***PRODUCT ALERT***
Have you ever felt... alone? Have ever thought... I need a friend right now. Have you ever said to yourself... dang, I wish I had a gigantic bear made out of paper sitting next to me, so that he may do my bidding.
Well sir, madame and otherwise, Bearcrafter 4 has the solution! That's right! Bearcrafter 4!!!!!
The story of Bearcrafter 4 in your life begins with the Bearcraft(tm) software, which is a rich creative environment in which you can model a unique bear. Based on algorithms developed by the government to fight commies and hippies and whatnot, Bearcraft(tm) allows you to create a virtual ursine whose form is based on dozens of variables, from hair length, tooth width and foot girth all the way to the cuteness quotient of the shiny bits of the eyes! The possibilities are truly endless. (Note: you bear is prohibited from playing the fiddle).
Now I'm sure you're thinking, "well this is all well and good, but what does it matter? I'm still hopelessly depressed, not to mention homeless and addicted to meth." Remarkably, the Bearcrafter 4 process does not end here. No, old boy, not a long shot! You see, Bearcrafter 4 allows you to actually bring your bearfriend into the physical world using the included printer! Just feed in several reams of paper (depending on how corpulent the bear is), and watch the magic happen as the printer sprays jets of terrible acid onto the paper, cutting cross-sections from bottom to top! Wow! Don't get too close Tommy, my hamster Mittens lost a leg poking around in there! Once the process has been completed, merely glue the cross-sections of thick stock paper together and watch your bear materialize out of thin air.
Coming soon, the Bearcraft 4 community edition, which shapes the bear by changing the modeling attributes depending on the corn market in peru. Once a day the printing process happens, and the community gathers 'round to put the socially conscious bear together. Global village anti-globalization feel-good human compassion socialist happy time!
I drank too much coffee
Well sir, madame and otherwise, Bearcrafter 4 has the solution! That's right! Bearcrafter 4!!!!!
The story of Bearcrafter 4 in your life begins with the Bearcraft(tm) software, which is a rich creative environment in which you can model a unique bear. Based on algorithms developed by the government to fight commies and hippies and whatnot, Bearcraft(tm) allows you to create a virtual ursine whose form is based on dozens of variables, from hair length, tooth width and foot girth all the way to the cuteness quotient of the shiny bits of the eyes! The possibilities are truly endless. (Note: you bear is prohibited from playing the fiddle).
Now I'm sure you're thinking, "well this is all well and good, but what does it matter? I'm still hopelessly depressed, not to mention homeless and addicted to meth." Remarkably, the Bearcrafter 4 process does not end here. No, old boy, not a long shot! You see, Bearcrafter 4 allows you to actually bring your bearfriend into the physical world using the included printer! Just feed in several reams of paper (depending on how corpulent the bear is), and watch the magic happen as the printer sprays jets of terrible acid onto the paper, cutting cross-sections from bottom to top! Wow! Don't get too close Tommy, my hamster Mittens lost a leg poking around in there! Once the process has been completed, merely glue the cross-sections of thick stock paper together and watch your bear materialize out of thin air.
Coming soon, the Bearcraft 4 community edition, which shapes the bear by changing the modeling attributes depending on the corn market in peru. Once a day the printing process happens, and the community gathers 'round to put the socially conscious bear together. Global village anti-globalization feel-good human compassion socialist happy time!
I drank too much coffee