Money can't buy you love (but it can buy puppies)
Title: Money can't buy you love (but it can buy puppies)
Author: diane_mckay
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4000
Summary: Adam had never told anyone his secret. It wasn’t even a really good secret.
Author's note: cracky. just a little. I started this for the kradamadcakes lupercalia take the cake challenge day 1: puppy love and earned this banner from katekat1010
Adam had never told anyone his secret. It wasn’t even a really good secret. He’d just never really seen the point in telling anyone about it when he was younger because it was never going to happen. But still he’d wanted it. And now, it was like…this thing.
These days he watched as other people walked down the street and he was jealous. He wanted what they had, to be able to curl up on the couch and know they weren’t alone, to be able to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning and not be alone, someone else always there. To have unconditional love.
It was ridiculous. He was a superstar. All his dreams had come true. He had a career doing something he loved and had finally, shockingly, gained financial freedom with it. He could buy as many pairs of boots as he wanted to, even if he had no idea what to wear them with. (And buy them he did, by the dozen in fact. Although, he did become particularly fond of the snakeskin pair. Everything goes with snakeskin.) He was adored by thousands of fans every night as he reached for pitches higher than ever before and he got to wear glitter while doing it. Life was good. Life was awesome in fact. Except for that one little thing.
Really it was insane. Mad even.
But yeah, Adam wanted a puppy.
***
Still, it wasn’t like Adam thought about the sad lack of puppy in his life all the time. He had a busy fulfilling life after all. There was hardly the opportunity to think about getting laid, let alone having a puppy with soft, fluffy hair that would be really awesome to pet. Although he did think that maybe it might be cool to have a bus mascot while on a tour. And after his last one night stand had tried to tweet…well, Adam was no prude, but let’s just say pictures. Anyway, after that the idea of cuddling up with someone without opposable thumbs occasionally seemed liked a really good idea.
But he couldn’t deny that the subject was on his mind one afternoon at what was probably not the best time. So when the radio DJ asked him in front of about a hundred fan girls (a half dozen of them looking increasingly rabid with every word out of his mouth) what word he associated with love; Adam without a second of pause said, “Puppies.”
***
It got a little crazy after that. Adam got about a hundred different tweets from people showing him their dogs along with slightly disturbing offers to “have his puppies” or strange innuendo about drool and leashes. A hundred different tweets a day. At least at first.
Then the fans started have a contest about “Who should be Adam Lambert’s bitch?” and then it just got nasty. Perfect strangers calling other people’s dogs ugly, rude insults about breeding, and then his friends got involved.
tommyjoeratliff: I don’t really understand labradoodles.
Monterrific: @tommyjoeratliff they have awesome hair
Tommyjoeratliff: But do they shed? I don’t get in. RT @Monterrific they have awesome hair
NegativeNeil: @Tommyjoeratliff did you perhaps mean you don’t get IT? Anyway who cares.
UhHuhHerMusic: @NegativeNeil why so negative? Dogs are fun! @Tommyjoeratliff
NegativeNeil: I’m allergic to dogs everyone.
Milestougeaux: Yes @NegativeNeil really is allergic. It was pretty disgusting when he was younger. No
@adamlambert wasn’t. Loved dogs.
AllisonIraheta: YoooOo y’all are making meeeee miss my PUPPIESszz
So pretty much everyone had a good time joking about Adam’s most deeply held secret. Meanwhile, Adam had to hide his own phone so he would stop looking at all the tweeted photos of his possible future puppies. He hadn’t quite been able to hide his jealous pout the first couple of days, which had prompted several not so funny jokes from his not so nice friends about the “hang dog look on his face”.
And of course, hiding his own phone had resulted in Adam forgetting it on the bus exactly when he was supposed to be having a phone call with Jim Cantiello to schedule an interview with MTV tomorrow while they were still in New York City. Since Adam really did not want his listening in on, and possibly interrupting, a conversation with Jim who would shamelessly dig for more tidbits of information, he went alone to retrieve his wayward phone. The New York street wasn’t exactly empty, that would have been a miracle, but it was certainly enough to give Adam some privacy to -not sulk. So he didn’t have a puppy and everyone else in the world seemed to. So what. Adam didn’t care. He was famous and a fabulous singer and rich. If he wanted something he bought it. He could buy himself a puppy. All he had to do was…Adam stopped and stared at the door to the bus. Find one.
