fic: Life is like an analogy
Title: Life is like an analogy
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: pg-13
Disclaimer: The scenarios depicted here are complete fabrication, and not intended for profit.
Warning: Ambiguous references to Sarver and Gokey in a negative light.
Notes: This is a remake of a piece I've written for other fandoms. It's more like a stream-of-consciousness with a (hopefully) humorous slant.
* * *
Someone once said that life is like a similie. Another asked, "What if there were no hypothetical situations?" I say give me ambiguity or give me something else.
"What is she talking about," you ask? Well, yesterday I was sitting at my desk, pondering the fact that Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of our lives, when I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns, and torment my fellow Kradam 'shippers with a story of analogies, observations, and useless phrases because... well, because I feel like it. This is a happy little tongue-in-cheek story, with a few twists.
Did I come up with these things all on my own? Of course not. You've heard ‘em before, probably right here on the Internet. But as the saying goes, you can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient. :-)
You may think I'm crazy. Well, madness takes its toll... please have exact change.
* * *
Adam was a rising star with unparalleled talent. He was glittery, glamorous, fierce and fabulous! His partner Kris was no slouch either: an accomplished musician, crowned American Idol 2009. They met during auditions, part of the infamous "group 2" which produced 4 of the top 5 contestants. They became an inseparable two, like peas in a pod (idols in a mansion), roommates to the end, the final two. They shared a passion for Michael Jackson, sweets, and each other. Before long, their love grew to be thick and fiery, like a scarlet red Crayola crayon melting over a hot flame. For Kris, it was a thrill to be in love with a man who could make his wildest fantasies come true. With Adam, all things were possible, with the exception, perhaps, of skiing through a revolving door or teaching a ferret to yodel.
Before Adam met Kris, he thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. When he was older and wiser, he considered what might be fertilizing that greener grass. The men he had slept with before he popped Kris's gay cherry were hot, but he knew that if his life was made into a movie, a typical evening on the Sunset strip would be buried in the credits as something like "357th fuck". As his hairdresser used to say, "If it's got tires or testicles, you're in for trouble." The truth is, love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want the ride to end; and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.
* * *
Adam had been a very happy and noisy child. Later in life, he wondered if infants enjoy infancy as much as some adults enjoy adultery. Some of his best memories of childhood were of bathtime, playing with his toys in the tub, and singing along to the radio or his dad's vinyl collection. The freckle-faced tyke would watch in fascination as one of his little plastic boats drifted gently across the ripples in the soapy water, exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. Adam liked the rain, but storms scared him. The thunder was ominous, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being tossed around backstage during the storm scene in one of his low-budget high school plays.
Adam's younger brother, who called himself "Negative Neil," managed quite successfully to keep stress out of his life; he gave it to others instead. Sometimes he would stare at people he disliked through the tines of a fork and pretend they were in jail. And, if all else failed, he would tape pictures of them to watermelons and launch them off the roof, watching them hit the pavement and explode with the volcanic force of a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
* * *
People questioned how a seemingly mis-matched couple like Adam and Kris could have ever found love together. They say love is blind (like Scott MacIntyre). If that's true, why are lingerie and leather so popular? Others say that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Maybe it was Kris's cooking that got Adam hot and bothered. He wasn't exactly a magician in the kitchen, but he knew how to make a few special dishes. He was also health conscious, but not to an extreme. As he got older, he would say to Adam, "Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park." Exercise was not a necessity; in fact, Adam thought it was somewhat overrated. After all, health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. If it wasn't for muscle spasms, some people wouldn't get any exercise at all. And if swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Many people get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing their luck, and dodging insults.
They ate meat, because - let's face it - humans didn't fight their way to the top of the food chain to be vegetarians. They also needed to consume some of their protein off a plate, and not straight from each other. One night Kris served a delicious Italian meal, which prompted Adam to wonder aloud whether they would still be hungry if they ate pasta and antipasto in the same sitting. What would happen if you put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room and let them fight it out? Kris didn't know the answer to that, but he did tell Adam that the reason cannibals don't eat clowns is because they taste funny. Later on, Adam helped Kris clean up, and as he filled the sink with soap, Kris wondered why lemon juice is made of artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons. Earlier in the week, he had purchased some powdered water, but didn't know what to add.
