Another Letter
Title: Another Letter
Word Count:
Warning/Summary: sequel to the letter, community.livejournal.com/kradam_kiss/13024.html Kind of angsty, kind of hopeful
I cannot believe you thought I wouldn't read it.
I've read it so many times there are creases on the words, that I could recite it from memory.
I know why you walked away. I understand it perfectly. You were right.
It doesn't make it feel any better.
Don't worry about cheering me up, even your lame attempts at humor are enough. And if I remember rightly most of your humor is of the lame variety. (See? Even I can make a joke.)
Don't worry about making me feel better. I'm trying. I know I looked terrible, but don't think it was all you.
I told Katy.
She took it rather well. And to be honest, it helped us more than it hurt us. So I guess I have you to thank for making my marriage better. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I'm not sure I ever will.
I do want to laugh again. I do. But there are still things I need to work on. But I hope that we can be friends again. That is something I have discovered. Hope. Although not in the way you might think.
I hope when I see you again, that we can go back to where we were before. I hope I can look into your eyes and feel kinship again. I hope that when you hold me close I don't remember the way our bodies fit before, the way we connected, soul to soul. I hope I can forget the silence of the room, the warmth of your hand against my back, the feel of your lips against mine, the small whispers against my forehead after we split apart, the look in your eyes as you walked away...
I hope I'll never forget, because in many ways, I'd been looking for that moment for a long time. I hope that somewhere in another lifetime that moment led to something more, that somewhere we are together, that we are happy, that there are no complications.
But I know that we did the right thing. I love my wife, and she deserves better than that. I hope you can find somebody too. Or that you have found him. Your happiness matters. I hope you know that.
Don't worry I'll show up at your door when you least expect it, hauling a duffel bag and my guitar, begging to spend the night cause Katy and I had a fight, or just to annoy the shit out of you until you laugh again. Because I miss your stupid face too.
I love you.
Expect my voice any day on the phone. You'll begin to dread the number flashing on your screen. I may not be myself just yet, but I'm getting there.
I'm not sorry. I never will be.
~Kris