Fic: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It (2/?)
Title: If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13. Again, I dunno lol. Some swearing and careless Twister playing lol.
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Summary: It really was a mistake. It really was a mistake. Adam isn't fooling anyone.
Notes: Another chapter? Go me! lol. Thank you for the amazing repsonse to the first chapter. Sorry for making you all like Gokey. hee. Hopefully this is okay. As usual, grammar has left the building and any mistakes are all mine I tell ya.
Disclaimer: Adam Lambert and Kris Allen are not mine. They belong to each other.
Part One
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Chapter Two: Don't Fight It
Adam really would have been happy to write this entire day off and pretend it had never happened. If anyone had told him this time yesterday that he'd be sat outside on the small balcony of his apartment sitting in a comfortable silence with Danny Gokey he would have laughed in their face and probably told them to fuck off.
The whole thing was unbelievably weird. He found himself turning to look at Danny every now and then, but all he could see written across Danny' face was a small smile, he was enjoying Adam's confusion far too much.
To be honest Adam had come out here to be alone, when Allison had excitedly suggested they all go to Adam' for the evening the eyes of eleven pleading faces had been hard to refuse. But after two hours of being sat across the room from Kris who still wouldn't look at him and certainly not acknowledge him he had to get out, he felt like he was suffocating and this was his own apartment for fuck sake.
He could still hear everyone chatting quietly in the lounge through the doors behind him, but the soft sound of Kris strumming his guitar muffled most of the conversation. He found himself closing his eyes and relaxing slightly as he let the comforting sound course through him. There had been so many nights on Idol when he had fallen asleep to that very sound, sometimes familiar songs others unknown, but still so remarkably Kris and it killed him that even now Kris could have such an effect on him.
No matter how much he wanted to though, he knew he couldn't relax entirely, he was far too aware of Danny' presence to be able to do that. He felt completely trapped, he knew if he went back inside the tirade of questions would begin from Allison again. Because you see, Adam loved photographs. He loved capturing moments between his friends and family and he plastered them across his walls in frames and collages, a constant comforting reminder. Allison couldn't help it, she was young and a naturally curious person and it came from such an endearing place that Adam felt mean in denying her. But after answering two hours of questions it all became too much. Not to mention that any time Adam so much as mentioned one of the men in the picture was an ex-boyfriend he could literally feel the waves of repulsion from Kris.
So his own reaction, the most natural thing to do was to escape and not before picking up the bottle of vodka that sat happily out on his kitchen counter. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that drinking wasn't going to solve anything. He had seen the bottom of an empty bottle time and time before, and experience told him to not bother that in the morning everything would be worse and to magnify that pain would be the worlds worst hangover, and yet that knowledge didn't prevent him from picking up the bottle.
He had literally been out there ten minutes before Danny was out there sitting by his side, holding out a glass expectantly. Well what else could he have done? Told him to fuck off back inside and leave him the hell alone. Well, yes he could have actually and it felt pretty tempting but for some reason he found himself pouring Danny a glass and now here they were.
“You have a lot of photographs.”
Well done Mr state the obvious. He had a feeling his sarcastic nature wouldn't help the situation so he nodded slightly and took another sip of his drink. He sighed heavily when he heard the sound of laughter coming from inside, he longed to be a part of it. He hated the fact that he was being forced to be an outsider in a group that normally provided him with such comfort.
“We sort of ambushed you tonight didn't we?”
Adam shook his head. “It's fine. I'm glad that you're all here.”
Danny laughed slightly and looked behind him. “If that's true why are you sat out here instead of inside with everyone else?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“Fair point.”
Adam sighed again. He was beginning to think he hated this side of Danny more than the original version he had come to known. At least the other version left him alone and didn't question every little thing he did. He felt like he somehow had to justify the fact that he was out here rather than in there, or maybe it was more the fact that Danny had a point.
“Why do you keep all those photographs?”
“Jeez Danny don't you have pictures of your friends and family?”
“Yeah... in photo albums and...”
Adam was getting irritated and it really wasn't Danny' voice, his questions weren't coming from a bad place, just a genuine curiosity and yet Adam couldn't help the tone in his voice.
“You live surrounded by your family right? They are there whenever you need them? Well not me, I like the reminders. I like when I come home I have my friends and family with me in a weird way. I know it's lame...”