* * *
Kris and Adam were raised in different religions, but both believed in an afterlife. Adam joked that if they were to be punished for their sins, they were probably going to Heck. Heck was created for people who refuse to believe in Gosh. David Archuleta, another Idol contestant, was fond of saying things like "Oh my heck," even in his tweets. Everyone knows that the chemistry which sparked between Adam and Kris was much more important than their moral standing. Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons. Adam followed the advice of spiritual guides who told him, "Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things." Madonna told him to keep his eye on the prize, which he did. He was shooting for the stars, and was fabulous enough to actually ejaculate glitter.
Adam taught Kris that there are two rules to success in life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
2.
Kris told Adam not to take life too seriously, because you won't get out alive. Adam replied that he planned to live forever -- so far, so good. Then he'd get Kris to smile, saying, "It's the second best thing you can do with your mouth."
* * *
Before auditioning for American Idol, Kris was going to finish school and get a 'real job,' even though he wasn't particularly enthused by the idea. The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Eventually, his brother convinced him to try out for the show, and Kris knew he had to follow his dream... unless it was the one where he was running through the hallways of his elementary school in his underwear during a fire drill. Some people took Kris's laid-back humility for insecurity. They didn't realize that singing for a living was what Kris really wanted, and that he was committed to it. The difference between involvement and commitment is best explained using the bacon and eggs analogy -- the chicken is involved, the pig is committed.
Some of the people from Arkansas felt that ambition was a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy, and that one should never put off until tomorrow what they could avoid doing altogether. If they were any lazier, they would slip into a coma. "No job is so simple that it can't be done incorrectly," one of the folks said. "Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it," another added. None of these people had the motivation that kept Kris going... although they might be surprised to learn that he had actually been aiming for the 'bottom'. ;)
As for himself, Adam feared that he would come home one day to find a post-it note on the door saying, "Knocked; you weren't in. -- Opportunity." He wanted to soar like an eagle. The unfortunate truth is that eagles may soar, but land animals don't get sucked into jet engines. It's also hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys. Adam was quick to make new friends, but was careful when cultivating lifelong friendships, often wondering about people's motivations. Some friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Figuring out who was sincere, and who wanted to ride his coattails was more challenging than getting Ryan to stop antagonizing Simon. And yet, his plan to take the music world by storm was coming along well. Did anyone suspect him? He tried not to be paranoid. But just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
* * *
The Kradam boys generally got along well with everyone, but despite their best efforts, there was friction with a couple of the other idols. Talk of religion and sexual orientation quickly turned heated, so instead of letting things escalate, they agreed to disagree. Kris just shook his head, wondering if God was testing them when it came to the ignorant brute. Three hundred million sperm, and that's the one that got through? Hard to believe. The problem with the gene pool, you see, is that there is no lifeguard. And, there is always one more imbecile than you counted on. You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. As far as Adam was concerned, the lumbering crooner was irrelevant, especially after he was voted off: gone, but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.
There was another contestant who couldn't go unnoticed, however. He was an attention-seeker, known for sticking his foot in his mouth more often that most. If you put his brain in a bumblebee, it would probably fly backwards. If dumb was dirt, he'd cover an acre. On a good day, he had an intellect rivalled only by garden tools. To be fair, the guy wasn't a complete idiot -- some parts were missing. And everyone has a right to be stupid; some just abuse the privilege. Let's just say that if ignorance were bliss, the bespectacled screamer would be orgasmic.
Kris figured God must love stupid people, he made so many of them. On more than one occasion during their exhausting press junkets, when one of them was cornered by a dim reporter who had mastered the art of the single entendre, they would remark, "I just remembered something; you're annoying, and my legs work." Failing that, they would grit their teeth and force themselves to turn on the part of their brains that gave a damn. Kris had to remember that he was unique, just like everyone else. He could smile sweetly and feign interest for as long as was necessary, if only for diplomacy's sake. Sure, it could be painful, but the truth is, every day of your life is painful, and the last one kills you. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Some of the drag queens Adam had met in Hollywood claimed that reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. And despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Jesus paid for your sins... why not get your money's worth?
