Destiny Chapter 61/63
Summary: It’s all about their destiny.
Author’s Note: All mistakes are mine and this is un-beta’d.
Disclaimer: I don’t know them. I have no idea of their sexual orientation. These are just stories that the muses in my head forced me to write.
Feedback: I live and breathe for it.
Chapter Sixty-One
I sat in my car for the longest time, eyes closed because I didn’t want to see the vastness of land around me or the grave markers that covered it. I wasn't sure how long I sat there, the ringing of my cell phone forcing me back into the present. "Hey baby..." I smiled into the phone when I saw Adam's picture flashing at me.
"Where are you?" He asked and I could hear the concern in his voice. "Are you ok?"
I was anything but ok, but I didn't want to worry him as I forced a bit of happiness into my voice. "I'm fine" I hoped I sounded convincing. "I had something to take care of, but I'll be home soon. If you behave while I'm gone I'll bring you home a present" I laughed, adding a bit of flirt to my voice in order to hide my sadness.
"What kind of present?" He questioned and it caused me to smile for real because no matter his age I knew Adam was always going to be a kid at heart.
"Guess you're just going to have to wait and see" I giggled softly. "I'll be home soon. I love you Adam".
"I love you too Kris. I can't wait for my present" He giggled back at me before he disconnected the line.
Taking a deep breath I forced myself out of the car, walking slowly towards Cassidy's gravestone. I stood there for a few moments just looking at the inscription, my heart squeezing in my chest at just how much I missed him. "Hey Cassidy" I whispered, my throat heavy with tears as I knelt before the marker, placing my hand on the cool marble. "I should have come here sooner, but some things happened and well...I ran away for a while" I shrugged, feeling kind of silly for talking to a slab, but knowing that I really had to try and make peace with everything that was weighing heavily on my mind. "I don't know if you're watching over us like they say, but I hope you are and can see that everything seems to be on track now. Clara is doing amazing at school and doing an internship at the Whitehouse this summer and I couldn't be prouder of her. She still with Watt's thanks to Adam and I interfering because they had split up for a while, but it was so worth it because as we both know they belong together"
I was a crying mess as I shifted onto my rear end, pulling my knees into my chest. "I miss you so much Cassidy" A sob escaped my throat as I continued to sit there. "I miss that beautiful smile of yours and the way you would make my heart beat faster each time that you looked at me and I feel so guilty because I miss you and I still love you and yet I'm with Adam" The words were flowing before I could stop them because they were words I'd needed to speak for such a long time. "I love Adam too and I know that we're supposed to be together but...”
"But what?" I heard an all too familiar voice say as I jerked my head upwards and saw a beautiful smile directed at me, one that I thought I would never see again.
"Cassidy?" I questioned, looking around to make sure that I hadn’t lost my mind.
"Hey Precious" The apparition that looked like Cassidy smiled at me again.
"Are you really here?" I asked, my eyes wide as I watched him kneel before me, drawing back in fear as he reached a hand out towards my face. "You can't be real" I shuddered, tears flooding my eyes at the gentle touch I felt along my cheek. "Cassidy" I whispered, clutching at the hand on my face because it felt so real. "Oh my god Cassidy" My free hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him forward until we were wrapped within each others embrace, tears blazing down my cheeks.
"It's ok Precious" He spoke softly against my ear as I completely fell apart in his arms. "I've missed you too"
"How are you here?" I stepped back to look up at him, but not enough that I relinquished my hold on him.
"I just am" He shrugged with another brilliant smile "Now let's discuss these issues you seem to be having" I didn't want to talk about anything other then the fact that it was amazing to see him and feel his arms around me once again. "Kris..." He stepped back from me, looking at me with a playful and patient look. “I’m really happy to see you Precious, but I know there’s a reason that you’re really here”
"Adam thinks we should sell the house and I've just got so much guilt because I love Adam, I really do but I still haven't gotten over my feelings for you" Tears slid down my cheeks as my guilt seemed to be growing the longer we stood there.
