Fic: Revenge of Plantbert
Author: krissypoo21
Title: Revenge of Plantbert
Length: 1700 words
Type: crack fic, I think
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kris & Adam
Warnings sexual content, strong language, total ridiculousness, unbeta’d writing
Summary: Adam finds a viewing of the old movie, The Revenge of the Pink Panther to be both stimulating and inspiring, so he plays a game of hide and seek with Kris.
Kris should have known something was up when he came home yesterday to find Adam sitting on the couch, laughing his ass off to The Revenge of the Pink Panther, and then when Adam couldn't even look at him the rest of the evening without smirking.
The note taped to their garage door entrance said all Kris needed to know. "Hey, Kris. Bet you can't find me."
Kris shivered, and he wasn't sure if it was from anticipation or dread.
***
Ten minutes of quiet creeping later, Kris was baffled. He had checked all the closets and pantries, under the guest-room bed and their bed, behind the living room sofa, and in the showers of both bathrooms. Still no Adam.
He remembered those silly Pink Panther movies so, no matter how improbable, Kris even looked inside the refrigerator. Then he laughed at himself. Perhaps Cato could hide in a refrigerator before pouncing upon Clouseau, but Cato was a small man. No way Adam would fold himself into a refrigerator.
That only left one location - the backyard.
Kris took a deep breath and walked out the back exit, forgetting about how loud and floppy the screen door was until it crashed shut behind him. Well, I won’t have any element of surprise now, Kris thought ruefully. He decided to take the direct approach.
“Adam, I know you’re out here,” Kris called. “So come out already before you scare the shit out of me.”
Silence.
Kris looked around, at the porch swing lazily swaying in the breeze, at the vine-lined privacy fence, up into the shade tree. No Adam.
The pool was freshly cleaned. No murkiness, no hiding. Still, he walked the length of it, to no avail.
Kris shook his head as he walked back toward the house, pausing at the fence beside the porch and then giving the whole yard another look. Surely Adam wouldn’t leave a note for Kris to find him, and then forget and go to the store or something? This made no sense at all.
As he took a step toward the porch, Kris heard soft breathing that wasn’t his own and a muffled chuckle. Before he had time to turn around or react, strong arms wrapped around him and he was taken to the ground with a thud. Both he and whatever had grabbed him - it was olive green and had leaves on it - were rolling around on the grass, wrestling for a position of control.
After the initial shock, Kris’s next thought was that he was glad he’d had the good sense to pee before he left the studio this afternoon.
Suddenly the thing that had grabbed him got the upper hand and towered above him, white teeth gleaming out from a face covered in some odd green paint. There was no hiding the sky blue eyes, though. Kris concentrated on those rather than the fact that a nearly-naked man with camouflage green skin and leaves in his hair and wrapped around his waist was now pressing his very hard, green dick against Kris’s thigh and removing Kris’s clothing with abandon.
At the point when Kris was shirtless and his jeans were pushed down around his knees, he told himself to snap out of it. What was wrong with him? Foliage-man wasn’t taking him down without a fight.
Plant-Adam got distracted while tugging Kris’s tight jeans down, just long enough for Kris to get an advantage. He grabbed Adam’s arm tightly - the green stuff made wrestling Adam like being in a greased-pig contest, so he had to dig his fingers into Adam’s flesh - and pulled him to the ground, then rolled on top of him and sat awkwardly on Adam’s green legs. It would have been easier if Adam had gotten his jeans all the way off, but he had to seize the moment whenever it came.
“Let’s have a look at you,” Kris said with a smirk, trying to figure how Adam’s body had leaves on it. He found a thin rope wrapped at his waist holding the leaves in place, especially one particular large leaf that was acting as a loin cloth. Kris belted out a laugh at that. Adam looked like every Sunday School drawing Kris had ever seen of “first man Adam” with a fig leaf over his dick. Kris tore off the privacy-leaf with pleasure, then went to work untying the knot that held on Adam’s scant leaf skirt.
The knot was strong, though, and Kris’s preoccupation with it allowed Adam to get the upper hand this time, pulling Kris down and rolling over on top of him. Kris gave up on the knot and used the momentum to keep them rolling. They toppled down the slight incline toward the swimming pool.
Adam got his bearings as they neared the water, though, using all his strength to stop the tumble and rise up above Kris, knee planted on Kris’s jeans sagging between his knees and pinning him there.