* * *
For months, the media wouldn't let up on the subject of Adam's sexuality, but he politely answered their questions so that they would hopefully follow up with features about his music. Kris's exuberance was often channelled into his songwriting, which helped him remain sedate. Afer all, if you can stay calm while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. And when you overlook things, you make mistakes. To err is human. It is also stupid. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. This is not to say that Kris never made mistakes. He thought he did once, but he was wrong. Moving in with Adam was definitely not a mistake; in fact, it was probably the best decision he had ever made.
Adam didn't waste his time with frivolities. Once in a blue moon (the colour of which matched the streaks in Adam's hair) he took the time to ponder life's deep mysteries. For example, when birds see humans reading the newspaper, do they wonder why we are staring at carpet?
With Kradam, the sex was so good that afterwards, even the neighbors had a cigarette. Of course, if you smoke after sex, you may be doing it too fast. One night, following a particularly exhaustive session during which Adam gave Kris every inch of his love, Kris got the urge to tease Adam, and whispered in his ear, "One of these nights, I'm going to make you take off the jacket and boots." Adam was a real man, not a hustler or a Don Juannabe. Sometimes he would laugh at the cheap pick-up lines he overheard at the clubs... "I need someone really bad . . . are you really bad?" Or, "That's a nice jockstrap you have on. Can I talk you out of it?" Then there was, "The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue," and his all-time favorite, the guy who used to hand out calling cards that read, "Smile if you want to sleep with me."
Adam liked to tease Kris the same way, with provocative one-liners when he was in a playful mood. He would put on some funky music, turn the lights down low, and show his younger lover what it meant to be seduced. He grinned devilishly, admiring the tight t-shirt that clung to Kris's upper body in all the right places, and shook his head. "Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be," Adam declared, running his hands over Kris's butt. Kris laughed in spite of himself, and encouraged Adam by moving closer. Kris couldn't help himself when Adam was like this. The aquamarine eyes got him every time. He could get lost in them, and sometimes forget to breathe. The world around them disappeared as they descended into a private utopia meant only for the two of them. Kris stroked Adam's cheek, bringing his full, pouty lips close to his lover's. "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock."
Do I need to use fuzzy puppets and act this out for you? Sorry, but the x-rated stuff is restricted to mailing lists only. Doesn't that just burn you up? Honestly, the worst thing about censorship is xxxxxx [deleted by message board censors]. Not everything that comes out of my mouth is an airborne toxic event.
* * *
When either of them left town to promote their latest album, Adam became uneasy. He couldn't bear the thought of being away from his pocket idol. Thoughts of loneliness and heartache tumbled around in his head, making and breaking alliances like underwear in a dryer without "cling-free" fabric softener. The whole incident had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30. The feelings of apprehension baffled Adam. He was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:/flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch @ ung but gets T:/flw.quidaaak/ch @ ng by mistake.
Kris didn't ever want to lose Adam either; they needed each other. In fact, he knew that if cruel fate ever separated them for any length of time, their eventual reunion would approximate two lovers racing across a grassy field toward each other like two mighty freight trains, one having left Conway at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from San Diego at 4:19 pm, at a speed of 35 mph. For both of them, life was precious. Some say life is cheap -- it's the accessories that kill you. All that glitters may not be gold, but it has a high refractive index.
Before I started watching American Idol, I had a handle on life, but it broke. So, I tried to fix it with duct tape. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together. I don't want for much in this life, but I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous. This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn't. It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end. I often pray, "Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me." I do this at home, because I gave up church for Lent.
I have shortcomings. I have not yet begun to procrastinate. At this moment, I fear there may be too much blood in my alcohol system. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. And yet, I still love my Kradam.
I just have one more question. . . does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
The end.