"Well I hope that you never get over your feelings for me because I know I won't ever get over what I feel for you" He chuckled, taking my hand and tugging me until I was sitting once again. "Look...when we were together it was amazing and the love we shared was real and I meant it when I said that I hope you never get over it. However, we always knew that our time together was going to be limited"
"That doesn't make it any easier" I gruffed, pouting as I jerked my hand out of his and lying it in my lap.
"No it doesn't" His smile faltered a bit as he reached out and took my hand once again. "Kris, I never doubted your love for me the entire time we were together and you have no reason to feel guilty about loving Adam. I'm happy that you finally allowed him back in your life because I want you to be happy"
"You know what happened don't you" I blushed a bit at my earlier actions when I ran off to France.
"I know" He grinned, squeezing my hand.
"I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet" I tried to explain although I knew he would understand.
"I know, but you've had time, you've grieved and now it's time to let me go and move on"
"You're really not very easy to get over you know" I smiled over at him, tears still coursing down my cheeks.
"I know" He winked at me and I couldn't help the chuckle of giddiness that erupted from me.
"God, I really miss you Cass" I smiled reaching forward and cupping his cheek.
"Me too…now, as for selling the house. I don't understand what the problem is because it’s just a house” He went on undeterred, my hand still lingering on his cheek.
"It's not just a house" I exclaimed quite loudly, my voice shrill as I fought the urge to run like I always did. "It was our house. It's where we raised our daughter. There are so many memories there. I can't just let it go like it means nothing"
"Precious, tell me something. Would you lose those memories if the house burned down?" I knew where he was going with his line of questioning, but I didn't say anything as I crossed my arms over my chest because I wasn’t willing to let go of my stubbornness just yet. "Those memories are always going to be here" He laid his hand over my heart and for some reason it caused me to tear up even more. "It's just a house Kris and yes it does mean something, but the memories are never going to go away".
"It's just hard to leave it behind because I feel as if I'm leaving you behind" I sobbed, once again finding myself wrapped up within his arms.
"I will always be with you Kris...always" He murmured against my ear. "But it's time for you to move on with you life with Adam. It's time to start your own memories with him. I love you Kris and I'm always going to love you, but don't think that I'm not jealous as hell that he gets to hold you, kiss you, make love to you" He winked again as he pulled back and looked at me with his smile back in place. “But it’s where you belong…it’s where you’ve always belonged”
"Can you just kiss me again...just one last time?" I asked, clutching at his shirt as I gazed into his beautiful dark eyes. I closed my eyes as his face inclined towards mine, relishing the feels and the taste of him one final time. When I opened my eyes Cassidy was gone and I was all alone. I wasn't sure if I had imagined everything that had just happened, but I realized that the guilt I had been feeling was gone and I felt lighter then I had felt in a long time. I couldn't wait to get back home to Adam and let him know that I was ready to sell the house and get on with our lives, but not before I stopped off at one of his favorite bakery's and picked up something chocolaty and gooey.
"Hey baby...everything ok?" Adam asked, meeting me in the hallway the moment I walked in the door.
"Have you been waiting for me?" I asked, with a playful smile on my face, already knowing the answer by the slight blush on his face.
"You just sounded kind of...lost" He hesitated for a moment, his face reddening even more.
"You know me so well" I replied, placing the box in my hand on a nearby table before curling into his body. "I went to the cemetery" I murmured against his chest, feeling him stiffen for a moment before he wrapped his arms fully around me. "I just had to work through a few things"
"Anything you want to share with me?" He asked, still holding me tightly.
"I guess I was just trying to work through my feelings about Cassidy" I admitted, nearly falling face first into the floor when Adam stepped back abruptly and stormed away from me. "Adam..." I said a bit hesitantly, following behind him as he stood with his back towards me in the living room.
"Am I ever going to be enough for you Kris?" He cried out, turning to face me with such anguish on his face. "You ran away to fucking France to grieve for him. You told me you were over him, that you loved me...you gave me a fucking ring for fucks sake" His voice got louder as he held up the hand with the ring I had given him on his finger. "Am I always going to have to live in his shadow?" He looked so broken as he uttered those words that it broke my heart. "Because I'll do it. I live in the shadow of the man I loved like a brother but am growing to hate because I know you won't ever love me like you loved him"
His words shocked and saddened me because I had no idea that Adam felt those things about Cassidy or myself. "Adam, you can't believe that I don't love you?" I rushed out, wanting to run to him but my feet refused to move one inch because something told me that he wouldn’t want the comfort I was willing to offer.