“You do not want to roll me into the pool, Kris,” Adam cautioned. “It would not be in your best interests.”
“Why ever would that be?” Kris asked sarcastically. “Possibly you’re thinking of your best interest and not mine, since I’m the better swimmer.”
Adam’s grin was filled with mischief. “No, Kris. Totally your best interests. This green stuff would wash off and you do not want that to happen.”
Kris was confused now. “What in the world is that green goo, anyway?”
“The green goo gives me superpowers, Kristopher. You wait and see.” Adam reached up to grab Kris’s wrists and pin them to the ground, then claimed Kris’s mouth firmly and thoroughly. “Ah, yes. Been wanting to do that all damn day,” Adam said when he leaned back.
Kris chuckled. The situation was totally ridiculous. “So, with the green goo you become Super Kisser?”
“Hehehe,” Adam snickered. “That’s totally one of my super powers, but I had that one before I found the green goo.”
Kris shrugged. “Yeah. I’ll give you that one. So perhaps you have the power to be invisible? ‘Cause I sure didn’t see you against the fence with all the other plant life.”
“Maybe.....” Adam said, inflection at the end indicating it was more than that. “Keep guessing.”
“Well,” Kris reached up to give Adam a hard shove. “It’s not super-strength, because I could totally take you down if I wanted.”
Adam shrugged. “Probably could. That’s not the power that’s important right now. Right now, I am Slippery Man, with the super power to fuck the hell out of your ass without major damage or pain.”
Kris’s eyebrows went up, as did his dick. “Oh, really?”
“Yep.” Adam said.
As shock and awe temporarily stunned Kris, Adam made short work of removing the rest of Kris’s clothes. “This green goo is actually edible lube. It comes in a variety of colors and flavors.” Adam untied the rope from around his own waist and tossed it aside. He lowered his voice and practically whispered, “So make way for Slippery Man.”
Kris was too aroused to struggle anymore, and that was saying something when your lover looked like a gecko. He felt Adam grab his ankles and push his knees up to his shoulders with a quick apology. “Sorry for no foreplay, baby, but I’ve dreamed about taking you out here on the lawn all damn day. I can’t wait any longer.”
“I’ll settle for some afterplay,” Kris grunted out as Adam pressed his hard cock into his asshole and slid all the way in. “Oh, god, yes,” he managed as he felt Adam balls all the way against him, felt the familiar burn and stretch of Adam possessing him completely.
Adam paused to absorb the feeling and to lean down for a kiss, more tenderly this time. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” he asked with concern. “Not every product delivers as promised.”
Kris didn’t even speak, just kissed Adam again and moved his own ass the best he could, arching up to urge Adam on.
“You sweet thing, you,” Adam cooed. “You’ve been wanting to get fucked all day, haven’t you?”
“Damn right. So get on with it, hot stuff.”
Adam did just that, fucking into Kris with power, holding nothing back. Kris concentrated on the feelings, moaning with each stroke as Adam pounded into his prostate over and over again, long, hard strokes that brought him to the edge, then short, shallow strokes that slowed the buildup and made Kris beg for release.
Kris grabbed for his own dick to help the orgasm along since Adam was prolonging things, but Adam pressed his body full against Kris’s to prevent him, saying, “Uh, uh. Not yet. Let me make you come without that.”
Kris gave up to him then, and Adam went back to deep strokes that pushed all the right buttons and they were soon coming together, with shouts that the neighbors probably heard. Kris couldn’t bring himself to give a damn. This might have been the best ever and that, truly, was saying something.
***
Afterplay was nice. They needed to do this more often, Kris determined.
The green goo had an interesting flavor. Just a hint of lime, Kris decided as he was licking it off Adam’s body. He treated Adam to some extra rimming action for all his effort at locating this magical substance. Adam liked it so much he came all over himself, and then Kris had that to clean up, too.
Adam’s whole body was covered with the edible lubricant, so there was plenty to spare. Kris wiped some of it off of Adam’s back, wondering how the hell Adam had coated himself there. He turned his own dick green with it, then let Adam do some licking and cleaning in return. It was very stimulating.
All in all, the afternoon made Kris feel, somehow, very close to nature. As he stretched out fully over Adam’s body to pepper him with kisses, he picked a few stray leaves out of Adam’s hair and tenderly cupped Adam’s face in his hands.
“I like Slippery Man,” Kris said. “I think we should keep him.”