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: pg-13
Disclaimer: The scenarios depicted here are complete fabrication, and not intended for profit.
Warning: Ambiguous references to Sarver and Gokey in a negative light.
Notes: This is a remake of a piece I've written for other fandoms. It's more like a stream-of-consciousness with a (hopefully) humorous slant.
* * *
Someone once said that life is like a similie. Another asked, "What if there were no hypothetical situations?" I say give me ambiguity or give me something else.
"What is she talking about," you ask? Well, yesterday I was sitting at my desk, pondering the fact that Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of our lives, when I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns, and torment my fellow Kradam 'shippers with a story of analogies, observations, and useless phrases because... well, because I feel like it. This is a happy little tongue-in-cheek story, with a few twists.
Did I come up with these things all on my own? Of course not. You've heard ‘em before, probably right here on the Internet. But as the saying goes, you can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient. :-)
You may think I'm crazy. Well, madness takes its toll... please have exact change.
* * *
Adam was a rising star with unparalleled talent. He was glittery, glamorous, fierce and fabulous! His partner Kris was no slouch either: an accomplished musician, crowned American Idol 2009. They met during auditions, part of the infamous "group 2" which produced 4 of the top 5 contestants. They became an inseparable two, like peas in a pod (idols in a mansion), roommates to the end, the final two. They shared a passion for Michael Jackson, sweets, and each other. Before long, their love grew to be thick and fiery, like a scarlet red Crayola crayon melting over a hot flame. For Kris, it was a thrill to be in love with a man who could make his wildest fantasies come true. With Adam, all things were possible, with the exception, perhaps, of skiing through a revolving door or teaching a ferret to yodel.
Before Adam met Kris, he thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. When he was older and wiser, he considered what might be fertilizing that greener grass. The men he had slept with before he popped Kris's gay cherry were hot, but he knew that if his life was made into a movie, a typical evening on the Sunset strip would be buried in the credits as something like "357th fuck". As his hairdresser used to say, "If it's got tires or testicles, you're in for trouble." The truth is, love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want the ride to end; and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.
* * *
Adam had been a very happy and noisy child. Later in life, he wondered if infants enjoy infancy as much as some adults enjoy adultery. Some of his best memories of childhood were of bathtime, playing with his toys in the tub, and singing along to the radio or his dad's vinyl collection. The freckle-faced tyke would watch in fascination as one of his little plastic boats drifted gently across the ripples in the soapy water, exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. Adam liked the rain, but storms scared him. The thunder was ominous, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being tossed around backstage during the storm scene in one of his low-budget high school plays.
Adam's younger brother, who called himself "Negative Neil," managed quite successfully to keep stress out of his life; he gave it to others instead. Sometimes he would stare at people he disliked through the tines of a fork and pretend they were in jail. And, if all else failed, he would tape pictures of them to watermelons and launch them off the roof, watching them hit the pavement and explode with the volcanic force of a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
* * *
People questioned how a seemingly mis-matched couple like Adam and Kris could have ever found love together. They say love is blind (like Scott MacIntyre). If that's true, why are lingerie and leather so popular? Others say that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Maybe it was Kris's cooking that got Adam hot and bothered. He wasn't exactly a magician in the kitchen, but he knew how to make a few special dishes. He was also health conscious, but not to an extreme. As he got older, he would say to Adam, "Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park." Exercise was not a necessity; in fact, Adam thought it was somewhat overrated. After all, health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. If it wasn't for muscle spasms, some people wouldn't get any exercise at all. And if swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Many people get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing their luck, and dodging insults.
They ate meat, because - let's face it - humans didn't fight their way to the top of the food chain to be vegetarians. They also needed to consume some of their protein off a plate, and not straight from each other. One night Kris served a delicious Italian meal, which prompted Adam to wonder aloud whether they would still be hungry if they ate pasta and antipasto in the same sitting. What would happen if you put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room and let them fight it out? Kris didn't know the answer to that, but he did tell Adam that the reason cannibals don't eat clowns is because they taste funny. Later on, Adam helped Kris clean up, and as he filled the sink with soap, Kris wondered why lemon juice is made of artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons. Earlier in the week, he had purchased some powdered water, but didn't know what to add.
