Happy Holidays, tommysbitch28! (3/3)
I thought that week was going to just drag by but before I knew it Adam and I were once again in a car and on our way to the hospital. Adam was a nervous wreck during our drive, gripping my hand so tightly that I had no feeling left in it and his leg bouncing up and down so hard that the seat was shaking. “I can’t do this” He whispered, shaking his head from side to side as he began to rock his body back and forth. “I can’t do this” He repeated, his eyes wide and full of fear. “I can’t do this Kris. I’m so fucking scared”
“Of course you can” I assured as I cupped the side of his face with my free hand. “You were ready to have this baby a week ago remember?” I reminded him.
“That was different because I didn’t think that I had a choice” He mumbled.
“Well you don’t really have a choice now” I smiled up at him, tears in my eyes because it had finally hit me that by the end of the day we were going to be parents. “I’ll let you in on a little secret…I’m scared too” It was the truth because now the reality had sunk in that Peyton was coming and our lives were about to change dramatically.
“We could totally fuck her life up forever” He said as he rubbed his hand over his swollen abdomen. “What kind of parents are we going to be?”
“The best we can be” I smiled again as I leaned up and kissed him. “We may be scared now but there is no doubt in my mind that we are going to be the best parents for our baby girl. She’s going to be taken care of to the best of our abilities and no little girl is going to be loved more by her parents and her extended family.”
“Do you think that our mothers could move in with us until she leaves for college?” He joked and I had to laugh because I knew we’d ask them both of our mothers to move in without hesitation to take care of their first grandchild. As it was they were both mad at me because I had insisted on taking two cars to the hospital because I wanted those last moments of Adam’s pregnancy just to be between the two of us.
“Without question but we got this” I stole another kiss before I leaned down and kissed his belly. “We got this” I whispered knowing that she had heard me at the slight poke I felt from Adam’s stomach in reply.
There was a flutter of activity from the moment we arrived at the hospital as we got Adam settled in his private room, both of our parents and myself bumping into each other as we tried to make the room as serene and comfortable as possible. Once everything was settled we sat around and listened to our mothers telling story after story of our childhood as we waited for word that they were going to be taking Adam to surgery. My heart was racing in my chest when the doctor came in and prepped us on what to expect once we got down there. Everything seemed to be so unreal and in fast motion as Adam shared happy and loving sentiments with our families before he was told it was time. I said nothing to any of them as Adam reached out and took my hand, walking along the gurney that was bringing us one step closer towards parenthood.
“While we’re prepping Mr. Lambert we need you to put these on and then I will come back and get you” I heard one of the nurses say to me as they took Adam in the waiting room, taking me into another room nearby so I could change. It was as if I forgot how to speak as I nodded to her before she took her leave and left me alone. I was a bundle of nerves as I fell to my knees and prayed that Adam and our baby were safe and that I could be the man that both of them needed to be. “Ready?” The same nurse asked a few moments later as I waited for her return. Once again I could only nod as I put the paper cap on my head before following her into the surgery room.
“Kris…” I heard Adam’s frightened voice call out to me as I rushed to his side at the front of the table he was laid on. “We can do this right?” He said with a smile of his face.
“Yeah baby…we can do this” I smiled back wanting to kiss him in assurance but afraid to as I took in all the activity surrounding us. “I just want you to know that I love you so much and you have no idea how happy you’ve made me in the time we’ve been together” I turned my attention back towards him because I really wanted him to know how much I loved him and how much he meant to me.
“I know…me too” He grinned up at me with wink.
“Let’s get started then” The doctor said as the entire room seemed to come alive. I wasn’t actually able to see what they were doing to Adam and I was actually comfortable with that because I wasn’t sure how I was going to react to seeing them cut open the man that I loved. Adam remained quiet during his surgery but his eyes were focused on mine and I hoped that it brought him some comfort. “Almost there. You doing ok Adam? Are you in any pain?” The doctor’s voice broke the silence as I smiled down at Adam in assurance.
“No… no pain but I can feel some tugging” Adam replied starting to look a little frightened again.