"Oh I believe that you love me" He responded sadly. "I just don't believe that you will ever love me the way that you loved Cassidy" Those words felt like a flat out slap to the face and yet again I wanted to run away and not have to face the way Adam seemed to be shrinking before me, but I held strong because for once I needed to be a man and face up to situation before me.
"Of course I don't love the way that I loved Cassidy" I said straight forward, stepping forward at the intake of breath I heard coming from Adam. "I love you in a completely different way because you are not Cassidy". I watched his face fall even more and I knew that I was just making things worse with words that I was trying to sooth him with. "Fuck...I'm just making this worse" I cried out in frustration.
"It doesn't matter" Adam said so softly but I could tell it meant everything by the look in his eyes.
"But it does matter" I cried out, placing my hands on the sides of his face and forcing him to look at me. "Adam, I don't love you like I loved Cassidy, but I didn't love Cassidy like I love you" I sighed in frustration because I was explaining it wrong again. "I love you very much, you know that right?"
"I know" He replied, his voice still soft, something in his eyes telling me that maybe he didn’t really believe it regardless of his words. .
"I don't think that you do" I gazed up at him, a wistful smile gracing my face. "I love you so much and not once have I ever compared that love to the love that I held for Cassidy. I know I've put you through hell. I know that I've abused you and made you think that you were always second best, but I never once thought of you as second best. I admit that I held onto my grief a bit harder then I should have, but I want you to know that I've moved past it now. I love you..." I said again just to make sure he knew it. "And I'm ready to start my life with you, to start making memories with you. I want to bind my life forever to you" I poked him softly in the chest, hoping and praying that he could see that I meant every word.
"I love you too" I felt his body slump a little as he wrapped his arms around me. "I know I shouldn't be jealous of Cassidy because I do know you love me but sometimes I just can't help myself. And then afterwards I feel so guilty because Cassidy was my friend and I shouldn't hate him for loving you, but I just can’t help it sometimes"
“I understand that…I really do because I didn’t make it easy for us in the slightest to get where we are.” I looked up at him with such love and admiration in my eyes because it was really quite amazing that Adam loved me after everything I done to him. “It’s really sort of fucked up isn’t it?” I dropped my forehead to his chest, closing my eyes and inhaling the mixture of scents surrounding me. “I don’t deserve you but here it is…bottom line” I stated plainly as I looked up at him once again. “I love you and despite all of the fucked up stuff that has happened in our past and even now in our future” I rolled my eyes playfully. “I’m ready to sell this house and find one that you and I can share together”
“You nearly chopped my head off when I mentioned this to you before” He reminded me, causing me to flinch as I recalled how ugly I had been to him.
“I know and I’m sorry, but when I was at the cemetery I realized that this is just a house and I was worried that if we sold it that I would lose all of the memories associated with it” I decided to be truthful, opting to leave out the part where it had been Cassidy that had allowed me to come to my great epiphany, because honestly I still wasn’t sure if I had dreamed the whole thing up or not. “The fact is that I will always have those memories, but it’s time to create new ones and for that I need you”
“You need me huh?” He questioned, but I could see the happiness seeping into his eyes and across his face.
“For ever and ever…amen” I quoted a line from one of my favorite songs, one that I knew Adam hated, but regardless it seemed to fit the moment.
“Amen” He whispered as he leaned down and kissed me softly. “Shall we take this to the bedroom?” I didn’t say anything as I took his hand and led him back into the hallway we had just left and up the stairs. “Kris?” I could hear the question in my name as I tugged him up towards the bedroom that Cassidy and I once shared because it was truly time to let the haunts of the past go. We made beautiful love to each other in that bed, declaring my love for Adam over and over again afterwards as I traced my finger over the band that would bound us together for life. Afterwards we laid in bed enjoying the dessert I had brought for him, chocolate and cake crumbs ending up in more places other then our mouths.
