Fic: The Tie [21/66]
Title: The Tie [21/66]
Pairing: Kris/Adam [AU]
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~4,100
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I own nothing. None of this happened.
Warnings: This story involves character struggle with trauma and PTSD and may contain material that is triggering or upsetting to readers. Graphic sex in nearly every chapter. Language. Further warnings will be posted in the appropriate chapters. This chapter: rough sex including use of a whip.
Summary: Adam is a local singer with a troubled past and Kris, a department store clerk struggling to change his over compliant and passive ways. When the two meet by chance in the most unlikely of places, neither could have known how much they would end up needing the other. Set in Los Angeles in the year 2009-10.
A/N: So some people have commented that Adam's emotional struggles come across as very realistic. Although I have not personally suffered from PTSD, I do have quite a bit of familiarity with it. I trust that people who might be triggered by this story are taking care of themselves while reading it. On a less serious note, we get table sex in this chapter! :D In the next chapter, we will find out how Adam handles working again. I am overwhelmed by the comments and feedback from everyone *sniffles* THANK YOU! <3333333
WARNING: This story involves character struggle with trauma and PTSD and many contain material that is triggering or disturbing to readers.
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE
Kris Allen was quickly learning how to act on life instead of letting life act on him, and he was determined to help Adam stamp out all that self-criticism and doubt. Why is it so hard for him to believe that I love him? How on earth can he think he’s unworthy of it? True, in his past Kris had always thought that if he did what other people wanted that they would love him, but he never felt that he didn’t deserve it when they did.
And being with Adam was completely different than any other relationship he’d been in. Kris supported him out of love, not because he was looking for anything in return. But somehow he’d known that Adam would love him back. What if he didn’t though? Would you still be with him? Yes, for a while anyway, but not forever...I wouldn’t put myself through that, not anymore. Huh. He silently thanked God for Adam’s love.
Kris gazed at him fondly, pale and sleeping in the hospital bed. He’s so brave, dealing with such an awful trauma. And he trusts me, after what Sam and those other bastards did to him, he trusts me, let me into his life. He didn’t know the details of Sam’s betrayal, but he could guess, and it made him angrier than he’d ever felt in his entire life. He’d had to push away that fury for most of the evening so he could support Adam, but it still seethed deep down inside of him. Sam is just damn lucky I didn’t get to him first.
Suddenly Adam’s eyes opened. He blinked a few times and put his hand up to shield his face from the glaring lights. “Where am I? What happened? Angel?”
“Right here, baby. You’re in the hospital for observation. Everything is going to be alright.” Kris pulled his chair closer to Adam’s bed and squeezed his hand.
“But I heard gun shots and a woman screaming and...and…” Adam tried to sit up but his body swayed alarmingly.
“Whoa, slow down there,” Kris said, steadying him and guiding him back down.
“Angel, what happened?” Adam looked like a like a little bird that had fallen from its nest.
Kris got up and sat on the side of his bed. He smiled and brushed the hair out of Adam’s face. “You fainted, my love; too much emotional distress and not enough oxygen to the brain. Your blood pressure was really low, but you’re going to be just fine. Adam, they caught him. Sam is going back to jail. That is, after he gets out of the hospital.”
“What…how…wait, this hospital?” He sprang forward but Kris pushed him back down again.
“Adam, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re in the emergency room and he’s in surgery at the moment. Plus, there are two armed security guards watching over you right now.”
Adam looked around and saw the guards through the gap in the curtains. “Please…just tell me everything, Kris.”
Kris nodded. Shit, this is probably going to scare the living daylights out of him. He stroked Adam’s hand and took a deep breath. “They caught him trying to break into the back entrance of your building.” Adam went deathly pale but Kris plowed on. “Remember those police that were going to come and check on you? They found him when they circled the building and there was a fight. Sam got shot several times in the chest. The woman you heard screaming was just some club goer who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s fine though!” Kris added hurriedly. “Just in shock.”
Adam opened and closed his mouth a few times but no sound came out.
“It’s all over, baby…no one is going to hurt you.” Kris leaned over and put his arms around Adam.
“You…you saved my life,” Adam said, trembling and gripping Kris. “If you hadn’t called the police…”
“Hey now, don’t think about that, you’re safe…it’s all over…shhhhh.” He pulled back a fraction and saw that Adam was staring blankly, exactly the way he had when Alisan had first told him about Sam’s escape, just before that terrible flashback. Oh no, not again. “Adam,” he said firmly, “Adam!” Kris got up and threw the curtains back. “Sheila!” he called to the woman sitting in a chair nearby.
Adam’s therapist stood up quickly and hurried over. “Hold on to his hands, Kris.”
“But Ali told me not to touch him last time.”
“That’s when he was in the flashback…he’s not there yet, he’s dissociating and we need to stimulate his senses to ground him back to the present.”
Kris didn’t understand what she was saying, but he grabbed both of Adam’s hands and held them tightly. Oh please let this work…please don’t let him have to go through that again.
“Massage his hands and talk to him.”
“What should I say?” He rubbed circles on the backs of Adam’s hands and kissed them, too.
“Anything,” Sheila replied, he just needs to hear your voice.
“Adam, my love, it’s going to be okay. I’m right here and you’re safe. It’s your angel, your rabbit…I’m here for you, baby.”