And there, sitting outside his bus, was the perfect puppy. Okay so the puppy probably wasn’t going to win any dog show contests, looking a little scruffy and clearly a mutt. One ear looked as if it was perpetually flopped down, while the other was perked upward, making the puppy look adorably scruffy. The hint of white around his muzzle made Adam think of a milk mustache for some reason and brought a smile to his face. His puppy tilted his head, ears flopping, suddenly noticing Adam not far and barked once, ran over and immediately began to lick Adam’s face. Of course the only reason the puppy was able to reach Adam’s face was because Adam had dropped to his knees on the dirty street without a care. (Ruining his brand new designer jeans which he would be horrified about later and wonder what exactly was on that street. He’d never had that problem before.) The puppy was far from large and the first description that came to Adam’s head was tiny.
Closely followed by cute. And then mine.
Because this puppy had clearly been waiting for Adam.
***
Allison called dibs on naming his puppy, which made Adam pout a little bit because it was his puppy after all. If she wanted to name something she should get a dog herself or have a baby or something. This sudden resentment Adam felt for his surrogate little sister was not at all brought on by the fact that his puppy had immediately cuddled up next to her side when she sat down on Adam’s hotel bed to get a good look at him. His puppy looked at Adam, tongue hanging out and brown eyes shining like they were sharing a hilarious secret and Adam said, “Yeah, ok.”
And that is how his puppy got the name Kris.
The conversation went something like this…
“Muttsy.”
A bark and a firm, “No.”
“Squirt.”
A sharp bark and then his puppy left Allison’s side, returning to Adam’s lap. “I think that’s definitely a no,” Adam said wryly, beginning to lose patience with Allison’s long list of potential names.
“Alright, alright. Ok so tell me how you found him again,” Allison said, leaning forward to pet the puppy in apology.
“Honestly? I think he found me. He was just sitting, waiting, outside the bus and then ran up to me like he knew me,” Adam told her, also getting in a quick pet, loving how soft the puppy was. This puppy was definitely his puppy. Everything he’d ever liked in a puppy, exactly his type.
“Ah, so he’s a dog of mystery.” The puppy panted and thumped his tail. “But bro, it’s like someone left him for you. Maybe you’ve got a secret Santa or something.”
Adam raised an eyebrow, laughing. “It’s the middle of July, Allie, and I’m Jewish.”
“Yeah, yeah bro. Whatever, maybe the puppy’s Santa then. Like Santa Paws!” Allison laughed hysterically at her joke and Adam promised himself that they were going to buy more movies for the tour bus. Allison had clearly gone vicariously insane from watching too much Disney and Velvet Goldmine. She continued, saying, “Kris Kringle himself on vaycay.”
The puppy went back to Allison’s lap then, licking her face enthusiastically. “Oh ho. See! I figured it out! I am a genius.”
“He probably just wants the frosting that’s still on your face from your cupcake.”
“Nope! I am psychic. That’s his name. Kris.”
Adam laughed, “Is it really, then?”
Allison considered it seriously for a minute. “Well. It’s either Kris or Cupcake.”
“Kris it is.”
“Yep, Kris.”
And with that decision made, Kris barked happily and snuck his nose into the box holding the cupcake Allison had brought back for Adam.
****
After that first night, Adam had quickly became aware that his life with Kris was certainly going to be interesting. After the incident with Allison and the cupcake, Adam had had to make a few strange explanations to housekeeping as to why exactly there were blue stains on his pillowcases. Adam had accidentally forgotten to mention at first that Kris was actually a puppy and that conversation had led to some awkward blushing and stuttering by the woman at the front desk. Honestly, it’s not Adam’s fault that most people have perverted brains.
The fact that Kris really was very cuddly probably hadn’t helped though.
Life and touring continue though, with Kris quickly settling in like he’d always been there. Adam had known pretty much right away that Kris was basically the best puppy ever because he was cute, and cuddly, and most importantly, Kris was Adam’s. Knowing all this did not mean that Adam wasn’t -occasionally- surprised by just how awesome Kris really was.
Like with twitter. Adam discovers this when he alerts the world to Kris’s existence in a typical Adam fashion. With the use of twitlonger.
It wasn’t as though Adam had intended to use twitlonger. He was well aware of the fans eternal amusement at his twitter habits, they had even created a pie chart and tweeted it around for several days. Adam hadn’t been able to deny the fact that it was a little funny when the pie chart had appeared at one of his meet and greets and he’d happily signed it.
Anyway, he couldn’t choose what photo of Kris to tweet since the puppy was disturbingly photogenic (even with his muzzle covered in blue frosting) and had sent out a massive collection, beginning with a slight tease of “My new favorite boy! Everybody, meat Kris. :)”
Almost immediately after sending out the tweet, Adam’s phone began to chirp with replies. Lately, since the whole puppy debacle began in fact, Adam had been avoiding his at replies. Usually, Adam enjoyed the direct communication with fans even if it had gotten him in trouble once or twice. Okay, multiple times. As evidenced by the whole puppy thing, because his fans had gotten a little out of control.