TBC...
Author’s Note: All mistakes are mine and this is un-beta’d.
Disclaimer: I don’t know them. I have no idea of their sexual orientation. These are just stories that the muses in my head forced me to write.
Feedback: I live and breathe for it.
Chapter Sixty-One
I sat in my car for the longest time, eyes closed because I didn’t want to see the vastness of land around me or the grave markers that covered it. I wasn't sure how long I sat there, the ringing of my cell phone forcing me back into the present. "Hey baby..." I smiled into the phone when I saw Adam's picture flashing at me.
"Where are you?" He asked and I could hear the concern in his voice. "Are you ok?"
I was anything but ok, but I didn't want to worry him as I forced a bit of happiness into my voice. "I'm fine" I hoped I sounded convincing. "I had something to take care of, but I'll be home soon. If you behave while I'm gone I'll bring you home a present" I laughed, adding a bit of flirt to my voice in order to hide my sadness.
"What kind of present?" He questioned and it caused me to smile for real because no matter his age I knew Adam was always going to be a kid at heart.
"Guess you're just going to have to wait and see" I giggled softly. "I'll be home soon. I love you Adam".
"I love you too Kris. I can't wait for my present" He giggled back at me before he disconnected the line.
Taking a deep breath I forced myself out of the car, walking slowly towards Cassidy's gravestone. I stood there for a few moments just looking at the inscription, my heart squeezing in my chest at just how much I missed him. "Hey Cassidy" I whispered, my throat heavy with tears as I knelt before the marker, placing my hand on the cool marble. "I should have come here sooner, but some things happened and well...I ran away for a while" I shrugged, feeling kind of silly for talking to a slab, but knowing that I really had to try and make peace with everything that was weighing heavily on my mind. "I don't know if you're watching over us like they say, but I hope you are and can see that everything seems to be on track now. Clara is doing amazing at school and doing an internship at the Whitehouse this summer and I couldn't be prouder of her. She still with Watt's thanks to Adam and I interfering because they had split up for a while, but it was so worth it because as we both know they belong together"
I was a crying mess as I shifted onto my rear end, pulling my knees into my chest. "I miss you so much Cassidy" A sob escaped my throat as I continued to sit there. "I miss that beautiful smile of yours and the way you would make my heart beat faster each time that you looked at me and I feel so guilty because I miss you and I still love you and yet I'm with Adam" The words were flowing before I could stop them because they were words I'd needed to speak for such a long time. "I love Adam too and I know that we're supposed to be together but...”
"But what?" I heard an all too familiar voice say as I jerked my head upwards and saw a beautiful smile directed at me, one that I thought I would never see again.
"Cassidy?" I questioned, looking around to make sure that I hadn’t lost my mind.
"Hey Precious" The apparition that looked like Cassidy smiled at me again.
"Are you really here?" I asked, my eyes wide as I watched him kneel before me, drawing back in fear as he reached a hand out towards my face. "You can't be real" I shuddered, tears flooding my eyes at the gentle touch I felt along my cheek. "Cassidy" I whispered, clutching at the hand on my face because it felt so real. "Oh my god Cassidy" My free hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him forward until we were wrapped within each others embrace, tears blazing down my cheeks.
"It's ok Precious" He spoke softly against my ear as I completely fell apart in his arms. "I've missed you too"
"How are you here?" I stepped back to look up at him, but not enough that I relinquished my hold on him.
"I just am" He shrugged with another brilliant smile "Now let's discuss these issues you seem to be having" I didn't want to talk about anything other then the fact that it was amazing to see him and feel his arms around me once again. "Kris..." He stepped back from me, looking at me with a playful and patient look. “I’m really happy to see you Precious, but I know there’s a reason that you’re really here”
"Adam thinks we should sell the house and I've just got so much guilt because I love Adam, I really do but I still haven't gotten over my feelings for you" Tears slid down my cheeks as my guilt seemed to be growing the longer we stood there.