Adam suddenly flinched. He tried to jump up from the bed, but Kris squeezed his hands. “Look at me, baby…I’m right here…you’re safe.” Adam’s eyes darted around wildly and he began to breath rapidly.
Sheila got a cloth from the sink by the wall, ran it under cold water and squeezed it out, then pressed it to Adam’s forehead. “Adam, you are twenty-seven years old. You’re in a hospital and it’s Friday, November 6th, 2009. You are not seventeen. No one is hurting you. Concentrate on the cool feeling on your head. Feel Kris’ hands on yours.”
Adam slowly started to move his fingers against Kris’ hand.
“Very good. Now look him in the eyes and listen to his voice.” She nodded at Kris.
“Adam, I love you, I love you…my beautiful Adam…I love you.” Adam finally focused his eyes on Kris’ and heaved a great breath.
Oh thank god! Thank god!
“They were so close.” Adam reached up his arms for Kris, who gladly bent down and embraced him, feeling utterly relieved that Sheila had been here.
Sheila took the cloth off of his forehead and patted him on the shoulder. “You did a good job holding the memories off, Adam. I’m proud of you.”
“It’s only because you two helped me; I couldn’t have done it on my own,” he mumbled.
Why does he always put himself down like that? Kris shifted so that he could lie down next to Adam and cradle him.
“Give yourself some credit; it took strength of mind to push those thoughts and feelings away. Kris and I could not have done that for you. And with practice, you won’t need anyone else’s help.”
“Hmph. How did you know I was here anyway?” he asked her.
“When I called you back, your mom answered and told me what happened and I came as soon as I could.”
“Where is she? Where’s Ali?”
“They’re talking to the police, baby,” answered Kris. “I can go get them if you want. They’ll want to know that you’re awake.”
“No! I mean, someone else can get them,” Adam said quickly and buried his head into Kris’ chest. He’s so scared. I wish I could magically take that away for him.
“I’ll go,” said Sheila. She left and returned in a minute with Leila and Alisan. They were relieved to see Adam awake and took turns bending over to hug him and offered words of comfort and support.
“Adam,” began Sheila after a minute of watching the reunion, “I’d like to have you transferred to the psychiatric unit.”
“What? No! I don’t want to go back there again so soon!”
She looked at him sharply. “So soon? The last time you were hospitalized was over eight years ago, unless you’re not telling me something.” She peered at Leila and Alisan, but they only nodded in Adam’s direction.
Adam flushed. “I…two years ago I…”
Kris suddenly put two and two together. Oh my god, my sweet Adam, he was hospitalized that recently? Why did Sam even get released after only eight years of prison anyway? He should have been in there for life.
Leila spoke up. “Sam broke into Adam’s apartment when he was released from prison two years ago, Sheila, but thankfully he was staying with Ali that night. When he found out what had happened, well, I’m sure you can imagine. Adam refused to let us contact you at the time.”
Sheila’s expression was both empathetic and stern. She sighed. “We are going to tackle that shame of yours, Adam.”
“Please, I don’t want to go back there…please don’t make me.”
She considered him seriously. “Are you feeling suicidal at all?”
What? No, he can’t be…that’s too… The thought of Adam wanting to end his life was almost too much for Kris to bear. He tightened his arms around Adam and prayed that it wasn’t true.
“No.” Adam looked up at Kris and smiled for the first time since he woke up. “No, I don’t want to die. I’ve got too much to live for.” He gazed at his mother and at Alisan, too. “A lot to live for. Please, Sheila, I’ll come to therapy every week, I’ll practice my skills, I’ll…I’ll even take medicine if you think I need it.”
Kris let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. A tear leaked from the corner of his eye and he kissed Adam on the top of his head.
“Alright,” she relented, “but I’m referring you to a psychiatrist. You’re not leaving here without a safety plan and I want to talk to Kris before you go…okay?”
Adam nodded and snuggled into Kris. This is going to be a long road, you sure you can handle this? Sure you want to do this? Kris looked down at Adam and felt a fiery devotion burst into life within him. Without a doubt.
“Adam, honey, the police want to talk to you; they need a statement,” said Leila gently.
“That works out,” said Sheila. “Kris, why don’t you and I chat while Adam gives his statement?”
Kris tried to sit up but Adam tensed and clung to him. “It’s okay, baby, I’ll be right back.” He kissed him on the cheek. “I promise.” Adam loosened his arms but didn’t look happy about it.
Sheila smiled and led Kris out of the patient area and into a small office. “Please...” She sat down in an office chair at the desk and motioned to a straight-backed chair in the corner. Kris sat down feeling a bit nervous, like he was being interviewed for something. “Kris, it’s obvious that Adam is in love with you and very devoted to you.”
“I feel the same way about him,” said Kris seriously.
She nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. You know, he’s very scared right now and he needs you, but I want you to realize that you can’t rescue him from his demons. He has to do that himself. Do you understand what I mean by that?”
“Yes, I think so. I can’t do the work for him.”
“That’s right, and I don’t want him to become dependent on you. Trust me, he wouldn’t want that either.”
Kris thought about all the times Adam had said that he hated needing help. “I’m sure you’re right about that, but what can I do to support him?”
“Love him the way you have been, encourage him to use his skills and his safety plan, and help him like you did earlier when he was dissociating.”
Kris frowned. “I didn’t understand half of what you said back there.”