Danny shook his head. “It's not lame.” Danny picked up the bottle of Vodka and poured them both more. “You're a complicated person Adam.”
Adam laughed bitterly. “Ain't that the truth.”
The sound of Kris playing had stopped now and he was almost mad at Danny for making them talk when he could have been listening to Kris. He waited in silence, his eyes closed waiting desperately for Kris to start playing again. He could hear the muffled sound of Allison' pleading voice and then Kris was laughing in protest and Adam swore he could live of that sound forever. Even with walls making the sound distorted it was still enough.
Kris was playing again, soft strums and Adam was lost. He didn't know the song but it didn't matter. If he closed his eyes tight enough he could almost believe that Kris was right at his side and that every chord was just for him.
“Has he even spoken to you tonight?”
Fucking Gokey.
“Who?”
“Who do you think?”
“Matt?” He wasn't going to play into this, he had no idea why but for some bizarre reason Danny suddenly seemed really interested in Adam' life and it was starting to freak him out. There was absolutely no reason that Danny would even care if Kris had or hadn't spoken to him, he'd never cared before so why would he care now.
He heard Danny chuckle slightly and then take a gulp of his drink. “I guess that means you still don't want to talk about it.”
“I don't exactly know what's going on here Danny but it's really starting to freak me out. Is it guilt or something? Do you feel bad for not talking to me pretty much for the entire competition or something? And what now you feel like cos' we are all going on tour you have to make an effort? Cos' seriously it's okay. Me, not offended.”
Danny seemed to recoil slightly, Adam could see him shifting slightly from the corner of his and he turned to look at Danny who was now slowly putting his drink down on the table between them.
“That's really what people think about me isn't it? That I'm some kind of homophobic ass hole...”
Adam was about to open his mouth and say “Well yeah actually.” But he could hear the tone in Danny' voice and it wasn't the voice of someone who didn't care what people thought of him, it was the sound of pain and hurt and Adam may have his moments of being a bitch but he certainly wasn't going to help break someone who was clearly already broken.
“I didn't not talk to you because of that. I've never met anyone like you Adam and I don't mean the gay thing, that's not the issue. I've gone through my life being awkward and unsure of myself and you always seemed so confident and... well it was a little intimidating okay?”
Adam only nodded. To be honest, now he felt like an ass hole. Because he had been quick to blame Danny's distance on his prejudices but the truth as it turned out was so far from it. He had done the one thing he had been accusing Danny of this entire time.
“I mean I don't blame you for thinking that. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm... I guess comfortable isn't the right word... but you have to understand the way I was bought up, the people I grew up with...”
Adam couldn't help but laugh. “Danny you do realise that I wasn't born with painted nails and wearing eye-liner right?”
Danny was laughing a long now too. “I know that. I'm not saying what I thought back then was right. I just wanted you to understand that me not talking to you then wasn't about one thing specifically and I don't feel guilty about it, I can't help how I am and how I feel any more than you can. But if one thing being here has taught me is that I could learn to be a lot more accepting and I wasn't accepting of you Adam and I'm sorry for that.”
Adam nodded, he felt like there really wasn't much of a response he could give to that. “What brought all this on though? You could have just carried on as before I wouldn't have noticed the difference.”
“But I would have. Besides, when I went home before rehearsals started I got to thinking and I wondered if... I wondered if she'd be proud of me. And I don't think she'd be proud of the way I acted towards you.”
Danny' voice seemed to grow quieter as he spoke and then they seemed muffled as he spoke the last few words into is glass before taking another sip. To be honest, Adam had rarely heard Danny speak of his wife it was one of those topics of conversations that no one ever bought up because it wasn't exactly the easiest thing to speak of without either seeming too intrusive or just plain insensitive, so most of the time it was just left there festering away.
He heard Danny' glass hit the table and he finished his own off resting it beside Danny's. Kris was still playing and the others had begun their usual chatter, he was pretty sure he could hear Matt telling jokes that no one would find funny and yet they'd all be too polite not to laugh. But the one thing he was sure he heard above everything else was Kris' voice. Delicate and perfect, singing along and he closed his eyes again, letting the cool air hit his face and the sound engulf him.
He really was well and truly screwed and he knew he had little choice in the matter but to admit the truth of what he had done.
“I kissed Kris.”
Adam at least expected a gasp of shock from Danny' direction but instead there was nothing. Just a calm silence that seemed to say “Well yeah. Duh.”