But Adam had felt a little guilty about ignoring them which had prompted him to share Kris with the world. And with Kris cuddled up next to him and feeling a little drowsy from the warm weight of him, Adam is feeling a bit braver. So he opens up his at replies and wow.
They are filled with “aaaaaws” and “so cute!” and several retweets of the pictures he’d just sent out. In fact, Adam can’t spot a single tweet that’s coherent. Not even ones with the marriage proposals.
Basically, Kris had made his followers flail.
“You are awesome. You totally deserve more cupcakes,” Adam told Kris, slightly shocked at the responses. Kris had let out a small woof in response and cuddled closer.
**
“So the dog mastered twitter,” Neil said a couple hours later as they all gathered on the bus. “It’s officially smarter than your average fan. But you can’t seriously mean to keep it.”
“And why not?” Adam asked, looking over at Kris. He was currently sitting at Tommy’s feet, watching intently as Tommy tuned his guitar. Adam was not at all jealous of the way Kris’s eyes were following Tommy’s every motion as his hands moved along the strings of the guitar. When Tommy started to play, Kris’s ears perked up happily, like they had as he ate the cupcake last night.
“Well, for one. It’s a dog. On a bus with about eight people and zero extra room. Is it even house trained? What if it starts eating Isaac’s drumsticks?”
Isaac looked up from his slight tapping with his drumsticks on the table then, his face a little worried. Adam noticed Kris glance at Isaac and the two had a little stare down. Then Kris panted, puppy grin on his face, and Isaac shrugged and turned back to his practice with a smile. Kris continued to sit at Tommy’s feet, licking David’s hand absently when he reached down to pet him.
Adam rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t look like that’s going to be a problem.”
“And two, have you somehow forgotten that I -me, Neil, your brother for the last twenty four years or so, am allergic to dogs?”
And okay, yeah, Adam did feel a little bad about that. No amount of makeup successfully hid tissue burn from allergies. And this was his brother after all. Which is why Adam hadn’t been able to have a puppy all those years ago when he was ten years old and all he wanted for his birthday was a best friend.
That thought made Adam feel considerably less guilty when he said to Neil, “So I’ll pay for your allergy medication.” Sometimes having more money than your brother was awesome. Most of the time. But money was especially when it helped you keep your puppy. “You’ll be fine. And anyway, it’s not like he’ll be sleeping in your bunk.”
“Oh, really,” Neil said. “And how can you guarantee that? It’s a dog. It does whatever it wants!”
“Just watch,” Adam replied. He walked through the bus, over to the door to his mini-lair and called out, really hoping this would work, “Kris!”
Kris finally looked away from Tommy. Adam didn’t really know what was so fascinating about Tommy. Adam felt a smile break over his face as Kris’s attention returned to him and called out again, “Come here, Kris.”
And then Adam had to keep from dropping to his knees again, like he had last night, because Kris was wiggling his away through legs and jumping over bags, leaving all his admirers behind and making his way directly to Adam. Which was pretty much the most awesome feeling ever.
Adam scooped Kris up in his arms and grinned at Neil. “See, you’re right. He does what he wants.”
Neil just sighed and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, fine, whatever. Just keep it away from me.”
Kris let out a yip and Adam nodded. “For your information, it is a he and his name is Kris.” With that he began to close the door, setting Kris back down on the floor.
“Well, you should probably get Kris neutered then,” Neil shot back, his tone sardonic. “After all, you don’t want to be accused of advocating unsafe sex.”
When Adam turned around after shutting the door on Neil, he found Kris staring up at him with big, serious eyes and ears flattened against his head. He knelt down slowly next to Kris and spoke reassuringly, “Hey, don’t worry about Neil. I find it’s best not to listen to little brothers very closely, if you know what I mean.”
And then Kris had his puppy grin on again, tilting his head slightly as if in agreement and Adam found himself laughing. He picked Kris up and placed a kiss on his head.
Adam had always known that he would love having a puppy. Having Kris as a puppy was way better.
**
Aside from that one time Adam came back from a date to find Kris gnawing on Adam’s favorite snakeskin boots, Kris was the most well behaved puppy ever. Adam hadn’t even been able to stay upset about his boots because Kris had immediately stopped his chewing when he saw Adam was back, darting over and wagging his tail excitedly. And with the right pair of jeans no one would ever be able to see the little teeth marks at the top of the boots anyway.
Kris was always calm at the shows, first watching Allison’s set on Adam’s lap and then Allison would take over when Adam went on. From the stage, Adam could occasionally see Kris with his tail wagging, moving his whole body, as he sat listening. Adam always enjoyed the enthusiastic greeting he got when the show was over. Kris even tolerated the crowd of fans waiting by the buses.