“It means that he’s detached from his body and the world around him.”
“And that happens when something reminds him of his trauma?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes he might dissociate first and then have a flashback, or he might go right to the flashback, and then again he could dissociate and never have a flashback at all. In either case, he needs to be reminded of the present.”
“What’s the difference between them?”
“A flashback is when he is actually re-experiencing what happened to him. Sounds and feelings, physical and emotional, it’s like he’s living through it again and it’s real to him in that moment.”
Kris gasped and Sheila nodded sympathetically. “I suggest that you do a little research on all of this yourself, Kris.”
“Of course I will. So what are these skills you keep talking about, and what’s a safety plan?”
“They are tools Adam can use to cope with his symptoms, and the safety plan is a list of what to do and who to call when he is having more difficulties than he can manage on his own.”
Kris tried to take it all in, to absorb all the information he needed to support his love. He suddenly wanted to hold him again and started to fidget.
“One last thing, because I can see that you’re eager to go. It’s really important that you take care of yourself and live your life. I know…I know how much you love him, but you’ll be no good to him if you neglect yourself, believe me.”
“I…I’ll try.”
“I know you will. Adam is really lucky to have you, Kris.”
“I’m lucky to have him, too,” he said and stood up. “Thank you, for helping him and for talking with me.”
“It’s my pleasure. Now go back to him because I know you’re dying to,” she said with a smile.
Kris shook her hand and hurried back to Adam.
It was almost one o’clock in the morning by the time they got back to Adam’s apartment, but he wouldn’t relax until Kris had bolted the door and pushed a large chair in front of it. Incredibly, when at last they were cuddled into bed, Adam wanted to have sex.
“Are you kidding me?” Kris asked in disbelief. “I am completely wiped out and you must be exhausted.”
“I am, but I just feel like I need to be even closer to you. I can’t explain it…please, angel.”
Yeah, like you can deny him anything.
It was extremely gentle, almost like they were just hugging as Adam slowly moved in and out of Kris with the smallest of thrusts. They kissed sleepily, mouths tasting of stale Chinese food. Eventually Adam became soft inside Kris and they fell asleep wound tightly around each other.
Around 4am Adam had a nightmare and Kris had to spend twenty minutes reassuring him that Sam was not coming after him before he calmed down and went back to sleep.
That one, right there, that’s my favorite freckle. Kris touched Adam’s bottom lip ever so lightly so as not to wake him. I just want to lick it and suck on it all day long. As he lay there watching Adam breathe in the late morning light, it occurred to him that he was going to have to go home today, if for no other reason than to get more clothes. How long will he want me to stay with him? And we both have to go back to work. Kris thought about Adam performing tonight and wondered if he was even up for it.
“Mmph.”
“Morning sunshine,” Kris said and kissed Adam on his temple.
Adam smacked his lips and groaned. “I feel like I have a hangover.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“Kris, you’ve done so much for me…how can I ever repay you?” he said sincerely.
“I don’t want anything but your love, Adam.”
“Well you definitely have that. In fact, I seem to remember being rudely interrupted twice yesterday from doing something I know would help you feel my love,” he said with a smirk.
“Oh please can that be on our to do list today?” Kris said with his best puppy eyes.
“You better believe it, my little rabbit,” Adam growled and pinched Kris on the ass.
He giggled and swatted at Adam’s hand. “I’m glad to see you’re in a good mood this morning.”
“Well, I’m alive, aren’t I? And I have you in my life. That’s what I’ve decided to focus on right now,” Adam said, smiling.
I’m so proud of him…that would probably be weird to say, though. Kris just beamed at him and kissed him again on the head. “How about breakfast before we destroy the kitchen table?”
“You’re on. How about pancakes?”
“Really? I loooovvvve pancakes!” Kris squealed.
“You are too adorable,” Adam laughed and pecked Kris on the lips. “Mmm, and I needed to brush my teeth like yesterday. Let’s get clean, then eat and then we can get dirty again.”
“Uhh, about that. Well, I’m kind of running low on clothes.”
Adam frowned. “Yeah, I figured you’d have to go home sometime. I mean you have work and school and everything, but…I don’t think I’m ready for you to go yet,” he said quietly.
Damn, I want that smile back. “How about this. Let’s save the pancakes for another time. I’ll go home and grab a quick breakfast and some clothes. And then…” Kris waggled his eyebrows suggestively. There it is! God I love making him happy.
“Hmmm, well that sounds like an awfully long time that I have to wait to feel your tight ass around me, but…” Adam sighed dramatically, “I suppose I can make the sacrifice.”
“You are so kind,” Kris snickered.
“Oh the things I do for you, my sexy little rabbit.” Adam suddenly rolled over on top of Kris and pinned him to the bed. “But you better be fast about it; I want to finish what we started,” he said, staring hungrily into Kris’ eyes.
“Me too, and…I want it rough this time,” Kris said a bit shyly and pressed his thumb to the bruise on his neck. Certainly, he felt bolder when he was with Adam, but asking directly for things like that was pretty new. He had been amazed and touched yesterday when Adam had refused to use him. But it was so hot when he was rough!
“Oh my god! You can’t tell me that and then leave,” whined Adam. “Are you absolutely sure that you need clothes? I mean really, really sure? I know I have some cereal around here, too.”