“Sing to me” He said to me. “Sing to me…anything” He repeated at more frantically and I did just that as I knelt down next to his head and song softly against his ear.
“What is that?” He questioned after I had sang the first two verses of the song I had been working on while he was at the hotel with Brad. “I’ve never heard it before” He had tears in his eyes but a beautiful smile on his face. “It’s about us?”
“I’ve been working on it for a while now but I was finally able to finish it this morning” I had tears in my eyes as well because it was about our journey from the beginning of our relationship and the love that we shared to what I knew our future would be once Peyton joined our family.
“Have I told you how much I love your sentimental ass” He exclaimed loudly, everyone in the room laughing softly.
“I love you too” I replied as I kissed his ear.
“Gentlemen let me introduce you to your daughter” We both heard the doctor say as a shrill baby’s cry followed the laughter. It seemed like it took forever before they placed the swaddled bundle in my arms and as I looked upon her beautiful face I fell in love with her in a way that I would never love another human being, including Adam.
“She’s so beautiful” I heard Adam say as I held her so he could fall in love with her just as I had. “I love you so much Kris” He repeated the sentiment as he raised his head up asking for a kiss. I didn’t know if it was allowed or not and I really didn’t care as I kissed the man who had given me the most precious gift in the entire world.
“I love you too” I kissed him again the tears on our cheeks mingling as they were pressed together as we looked at our daughter together.
“Ok Kris…Nurse Mosley is going to take you back to Adam room while we finish up here. We’re going to run some test on Peyton and then bring her to the room once we are done” The doctor said as a nurse moved over towards me.
“Tests? Is she ok?” I asked almost ready to panic because he had never said anything to us during Adam’s doctor’s visits about any tests.
“Peyton in perfectly healthy” He replied with a chuckle. “It’s just standard procedure for every newborn. Don’t worry she’ll be with you before you even know she’s gone” I knew that was a lie because I was already missing her and she was still in my arms. I didn’t say anything though as I kissed her on the forehead before handing her over to another nurse.
“Come on I’ll take you to your room” Nurse Mosley smiled at me.
“I’ll see you soon baby…love you so much” I whispered against Adam’s ear before following the nurse, my eyes locked on my daughter until I was out of the room. I couldn’t stop smiling once they brought Peyton into Adam’s room and I was able to introduce her grandparents to her, but as happy as I was to have her with me I was growing worried for Adam. It had been nearly an hour since I had been brought back to his room and I hadn’t heard anything about him.
“I’m sure he’s fine sweetie” I heard Adam’s mom say as she laid her hand on my arm and gave me a warm smile.
“I know” I replied but when two hours had passed and he still hadn’t been brought back up I was in an almost panic as I paced the room back and forth several times before going to the nurses’ station to find out anything. “How can they not fucking know what’s going on with him?” I questioned the room, my pacing beginning once again because it was better to keep myself busy with pacing then to throw myself in a corner and cry when they told me they didn’t know anything.
“Kris…why don’t you sit down and hold Peyton” My mother said to me as he motioned for my father to guide me to the chair next to her before placing my daughter in my arms.
“Something’s wrong” I whispered as I held my baby to my chest, the tears I had been trying to hold back finally splashing down my face. “I’m scared mama” She didn’t have a chance to respond as Adam’s doctor took that exact moment to come into the room, looking somewhat frazzled. Out of fear that I may drop her I gave Peyton back to my mother as I stood up, my heart hammering so hard in my chest I felt almost ready to pass out. “What’s wrong with Adam?” I rushed out, the words sounding foreign to my ears because of the fear there. “Where is he?” I continued to question when he didn’t speak fast enough.
“He’s fine now but there were some complications afterwards” He explained without really explaining anything.
“I need to see him” I said as I moved to step past him, several hospital staff taking that exact moment to roll Adam back into the room. “Adam…oh my god” I cried out when I saw how pale and sickly he looked.
“I’m ok baby…doc fixed me up real good” I heard his slurred words as he squinted up at me with a goofy grin on his face. “I love you so much Krissy” He began to sing, causing everyone in the room but me and the doctor to chuckle.
