Relationships - Where I'm at now
Looking back through my LJ, I find that I repeat things a lot. I suppose this should tell me something about how I've been dealing with my issues...
I really miss having a girlfriend.
Lately I've been trying to wrap my head around the idea of dating, and various models of dating, and how different people seem to handle it.
( Come on, you know you want to read it~ )
I really miss having a girlfriend.
Lately I've been trying to wrap my head around the idea of dating, and various models of dating, and how different people seem to handle it.
( Come on, you know you want to read it~ )
When it comes to long-term relationship potential, however, I would actually suggest the risky but rewarding effort of dating a friend. It has the potential to do strange things to a friendship, but it also means you have a much better idea of what you're going in for than a date with Jane Doe whose phone number you got in the supermarket. You'll have a good idea of that girl's personality; her strengths and weaknesses; how you interact; and what's good and bad about your dynamic over long periods of time. It's not a perfect measure, but it's closer to perfect than other approaches. And as far as I know, the last friend you dated is still on very good terms with you, despite the situation of your relationship and its ending being fairly complicated, so I'm not worried about you having too many souring experiences.
That said, I would be choosy still. You're not barking up the wrong tree; entering into a serious relationship, particularly with a friend, is a big deal, and unless you and the friend are both clear on "fling" from the outset (still sometimes a risk, but less of one), a relationship with a friend is, on the whole, more likely to turn serious. Weed out what part of your choosiness is fear of entering into a relationship (and from what I've observed of you, I believe that part of it is; I just can't say how much 'cause I'm not you), and get good at recognizing what are excuses and what are legitimate concerns. However, do not not NOT stop listening to the legitimate concerns. Weigh them and decide if it's worth pushing past them to enter into a relationship, but do not ignore them; they may prevent a problem before it happens, either by alerting you to something you need to talk about with your love interest or warning you off a bad situation. Love is devotion to a relationship strong enough to stay and work out the problems, but if you're seeing legitimately insurmountable ones at the outset, I wouldn't advise jumping in >>;;
In short, I suggest casual dating for awhile; continuing to get out there and make friends; and picking your stab at a "serious" relationship from among your friends. That said, love is a giant risk; it always is. It's absolutely terrifying and can do horrible and wonderful things to you. But if you really want love, you need to hold your breath and take the risk, act on your attractions, say yes to a few girls and see how it goes.
A friend of mine seems to have met the love of her life. Before meeting him, however, both of them had a series of intense love affairs, some of which ended quite badly. However, they are now in a stable, long-term, and gloriously compatible relationship with one another, and they joke that all their other boyfriends and girlfriends were "practice." Aside from how cute that is, I think it's a pretty legitimate way of looking at things. You may not be right on your first, second, third, or even fourth or fifth try. But each time you risk, you learn something, even if it's just "man, I can be a jerk about ___ sometimes; I'd better watch that" or "musicians and I are a bad combination." XD 'S kinda like life in general, yanno? Failures, even the nasty painful wipe-out ones, have the potential to be learning experiences you can build on, so fearing them stunts your growth--and may prevent you from achieving something wonderful that you couldn't achieve without what they've taught you. This is not to say you should take stupid risks; if it's a bad idea and you know it's a bad idea, AVOID IT. Trust your judgment! I am not in the least a proponent of risking for the sake of risking; what's the point of putting yourself through pain ON PURPOSE? The only lesson that teaches you is "shit, I should have listened to myself in the first place"--a valuable one, but one only a fool would learn over and over from good ol' Ben Franklin's School of Experience.
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*descends soapbox*
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