Kris chuckled. “I swear I’ll be quick.” I need to check in with Matt, too.
Adam groaned and rolled off of Kris. “I am counting down the minutes. If you’re not back here in an hour…”
“What? You’ll punish me? Mmmm, I like the sound of that, maybe I’ll be late on purpose.”
“GAH!” Adam yelled and threw a pillow at Kris. “Go already before I change my mind and tear you apart right now!”
Kris caught the pillow and laughed. “I’m going, I’m going!”
An hour. Yeah, I’m never gonna make it. After reassuring Matt that he was still alive and that he might be at Adam’s for a few more nights, Kris still had to shower, change, pack a bag and appease his complaining belly. I’ll just get extra punishment then. He grinned to himself as he wolfed down a bowl of Frosted Flakes. None of Kris’ ex-boyfriends knew about his kinks because he had always done what they wanted, but he was damn excited to explore them with Adam. Wait until he finds out how much I like bondage. He tried not to speed on his way back to Adam’s.
He took the stairs two at a time and knocked on Adam’s door, bouncing eagerly on his toes. Adam threw open the door. “Holy shit!” Kris yelled and almost wet his pants at the sight of him. Adam was completely naked except for a pair of black boots and…a leather thong! Oh my fucking god…and a whip!
“You’re late,” Adam said gruffly, running the whip through his hand.
All Kris could do was whimper.
“Get in here.”
He staggered forward. Adam gave him the smallest wink, bolted the door and then grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. Kris felt like his brain was melting as he watched the muscles of Adam’s ass move when he walked.
The kitchen table was clear. Adam lifted Kris from the floor and set him on the table as easy as if he were a pitcher of lemonade. He wrapped the fingers of one hand tightly into Kris’ hair and pulled his head back sharply.
“So you like it rough, do you?” Adam asked.
Kris quivered and swallowed with difficulty. “Yes,” he whispered.
“I didn’t hear you, rabbit.”
“Yes,” he said louder.
“I think I’ll need to hear a little more enthusiasm than that,” Adam said and yanked Kris’ head back a little more.
“Yes! Please! I want it rough…please!” Kris shouted and begged.
“Mmmm, that was much better.” Adam stuck out his long tongue and licked Kris’ neck from the hollow of his throat all the way up to his bottom lip and then bit down hard. Kris gasped loudly and felt sticky wetness spreading in the front of his pants. He thought he might die from the utter sexiness of this moment. Adam continued to chew on Kris’ lip and then thrust his tongue inside Kris’ mouth over and over again like he was fucking it. Then he bit down on Kris' tongue until he garbled out a cry out from the back of his throat.
It’s like a wet dream…I’m never going to survive this.
All of a sudden Adam let go of his hair and pulled him to the edge of the table. “How badly do you want it, baby?” He took Kris’ hand and rubbed it on his leather clad dick. “How much do you want this in your sweet, tight ass?”
Kris was almost crying with the want pulsing throughout his body as his hand was moved in circles over Adam’s cock. “pleewansobad,” he gibbered.
“Show me. Show me how badly you want it.”
He all but tore his shirt off and fumbled frantically at the button of his jeans while kicking off his shoes. Adam’s seductive, commanding mask slipped just a fraction, letting a tiny smile show on his lips as he watched Kris panic that he couldn’t get his pants off fast enough. But Kris was busy and didn’t notice, and by the time he was finally naked, Adam was in his role again.
“Very nice,” Adam said appreciatively, looking Kris up and down and licking his lips. He took the whip and drew it up Kris’ chest, letting it trail across his nipples.
“Oh god…oh g-OD!” he cried sharply when Adam snapped the whip on his thigh.
And then it was on. Adam manhandled Kris into position so that he was bent forward over the table with his hands gripping the far edge, stretching his upper body taut. He raked his nails down Kris’ bare back and dug them into his ass, spreading him wide and massaging his cheeks. “Uhhhh…” Kris moaned and arched his ass in the air. Adam leaned over and took a big bite of his left cheek. “Yes! Adam…please, more!” Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! went the whip, leaving hot red lines on all over Kris’ smooth skin. “More…MORE!” But Adam seemed to be at his limit. He snarled, threw the whip aside and mounted Kris like an animal in heat.
Kris had one second to marvel at Adam’s preparedness…he pulled that condom out of his underwear!…and then he and the table lurched forward when Adam finally drove in. Over and over Adam scratched at Kris and bit his back as he humped him feverishly. Kris babbled and cried every time he felt the combination of pain and pleasure.
“Right…fucking…there!!!!” Adam yelled and thrust again…again…again, harder and deeper each time. He picked up Kris’ legs by the thighs, wrapped them around his hips and leaned over so he could reach Kris’ neck to bite viciously at the bruise that was already there.
Kris let go of the table with one hand and pounded it on the surface, screaming and pleading. “DON’T STOP! DON’T FUCKING STOP….FUCK!!” Kris came violently and abruptly without any stimulation to his dick and shot his load straight down onto the floor.
“Oh my fucking god! Did you just…” Adam swore through clenched teeth. The table skidded about a foot with his last thrust and he clamped his jaws onto Kris’ neck, moaning into his skin as he came.
Kris cursed again and then lay still on the table, feeling Adam’s weight collapse onto him and thinking that this would go down in history as the hottest fuck he had ever experienced in his life.
