AHHHH
TODAY was quite possibly one of the most stressful days of my life...... ive had plenty of stressful days, but those really seem like nothing in hindsight. i'll probably have days in the future that out-stress this one, but god i hope not!!!!
It started with waking up, after a night of no sleep. I've been so wound up/stressed/worried/sad about Steve leaving that I havent been sleeping well. last night was the worst, i woke up like ever hour or two by sitting/jumping straight up doing the "GASP" thing and looking around like wtf.. and then remembering the shittiness of the situation, and getting sad again, and managing to fall back asleep for another hour or so. Then once i did get up for real, I talked to steve for a half hour or so, which was the last time ill talk to him until he has access to the phone and/or internet over there in Iraq.. which could be a couple of weeks, who knows. and THAT was rediculously hard.... like nothing you can imagine..... i burst into tears for abou 20-30 minutes, and only stopped because it was so cold outside on my way to class that my eyeballs were freezing over and the pain of that temporarily overshadowed the pain in my heart =( haha that sounds kinda gay...
so i sat through classes, and by sat, i mean i sat there, staring at the board, with a completely blank mind not absorbing anything. I just didnt even know what to do with myself... I almost cried during stats, but the girl next to me asked me for help on a problem which snapped me out of it. but then i talked to my Dr. and found out some relatively good news.... not perfect, but not as bad as it could be.... either way it doesnt change anything. if anything, it makes it a little bit better... so that was a plus, along with the power adaptor for my radar detector, which i used for the first time and conveniently ran into at least 5 police, it was rather satisfying, haha. so then i played with dylan, since its too cold to ride, and then came back and worked out with halley.
then immediately after that, merrill came over, and she and halley asked me to help them with the econ homework since our prof. cant speak english haha. so i helped them for quite a while, and then i had to go meet with shelby to basically teach her everything in stats for our exam tomorrow....
so now im finally back "home" and i just want to pass out and/or cry.... on the bright side, ive been so busy that i havent had time to really dwell on the sadness of steve leaving... though its been there all day, i just havent been able to drown in it. which is probably a good thing i guess.......
i love him so much... =( its really quite crazy, the whole situation, but despite the stress, i havent been this happy, i havent felt this complete, in longer than i can remember. but good lord, do i miss him. and im even more worried about him too. i dont like the whole idea of him going to war, heh..... gurrrrrrrr this is so hard, so so so soooo hard. but itll be worth it.
i love you baby!!! <3
It started with waking up, after a night of no sleep. I've been so wound up/stressed/worried/sad about Steve leaving that I havent been sleeping well. last night was the worst, i woke up like ever hour or two by sitting/jumping straight up doing the "GASP" thing and looking around like wtf.. and then remembering the shittiness of the situation, and getting sad again, and managing to fall back asleep for another hour or so. Then once i did get up for real, I talked to steve for a half hour or so, which was the last time ill talk to him until he has access to the phone and/or internet over there in Iraq.. which could be a couple of weeks, who knows. and THAT was rediculously hard.... like nothing you can imagine..... i burst into tears for abou 20-30 minutes, and only stopped because it was so cold outside on my way to class that my eyeballs were freezing over and the pain of that temporarily overshadowed the pain in my heart =( haha that sounds kinda gay...
so i sat through classes, and by sat, i mean i sat there, staring at the board, with a completely blank mind not absorbing anything. I just didnt even know what to do with myself... I almost cried during stats, but the girl next to me asked me for help on a problem which snapped me out of it. but then i talked to my Dr. and found out some relatively good news.... not perfect, but not as bad as it could be.... either way it doesnt change anything. if anything, it makes it a little bit better... so that was a plus, along with the power adaptor for my radar detector, which i used for the first time and conveniently ran into at least 5 police, it was rather satisfying, haha. so then i played with dylan, since its too cold to ride, and then came back and worked out with halley.
then immediately after that, merrill came over, and she and halley asked me to help them with the econ homework since our prof. cant speak english haha. so i helped them for quite a while, and then i had to go meet with shelby to basically teach her everything in stats for our exam tomorrow....
so now im finally back "home" and i just want to pass out and/or cry.... on the bright side, ive been so busy that i havent had time to really dwell on the sadness of steve leaving... though its been there all day, i just havent been able to drown in it. which is probably a good thing i guess.......
i love him so much... =( its really quite crazy, the whole situation, but despite the stress, i havent been this happy, i havent felt this complete, in longer than i can remember. but good lord, do i miss him. and im even more worried about him too. i dont like the whole idea of him going to war, heh..... gurrrrrrrr this is so hard, so so so soooo hard. but itll be worth it.
i love you baby!!! <3