“I kissed him and he pretty much freaked out, ran out the room and hasn't spoken to me much since except to yell at me and of course there's the genuine looks of disgust which have been lots of fun.”
Danny still hadn't spoken and Adam wondered if maybe he had taken their new found friendship just a step too far, perhaps this wasn't something Danny wanted to talk about.
“He'll get over it.”
“That's it? Those are the only words you have to say on this?”
Danny was laughing slightly again. “Well what do you want me to say Adam? That it was a stupid thing to do? That you're an idiot? Those might both be true but you can't help the way you feel.” Danny was still laughing slightly and while Adam wasn't usually a violent person he really felt like he could have hit Danny right now. “Would I have suggested talking to Kris before attacking him? Yeah, sure. But it's done now.”
“I did not attack him.” Adam sighed, the anger fading slowly. “I was upset and Kris was there like usual, the one constant thing I've had throughout this whole thing and I don't know...” Adam was up of his chair now and suddenly aware of how little space there was out here. He gripped onto the railing and steadied himself, he might have been suffering right now but he was fairly surely hurling himself off the building was not the way to solve his problems.
“He was there... and looking at me.” He turned his head to look at Danny who was staring back at him, still a slightly amused expression across his face. God, he really was a smug bastard. “You know that look. When someone is staring right at you like they can see inside, see all the things that you don't ever really want anyone to see. But they do and you don't care because its the one person who makes you feel like all the bad things about yourself don't matter.”
“That's one hell of a look.”
Adam shook his head and turned away. “But it wasn't. It was just me seeing what I wanted to see. What I wanted Kris to feel for me.”
Danny was moving from his chair now and in two steps was at Adam's side. “I thought you were a lot smarter than this Adam.”
“Has anyone ever told you, you really have a special way of making people feel better?”
Danny laughed and turned to face Adam. “Come on Adam, wake up! You really think that Kris would be reacting this way if he wasn't feeling all the same things you are?”
Adam turned away from Danny who had a look across his face that said “I know it all.” Or what Adam had come to know as his usual Danny expression, what pissed him off was the fact that Adam was starting to see that Danny really was quite clued up and did appear to know a hell of a lot. Especially about picking things up from people. He allowed himself for one brief moment for it to be plausible, for Kris to be feeling the same way Adam was. That Kris was lying awake every night with thoughts of Adam consuming every one of his thoughts. But it was gone nearly as quick as he thought it.
Adam shook his head. “Seriously Danny, you are way off. You didn't hear what he said to me today.”
“Yeah I did actually. I was listening outside the door.”
“You're a sneaky little bastard you know that?”
Adam was sure this was the most he had ever heard Danny laugh in his presence and for one brief and frightening moment he felt grateful for Danny being here.
“I've never been in this situation, so I don't know what to say that's going to make you feel any better. But I have seen the two of you together. I see the way you both shift and change to make the other one more comfortable, there's all these small moments that I bet the two of you don't even realise what you're doing. I'm telling you Adam, you may think you have Kris all figured out but I think there's a lot that he hasn't been honest with you about. Mainly how he feels about you.”
The door opening separated the two of them apart and Matt's goofy smile and suggestive eyes poked through the curtains. “You two stop making out on the balcony and come inside. We're going to play Twister! Allison's idea.”
He was gone again quickly and with pat on the back so was Danny and what followed that was a very long two hours of twister in which Anoop kept falling on everyone, Danny ended up having to sit out because he fell on his ass and caused himself serious injury and Allison beat everyone because she was the only one focused enough to care.
- -
It was too late for everyone to go home and everyone had pretty much passed out after the exertion of Twister. Allison the last person bar him still wide awake. Adam offered her his room but she insisted on staying in the lounge with everyone else, excited at the thought of an Idol slumber party. Adam laughed and kissed her forehead before heading to his room.
He really should have noticed the one person who had been missing from the bodies all nestled down in his lounge but it wasn't until he made it to the safety of his bedroom did he see Kris standing there in the darkness looking out Adam's window.
Kris seemed to be aware of Adam's presence without him even having to say a word.
“You're apartment is everything I expected it to be.”