Kris was very good with all sorts of grabby hands, in fact. When they had reached L.A. for a show, Monte had brought Lisa and the kids by to visit their honorary uncle, and Adam got to snuggle the twins for the first time. Kris had spent most of the visit entertaining Monte’s two oldest girls, doing tricks for them and letting them pet him for hours.
Kris even withstood the bedazzled pink and red collar they forced him into without a single bark, never once waking the sleeping babies. Adam hadn’t been able to resist tweeting another picture of Kris in the collar, sparkling with tiny pink and blue gems. Kris had looked at him without a hint of puppy amusement as he took the picture, not even when Adam had laughed and given him a whispered promise of more cupcakes.
So pretty much everyone loved Kris. Adam had the best puppy ever. Adam actually had a vague suspicion that his mom liked Kris more than Adam since she kept showering him with little blankets and treats.
In fact, the only thing unusual about Kris was his overwhelming love of sweet treats. Cupcakes and candy and cookies were his meal of choice, all washed down with a lot of water. Adam wouldn’t really consider this strange, Kris was a puppy after all, except Kris absolutely refused to touch a single bite of his dog food.
So cupcakes it was.
**
Then one night, about a month after Kris came into his life, Adam couldn’t find him anywhere. Sometimes Adam’s friends stole Kris and Adam had to go search for him and strongly explain to them that Kris was his.
But Kris wasn’t hanging out with Tommy and Monte, listening to them play their guitars.
Kris wasn’t on Allison’s bus watching lame movies and catching the popcorn she tossed him.
Kris wasn’t even asleep under Neil’s bunk, one his favorite places to be on the bus.
It was late. Not too late, but the sun had set and Adam was tired. All of the guys had taken off for a club to relax on their night off but Adam just wanted to sleep. But first he had to find Kris. Then they could curl up on Adam’s bed and sleep.
Adam decided to check his room one more time for Kris. Maybe he would be lying under Adam’s covers. Or on his pillow. It couldn’t hurt to check. And if Adam had to lie down on his bed, just to make sure...
There was no puppy lying on his bed. Kris was not under the covers. In fact, no one was under the covers.
When Adam walked into his room, all he saw was a gorgeous, tiny, naked brunette sitting on his bed, whose eyes went extremely wide at the sight of Adam.
Adam’s eyes may have gone a little wide as well and he wondered if he was dreaming because Adam hadn’t had a naked man in his bed in weeks. Hell, in a month. Not since he found Kris.
“Well, hello there,” Adam said all friendly-like.
“Um, hi,” the man nakednakednaked man replied and Adam noticed his warm brown eyes as he tried to keep his own eyes from wandering.
“Not that I object, understand, but I’m just curious as to what you are doing in my bed. Naked in my bed to be precise. Because like I said, I don’t object. I really, really don’t. But I was going to be using that bed right after I found Kris.”
The man bit his lower lip nervously and Adam stared for a second, before he continued quickly, “Kris is my puppy, I mean. I was going to be using the bed after I found my puppy. Not like this, if you know what I mean.”
A grin spread over the other man’s face and Adam thought it felt a bit familiar and smiled back.
The very pretty brunette tilted his head a little and said, “Yeah, um. Adam. About...your puppy.”
**
So it turned out Allison was a little psychic.
“Let me get this straight. Your name really is Kris?” Adam asked.
“Yep.”
“And you’re a human.”
“Uh-huh. As you can see,” Kris said, gesturing to his body. Adam nodded in agreement. He could definitely see that.
“Who was changed into a puppy for a month by an evil witch.”
“Yeah, I mean it was kind of an accident but it was my ex so...” Kris shrugged and grinned again.
“...Right. I totally know how that is,” Adam couldn’t help laughing as he looked at Kris’s smiling expression. “So how did you end up as my puppy?”
“Ah, the full story of how Kris Allen became the most famous puppy in the world involves a cat, a train, and a Les Paul guitar.”
“Sounds interesting.”
“Oh, it is.”
“I want to hear all about it,” Adam said. He really did.
“Well, that story may have to wait until I am fully dressed,” Kris said wryly. He wriggled his bare toes, peeking out from the pants Adam had loaned him when he started his story.
“You could...tell me in the morning?” Adam asked a little hopefully.
Kris smiled slowly, shooting Adam a glance under his eyelashes. “I’d love that.”
Adam grinned back and let himself get more comfortable on his bed. He watched as Kris did the same and felt the irresistible urge to stroke his hand through Kris’s brown hair. Kris was looking at him with those same knowing, twinkling eyes as ever. Something occurred to Adam suddenly, and he sat up.
“Just one thing though. Did you have to chew on my favorite boots?”
Kris just threw his head back and laughed and laughed.
Listening to the bright sound, Adam couldn’t help but think that even though having a puppy was awesome, this was going to be so much better.
