in time, and getting my SafeLink paperwork finished at the same time (since they both require approximately the same number of paystubs to verify correctly) and making sure I clock enough hours at work while not letting my school work suffer.
That in and of itself is a conundrum. Even now, in Week 4, I’m terribly behind in Computer Modeling II and Intro to 3D Animation. Not for lack of understanding what we’re doing, but for lack of time on a functional computer. I’ll admit, a small bit of procrastination and distraction are at fault, but for the most part I just can’t seem to find the time to do it.
I watched one of the promotional videos for Final Fantasy XIII and that level of detail, effects, and animation in game graphics is what I strive for. That is what I’m working for, and hope to one day surpass. And I’m failing myself in my own hopes and goals here, by being incapable of even staying on top of my introductory 3D work.
I’m supposed to go to Howl-o-Scream with some friends that I haven’t seen in ages on Thursday night. I want to go. I technically have the money to go. But I technically don’t have the time to go. I really need to catch up in my 3D classes, and going out Thursday night after a day full of classes, with work and a class the next day starting at 8 a.m., just doesn’t sound like a good idea. But it’s in two days. I would feel like such a jerk if I backed out last minute like this… I just feel so torn on the matter. I really need to get on task with everything.
I guess part of my hesitation also comes from my bills. I’ve owed the school money ever since I started attending. It’s gained some lovely interest so far, too, so I’m pretty inclined to take care of it as soon as possible. I also received my wonderful bill from the hospital from when I was facing my could-have-been-lethal Staph infection, and the cost of not-dying is $284. Never mind that I still have some weird, non-progressive, non-improving pockets left. At that price tag, I’m more inclined to deal with them and their occasional mild discomfort than find out what they are and get them checked out or removed. I technically can’t spend a penny out of my next two or three paychecks if I want to level these two bills alone.
Then there’s the fact that I’m overdue for my lady-tests. By about a year, maybe two. That will be an easy $75 or more.
And my 6-7 year old glasses that have been falling apart for the past couple months. That’s something that is beyond overdue. I can’t even creatively imagine a word that signifies the degree of overdue-ness proper for this situation. The eye exam can be $75-100, and the glasses themselves are $300 to $400, depending on my lenses and frames. Those figures in and of themselves pretty effectively signify why I’m so fucking blind right now. And will continue to be for at least three more months, assuming I spend every paycheck I get on the things I’ve outlined so far, without taking extra time to save like I originally planned. With saving, I won’t be looking at new glasses until May 2010. I’ll be 21 and legally blind at that point.
Ugh, I can’t believe it’s almost 2010. The holidays are just two months away. My family up in NY wants me to visit, but with work (and my obviously dire need for some money) I don’t think I’ll be able to do it at this point. I was really looking forward to it, but I guess that’s just life. It’ll be the first vacation I actually get to spend without traveling then, at least, since I graduated high school. After graduation, I traveled solo from Bradenton to Orlando and back. Then for winter break at USF I went to Chicago. Spring break I had to brave the Tampa public transportation system, which was enough of an experience in traveling to qualify as actual travel. Then, after getting into AI, I went to Chicago again for that winter break. Spring break was a week spent home, but isn’t a proper vacation anyway. Summer I got dragged up to Chicago for a third time, not on great terms. Shortly after starting the new quarter when I got back, I got to go up to NY/PA. Fall break was four weeks ago, and it was a lot of relaxation and the beginning of what is, so far, an amazing relationship. This next break, winter 2009, might just be nice to stay for a solid three weeks in the same place without having to worry about planes and airports and luggage… even at the expense of not being able to see family or have godly NY pizza again.
We’ll see how things roll about with all that. If I do end up going, I’d really love to have Luke along. My family was willing to bring David up, so I don’t see them having a problem with Luke. But, we’ll see.
I think I’m going to have to skip on some hours at work so I can get homework done at school. Not too thrilled about that =/
Pero. Que será, será.