Chapter 22
Pairing: Kris/Adam [AU]
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~4,100
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I own nothing. None of this happened.
Warnings: This story involves character struggle with trauma and PTSD and may contain material that is triggering or upsetting to readers. Graphic sex in nearly every chapter. Language. Further warnings will be posted in the appropriate chapters. This chapter: rough sex including use of a whip.
Summary: Adam is a local singer with a troubled past and Kris, a department store clerk struggling to change his over compliant and passive ways. When the two meet by chance in the most unlikely of places, neither could have known how much they would end up needing the other. Set in Los Angeles in the year 2009-10.
A/N: So some people have commented that Adam's emotional struggles come across as very realistic. Although I have not personally suffered from PTSD, I do have quite a bit of familiarity with it. I trust that people who might be triggered by this story are taking care of themselves while reading it. On a less serious note, we get table sex in this chapter! :D In the next chapter, we will find out how Adam handles working again. I am overwhelmed by the comments and feedback from everyone *sniffles* THANK YOU! <3333333
WARNING: This story involves character struggle with trauma and PTSD and many contain material that is triggering or disturbing to readers.
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE
Kris Allen was quickly learning how to act on life instead of letting life act on him, and he was determined to help Adam stamp out all that self-criticism and doubt. Why is it so hard for him to believe that I love him? How on earth can he think he’s unworthy of it? True, in his past Kris had always thought that if he did what other people wanted that they would love him, but he never felt that he didn’t deserve it when they did.
And being with Adam was completely different than any other relationship he’d been in. Kris supported him out of love, not because he was looking for anything in return. But somehow he’d known that Adam would love him back. What if he didn’t though? Would you still be with him? Yes, for a while anyway, but not forever...I wouldn’t put myself through that, not anymore. Huh. He silently thanked God for Adam’s love.
Kris gazed at him fondly, pale and sleeping in the hospital bed. He’s so brave, dealing with such an awful trauma. And he trusts me, after what Sam and those other bastards did to him, he trusts me, let me into his life. He didn’t know the details of Sam’s betrayal, but he could guess, and it made him angrier than he’d ever felt in his entire life. He’d had to push away that fury for most of the evening so he could support Adam, but it still seethed deep down inside of him. Sam is just damn lucky I didn’t get to him first.
Suddenly Adam’s eyes opened. He blinked a few times and put his hand up to shield his face from the glaring lights. “Where am I? What happened? Angel?”
“Right here, baby. You’re in the hospital for observation. Everything is going to be alright.” Kris pulled his chair closer to Adam’s bed and squeezed his hand.
“But I heard gun shots and a woman screaming and...and…” Adam tried to sit up but his body swayed alarmingly.
“Whoa, slow down there,” Kris said, steadying him and guiding him back down.
“Angel, what happened?” Adam looked like a like a little bird that had fallen from its nest.
Kris got up and sat on the side of his bed. He smiled and brushed the hair out of Adam’s face. “You fainted, my love; too much emotional distress and not enough oxygen to the brain. Your blood pressure was really low, but you’re going to be just fine. Adam, they caught him. Sam is going back to jail. That is, after he gets out of the hospital.”
“What…how…wait, this hospital?” He sprang forward but Kris pushed him back down again.
“Adam, it’s okay, it’s okay. You’re in the emergency room and he’s in surgery at the moment. Plus, there are two armed security guards watching over you right now.”
Adam looked around and saw the guards through the gap in the curtains. “Please…just tell me everything, Kris.”
Kris nodded. Shit, this is probably going to scare the living daylights out of him. He stroked Adam’s hand and took a deep breath. “They caught him trying to break into the back entrance of your building.” Adam went deathly pale but Kris plowed on. “Remember those police that were going to come and check on you? They found him when they circled the building and there was a fight. Sam got shot several times in the chest. The woman you heard screaming was just some club goer who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’s fine though!” Kris added hurriedly. “Just in shock.”
Adam opened and closed his mouth a few times but no sound came out.
“It’s all over, baby…no one is going to hurt you.” Kris leaned over and put his arms around Adam.
“You…you saved my life,” Adam said, trembling and gripping Kris. “If you hadn’t called the police…”
“Hey now, don’t think about that, you’re safe…it’s all over…shhhhh.” He pulled back a fraction and saw that Adam was staring blankly, exactly the way he had when Alisan had first told him about Sam’s escape, just before that terrible flashback. Oh no, not again. “Adam,” he said firmly, “Adam!” Kris got up and threw the curtains back. “Sheila!” he called to the woman sitting in a chair nearby.
Adam’s therapist stood up quickly and hurried over. “Hold on to his hands, Kris.”
“But Ali told me not to touch him last time.”
“That’s when he was in the flashback…he’s not there yet, he’s dissociating and we need to stimulate his senses to ground him back to the present.”
Kris didn’t understand what she was saying, but he grabbed both of Adam’s hands and held them tightly. Oh please let this work…please don’t let him have to go through that again.
“Massage his hands and talk to him.”
“What should I say?” He rubbed circles on the backs of Adam’s hands and kissed them, too.
“Anything,” Sheila replied, he just needs to hear your voice.
“Adam, my love, it’s going to be okay. I’m right here and you’re safe. It’s your angel, your rabbit…I’m here for you, baby.”