Author: diane_mckay
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4000
Summary: Adam had never told anyone his secret. It wasn’t even a really good secret.
Author's note: cracky. just a little. I started this for the kradamadcakes lupercalia take the cake challenge day 1: puppy love and earned this banner from katekat1010
Adam had never told anyone his secret. It wasn’t even a really good secret. He’d just never really seen the point in telling anyone about it when he was younger because it was never going to happen. But still he’d wanted it. And now, it was like…this thing.
These days he watched as other people walked down the street and he was jealous. He wanted what they had, to be able to curl up on the couch and know they weren’t alone, to be able to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning and not be alone, someone else always there. To have unconditional love.
It was ridiculous. He was a superstar. All his dreams had come true. He had a career doing something he loved and had finally, shockingly, gained financial freedom with it. He could buy as many pairs of boots as he wanted to, even if he had no idea what to wear them with. (And buy them he did, by the dozen in fact. Although, he did become particularly fond of the snakeskin pair. Everything goes with snakeskin.) He was adored by thousands of fans every night as he reached for pitches higher than ever before and he got to wear glitter while doing it. Life was good. Life was awesome in fact. Except for that one little thing.
Really it was insane. Mad even.
But yeah, Adam wanted a puppy.
***
Still, it wasn’t like Adam thought about the sad lack of puppy in his life all the time. He had a busy fulfilling life after all. There was hardly the opportunity to think about getting laid, let alone having a puppy with soft, fluffy hair that would be really awesome to pet. Although he did think that maybe it might be cool to have a bus mascot while on a tour. And after his last one night stand had tried to tweet…well, Adam was no prude, but let’s just say pictures. Anyway, after that the idea of cuddling up with someone without opposable thumbs occasionally seemed liked a really good idea.
But he couldn’t deny that the subject was on his mind one afternoon at what was probably not the best time. So when the radio DJ asked him in front of about a hundred fan girls (a half dozen of them looking increasingly rabid with every word out of his mouth) what word he associated with love; Adam without a second of pause said, “Puppies.”
***
It got a little crazy after that. Adam got about a hundred different tweets from people showing him their dogs along with slightly disturbing offers to “have his puppies” or strange innuendo about drool and leashes. A hundred different tweets a day. At least at first.
Then the fans started have a contest about “Who should be Adam Lambert’s bitch?” and then it just got nasty. Perfect strangers calling other people’s dogs ugly, rude insults about breeding, and then his friends got involved.
tommyjoeratliff: I don’t really understand labradoodles.
Monterrific: @tommyjoeratliff they have awesome hair
Tommyjoeratliff: But do they shed? I don’t get in. RT @Monterrific they have awesome hair
NegativeNeil: @Tommyjoeratliff did you perhaps mean you don’t get IT? Anyway who cares.
UhHuhHerMusic: @NegativeNeil why so negative? Dogs are fun! @Tommyjoeratliff
NegativeNeil: I’m allergic to dogs everyone.
Milestougeaux: Yes @NegativeNeil really is allergic. It was pretty disgusting when he was younger. No
@adamlambert wasn’t. Loved dogs.
AllisonIraheta: YoooOo y’all are making meeeee miss my PUPPIESszz
So pretty much everyone had a good time joking about Adam’s most deeply held secret. Meanwhile, Adam had to hide his own phone so he would stop looking at all the tweeted photos of his possible future puppies. He hadn’t quite been able to hide his jealous pout the first couple of days, which had prompted several not so funny jokes from his not so nice friends about the “hang dog look on his face”.
And of course, hiding his own phone had resulted in Adam forgetting it on the bus exactly when he was supposed to be having a phone call with Jim Cantiello to schedule an interview with MTV tomorrow while they were still in New York City. Since Adam really did not want his listening in on, and possibly interrupting, a conversation with Jim who would shamelessly dig for more tidbits of information, he went alone to retrieve his wayward phone. The New York street wasn’t exactly empty, that would have been a miracle, but it was certainly enough to give Adam some privacy to -not sulk. So he didn’t have a puppy and everyone else in the world seemed to. So what. Adam didn’t care. He was famous and a fabulous singer and rich. If he wanted something he bought it. He could buy himself a puppy. All he had to do was…Adam stopped and stared at the door to the bus. Find one.
And there, sitting outside his bus, was the perfect puppy. Okay so the puppy probably wasn’t going to win any dog show contests, looking a little scruffy and clearly a mutt. One ear looked as if it was perpetually flopped down, while the other was perked upward, making the puppy look adorably scruffy. The hint of white around his muzzle made Adam think of a milk mustache for some reason and brought a smile to his face. His puppy tilted his head, ears flopping, suddenly noticing Adam not far and barked once, ran over and immediately began to lick Adam’s face. Of course the only reason the puppy was able to reach Adam’s face was because Adam had dropped to his knees on the dirty street without a care. (Ruining his brand new designer jeans which he would be horrified about later and wonder what exactly was on that street. He’d never had that problem before.) The puppy was far from large and the first description that came to Adam’s head was tiny.