Kris voice was the one Adam had grown to know. There was no anger or hatred behind the words, just a simple sentence stating the fact. He could understand what Kris meant though, his apartment was well... he guessed the only word was quirky. It was made up of pretty much three rooms. The lounge and kitchen linking together and his bedroom and bathroom side by side down the hall. It was small and painted in bright garish colours, his bathroom even had a mirror with lights around it but he didn't care that it was so typically him, he loved it.
“Is that even a compliment?”
Adam' hadn't intended to sound unkind, but he really was trying to figure out if Kris had meant it that way or not. In fact he was just trying to figure out why Kris was even in here, he had made it perfectly clear hoe he felt earlier. Was there really anything else to say?
And then Kris was turning around to look at him, it was dark in the room but the light from the hallway made let a little light in allowing Adam to make out Kris expression. The harshness from Kris eyes were gone, a confusion left there. Perhaps Kris himself didn't understand why he was here.
Suddenly Adam could think of nothing but Danny' words and again he allowed himself to wonder if there could be some truth behind what he had said. What if Kris was feeling everything that Adam was? The friendship had been shifting the lines for weeks now and he knew it couldn't have only been his imagination playing tricks on him. What if Danny had been right?
Kris was moving slowly across the room and Adam wanted to speak, to say anything ask Kris a thousand questions that he had been planning all day but nothing came out and before Adam could even register anything else Kris was in front of him. He waited for Kris to meet his eyes, but he never did, there were brief moments when Adam thought he would. But Kris seemed to be testing himself, seeing how far he could let this thing go.
Adam stood motionless, literally unable to move and when Kris tentatively pressed warm fingers on his chest, just above where his shirt was unbuttoned Adam took a sharp intake of breathe. He had to be dreaming, he must have drifted off to sleep halfway through the boredom that was Twister and he now found himself in the most perfect dream. Because Kris was unbuttoning his shirt lower, his face leaning closer to lean into Adam' skin. He could feel Kris warm breathe on his chest and Kris was inhaling and Adam still couldn't move.
The loud crashing sound from the next room broke the moment entirely. A shock that sent Kris fleeing the room and in the direction of where the sound came from. Adam had caught a glimpse at Kris face before he ran, fear and want lingering beneath the surface and again Danny' words ran through his mind.
Could Danny really be right? The answer was becoming clearer. Yes, yes he really could.
.
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13. Again, I dunno lol. Some swearing and careless Twister playing lol.
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Summary: It really was a mistake. It really was a mistake. Adam isn't fooling anyone.
Notes: Another chapter? Go me! lol. Thank you for the amazing repsonse to the first chapter. Sorry for making you all like Gokey. hee. Hopefully this is okay. As usual, grammar has left the building and any mistakes are all mine I tell ya.
Disclaimer: Adam Lambert and Kris Allen are not mine. They belong to each other.
Part One
If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Chapter Two: Don't Fight It
Adam really would have been happy to write this entire day off and pretend it had never happened. If anyone had told him this time yesterday that he'd be sat outside on the small balcony of his apartment sitting in a comfortable silence with Danny Gokey he would have laughed in their face and probably told them to fuck off.
The whole thing was unbelievably weird. He found himself turning to look at Danny every now and then, but all he could see written across Danny' face was a small smile, he was enjoying Adam's confusion far too much.
To be honest Adam had come out here to be alone, when Allison had excitedly suggested they all go to Adam' for the evening the eyes of eleven pleading faces had been hard to refuse. But after two hours of being sat across the room from Kris who still wouldn't look at him and certainly not acknowledge him he had to get out, he felt like he was suffocating and this was his own apartment for fuck sake.
He could still hear everyone chatting quietly in the lounge through the doors behind him, but the soft sound of Kris strumming his guitar muffled most of the conversation. He found himself closing his eyes and relaxing slightly as he let the comforting sound course through him. There had been so many nights on Idol when he had fallen asleep to that very sound, sometimes familiar songs others unknown, but still so remarkably Kris and it killed him that even now Kris could have such an effect on him.
No matter how much he wanted to though, he knew he couldn't relax entirely, he was far too aware of Danny' presence to be able to do that. He felt completely trapped, he knew if he went back inside the tirade of questions would begin from Allison again. Because you see, Adam loved photographs. He loved capturing moments between his friends and family and he plastered them across his walls in frames and collages, a constant comforting reminder. Allison couldn't help it, she was young and a naturally curious person and it came from such an endearing place that Adam felt mean in denying her. But after answering two hours of questions it all became too much. Not to mention that any time Adam so much as mentioned one of the men in the picture was an ex-boyfriend he could literally feel the waves of repulsion from Kris.