Adam suddenly flinched. He tried to jump up from the bed, but Kris squeezed his hands. “Look at me, baby…I’m right here…you’re safe.” Adam’s eyes darted around wildly and he began to breath rapidly.
Sheila got a cloth from the sink by the wall, ran it under cold water and squeezed it out, then pressed it to Adam’s forehead. “Adam, you are twenty-seven years old. You’re in a hospital and it’s Friday, November 6th, 2009. You are not seventeen. No one is hurting you. Concentrate on the cool feeling on your head. Feel Kris’ hands on yours.”
Adam slowly started to move his fingers against Kris’ hand.
“Very good. Now look him in the eyes and listen to his voice.” She nodded at Kris.
“Adam, I love you, I love you…my beautiful Adam…I love you.” Adam finally focused his eyes on Kris’ and heaved a great breath.
Oh thank god! Thank god!
“They were so close.” Adam reached up his arms for Kris, who gladly bent down and embraced him, feeling utterly relieved that Sheila had been here.
Sheila took the cloth off of his forehead and patted him on the shoulder. “You did a good job holding the memories off, Adam. I’m proud of you.”
“It’s only because you two helped me; I couldn’t have done it on my own,” he mumbled.
Why does he always put himself down like that? Kris shifted so that he could lie down next to Adam and cradle him.
“Give yourself some credit; it took strength of mind to push those thoughts and feelings away. Kris and I could not have done that for you. And with practice, you won’t need anyone else’s help.”
“Hmph. How did you know I was here anyway?” he asked her.
“When I called you back, your mom answered and told me what happened and I came as soon as I could.”
“Where is she? Where’s Ali?”
“They’re talking to the police, baby,” answered Kris. “I can go get them if you want. They’ll want to know that you’re awake.”
“No! I mean, someone else can get them,” Adam said quickly and buried his head into Kris’ chest. He’s so scared. I wish I could magically take that away for him.
“I’ll go,” said Sheila. She left and returned in a minute with Leila and Alisan. They were relieved to see Adam awake and took turns bending over to hug him and offered words of comfort and support.
“Adam,” began Sheila after a minute of watching the reunion, “I’d like to have you transferred to the psychiatric unit.”
“What? No! I don’t want to go back there again so soon!”
She looked at him sharply. “So soon? The last time you were hospitalized was over eight years ago, unless you’re not telling me something.” She peered at Leila and Alisan, but they only nodded in Adam’s direction.
Adam flushed. “I…two years ago I…”
Kris suddenly put two and two together. Oh my god, my sweet Adam, he was hospitalized that recently? Why did Sam even get released after only eight years of prison anyway? He should have been in there for life.
Leila spoke up. “Sam broke into Adam’s apartment when he was released from prison two years ago, Sheila, but thankfully he was staying with Ali that night. When he found out what had happened, well, I’m sure you can imagine. Adam refused to let us contact you at the time.”
Sheila’s expression was both empathetic and stern. She sighed. “We are going to tackle that shame of yours, Adam.”
“Please, I don’t want to go back there…please don’t make me.”
She considered him seriously. “Are you feeling suicidal at all?”
What? No, he can’t be…that’s too… The thought of Adam wanting to end his life was almost too much for Kris to bear. He tightened his arms around Adam and prayed that it wasn’t true.
“No.” Adam looked up at Kris and smiled for the first time since he woke up. “No, I don’t want to die. I’ve got too much to live for.” He gazed at his mother and at Alisan, too. “A lot to live for. Please, Sheila, I’ll come to therapy every week, I’ll practice my skills, I’ll…I’ll even take medicine if you think I need it.”
Kris let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. A tear leaked from the corner of his eye and he kissed Adam on the top of his head.
“Alright,” she relented, “but I’m referring you to a psychiatrist. You’re not leaving here without a safety plan and I want to talk to Kris before you go…okay?”
Adam nodded and snuggled into Kris. This is going to be a long road, you sure you can handle this? Sure you want to do this? Kris looked down at Adam and felt a fiery devotion burst into life within him. Without a doubt.
“Adam, honey, the police want to talk to you; they need a statement,” said Leila gently.
“That works out,” said Sheila. “Kris, why don’t you and I chat while Adam gives his statement?”
Kris tried to sit up but Adam tensed and clung to him. “It’s okay, baby, I’ll be right back.” He kissed him on the cheek. “I promise.” Adam loosened his arms but didn’t look happy about it.
Sheila smiled and led Kris out of the patient area and into a small office. “Please...” She sat down in an office chair at the desk and motioned to a straight-backed chair in the corner. Kris sat down feeling a bit nervous, like he was being interviewed for something. “Kris, it’s obvious that Adam is in love with you and very devoted to you.”
“I feel the same way about him,” said Kris seriously.
She nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. You know, he’s very scared right now and he needs you, but I want you to realize that you can’t rescue him from his demons. He has to do that himself. Do you understand what I mean by that?”
“Yes, I think so. I can’t do the work for him.”
“That’s right, and I don’t want him to become dependent on you. Trust me, he wouldn’t want that either.”
Kris thought about all the times Adam had said that he hated needing help. “I’m sure you’re right about that, but what can I do to support him?”
“Love him the way you have been, encourage him to use his skills and his safety plan, and help him like you did earlier when he was dissociating.”
Kris frowned. “I didn’t understand half of what you said back there.”