Closely followed by cute. And then mine.
Because this puppy had clearly been waiting for Adam.
***
Allison called dibs on naming his puppy, which made Adam pout a little bit because it was his puppy after all. If she wanted to name something she should get a dog herself or have a baby or something. This sudden resentment Adam felt for his surrogate little sister was not at all brought on by the fact that his puppy had immediately cuddled up next to her side when she sat down on Adam’s hotel bed to get a good look at him. His puppy looked at Adam, tongue hanging out and brown eyes shining like they were sharing a hilarious secret and Adam said, “Yeah, ok.”
And that is how his puppy got the name Kris.
The conversation went something like this…
“Muttsy.”
A bark and a firm, “No.”
“Squirt.”
A sharp bark and then his puppy left Allison’s side, returning to Adam’s lap. “I think that’s definitely a no,” Adam said wryly, beginning to lose patience with Allison’s long list of potential names.
“Alright, alright. Ok so tell me how you found him again,” Allison said, leaning forward to pet the puppy in apology.
“Honestly? I think he found me. He was just sitting, waiting, outside the bus and then ran up to me like he knew me,” Adam told her, also getting in a quick pet, loving how soft the puppy was. This puppy was definitely his puppy. Everything he’d ever liked in a puppy, exactly his type.
“Ah, so he’s a dog of mystery.” The puppy panted and thumped his tail. “But bro, it’s like someone left him for you. Maybe you’ve got a secret Santa or something.”
Adam raised an eyebrow, laughing. “It’s the middle of July, Allie, and I’m Jewish.”
“Yeah, yeah bro. Whatever, maybe the puppy’s Santa then. Like Santa Paws!” Allison laughed hysterically at her joke and Adam promised himself that they were going to buy more movies for the tour bus. Allison had clearly gone vicariously insane from watching too much Disney and Velvet Goldmine. She continued, saying, “Kris Kringle himself on vaycay.”
The puppy went back to Allison’s lap then, licking her face enthusiastically. “Oh ho. See! I figured it out! I am a genius.”
“He probably just wants the frosting that’s still on your face from your cupcake.”
“Nope! I am psychic. That’s his name. Kris.”
Adam laughed, “Is it really, then?”
Allison considered it seriously for a minute. “Well. It’s either Kris or Cupcake.”
“Kris it is.”
“Yep, Kris.”
And with that decision made, Kris barked happily and snuck his nose into the box holding the cupcake Allison had brought back for Adam.
****
After that first night, Adam had quickly became aware that his life with Kris was certainly going to be interesting. After the incident with Allison and the cupcake, Adam had had to make a few strange explanations to housekeeping as to why exactly there were blue stains on his pillowcases. Adam had accidentally forgotten to mention at first that Kris was actually a puppy and that conversation had led to some awkward blushing and stuttering by the woman at the front desk. Honestly, it’s not Adam’s fault that most people have perverted brains.
The fact that Kris really was very cuddly probably hadn’t helped though.
Life and touring continue though, with Kris quickly settling in like he’d always been there. Adam had known pretty much right away that Kris was basically the best puppy ever because he was cute, and cuddly, and most importantly, Kris was Adam’s. Knowing all this did not mean that Adam wasn’t -occasionally- surprised by just how awesome Kris really was.
Like with twitter. Adam discovers this when he alerts the world to Kris’s existence in a typical Adam fashion. With the use of twitlonger.
It wasn’t as though Adam had intended to use twitlonger. He was well aware of the fans eternal amusement at his twitter habits, they had even created a pie chart and tweeted it around for several days. Adam hadn’t been able to deny the fact that it was a little funny when the pie chart had appeared at one of his meet and greets and he’d happily signed it.
Anyway, he couldn’t choose what photo of Kris to tweet since the puppy was disturbingly photogenic (even with his muzzle covered in blue frosting) and had sent out a massive collection, beginning with a slight tease of “My new favorite boy! Everybody, meat Kris. :)”
Almost immediately after sending out the tweet, Adam’s phone began to chirp with replies. Lately, since the whole puppy debacle began in fact, Adam had been avoiding his at replies. Usually, Adam enjoyed the direct communication with fans even if it had gotten him in trouble once or twice. Okay, multiple times. As evidenced by the whole puppy thing, because his fans had gotten a little out of control.