Title: Revenge of Plantbert
Length: 1700 words
Type: crack fic, I think
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kris & Adam
Warnings sexual content, strong language, total ridiculousness, unbeta’d writing
Summary: Adam finds a viewing of the old movie, The Revenge of the Pink Panther to be both stimulating and inspiring, so he plays a game of hide and seek with Kris.
Kris should have known something was up when he came home yesterday to find Adam sitting on the couch, laughing his ass off to The Revenge of the Pink Panther, and then when Adam couldn't even look at him the rest of the evening without smirking.
The note taped to their garage door entrance said all Kris needed to know. "Hey, Kris. Bet you can't find me."
Kris shivered, and he wasn't sure if it was from anticipation or dread.
***
Ten minutes of quiet creeping later, Kris was baffled. He had checked all the closets and pantries, under the guest-room bed and their bed, behind the living room sofa, and in the showers of both bathrooms. Still no Adam.
He remembered those silly Pink Panther movies so, no matter how improbable, Kris even looked inside the refrigerator. Then he laughed at himself. Perhaps Cato could hide in a refrigerator before pouncing upon Clouseau, but Cato was a small man. No way Adam would fold himself into a refrigerator.
That only left one location - the backyard.
Kris took a deep breath and walked out the back exit, forgetting about how loud and floppy the screen door was until it crashed shut behind him. Well, I won’t have any element of surprise now, Kris thought ruefully. He decided to take the direct approach.
“Adam, I know you’re out here,” Kris called. “So come out already before you scare the shit out of me.”
Silence.
Kris looked around, at the porch swing lazily swaying in the breeze, at the vine-lined privacy fence, up into the shade tree. No Adam.
The pool was freshly cleaned. No murkiness, no hiding. Still, he walked the length of it, to no avail.
Kris shook his head as he walked back toward the house, pausing at the fence beside the porch and then giving the whole yard another look. Surely Adam wouldn’t leave a note for Kris to find him, and then forget and go to the store or something? This made no sense at all.
As he took a step toward the porch, Kris heard soft breathing that wasn’t his own and a muffled chuckle. Before he had time to turn around or react, strong arms wrapped around him and he was taken to the ground with a thud. Both he and whatever had grabbed him - it was olive green and had leaves on it - were rolling around on the grass, wrestling for a position of control.
After the initial shock, Kris’s next thought was that he was glad he’d had the good sense to pee before he left the studio this afternoon.
Suddenly the thing that had grabbed him got the upper hand and towered above him, white teeth gleaming out from a face covered in some odd green paint. There was no hiding the sky blue eyes, though. Kris concentrated on those rather than the fact that a nearly-naked man with camouflage green skin and leaves in his hair and wrapped around his waist was now pressing his very hard, green dick against Kris’s thigh and removing Kris’s clothing with abandon.
At the point when Kris was shirtless and his jeans were pushed down around his knees, he told himself to snap out of it. What was wrong with him? Foliage-man wasn’t taking him down without a fight.
Plant-Adam got distracted while tugging Kris’s tight jeans down, just long enough for Kris to get an advantage. He grabbed Adam’s arm tightly - the green stuff made wrestling Adam like being in a greased-pig contest, so he had to dig his fingers into Adam’s flesh - and pulled him to the ground, then rolled on top of him and sat awkwardly on Adam’s green legs. It would have been easier if Adam had gotten his jeans all the way off, but he had to seize the moment whenever it came.
“Let’s have a look at you,” Kris said with a smirk, trying to figure how Adam’s body had leaves on it. He found a thin rope wrapped at his waist holding the leaves in place, especially one particular large leaf that was acting as a loin cloth. Kris belted out a laugh at that. Adam looked like every Sunday School drawing Kris had ever seen of “first man Adam” with a fig leaf over his dick. Kris tore off the privacy-leaf with pleasure, then went to work untying the knot that held on Adam’s scant leaf skirt.
The knot was strong, though, and Kris’s preoccupation with it allowed Adam to get the upper hand this time, pulling Kris down and rolling over on top of him. Kris gave up on the knot and used the momentum to keep them rolling. They toppled down the slight incline toward the swimming pool.
Adam got his bearings as they neared the water, though, using all his strength to stop the tumble and rise up above Kris, knee planted on Kris’s jeans sagging between his knees and pinning him there.