“It means that he’s detached from his body and the world around him.”
“And that happens when something reminds him of his trauma?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes he might dissociate first and then have a flashback, or he might go right to the flashback, and then again he could dissociate and never have a flashback at all. In either case, he needs to be reminded of the present.”
“What’s the difference between them?”
“A flashback is when he is actually re-experiencing what happened to him. Sounds and feelings, physical and emotional, it’s like he’s living through it again and it’s real to him in that moment.”
Kris gasped and Sheila nodded sympathetically. “I suggest that you do a little research on all of this yourself, Kris.”
“Of course I will. So what are these skills you keep talking about, and what’s a safety plan?”
“They are tools Adam can use to cope with his symptoms, and the safety plan is a list of what to do and who to call when he is having more difficulties than he can manage on his own.”
Kris tried to take it all in, to absorb all the information he needed to support his love. He suddenly wanted to hold him again and started to fidget.
“One last thing, because I can see that you’re eager to go. It’s really important that you take care of yourself and live your life. I know…I know how much you love him, but you’ll be no good to him if you neglect yourself, believe me.”
“I…I’ll try.”
“I know you will. Adam is really lucky to have you, Kris.”
“I’m lucky to have him, too,” he said and stood up. “Thank you, for helping him and for talking with me.”
“It’s my pleasure. Now go back to him because I know you’re dying to,” she said with a smile.
Kris shook her hand and hurried back to Adam.
It was almost one o’clock in the morning by the time they got back to Adam’s apartment, but he wouldn’t relax until Kris had bolted the door and pushed a large chair in front of it. Incredibly, when at last they were cuddled into bed, Adam wanted to have sex.
“Are you kidding me?” Kris asked in disbelief. “I am completely wiped out and you must be exhausted.”
“I am, but I just feel like I need to be even closer to you. I can’t explain it…please, angel.”
Yeah, like you can deny him anything.
It was extremely gentle, almost like they were just hugging as Adam slowly moved in and out of Kris with the smallest of thrusts. They kissed sleepily, mouths tasting of stale Chinese food. Eventually Adam became soft inside Kris and they fell asleep wound tightly around each other.
Around 4am Adam had a nightmare and Kris had to spend twenty minutes reassuring him that Sam was not coming after him before he calmed down and went back to sleep.
That one, right there, that’s my favorite freckle. Kris touched Adam’s bottom lip ever so lightly so as not to wake him. I just want to lick it and suck on it all day long. As he lay there watching Adam breathe in the late morning light, it occurred to him that he was going to have to go home today, if for no other reason than to get more clothes. How long will he want me to stay with him? And we both have to go back to work. Kris thought about Adam performing tonight and wondered if he was even up for it.
“Mmph.”
“Morning sunshine,” Kris said and kissed Adam on his temple.
Adam smacked his lips and groaned. “I feel like I have a hangover.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“Kris, you’ve done so much for me…how can I ever repay you?” he said sincerely.
“I don’t want anything but your love, Adam.”
“Well you definitely have that. In fact, I seem to remember being rudely interrupted twice yesterday from doing something I know would help you feel my love,” he said with a smirk.
“Oh please can that be on our to do list today?” Kris said with his best puppy eyes.
“You better believe it, my little rabbit,” Adam growled and pinched Kris on the ass.
He giggled and swatted at Adam’s hand. “I’m glad to see you’re in a good mood this morning.”
“Well, I’m alive, aren’t I? And I have you in my life. That’s what I’ve decided to focus on right now,” Adam said, smiling.
I’m so proud of him…that would probably be weird to say, though. Kris just beamed at him and kissed him again on the head. “How about breakfast before we destroy the kitchen table?”
“You’re on. How about pancakes?”
“Really? I loooovvvve pancakes!” Kris squealed.
“You are too adorable,” Adam laughed and pecked Kris on the lips. “Mmm, and I needed to brush my teeth like yesterday. Let’s get clean, then eat and then we can get dirty again.”
“Uhh, about that. Well, I’m kind of running low on clothes.”
Adam frowned. “Yeah, I figured you’d have to go home sometime. I mean you have work and school and everything, but…I don’t think I’m ready for you to go yet,” he said quietly.
Damn, I want that smile back. “How about this. Let’s save the pancakes for another time. I’ll go home and grab a quick breakfast and some clothes. And then…” Kris waggled his eyebrows suggestively. There it is! God I love making him happy.
“Hmmm, well that sounds like an awfully long time that I have to wait to feel your tight ass around me, but…” Adam sighed dramatically, “I suppose I can make the sacrifice.”
“You are so kind,” Kris snickered.
“Oh the things I do for you, my sexy little rabbit.” Adam suddenly rolled over on top of Kris and pinned him to the bed. “But you better be fast about it; I want to finish what we started,” he said, staring hungrily into Kris’ eyes.
“Me too, and…I want it rough this time,” Kris said a bit shyly and pressed his thumb to the bruise on his neck. Certainly, he felt bolder when he was with Adam, but asking directly for things like that was pretty new. He had been amazed and touched yesterday when Adam had refused to use him. But it was so hot when he was rough!
“Oh my god! You can’t tell me that and then leave,” whined Adam. “Are you absolutely sure that you need clothes? I mean really, really sure? I know I have some cereal around here, too.”