But Adam had felt a little guilty about ignoring them which had prompted him to share Kris with the world. And with Kris cuddled up next to him and feeling a little drowsy from the warm weight of him, Adam is feeling a bit braver. So he opens up his at replies and wow.
They are filled with “aaaaaws” and “so cute!” and several retweets of the pictures he’d just sent out. In fact, Adam can’t spot a single tweet that’s coherent. Not even ones with the marriage proposals.
Basically, Kris had made his followers flail.
“You are awesome. You totally deserve more cupcakes,” Adam told Kris, slightly shocked at the responses. Kris had let out a small woof in response and cuddled closer.
**
“So the dog mastered twitter,” Neil said a couple hours later as they all gathered on the bus. “It’s officially smarter than your average fan. But you can’t seriously mean to keep it.”
“And why not?” Adam asked, looking over at Kris. He was currently sitting at Tommy’s feet, watching intently as Tommy tuned his guitar. Adam was not at all jealous of the way Kris’s eyes were following Tommy’s every motion as his hands moved along the strings of the guitar. When Tommy started to play, Kris’s ears perked up happily, like they had as he ate the cupcake last night.
“Well, for one. It’s a dog. On a bus with about eight people and zero extra room. Is it even house trained? What if it starts eating Isaac’s drumsticks?”
Isaac looked up from his slight tapping with his drumsticks on the table then, his face a little worried. Adam noticed Kris glance at Isaac and the two had a little stare down. Then Kris panted, puppy grin on his face, and Isaac shrugged and turned back to his practice with a smile. Kris continued to sit at Tommy’s feet, licking David’s hand absently when he reached down to pet him.
Adam rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t look like that’s going to be a problem.”
“And two, have you somehow forgotten that I -me, Neil, your brother for the last twenty four years or so, am allergic to dogs?”
And okay, yeah, Adam did feel a little bad about that. No amount of makeup successfully hid tissue burn from allergies. And this was his brother after all. Which is why Adam hadn’t been able to have a puppy all those years ago when he was ten years old and all he wanted for his birthday was a best friend.
That thought made Adam feel considerably less guilty when he said to Neil, “So I’ll pay for your allergy medication.” Sometimes having more money than your brother was awesome. Most of the time. But money was especially when it helped you keep your puppy. “You’ll be fine. And anyway, it’s not like he’ll be sleeping in your bunk.”
“Oh, really,” Neil said. “And how can you guarantee that? It’s a dog. It does whatever it wants!”
“Just watch,” Adam replied. He walked through the bus, over to the door to his mini-lair and called out, really hoping this would work, “Kris!”
Kris finally looked away from Tommy. Adam didn’t really know what was so fascinating about Tommy. Adam felt a smile break over his face as Kris’s attention returned to him and called out again, “Come here, Kris.”
And then Adam had to keep from dropping to his knees again, like he had last night, because Kris was wiggling his away through legs and jumping over bags, leaving all his admirers behind and making his way directly to Adam. Which was pretty much the most awesome feeling ever.
Adam scooped Kris up in his arms and grinned at Neil. “See, you’re right. He does what he wants.”
Neil just sighed and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, fine, whatever. Just keep it away from me.”
Kris let out a yip and Adam nodded. “For your information, it is a he and his name is Kris.” With that he began to close the door, setting Kris back down on the floor.
“Well, you should probably get Kris neutered then,” Neil shot back, his tone sardonic. “After all, you don’t want to be accused of advocating unsafe sex.”
When Adam turned around after shutting the door on Neil, he found Kris staring up at him with big, serious eyes and ears flattened against his head. He knelt down slowly next to Kris and spoke reassuringly, “Hey, don’t worry about Neil. I find it’s best not to listen to little brothers very closely, if you know what I mean.”
And then Kris had his puppy grin on again, tilting his head slightly as if in agreement and Adam found himself laughing. He picked Kris up and placed a kiss on his head.
Adam had always known that he would love having a puppy. Having Kris as a puppy was way better.
**
Aside from that one time Adam came back from a date to find Kris gnawing on Adam’s favorite snakeskin boots, Kris was the most well behaved puppy ever. Adam hadn’t even been able to stay upset about his boots because Kris had immediately stopped his chewing when he saw Adam was back, darting over and wagging his tail excitedly. And with the right pair of jeans no one would ever be able to see the little teeth marks at the top of the boots anyway.
Kris was always calm at the shows, first watching Allison’s set on Adam’s lap and then Allison would take over when Adam went on. From the stage, Adam could occasionally see Kris with his tail wagging, moving his whole body, as he sat listening. Adam always enjoyed the enthusiastic greeting he got when the show was over. Kris even tolerated the crowd of fans waiting by the buses.