* * *
Kris and Adam were raised in different religions, but both believed in an afterlife. Adam joked that if they were to be punished for their sins, they were probably going to Heck. Heck was created for people who refuse to believe in Gosh. David Archuleta, another Idol contestant, was fond of saying things like "Oh my heck," even in his tweets. Everyone knows that the chemistry which sparked between Adam and Kris was much more important than their moral standing. Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons. Adam followed the advice of spiritual guides who told him, "Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things." Madonna told him to keep his eye on the prize, which he did. He was shooting for the stars, and was fabulous enough to actually ejaculate glitter.
Adam taught Kris that there are two rules to success in life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
2.
Kris told Adam not to take life too seriously, because you won't get out alive. Adam replied that he planned to live forever -- so far, so good. Then he'd get Kris to smile, saying, "It's the second best thing you can do with your mouth."
* * *
Before auditioning for American Idol, Kris was going to finish school and get a 'real job,' even though he wasn't particularly enthused by the idea. The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Eventually, his brother convinced him to try out for the show, and Kris knew he had to follow his dream... unless it was the one where he was running through the hallways of his elementary school in his underwear during a fire drill. Some people took Kris's laid-back humility for insecurity. They didn't realize that singing for a living was what Kris really wanted, and that he was committed to it. The difference between involvement and commitment is best explained using the bacon and eggs analogy -- the chicken is involved, the pig is committed.
Some of the people from Arkansas felt that ambition was a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy, and that one should never put off until tomorrow what they could avoid doing altogether. If they were any lazier, they would slip into a coma. "No job is so simple that it can't be done incorrectly," one of the folks said. "Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it," another added. None of these people had the motivation that kept Kris going... although they might be surprised to learn that he had actually been aiming for the 'bottom'. ;)
As for himself, Adam feared that he would come home one day to find a post-it note on the door saying, "Knocked; you weren't in. -- Opportunity." He wanted to soar like an eagle. The unfortunate truth is that eagles may soar, but land animals don't get sucked into jet engines. It's also hard to soar like an eagle when you work with turkeys. Adam was quick to make new friends, but was careful when cultivating lifelong friendships, often wondering about people's motivations. Some friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Figuring out who was sincere, and who wanted to ride his coattails was more challenging than getting Ryan to stop antagonizing Simon. And yet, his plan to take the music world by storm was coming along well. Did anyone suspect him? He tried not to be paranoid. But just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
* * *
The Kradam boys generally got along well with everyone, but despite their best efforts, there was friction with a couple of the other idols. Talk of religion and sexual orientation quickly turned heated, so instead of letting things escalate, they agreed to disagree. Kris just shook his head, wondering if God was testing them when it came to the ignorant brute. Three hundred million sperm, and that's the one that got through? Hard to believe. The problem with the gene pool, you see, is that there is no lifeguard. And, there is always one more imbecile than you counted on. You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. As far as Adam was concerned, the lumbering crooner was irrelevant, especially after he was voted off: gone, but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.
There was another contestant who couldn't go unnoticed, however. He was an attention-seeker, known for sticking his foot in his mouth more often that most. If you put his brain in a bumblebee, it would probably fly backwards. If dumb was dirt, he'd cover an acre. On a good day, he had an intellect rivalled only by garden tools. To be fair, the guy wasn't a complete idiot -- some parts were missing. And everyone has a right to be stupid; some just abuse the privilege. Let's just say that if ignorance were bliss, the bespectacled screamer would be orgasmic.
Kris figured God must love stupid people, he made so many of them. On more than one occasion during their exhausting press junkets, when one of them was cornered by a dim reporter who had mastered the art of the single entendre, they would remark, "I just remembered something; you're annoying, and my legs work." Failing that, they would grit their teeth and force themselves to turn on the part of their brains that gave a damn. Kris had to remember that he was unique, just like everyone else. He could smile sweetly and feign interest for as long as was necessary, if only for diplomacy's sake. Sure, it could be painful, but the truth is, every day of your life is painful, and the last one kills you. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Some of the drag queens Adam had met in Hollywood claimed that reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. And despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Jesus paid for your sins... why not get your money's worth?