So his own reaction, the most natural thing to do was to escape and not before picking up the bottle of vodka that sat happily out on his kitchen counter. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that drinking wasn't going to solve anything. He had seen the bottom of an empty bottle time and time before, and experience told him to not bother that in the morning everything would be worse and to magnify that pain would be the worlds worst hangover, and yet that knowledge didn't prevent him from picking up the bottle.
He had literally been out there ten minutes before Danny was out there sitting by his side, holding out a glass expectantly. Well what else could he have done? Told him to fuck off back inside and leave him the hell alone. Well, yes he could have actually and it felt pretty tempting but for some reason he found himself pouring Danny a glass and now here they were.
“You have a lot of photographs.”
Well done Mr state the obvious. He had a feeling his sarcastic nature wouldn't help the situation so he nodded slightly and took another sip of his drink. He sighed heavily when he heard the sound of laughter coming from inside, he longed to be a part of it. He hated the fact that he was being forced to be an outsider in a group that normally provided him with such comfort.
“We sort of ambushed you tonight didn't we?”
Adam shook his head. “It's fine. I'm glad that you're all here.”
Danny laughed slightly and looked behind him. “If that's true why are you sat out here instead of inside with everyone else?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“Fair point.”
Adam sighed again. He was beginning to think he hated this side of Danny more than the original version he had come to known. At least the other version left him alone and didn't question every little thing he did. He felt like he somehow had to justify the fact that he was out here rather than in there, or maybe it was more the fact that Danny had a point.
“Why do you keep all those photographs?”
“Jeez Danny don't you have pictures of your friends and family?”
“Yeah... in photo albums and...”
Adam was getting irritated and it really wasn't Danny' voice, his questions weren't coming from a bad place, just a genuine curiosity and yet Adam couldn't help the tone in his voice.
“You live surrounded by your family right? They are there whenever you need them? Well not me, I like the reminders. I like when I come home I have my friends and family with me in a weird way. I know it's lame...”
Danny shook his head. “It's not lame.” Danny picked up the bottle of Vodka and poured them both more. “You're a complicated person Adam.”
Adam laughed bitterly. “Ain't that the truth.”
The sound of Kris playing had stopped now and he was almost mad at Danny for making them talk when he could have been listening to Kris. He waited in silence, his eyes closed waiting desperately for Kris to start playing again. He could hear the muffled sound of Allison' pleading voice and then Kris was laughing in protest and Adam swore he could live of that sound forever. Even with walls making the sound distorted it was still enough.
Kris was playing again, soft strums and Adam was lost. He didn't know the song but it didn't matter. If he closed his eyes tight enough he could almost believe that Kris was right at his side and that every chord was just for him.
“Has he even spoken to you tonight?”
Fucking Gokey.
“Who?”
“Who do you think?”
“Matt?” He wasn't going to play into this, he had no idea why but for some bizarre reason Danny suddenly seemed really interested in Adam' life and it was starting to freak him out. There was absolutely no reason that Danny would even care if Kris had or hadn't spoken to him, he'd never cared before so why would he care now.
He heard Danny chuckle slightly and then take a gulp of his drink. “I guess that means you still don't want to talk about it.”
“I don't exactly know what's going on here Danny but it's really starting to freak me out. Is it guilt or something? Do you feel bad for not talking to me pretty much for the entire competition or something? And what now you feel like cos' we are all going on tour you have to make an effort? Cos' seriously it's okay. Me, not offended.”
Danny seemed to recoil slightly, Adam could see him shifting slightly from the corner of his and he turned to look at Danny who was now slowly putting his drink down on the table between them.
“That's really what people think about me isn't it? That I'm some kind of homophobic ass hole...”
Adam was about to open his mouth and say “Well yeah actually.” But he could hear the tone in Danny' voice and it wasn't the voice of someone who didn't care what people thought of him, it was the sound of pain and hurt and Adam may have his moments of being a bitch but he certainly wasn't going to help break someone who was clearly already broken.
“I didn't not talk to you because of that. I've never met anyone like you Adam and I don't mean the gay thing, that's not the issue. I've gone through my life being awkward and unsure of myself and you always seemed so confident and... well it was a little intimidating okay?”