“We’ve given him some heavy pain medication so don’t be surprised if he sleeps for quite a while” The doctor said. “After we removed Peyton Adam began to bleed out and his blood pressure dropped dramatically. He’s fine now Kris…but I won’t lie to and say that it wasn’t serious for a long time as we tried to find where the bleeding was coming from. We had to open him up a bit more to find the bleeder, but we’ll keep him on a good pain drip and antibiotics and he should be able to go home in about five days” It was two days longer then he had been expected to stay in the hospital but I didn’t care because all that mattered was that my soul mate was still in my life. “May I speak with you in the hallway Kris?” He asked and as much as I didn’t want to leave Adam’s side I knew that I had to. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of your family but we also found an infection present in the abdomen while we were looking for where the bleeding was coming from and most of the tissue was necrotic or dead. There is no easy way to say this Kris but Adam won’t be able to have any more children”
“He’s going to be ok though…you got it all out right…there won’t be any complications now?” I rushed out in a ramble because as heartbroken as I was that Adam wouldn’t be able to have any more children I was more worried about losing the only man I had ever loved.
“There is still a chance for some minor complications as with any major surgery but we are going to do everything in our power to make sure that doesn’t happen. I have another delivery in a few hours but if you have any questions or concerns please don’t hesitate to call my service and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Congratulations Kris” He said as he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
“Thank you for saving him” I sobbed as I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “Just…thank you” I said again when I felt him stiffen in my arms.
“You’re welcome” He smiled, patting me on the back before he walked away. Needing to be alone for a few moments I found a public bathroom and once I was locked behind closed doors I fell to my knees and cried out every single emotion I felt bottled up inside me.
“They took Peyton back to the nursery and Adam’s been sleeping ever since you went out to speak to the doctor” Thankfully none of them asked what it was the doctor wanted to speak to me about but I could tell by the looks on their faces that they knew. We all sat in silence for about an hour before I began to urge them to leave because as much as I loved and appreciated that they wanted to be there for me I wanted to be alone with Adam even if he was passed out because of the drugs he was on. Hugs and words of love were expressed by all as they left. I broke down into tears once I was alone as I held Adam’s hand to my chest and once again sent out a prayer of thanks that Adam was going to be alright.
“Hey…I was wondering when you were going to wake up” I heard Adam’s groggy voice say as I lifted my head from off the side of the bed where I had obviously fallen asleep the night before.
“How are you feeling? Are you ok? Do you need anything?” I rushed out as I stood up, my eyes raking over his entire body to ensure that he was truly ok.
“I just need a kiss” He grinned as he reached his hand out towards me. “Hi…” He grinned even wider when I did as he asked.
“Hi…” I replied uneasily. “Are you in any pain? Do I need to go and get the doctor?” I fell back into the role of protector when the kiss ended.
“I’m a little sore but the doctor told me that was to be expected afterwards” He grimaced as he tried to sit up. “I just want to see my baby girl and spend time with her daddy” He said. “I know you showed her to me after she was born but it seemed more like a dream you know”
I didn’t know but I nodded just the same as I helped him sit up. “Where are our parents?”
“They’re all at the house but should be here sometime this morning” I replied standing beside his bed, still holding his hand but unable to look him in the eye as I recalled what the doctor had told me the previous night.
“Are you ok?” He asked, his eyes full of concern.
“I’m fine” I lied, feeling anything but as I sat back down on the chair next to his bed and hung my head and stared at the floor.
“Kris…” He said my name but didn’t get to finish his sentence as the doctor took that exact moment to enter the room.
“Mr. Lambert…Mr. Allen” He greeted us as he walked over to the other side of Adam’s bed, checking the monitors and hoses attached to his arm. “So how are you feeling thing morning Adam?” He questioned as he wrote a few things down in his chart.
“I feel as if someone ripped my stomach open and pulled something the size of a watermelon out of it” He joked but neither the doctor or myself laughed. “It was a joke guys…come on”
“Adam I need to talk to you about your surgery yesterday before they bring Peyton in to visit with you” He decided to be straight forward as I stood up and walked over towards the large window on the other side of the room. I listened as he told Adam everything he had told me the night before wanting to be at his side and hold his hand as the doctor told him that he would never be able to carry another child again but instead I found myself rooted to the spot by the window.