"Well I hope that you never get over your feelings for me because I know I won't ever get over what I feel for you" He chuckled, taking my hand and tugging me until I was sitting once again. "Look...when we were together it was amazing and the love we shared was real and I meant it when I said that I hope you never get over it. However, we always knew that our time together was going to be limited"
"That doesn't make it any easier" I gruffed, pouting as I jerked my hand out of his and lying it in my lap.
"No it doesn't" His smile faltered a bit as he reached out and took my hand once again. "Kris, I never doubted your love for me the entire time we were together and you have no reason to feel guilty about loving Adam. I'm happy that you finally allowed him back in your life because I want you to be happy"
"You know what happened don't you" I blushed a bit at my earlier actions when I ran off to France.
"I know" He grinned, squeezing my hand.
"I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet" I tried to explain although I knew he would understand.
"I know, but you've had time, you've grieved and now it's time to let me go and move on"
"You're really not very easy to get over you know" I smiled over at him, tears still coursing down my cheeks.
"I know" He winked at me and I couldn't help the chuckle of giddiness that erupted from me.
"God, I really miss you Cass" I smiled reaching forward and cupping his cheek.
"Me too…now, as for selling the house. I don't understand what the problem is because it’s just a house” He went on undeterred, my hand still lingering on his cheek.
"It's not just a house" I exclaimed quite loudly, my voice shrill as I fought the urge to run like I always did. "It was our house. It's where we raised our daughter. There are so many memories there. I can't just let it go like it means nothing"
"Precious, tell me something. Would you lose those memories if the house burned down?" I knew where he was going with his line of questioning, but I didn't say anything as I crossed my arms over my chest because I wasn’t willing to let go of my stubbornness just yet. "Those memories are always going to be here" He laid his hand over my heart and for some reason it caused me to tear up even more. "It's just a house Kris and yes it does mean something, but the memories are never going to go away".
"It's just hard to leave it behind because I feel as if I'm leaving you behind" I sobbed, once again finding myself wrapped up within his arms.
"I will always be with you Kris...always" He murmured against my ear. "But it's time for you to move on with you life with Adam. It's time to start your own memories with him. I love you Kris and I'm always going to love you, but don't think that I'm not jealous as hell that he gets to hold you, kiss you, make love to you" He winked again as he pulled back and looked at me with his smile back in place. “But it’s where you belong…it’s where you’ve always belonged”
"Can you just kiss me again...just one last time?" I asked, clutching at his shirt as I gazed into his beautiful dark eyes. I closed my eyes as his face inclined towards mine, relishing the feels and the taste of him one final time. When I opened my eyes Cassidy was gone and I was all alone. I wasn't sure if I had imagined everything that had just happened, but I realized that the guilt I had been feeling was gone and I felt lighter then I had felt in a long time. I couldn't wait to get back home to Adam and let him know that I was ready to sell the house and get on with our lives, but not before I stopped off at one of his favorite bakery's and picked up something chocolaty and gooey.
"Hey baby...everything ok?" Adam asked, meeting me in the hallway the moment I walked in the door.
"Have you been waiting for me?" I asked, with a playful smile on my face, already knowing the answer by the slight blush on his face.
"You just sounded kind of...lost" He hesitated for a moment, his face reddening even more.
"You know me so well" I replied, placing the box in my hand on a nearby table before curling into his body. "I went to the cemetery" I murmured against his chest, feeling him stiffen for a moment before he wrapped his arms fully around me. "I just had to work through a few things"
"Anything you want to share with me?" He asked, still holding me tightly.
"I guess I was just trying to work through my feelings about Cassidy" I admitted, nearly falling face first into the floor when Adam stepped back abruptly and stormed away from me. "Adam..." I said a bit hesitantly, following behind him as he stood with his back towards me in the living room.
"Am I ever going to be enough for you Kris?" He cried out, turning to face me with such anguish on his face. "You ran away to fucking France to grieve for him. You told me you were over him, that you loved me...you gave me a fucking ring for fucks sake" His voice got louder as he held up the hand with the ring I had given him on his finger. "Am I always going to have to live in his shadow?" He looked so broken as he uttered those words that it broke my heart. "Because I'll do it. I live in the shadow of the man I loved like a brother but am growing to hate because I know you won't ever love me like you loved him"
His words shocked and saddened me because I had no idea that Adam felt those things about Cassidy or myself. "Adam, you can't believe that I don't love you?" I rushed out, wanting to run to him but my feet refused to move one inch because something told me that he wouldn’t want the comfort I was willing to offer.