Adam only nodded. To be honest, now he felt like an ass hole. Because he had been quick to blame Danny's distance on his prejudices but the truth as it turned out was so far from it. He had done the one thing he had been accusing Danny of this entire time.
“I mean I don't blame you for thinking that. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm... I guess comfortable isn't the right word... but you have to understand the way I was bought up, the people I grew up with...”
Adam couldn't help but laugh. “Danny you do realise that I wasn't born with painted nails and wearing eye-liner right?”
Danny was laughing a long now too. “I know that. I'm not saying what I thought back then was right. I just wanted you to understand that me not talking to you then wasn't about one thing specifically and I don't feel guilty about it, I can't help how I am and how I feel any more than you can. But if one thing being here has taught me is that I could learn to be a lot more accepting and I wasn't accepting of you Adam and I'm sorry for that.”
Adam nodded, he felt like there really wasn't much of a response he could give to that. “What brought all this on though? You could have just carried on as before I wouldn't have noticed the difference.”
“But I would have. Besides, when I went home before rehearsals started I got to thinking and I wondered if... I wondered if she'd be proud of me. And I don't think she'd be proud of the way I acted towards you.”
Danny' voice seemed to grow quieter as he spoke and then they seemed muffled as he spoke the last few words into is glass before taking another sip. To be honest, Adam had rarely heard Danny speak of his wife it was one of those topics of conversations that no one ever bought up because it wasn't exactly the easiest thing to speak of without either seeming too intrusive or just plain insensitive, so most of the time it was just left there festering away.
He heard Danny' glass hit the table and he finished his own off resting it beside Danny's. Kris was still playing and the others had begun their usual chatter, he was pretty sure he could hear Matt telling jokes that no one would find funny and yet they'd all be too polite not to laugh. But the one thing he was sure he heard above everything else was Kris' voice. Delicate and perfect, singing along and he closed his eyes again, letting the cool air hit his face and the sound engulf him.
He really was well and truly screwed and he knew he had little choice in the matter but to admit the truth of what he had done.
“I kissed Kris.”
Adam at least expected a gasp of shock from Danny' direction but instead there was nothing. Just a calm silence that seemed to say “Well yeah. Duh.”
“I kissed him and he pretty much freaked out, ran out the room and hasn't spoken to me much since except to yell at me and of course there's the genuine looks of disgust which have been lots of fun.”
Danny still hadn't spoken and Adam wondered if maybe he had taken their new found friendship just a step too far, perhaps this wasn't something Danny wanted to talk about.
“He'll get over it.”
“That's it? Those are the only words you have to say on this?”
Danny was laughing slightly again. “Well what do you want me to say Adam? That it was a stupid thing to do? That you're an idiot? Those might both be true but you can't help the way you feel.” Danny was still laughing slightly and while Adam wasn't usually a violent person he really felt like he could have hit Danny right now. “Would I have suggested talking to Kris before attacking him? Yeah, sure. But it's done now.”
“I did not attack him.” Adam sighed, the anger fading slowly. “I was upset and Kris was there like usual, the one constant thing I've had throughout this whole thing and I don't know...” Adam was up of his chair now and suddenly aware of how little space there was out here. He gripped onto the railing and steadied himself, he might have been suffering right now but he was fairly surely hurling himself off the building was not the way to solve his problems.
“He was there... and looking at me.” He turned his head to look at Danny who was staring back at him, still a slightly amused expression across his face. God, he really was a smug bastard. “You know that look. When someone is staring right at you like they can see inside, see all the things that you don't ever really want anyone to see. But they do and you don't care because its the one person who makes you feel like all the bad things about yourself don't matter.”
“That's one hell of a look.”
Adam shook his head and turned away. “But it wasn't. It was just me seeing what I wanted to see. What I wanted Kris to feel for me.”
Danny was moving from his chair now and in two steps was at Adam's side. “I thought you were a lot smarter than this Adam.”
“Has anyone ever told you, you really have a special way of making people feel better?”
Danny laughed and turned to face Adam. “Come on Adam, wake up! You really think that Kris would be reacting this way if he wasn't feeling all the same things you are?”