“Thank you doctor” I heard Adam say, unable to read the look on his face as the doctor nodded in reply and left us. The room was surrounded in silence as I continued to stand away from him still unable to read the emotions playing across his face “I’m sorry” He finally spoke up as I looked over at him in shock trying like hell to figure out what he was sorry for. “I can’t have any more kids and I know how much you wanted to have a big family”
“What? No…” I cried out as I rushed towards his side, tears blazing down my face because I couldn’t believe how wrong he was. “That’s not it at all” I sobbed, standing by his bed as I once again reached out and took his hand “I’ve just been feeling so guilty for forcing you to have a baby with me that I wasn’t sure how to act around you”
“You fucking moron” He hiccupped, clasping my hand tightly within his own. “You never forced me to do anything. Yes I will admit the I was a little shocked when I found out I was pregnant and yes I thought you had tricked me at first but you have to know that I never felt as if you forced me to do anything once I realized what a moron I’d been myself. I just need to know if you can accept the fact that I can’t have any more children and still love me like you once did”
“Like I once did” I repeated in shock. “Adam…I never once stopped loving you. You can’t believe how unbelievably scared I was when the doctor told me what happened after the surgery and just how close I could have come to losing you. You are the love of my life Adam and no matter if we only have one child or ten that won’t ever change” Leaning down I kissed his hand several times before I leaned forwards and kissed his tear stained lips. “What?” I asked in confusion when he just grinned up at me.
“You know I kind of like the idea of you being barefoot and pregnant” He replied with a laugh. I was too shocked to reply for a moment but then I couldn’t help but admit to Adam and myself that I kind of liked the idea. Peyton was brought in after that and the rest of the morning was spent spending time with our beautiful baby daughter and her grandparents. The rest of the day Adam’s friends trickled in to visit from time to time, only allowed to stay for short periods of time because I was in full protector mode for both of my precious babies. I fully expected Brad to give me grief for rushing him out before he was ready, but shockingly he didn’t. Instead he took me aside hugged me quickly before whispering in my ear how happy he was that Adam had me in his life. I didn’t know what to think about what he had said and I didn’t harp on it much because I knew that once Adam was back home and life started to get back to normal for us he and I were going to be in the same boat we were in before when it came to each other.
The morning Adam was to be discharged all the nurses and even some of the doctors working that floor came by to visit with us because not surprisingly Adam and Peyton had charmed the pants off of them. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him holding our daughter as he chatted and laughed with them as they came and went. “I’m so proud of you son” I heard my father say as he walked up beside me. “You have such a beautiful and amazing family and you can’t believe how happy that makes your mother and I” He had tears in his eyes as he hugged me quickly before going to stand by Adam’s bed as he looked down at his granddaughter.
“Why am I so nervous?” Adam questioned later that morning in the car as he and I sat in the back seat with Peyton between us while his parents sat in the front seat.
“I know what you mean” I replied as I reached over the car seat holding our daughter and took his hand.
“We can do this right?” He asked, looking so scared and nervous, yet so beautiful.
“Yeah baby…we can do this” I smiled as I squeezed his hand in assurance. “Love you” I grinned with a wink as we pulled up in front of our home because there was a surprise in store for Adam and I couldn’t wait for him to find out what it was.
“Love you” He grinned back, stealing a kiss over our daughter before he climbed out of the car. I hung back with Peyton pretending to help Adam’s father remove his bag from the trunk of the car. “Oh my god” I heard him exclaim when he entered the house and found all of his friends waiting for him in the living room for a surprise welcome home shower. “Did you know about this?” He asked as I walked into the house with Peyton.