* * *
For months, the media wouldn't let up on the subject of Adam's sexuality, but he politely answered their questions so that they would hopefully follow up with features about his music. Kris's exuberance was often channelled into his songwriting, which helped him remain sedate. Afer all, if you can stay calm while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. And when you overlook things, you make mistakes. To err is human. It is also stupid. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. This is not to say that Kris never made mistakes. He thought he did once, but he was wrong. Moving in with Adam was definitely not a mistake; in fact, it was probably the best decision he had ever made.
Adam didn't waste his time with frivolities. Once in a blue moon (the colour of which matched the streaks in Adam's hair) he took the time to ponder life's deep mysteries. For example, when birds see humans reading the newspaper, do they wonder why we are staring at carpet?
With Kradam, the sex was so good that afterwards, even the neighbors had a cigarette. Of course, if you smoke after sex, you may be doing it too fast. One night, following a particularly exhaustive session during which Adam gave Kris every inch of his love, Kris got the urge to tease Adam, and whispered in his ear, "One of these nights, I'm going to make you take off the jacket and boots." Adam was a real man, not a hustler or a Don Juannabe. Sometimes he would laugh at the cheap pick-up lines he overheard at the clubs... "I need someone really bad . . . are you really bad?" Or, "That's a nice jockstrap you have on. Can I talk you out of it?" Then there was, "The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue," and his all-time favorite, the guy who used to hand out calling cards that read, "Smile if you want to sleep with me."
Adam liked to tease Kris the same way, with provocative one-liners when he was in a playful mood. He would put on some funky music, turn the lights down low, and show his younger lover what it meant to be seduced. He grinned devilishly, admiring the tight t-shirt that clung to Kris's upper body in all the right places, and shook his head. "Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be," Adam declared, running his hands over Kris's butt. Kris laughed in spite of himself, and encouraged Adam by moving closer. Kris couldn't help himself when Adam was like this. The aquamarine eyes got him every time. He could get lost in them, and sometimes forget to breathe. The world around them disappeared as they descended into a private utopia meant only for the two of them. Kris stroked Adam's cheek, bringing his full, pouty lips close to his lover's. "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock."
Do I need to use fuzzy puppets and act this out for you? Sorry, but the x-rated stuff is restricted to mailing lists only. Doesn't that just burn you up? Honestly, the worst thing about censorship is xxxxxx [deleted by message board censors]. Not everything that comes out of my mouth is an airborne toxic event.
* * *
When either of them left town to promote their latest album, Adam became uneasy. He couldn't bear the thought of being away from his pocket idol. Thoughts of loneliness and heartache tumbled around in his head, making and breaking alliances like underwear in a dryer without "cling-free" fabric softener. The whole incident had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30. The feelings of apprehension baffled Adam. He was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:/flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch @ ung but gets T:/flw.quidaaak/ch @ ng by mistake.
Kris didn't ever want to lose Adam either; they needed each other. In fact, he knew that if cruel fate ever separated them for any length of time, their eventual reunion would approximate two lovers racing across a grassy field toward each other like two mighty freight trains, one having left Conway at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from San Diego at 4:19 pm, at a speed of 35 mph. For both of them, life was precious. Some say life is cheap -- it's the accessories that kill you. All that glitters may not be gold, but it has a high refractive index.
Before I started watching American Idol, I had a handle on life, but it broke. So, I tried to fix it with duct tape. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together. I don't want for much in this life, but I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous. This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn't. It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end. I often pray, "Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me." I do this at home, because I gave up church for Lent.
I have shortcomings. I have not yet begun to procrastinate. At this moment, I fear there may be too much blood in my alcohol system. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. And yet, I still love my Kradam.
I just have one more question. . . does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
The end.