Adam turned away from Danny who had a look across his face that said “I know it all.” Or what Adam had come to know as his usual Danny expression, what pissed him off was the fact that Adam was starting to see that Danny really was quite clued up and did appear to know a hell of a lot. Especially about picking things up from people. He allowed himself for one brief moment for it to be plausible, for Kris to be feeling the same way Adam was. That Kris was lying awake every night with thoughts of Adam consuming every one of his thoughts. But it was gone nearly as quick as he thought it.
Adam shook his head. “Seriously Danny, you are way off. You didn't hear what he said to me today.”
“Yeah I did actually. I was listening outside the door.”
“You're a sneaky little bastard you know that?”
Adam was sure this was the most he had ever heard Danny laugh in his presence and for one brief and frightening moment he felt grateful for Danny being here.
“I've never been in this situation, so I don't know what to say that's going to make you feel any better. But I have seen the two of you together. I see the way you both shift and change to make the other one more comfortable, there's all these small moments that I bet the two of you don't even realise what you're doing. I'm telling you Adam, you may think you have Kris all figured out but I think there's a lot that he hasn't been honest with you about. Mainly how he feels about you.”
The door opening separated the two of them apart and Matt's goofy smile and suggestive eyes poked through the curtains. “You two stop making out on the balcony and come inside. We're going to play Twister! Allison's idea.”
He was gone again quickly and with pat on the back so was Danny and what followed that was a very long two hours of twister in which Anoop kept falling on everyone, Danny ended up having to sit out because he fell on his ass and caused himself serious injury and Allison beat everyone because she was the only one focused enough to care.
- -
It was too late for everyone to go home and everyone had pretty much passed out after the exertion of Twister. Allison the last person bar him still wide awake. Adam offered her his room but she insisted on staying in the lounge with everyone else, excited at the thought of an Idol slumber party. Adam laughed and kissed her forehead before heading to his room.
He really should have noticed the one person who had been missing from the bodies all nestled down in his lounge but it wasn't until he made it to the safety of his bedroom did he see Kris standing there in the darkness looking out Adam's window.
Kris seemed to be aware of Adam's presence without him even having to say a word.
“You're apartment is everything I expected it to be.”
Kris voice was the one Adam had grown to know. There was no anger or hatred behind the words, just a simple sentence stating the fact. He could understand what Kris meant though, his apartment was well... he guessed the only word was quirky. It was made up of pretty much three rooms. The lounge and kitchen linking together and his bedroom and bathroom side by side down the hall. It was small and painted in bright garish colours, his bathroom even had a mirror with lights around it but he didn't care that it was so typically him, he loved it.
“Is that even a compliment?”
Adam' hadn't intended to sound unkind, but he really was trying to figure out if Kris had meant it that way or not. In fact he was just trying to figure out why Kris was even in here, he had made it perfectly clear hoe he felt earlier. Was there really anything else to say?
And then Kris was turning around to look at him, it was dark in the room but the light from the hallway made let a little light in allowing Adam to make out Kris expression. The harshness from Kris eyes were gone, a confusion left there. Perhaps Kris himself didn't understand why he was here.
Suddenly Adam could think of nothing but Danny' words and again he allowed himself to wonder if there could be some truth behind what he had said. What if Kris was feeling everything that Adam was? The friendship had been shifting the lines for weeks now and he knew it couldn't have only been his imagination playing tricks on him. What if Danny had been right?
Kris was moving slowly across the room and Adam wanted to speak, to say anything ask Kris a thousand questions that he had been planning all day but nothing came out and before Adam could even register anything else Kris was in front of him. He waited for Kris to meet his eyes, but he never did, there were brief moments when Adam thought he would. But Kris seemed to be testing himself, seeing how far he could let this thing go.
Adam stood motionless, literally unable to move and when Kris tentatively pressed warm fingers on his chest, just above where his shirt was unbuttoned Adam took a sharp intake of breathe. He had to be dreaming, he must have drifted off to sleep halfway through the boredom that was Twister and he now found himself in the most perfect dream. Because Kris was unbuttoning his shirt lower, his face leaning closer to lean into Adam' skin. He could feel Kris warm breathe on his chest and Kris was inhaling and Adam still couldn't move.
The loud crashing sound from the next room broke the moment entirely. A shock that sent Kris fleeing the room and in the direction of where the sound came from. Adam had caught a glimpse at Kris face before he ran, fear and want lingering beneath the surface and again Danny' words ran through his mind.
Could Danny really be right? The answer was becoming clearer. Yes, yes he really could.
.