“Of course because as much as you said you didn’t want a baby shower I know how much you love a good get together with our friends” I replied because Brad and several of his friends had been planning a surprise baby shower for him before Peyton’s birth but then he had decided he didn’t want one because we truly didn’t need anything for her and made them all promise they wouldn’t throw him one. “So go show off our daughter” I said as I handed Peyton over to him, tugging him close and stealing a kiss. “But don’t overdo it” I warned playfully as I stole another kiss. For the next several hours I watched as Adam sat center stage with our daughter, the smile on his face so amazingly beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes.
The next couple of weeks were a whirlwind as we tried to get the hang of being new parents, finding it almost impossible with two well-meaning mothers staying in the house with us. It seemed that no matter how quick we were to take care of Payton’s needs, they were quicker. I swear in those few weeks we rarely got the chance to spend time with her and then when we did they were always right there to snatch her away. I was more than a little annoyed but I kept it to myself because I knew it was the first grandchild between both families and they loved her but after the third week of feeling more like a stranger to my daughter then her father I had had enough. After speaking to Adam one night as we laid in bed I told him of my plan to kick our parents out and as much as I thought he was going to fight me he seemed eager to get rid of them as well. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and both mothers were not going to be happy but it was time for Adam and I to step up to the plate and be the father’s that Peyton needed us to be.
“Do you hear that Peyton…no grandparents” I heard Adam say as we sat on the couch two days later after practically forcing the parents to go home and live their lives again.
“Yes…the silence is nice but I don’t think either one of our mothers are going to forgive us for kicking them out” I told him because as expected they took offense to us asking them to leave and both were quite verbal about it.
“They’ll get over it because of this little beauty” Adam smiled as he held our sleeping daughter in his arms.
Our life after that became a whirlwind of activity as we learned what it truly was to be a parent. The first couple of months I don’t think Adam and I got more than a couple of hours of sleep a night because Peyton went through a phases where she wouldn’t sleep without one or the other holding her. I knew it was wrong to pick her up and hold each time that she cried but it just hurt my heart to hear her so upset when we put her down. Adam and I were so exhausted that we found ourselves snapping and arguing with each other constantly when Peyton wasn’t around, so much so that I got so angry one night after a heated argument over letting her cry herself to sleep that I called Adam every name in the book and stormed out. I was gone for several hours as I drove around the city in order to clear my head. I felt horrible for the way I had talked to Adam and I planned to do whatever I had to do to make up for it once I got home. “I’m sorry” I heard him say as I opened the door and found him sitting in the living room.
“No…I’m sorry” I cried out as I rushed to kneel in front of him. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you but…”
“But you’re tired because you haven’t slept in what feels like years” He cut me off. “Trust me I was thinking those exact same things about you” He chuckled as he laid his forehead on top of my head. “I’ve traveled the world over. I’ve gone weeks with hardly any sleep while performing show after show on tour and yet I’ve never felt as exhausted as I do now” He sighed, closing his eyes.
“Where is she?” I asked as he lifted his head and fell back against the cushion of the couch.
“She’s sleeping in her crib” He shrugged. “After you left I just couldn’t take it anymore so I put her in her crib and let her just cry herself to sleep. She literally cried for five minutes before she was out like a light. So I say while she’s sleeping her father and I go upstairs and…” He teased as he nuzzled around my face with his nose.
“And what?” I questioned with a playful smile of my face.
“Sleep baby…sleep” He smiled back.
“I think that sounds like an amazing idea” I supplied as I took his hand and the two of us raced for our bedroom. Six hours later we were up and at it again but it was the longest we had slept since bringing her home and it felt amazing. It was another couple of weeks before she finally decided to sleep through the night but by then Adam and I had our schedule down pat and we were all happier for it.
“Kris…Oh my god Kris get in here” I heard Adam cry out one night as I cooked us dinner in the kitchen.
“What…what is it?” I cried out in panic as I ran into the room, nearly killing myself as I lost my footing and ran into the wall.
