True Love Leaves No Traces
Title: True Love Leaves No Traces
Author: lilymajolis
Pairing: Adam, Kris, Katy
Rating: R
Summary: What happens after the tour is over, when he has fallen in love with someone else? Kris does win AI8, but there's some AU here too. Well, you'll see...
Disclaimer: These people belong to themselves and certainly not to me. Nothing here really happened. No $ involved.
Notes: A short-ish piece that wouldn't leave my head and seemed to almost write itself. Title is from the song by Leonard Cohen.
Comments are welcome and *loved*
As the mist leaves no scar/ On the dark green hill/ So my body leaves no scar/ On you and never will...
As a falling leaf may rest/ A moment in the air/ So your head upon my breast/ So my hand upon your hair
- Leonard Cohen
You never lied to me when we first met. You told me that you thought you were bisexual, and had been with guys and girls, and it was all good. I appreciated your honesty, and no one can say I didn’t walk into this with open eyes. I always knew there was a risk. But I took that risk, gladly, because when you looked at me with those wide brown eyes and kissed me with that soft curvy mouth I felt like I was being melted down and re-formed into something that fit you perfectly.
I’d never been in love before, and I wasn’t really prepared for what it did to me. How gladly I gave up control and gave you the power to spin me around your center of gravity. And all these years you’ve never made me regret it. I would have followed you off a cliff if you asked me to, but you don’t have an ounce of drama in you, and your serenity grounded me.
And because you sing like God’s own angel, I encouraged you to try out for American Idol. Little did I know that I lost you the first night you spent at the mansion.
I knew what you’d done together by what you stopped doing with me. First you stopped kissing me, and that hurt the most. Because your mouth on my mouth had always been an alchemy of flesh into fire, and you could almost make me come just by sliding your tongue hot and sweet between my lips and thrusting against mine until I ached for release.
By Rock Week you wouldn’t let me take your cock in my mouth, and I mourned the loss of watching you panting against disheveled sheets as I sucked you slowly and lovingly and deeply. I loved how your hands got tangled up in my hair when you pulled me closer, shuddering and making little moans, and how you would thrust up hard into my mouth just before you came, gasping my name like I had just saved you from drowning.
The last time you fucked me, I watched your beautiful face. You had taught me to love this, after a nameless drunk at a party had made me think I never wanted to be touched that way again. You showed me how sweet it could be, and even on this night I couldn’t help but forget for a little while everything other than the blinding pleasure of your cock moving in perfect rhythm inside me. After you came I drew you down to lie on top of me, and I wouldn’t let you pull out, even though I could see the guilt creeping into your eyes. I wanted you to never forget that you were once this close to me.
I saw you standing there on stage week after incredible week, as one by one your competition dwindled. I know you weren’t thinking of me when you sang “Falling Slowly”. I saw your arms around each other as the names were called, the way you hugged each other when you were both safe for another week, the look in your eyes…
I knew that look because it used to belong to me. And I would sit in the audience next to your parents hoping you’d catch my eye, just once, but when you did it didn’t linger. You were already gone.
A hundred times I thought about just getting it over with, making you tell me. I knew you would, and that’s why I didn’t do it. Because I couldn’t quite face the end yet. I wanted to pretend for a little longer that you’d come back to me when the tour was over and it would be like nothing ever happened. In this pretend world, you might even confess to me, and of course I’d forgive you because I’d be so damn grateful that you were still choosing me. If I’m being completely honest, I think I’d even be willing to share you, as long as you still came home to me and held me in your arms and whispered my name into my hair until I fell asleep .
But you’re not like that. When you love, you love completely. You hold nothing back, and I know for sure that your heart was entirely mine. The only thing I got wrong was the forever part.
So I didn’t ask, and I took what I could get while the tour lasted. City after city for two and a half months I came as often as I could, and I stood next to you at the stupid photo shoots as if I still belonged there. When I couldn’t come, I listened to the podcasts and read the comments on the blogs and saw people dissecting the hidden code in your dance during the last song. Speculating about what the two of you were doing together on the tour bus and in the hotel rooms.