"Oh I believe that you love me" He responded sadly. "I just don't believe that you will ever love me the way that you loved Cassidy" Those words felt like a flat out slap to the face and yet again I wanted to run away and not have to face the way Adam seemed to be shrinking before me, but I held strong because for once I needed to be a man and face up to situation before me.
"Of course I don't love the way that I loved Cassidy" I said straight forward, stepping forward at the intake of breath I heard coming from Adam. "I love you in a completely different way because you are not Cassidy". I watched his face fall even more and I knew that I was just making things worse with words that I was trying to sooth him with. "Fuck...I'm just making this worse" I cried out in frustration.
"It doesn't matter" Adam said so softly but I could tell it meant everything by the look in his eyes.
"But it does matter" I cried out, placing my hands on the sides of his face and forcing him to look at me. "Adam, I don't love you like I loved Cassidy, but I didn't love Cassidy like I love you" I sighed in frustration because I was explaining it wrong again. "I love you very much, you know that right?"
"I know" He replied, his voice still soft, something in his eyes telling me that maybe he didn’t really believe it regardless of his words. .
"I don't think that you do" I gazed up at him, a wistful smile gracing my face. "I love you so much and not once have I ever compared that love to the love that I held for Cassidy. I know I've put you through hell. I know that I've abused you and made you think that you were always second best, but I never once thought of you as second best. I admit that I held onto my grief a bit harder then I should have, but I want you to know that I've moved past it now. I love you..." I said again just to make sure he knew it. "And I'm ready to start my life with you, to start making memories with you. I want to bind my life forever to you" I poked him softly in the chest, hoping and praying that he could see that I meant every word.
"I love you too" I felt his body slump a little as he wrapped his arms around me. "I know I shouldn't be jealous of Cassidy because I do know you love me but sometimes I just can't help myself. And then afterwards I feel so guilty because Cassidy was my friend and I shouldn't hate him for loving you, but I just can’t help it sometimes"
“I understand that…I really do because I didn’t make it easy for us in the slightest to get where we are.” I looked up at him with such love and admiration in my eyes because it was really quite amazing that Adam loved me after everything I done to him. “It’s really sort of fucked up isn’t it?” I dropped my forehead to his chest, closing my eyes and inhaling the mixture of scents surrounding me. “I don’t deserve you but here it is…bottom line” I stated plainly as I looked up at him once again. “I love you and despite all of the fucked up stuff that has happened in our past and even now in our future” I rolled my eyes playfully. “I’m ready to sell this house and find one that you and I can share together”
“You nearly chopped my head off when I mentioned this to you before” He reminded me, causing me to flinch as I recalled how ugly I had been to him.
“I know and I’m sorry, but when I was at the cemetery I realized that this is just a house and I was worried that if we sold it that I would lose all of the memories associated with it” I decided to be truthful, opting to leave out the part where it had been Cassidy that had allowed me to come to my great epiphany, because honestly I still wasn’t sure if I had dreamed the whole thing up or not. “The fact is that I will always have those memories, but it’s time to create new ones and for that I need you”
“You need me huh?” He questioned, but I could see the happiness seeping into his eyes and across his face.
“For ever and ever…amen” I quoted a line from one of my favorite songs, one that I knew Adam hated, but regardless it seemed to fit the moment.
“Amen” He whispered as he leaned down and kissed me softly. “Shall we take this to the bedroom?” I didn’t say anything as I took his hand and led him back into the hallway we had just left and up the stairs. “Kris?” I could hear the question in my name as I tugged him up towards the bedroom that Cassidy and I once shared because it was truly time to let the haunts of the past go. We made beautiful love to each other in that bed, declaring my love for Adam over and over again afterwards as I traced my finger over the band that would bound us together for life. Afterwards we laid in bed enjoying the dessert I had brought for him, chocolate and cake crumbs ending up in more places other then our mouths.
TBC...