“What the hell are you doing?” Adam laughed as I shook my head in order to clear it. “Stop playing around and look what our daughter can do” I had no idea what a four month old could do that would cause him to scream out like that but I kept those thoughts to myself as I sat down beside him. “Watch” He beamed at me before turning his eyes back to Peyton. “Who is daddy’s pretty girl…who is it?” He sang in a baby voice as he rocked her from side to side. “Are you daddy’s pretty girl? Yes you are...yes you are” He continued to speak to her as I rolled my eyes and prepared to go back to cooking. “Look…look” He cried out as I looked down and found our baby smiling up at us. “Get the camera” He nudged me but I couldn’t move because it was such a beautiful sight that it brought tears to my eyes. “Kris…get the camera” He nudged me harder as I rolled my eyes once again and did his bidding. We spent the next hour trying to get her to repeat the smile so we could capture it on film but she seemed a bit camera shy because the only time she would smile was when the camera wasn’t pointed in her direction. “She gets that from you” Adam said later that night as we prepared for bed.
“Gets what from me?” I asked as I laid down beside him.
“Hating being in front of a camera” He teased as he leaned over and kissed me.
“Smart baby” I smiled around a yawn as I lay down and pulled the man that I loved into my arms.
Through the coming months Peyton continued to grow and amaze us. I was sure that most parents went through the same thing but with each thing that she learned Adam and I boasted about it to everyone and anyone that would listen and even those that didn’t want to listen. I’m sure we annoyed a lot of people but they were all gracious enough to allow us to boast and preen about what we felt was the most precious and amazing baby in the world. I couldn’t have been happier as we lived in our little family bubble without a care in the world and as much as we wanted it to continue we both knew that real life and our commitments to our label were going to pop that bubble really soon.
As predicted two months before Peyton was to turn a year old we both got a call from our managers letting us know that the label had given us enough time off and it was time to get back into the studio and start recording. I figured they had been patient long enough and as much as it annoyed me that they felt they had given us enough time off I agreed to the meeting they were requesting. Adam however, did not take it well and absolutely refused to even consider going back to work. He was so angry that he fired every last one of his people but not before telling them exactly what he thought of their idea. After I convinced him to go take a hot bath and relax I called his manager back and hired them all back but not before they agreed that Adam did not need to be present for the meeting and that I would suffice. They weren’t happy about my request because there was no denying who the bigger star was between the two of us but it was all I had to offer so they either had to take it or possibly lose Adam as their client.
“You know this pisses me off so much” Adam whined several days later as I got ready to meet with the label. “It’s not fair Kris. We just had a baby and they can’t even give us time of to take care of her” He continued to complain.
“I know it doesn’t seem like a long enough time but remember that we are lucky that we got to take practically a whole year off to be with our little baby because most people would have been back to work long before this” I reminded as I sat down on the couch next to him and took Peyton out of his arms. “If I’m being honest with myself, I feel exactly the same way that you do but the fact of that matter is that the label is a business and it’s all about making money and you my dear are a huge money maker for them”
“You are a money maker too” He said and it caused me to smile because he refused to accept the fact that the money I brought it with my album and touring was not anywhere close to what he brought in for his.
“Daddy is going to miss you so much Sunshine” I told Peyton as I held her in my arms, my heart filled with so much love when she smiled up at me. “Daddy loves you so much” I continued as I leaned down and kissed her chubby cheek.
“What about me? Are you going to miss me?” Adam pretend pouted as he sat beside me and I couldn’t help but laugh because he looked so adorable.
“Every second that I’m gone” I replied as I leaned forward and kissed him soundly and as I broke that kiss I found that I meant every word of it. Adam and I had been through so much since the start of our relationship. We’d had our ups and downs, days where it seemed like being together wasn’t worth the fight and even a time when we’d given up and spent time apart. However, as I looked into his beautiful eyes and saw all the love and happiness shining back at me I knew that whatever we had gone through had been worth it. We were able to pull together and work through the confusion and obstacles in our lives and in the end we found ourselves closer than ever. We were partners for life and with Peyton added to the mix we were now a family and I knew without a doubt that there would be a marriage and more children in our future.
“You ok?” Adam asked with a bit of concern floating in his eyes.
“I just want you to know that I really just love you so much” I replied with a smile, tears of happiness glistening in my eyes. “I just love both of you so much” I said as I looked between him and our daughter feeling as if I were the luckiest man in the world.
The End…