Kris chuckled. “I swear I’ll be quick.” I need to check in with Matt, too.
Adam groaned and rolled off of Kris. “I am counting down the minutes. If you’re not back here in an hour…”
“What? You’ll punish me? Mmmm, I like the sound of that, maybe I’ll be late on purpose.”
“GAH!” Adam yelled and threw a pillow at Kris. “Go already before I change my mind and tear you apart right now!”
Kris caught the pillow and laughed. “I’m going, I’m going!”
An hour. Yeah, I’m never gonna make it. After reassuring Matt that he was still alive and that he might be at Adam’s for a few more nights, Kris still had to shower, change, pack a bag and appease his complaining belly. I’ll just get extra punishment then. He grinned to himself as he wolfed down a bowl of Frosted Flakes. None of Kris’ ex-boyfriends knew about his kinks because he had always done what they wanted, but he was damn excited to explore them with Adam. Wait until he finds out how much I like bondage. He tried not to speed on his way back to Adam’s.
He took the stairs two at a time and knocked on Adam’s door, bouncing eagerly on his toes. Adam threw open the door. “Holy shit!” Kris yelled and almost wet his pants at the sight of him. Adam was completely naked except for a pair of black boots and…a leather thong! Oh my fucking god…and a whip!
“You’re late,” Adam said gruffly, running the whip through his hand.
All Kris could do was whimper.
“Get in here.”
He staggered forward. Adam gave him the smallest wink, bolted the door and then grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. Kris felt like his brain was melting as he watched the muscles of Adam’s ass move when he walked.
The kitchen table was clear. Adam lifted Kris from the floor and set him on the table as easy as if he were a pitcher of lemonade. He wrapped the fingers of one hand tightly into Kris’ hair and pulled his head back sharply.
“So you like it rough, do you?” Adam asked.
Kris quivered and swallowed with difficulty. “Yes,” he whispered.
“I didn’t hear you, rabbit.”
“Yes,” he said louder.
“I think I’ll need to hear a little more enthusiasm than that,” Adam said and yanked Kris’ head back a little more.
“Yes! Please! I want it rough…please!” Kris shouted and begged.
“Mmmm, that was much better.” Adam stuck out his long tongue and licked Kris’ neck from the hollow of his throat all the way up to his bottom lip and then bit down hard. Kris gasped loudly and felt sticky wetness spreading in the front of his pants. He thought he might die from the utter sexiness of this moment. Adam continued to chew on Kris’ lip and then thrust his tongue inside Kris’ mouth over and over again like he was fucking it. Then he bit down on Kris' tongue until he garbled out a cry out from the back of his throat.
It’s like a wet dream…I’m never going to survive this.
All of a sudden Adam let go of his hair and pulled him to the edge of the table. “How badly do you want it, baby?” He took Kris’ hand and rubbed it on his leather clad dick. “How much do you want this in your sweet, tight ass?”
Kris was almost crying with the want pulsing throughout his body as his hand was moved in circles over Adam’s cock. “pleewansobad,” he gibbered.
“Show me. Show me how badly you want it.”
He all but tore his shirt off and fumbled frantically at the button of his jeans while kicking off his shoes. Adam’s seductive, commanding mask slipped just a fraction, letting a tiny smile show on his lips as he watched Kris panic that he couldn’t get his pants off fast enough. But Kris was busy and didn’t notice, and by the time he was finally naked, Adam was in his role again.
“Very nice,” Adam said appreciatively, looking Kris up and down and licking his lips. He took the whip and drew it up Kris’ chest, letting it trail across his nipples.
“Oh god…oh g-OD!” he cried sharply when Adam snapped the whip on his thigh.
And then it was on. Adam manhandled Kris into position so that he was bent forward over the table with his hands gripping the far edge, stretching his upper body taut. He raked his nails down Kris’ bare back and dug them into his ass, spreading him wide and massaging his cheeks. “Uhhhh…” Kris moaned and arched his ass in the air. Adam leaned over and took a big bite of his left cheek. “Yes! Adam…please, more!” Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! went the whip, leaving hot red lines on all over Kris’ smooth skin. “More…MORE!” But Adam seemed to be at his limit. He snarled, threw the whip aside and mounted Kris like an animal in heat.
Kris had one second to marvel at Adam’s preparedness…he pulled that condom out of his underwear!…and then he and the table lurched forward when Adam finally drove in. Over and over Adam scratched at Kris and bit his back as he humped him feverishly. Kris babbled and cried every time he felt the combination of pain and pleasure.
“Right…fucking…there!!!!” Adam yelled and thrust again…again…again, harder and deeper each time. He picked up Kris’ legs by the thighs, wrapped them around his hips and leaned over so he could reach Kris’ neck to bite viciously at the bruise that was already there.
Kris let go of the table with one hand and pounded it on the surface, screaming and pleading. “DON’T STOP! DON’T FUCKING STOP….FUCK!!” Kris came violently and abruptly without any stimulation to his dick and shot his load straight down onto the floor.
“Oh my fucking god! Did you just…” Adam swore through clenched teeth. The table skidded about a foot with his last thrust and he clamped his jaws onto Kris’ neck, moaning into his skin as he came.
Kris cursed again and then lay still on the table, feeling Adam’s weight collapse onto him and thinking that this would go down in history as the hottest fuck he had ever experienced in his life.
Chapter 22