My name has become almost a joke, like I’m just an intrusion, someone who is annoyingly in the way of this epic connection between the two of you. Once when someone wrote to defend me I was so touched I cried, but he or she was quickly mocked by the ones who wanted you both together. What hope did I have when your future was already being written without me in it?
So now the last concert is over. I flew out to Manchester this morning, and it’s been sticky-hot all day and even now the humid air makes the night oppressive. But we’re in the hotel room shivering because the air conditioner is stuck on high, and I’ve watched you pace silently back and forth for a long while.
I lie in bed and memorize you, the way you look right now. Gold-brown hair spiky and stiff with gel, plaid shirt unbuttoned a little too low, a silver necklace that I know didn’t come from a fan, or from me. You keep biting your lips, the way you do when you’re anxious or scared. After all these years, I thought I knew your every expression. But I don’t know this one. The one that you wear while you’re trying to find the courage to tell me you’re leaving.
I hold out my hand, and you lay down beside me, blinking at the ceiling. I concentrate on breathing and finally you turn to me and I know that the words are coming. The words that I’ve been expecting for all these weeks.
“Adam, I’m so sorry…” you whisper. “I need to tell you… I’m in love with someone else…”
There it is. How can I argue with that? I know what love is. You were the one who taught me. I know it’s impossible to fight. I can’t hate you, I can’t hate her. It’s not Katy’s fault that the stars have aligned in their rotations to bring her to you just at this moment when the rest of your life is changing. I thought it would be me who got to be on this ride with you, to watch you become what I know you always had it in you to be. It just turns out that my ticket has been taken by someone else.
“I’ll always love you,” you say, and I know it’s true. I see my blue eyes reflected in your brown ones and I know you can see me breaking. I try to hide it because even now I don’t want to ever cause you pain.
I move closer, and you let me lay my head on your chest. Tomorrow you can go to her. I’m only asking for this one last night, so I can listen to your heart count down the seconds we have left.
Author: lilymajolis
Pairing: Adam, Kris, Katy
Rating: R
Summary: What happens after the tour is over, when he has fallen in love with someone else? Kris does win AI8, but there's some AU here too. Well, you'll see...
Disclaimer: These people belong to themselves and certainly not to me. Nothing here really happened. No $ involved.
Notes: A short-ish piece that wouldn't leave my head and seemed to almost write itself. Title is from the song by Leonard Cohen.
Comments are welcome and *loved*
As the mist leaves no scar/ On the dark green hill/ So my body leaves no scar/ On you and never will...
As a falling leaf may rest/ A moment in the air/ So your head upon my breast/ So my hand upon your hair
- Leonard Cohen
You never lied to me when we first met. You told me that you thought you were bisexual, and had been with guys and girls, and it was all good. I appreciated your honesty, and no one can say I didn’t walk into this with open eyes. I always knew there was a risk. But I took that risk, gladly, because when you looked at me with those wide brown eyes and kissed me with that soft curvy mouth I felt like I was being melted down and re-formed into something that fit you perfectly.
I’d never been in love before, and I wasn’t really prepared for what it did to me. How gladly I gave up control and gave you the power to spin me around your center of gravity. And all these years you’ve never made me regret it. I would have followed you off a cliff if you asked me to, but you don’t have an ounce of drama in you, and your serenity grounded me.
And because you sing like God’s own angel, I encouraged you to try out for American Idol. Little did I know that I lost you the first night you spent at the mansion.
I knew what you’d done together by what you stopped doing with me. First you stopped kissing me, and that hurt the most. Because your mouth on my mouth had always been an alchemy of flesh into fire, and you could almost make me come just by sliding your tongue hot and sweet between my lips and thrusting against mine until I ached for release.
By Rock Week you wouldn’t let me take your cock in my mouth, and I mourned the loss of watching you panting against disheveled sheets as I sucked you slowly and lovingly and deeply. I loved how your hands got tangled up in my hair when you pulled me closer, shuddering and making little moans, and how you would thrust up hard into my mouth just before you came, gasping my name like I had just saved you from drowning.