Kris was very good with all sorts of grabby hands, in fact. When they had reached L.A. for a show, Monte had brought Lisa and the kids by to visit their honorary uncle, and Adam got to snuggle the twins for the first time. Kris had spent most of the visit entertaining Monte’s two oldest girls, doing tricks for them and letting them pet him for hours.
Kris even withstood the bedazzled pink and red collar they forced him into without a single bark, never once waking the sleeping babies. Adam hadn’t been able to resist tweeting another picture of Kris in the collar, sparkling with tiny pink and blue gems. Kris had looked at him without a hint of puppy amusement as he took the picture, not even when Adam had laughed and given him a whispered promise of more cupcakes.
So pretty much everyone loved Kris. Adam had the best puppy ever. Adam actually had a vague suspicion that his mom liked Kris more than Adam since she kept showering him with little blankets and treats.
In fact, the only thing unusual about Kris was his overwhelming love of sweet treats. Cupcakes and candy and cookies were his meal of choice, all washed down with a lot of water. Adam wouldn’t really consider this strange, Kris was a puppy after all, except Kris absolutely refused to touch a single bite of his dog food.
So cupcakes it was.
**
Then one night, about a month after Kris came into his life, Adam couldn’t find him anywhere. Sometimes Adam’s friends stole Kris and Adam had to go search for him and strongly explain to them that Kris was his.
But Kris wasn’t hanging out with Tommy and Monte, listening to them play their guitars.
Kris wasn’t on Allison’s bus watching lame movies and catching the popcorn she tossed him.
Kris wasn’t even asleep under Neil’s bunk, one his favorite places to be on the bus.
It was late. Not too late, but the sun had set and Adam was tired. All of the guys had taken off for a club to relax on their night off but Adam just wanted to sleep. But first he had to find Kris. Then they could curl up on Adam’s bed and sleep.
Adam decided to check his room one more time for Kris. Maybe he would be lying under Adam’s covers. Or on his pillow. It couldn’t hurt to check. And if Adam had to lie down on his bed, just to make sure...
There was no puppy lying on his bed. Kris was not under the covers. In fact, no one was under the covers.
When Adam walked into his room, all he saw was a gorgeous, tiny, naked brunette sitting on his bed, whose eyes went extremely wide at the sight of Adam.
Adam’s eyes may have gone a little wide as well and he wondered if he was dreaming because Adam hadn’t had a naked man in his bed in weeks. Hell, in a month. Not since he found Kris.
“Well, hello there,” Adam said all friendly-like.
“Um, hi,” the man nakednakednaked man replied and Adam noticed his warm brown eyes as he tried to keep his own eyes from wandering.
“Not that I object, understand, but I’m just curious as to what you are doing in my bed. Naked in my bed to be precise. Because like I said, I don’t object. I really, really don’t. But I was going to be using that bed right after I found Kris.”
The man bit his lower lip nervously and Adam stared for a second, before he continued quickly, “Kris is my puppy, I mean. I was going to be using the bed after I found my puppy. Not like this, if you know what I mean.”
A grin spread over the other man’s face and Adam thought it felt a bit familiar and smiled back.
The very pretty brunette tilted his head a little and said, “Yeah, um. Adam. About...your puppy.”
**
So it turned out Allison was a little psychic.
“Let me get this straight. Your name really is Kris?” Adam asked.
“Yep.”
“And you’re a human.”
“Uh-huh. As you can see,” Kris said, gesturing to his body. Adam nodded in agreement. He could definitely see that.
“Who was changed into a puppy for a month by an evil witch.”
“Yeah, I mean it was kind of an accident but it was my ex so...” Kris shrugged and grinned again.
“...Right. I totally know how that is,” Adam couldn’t help laughing as he looked at Kris’s smiling expression. “So how did you end up as my puppy?”
“Ah, the full story of how Kris Allen became the most famous puppy in the world involves a cat, a train, and a Les Paul guitar.”
“Sounds interesting.”
“Oh, it is.”
“I want to hear all about it,” Adam said. He really did.
“Well, that story may have to wait until I am fully dressed,” Kris said wryly. He wriggled his bare toes, peeking out from the pants Adam had loaned him when he started his story.
“You could...tell me in the morning?” Adam asked a little hopefully.
Kris smiled slowly, shooting Adam a glance under his eyelashes. “I’d love that.”
Adam grinned back and let himself get more comfortable on his bed. He watched as Kris did the same and felt the irresistible urge to stroke his hand through Kris’s brown hair. Kris was looking at him with those same knowing, twinkling eyes as ever. Something occurred to Adam suddenly, and he sat up.
“Just one thing though. Did you have to chew on my favorite boots?”
Kris just threw his head back and laughed and laughed.
Listening to the bright sound, Adam couldn’t help but think that even though having a puppy was awesome, this was going to be so much better.