“You do not want to roll me into the pool, Kris,” Adam cautioned. “It would not be in your best interests.”
“Why ever would that be?” Kris asked sarcastically. “Possibly you’re thinking of your best interest and not mine, since I’m the better swimmer.”
Adam’s grin was filled with mischief. “No, Kris. Totally your best interests. This green stuff would wash off and you do not want that to happen.”
Kris was confused now. “What in the world is that green goo, anyway?”
“The green goo gives me superpowers, Kristopher. You wait and see.” Adam reached up to grab Kris’s wrists and pin them to the ground, then claimed Kris’s mouth firmly and thoroughly. “Ah, yes. Been wanting to do that all damn day,” Adam said when he leaned back.
Kris chuckled. The situation was totally ridiculous. “So, with the green goo you become Super Kisser?”
“Hehehe,” Adam snickered. “That’s totally one of my super powers, but I had that one before I found the green goo.”
Kris shrugged. “Yeah. I’ll give you that one. So perhaps you have the power to be invisible? ‘Cause I sure didn’t see you against the fence with all the other plant life.”
“Maybe.....” Adam said, inflection at the end indicating it was more than that. “Keep guessing.”
“Well,” Kris reached up to give Adam a hard shove. “It’s not super-strength, because I could totally take you down if I wanted.”
Adam shrugged. “Probably could. That’s not the power that’s important right now. Right now, I am Slippery Man, with the super power to fuck the hell out of your ass without major damage or pain.”
Kris’s eyebrows went up, as did his dick. “Oh, really?”
“Yep.” Adam said.
As shock and awe temporarily stunned Kris, Adam made short work of removing the rest of Kris’s clothes. “This green goo is actually edible lube. It comes in a variety of colors and flavors.” Adam untied the rope from around his own waist and tossed it aside. He lowered his voice and practically whispered, “So make way for Slippery Man.”
Kris was too aroused to struggle anymore, and that was saying something when your lover looked like a gecko. He felt Adam grab his ankles and push his knees up to his shoulders with a quick apology. “Sorry for no foreplay, baby, but I’ve dreamed about taking you out here on the lawn all damn day. I can’t wait any longer.”
“I’ll settle for some afterplay,” Kris grunted out as Adam pressed his hard cock into his asshole and slid all the way in. “Oh, god, yes,” he managed as he felt Adam balls all the way against him, felt the familiar burn and stretch of Adam possessing him completely.
Adam paused to absorb the feeling and to lean down for a kiss, more tenderly this time. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” he asked with concern. “Not every product delivers as promised.”
Kris didn’t even speak, just kissed Adam again and moved his own ass the best he could, arching up to urge Adam on.
“You sweet thing, you,” Adam cooed. “You’ve been wanting to get fucked all day, haven’t you?”
“Damn right. So get on with it, hot stuff.”
Adam did just that, fucking into Kris with power, holding nothing back. Kris concentrated on the feelings, moaning with each stroke as Adam pounded into his prostate over and over again, long, hard strokes that brought him to the edge, then short, shallow strokes that slowed the buildup and made Kris beg for release.
Kris grabbed for his own dick to help the orgasm along since Adam was prolonging things, but Adam pressed his body full against Kris’s to prevent him, saying, “Uh, uh. Not yet. Let me make you come without that.”
Kris gave up to him then, and Adam went back to deep strokes that pushed all the right buttons and they were soon coming together, with shouts that the neighbors probably heard. Kris couldn’t bring himself to give a damn. This might have been the best ever and that, truly, was saying something.
***
Afterplay was nice. They needed to do this more often, Kris determined.
The green goo had an interesting flavor. Just a hint of lime, Kris decided as he was licking it off Adam’s body. He treated Adam to some extra rimming action for all his effort at locating this magical substance. Adam liked it so much he came all over himself, and then Kris had that to clean up, too.
Adam’s whole body was covered with the edible lubricant, so there was plenty to spare. Kris wiped some of it off of Adam’s back, wondering how the hell Adam had coated himself there. He turned his own dick green with it, then let Adam do some licking and cleaning in return. It was very stimulating.
All in all, the afternoon made Kris feel, somehow, very close to nature. As he stretched out fully over Adam’s body to pepper him with kisses, he picked a few stray leaves out of Adam’s hair and tenderly cupped Adam’s face in his hands.
“I like Slippery Man,” Kris said. “I think we should keep him.”