The last time you fucked me, I watched your beautiful face. You had taught me to love this, after a nameless drunk at a party had made me think I never wanted to be touched that way again. You showed me how sweet it could be, and even on this night I couldn’t help but forget for a little while everything other than the blinding pleasure of your cock moving in perfect rhythm inside me. After you came I drew you down to lie on top of me, and I wouldn’t let you pull out, even though I could see the guilt creeping into your eyes. I wanted you to never forget that you were once this close to me.
I saw you standing there on stage week after incredible week, as one by one your competition dwindled. I know you weren’t thinking of me when you sang “Falling Slowly”. I saw your arms around each other as the names were called, the way you hugged each other when you were both safe for another week, the look in your eyes…
I knew that look because it used to belong to me. And I would sit in the audience next to your parents hoping you’d catch my eye, just once, but when you did it didn’t linger. You were already gone.
A hundred times I thought about just getting it over with, making you tell me. I knew you would, and that’s why I didn’t do it. Because I couldn’t quite face the end yet. I wanted to pretend for a little longer that you’d come back to me when the tour was over and it would be like nothing ever happened. In this pretend world, you might even confess to me, and of course I’d forgive you because I’d be so damn grateful that you were still choosing me. If I’m being completely honest, I think I’d even be willing to share you, as long as you still came home to me and held me in your arms and whispered my name into my hair until I fell asleep .
But you’re not like that. When you love, you love completely. You hold nothing back, and I know for sure that your heart was entirely mine. The only thing I got wrong was the forever part.
So I didn’t ask, and I took what I could get while the tour lasted. City after city for two and a half months I came as often as I could, and I stood next to you at the stupid photo shoots as if I still belonged there. When I couldn’t come, I listened to the podcasts and read the comments on the blogs and saw people dissecting the hidden code in your dance during the last song. Speculating about what the two of you were doing together on the tour bus and in the hotel rooms.
My name has become almost a joke, like I’m just an intrusion, someone who is annoyingly in the way of this epic connection between the two of you. Once when someone wrote to defend me I was so touched I cried, but he or she was quickly mocked by the ones who wanted you both together. What hope did I have when your future was already being written without me in it?
So now the last concert is over. I flew out to Manchester this morning, and it’s been sticky-hot all day and even now the humid air makes the night oppressive. But we’re in the hotel room shivering because the air conditioner is stuck on high, and I’ve watched you pace silently back and forth for a long while.
I lie in bed and memorize you, the way you look right now. Gold-brown hair spiky and stiff with gel, plaid shirt unbuttoned a little too low, a silver necklace that I know didn’t come from a fan, or from me. You keep biting your lips, the way you do when you’re anxious or scared. After all these years, I thought I knew your every expression. But I don’t know this one. The one that you wear while you’re trying to find the courage to tell me you’re leaving.
I hold out my hand, and you lay down beside me, blinking at the ceiling. I concentrate on breathing and finally you turn to me and I know that the words are coming. The words that I’ve been expecting for all these weeks.
“Adam, I’m so sorry…” you whisper. “I need to tell you… I’m in love with someone else…”
There it is. How can I argue with that? I know what love is. You were the one who taught me. I know it’s impossible to fight. I can’t hate you, I can’t hate her. It’s not Katy’s fault that the stars have aligned in their rotations to bring her to you just at this moment when the rest of your life is changing. I thought it would be me who got to be on this ride with you, to watch you become what I know you always had it in you to be. It just turns out that my ticket has been taken by someone else.
“I’ll always love you,” you say, and I know it’s true. I see my blue eyes reflected in your brown ones and I know you can see me breaking. I try to hide it because even now I don’t want to ever cause you pain.
I move closer, and you let me lay my head on your chest. Tomorrow you can go to her. I’m only asking for this one last night, so I can listen to your heart count down the seconds we have left.