Second Best -- Chapter 20
When Kris got into the driver’s seat of his car, Adam was still crying softly, one hand raised in embarrassment to cover his face. Kris bit his lip, frowning slightly with hesitation. He was relieved that Adam had allowed him to hug him, to comfort him in any way at all, after the distance with which he’d treated Kris before. Still, he wasn’t sure how much was too far - how much Adam was ready to accept from him, in such a vulnerable state.
You were best friends once. Come on, Kris. Don’t be an idiot. It’s just Adam.
Kris reached out a cautious hand to rest on Adam’s leg, squeezing gently - alarmed and dismayed when Adam flinched away. Adam’s eyes were wide and startled when he looked up at Kris, then looked away self-consciously, swallowing hard.
“I’m sorry,” Kris said softly. “Sorry, Adam. I didn’t mean to…”
Adam shook his head rapidly, his eyes fastened on his lap, his breath shallow and ragged. “No, I… I’m sorry, you… you didn’t…” His words broke off abruptly, and he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest as a tremor passed through him. He looked away, closing his eyes. “I-I’m sorry…”
“Hey.” Kris’s voice was soft, reassuring, as he cautiously reached out to Adam again, this time making sure that Adam had opened his eyes and saw him coming before he actually touched him. “Come here. Come on, Adam, it’s all right…” He wrapped one arm gently around Adam’s shoulders, tugging him slightly closer. “Come here… just relax, okay? You’re safe now…”
Despite the fact that he was trying to get Adam to accept comfort from him, Kris was still stunned when Adam turned toward him, leaning his head against Kris’s shoulder. Kris raised his hand to run soothingly through Adam’s hair, tilting his head to rest against the top of Adam’s as he whispered reassuring words under his breath.
“That’s it… that’s fine, Adam, you’re okay… you’re gonna be just fine…”
As they drove toward Kris’s house, he was gratified to feel Adam slowly begin to relax against him, though he was still trembling slightly and still drawing in soft, sobbing gasps of air. Almost without realizing he was doing it, Kris began to hum softly under his breath - something soft and slow and soothing. It was an old song he’d learned as a little boy in church, and he knew Adam was unlikely to recognize it, but the simple, sweet melody still seemed to be comforting to him. Gradually, his trembling ceased, and Kris felt him go still and slack against his side.
When they arrived at Kris’s house, he was surprised to find that, exhausted by the traumatic events of the evening, Adam had fallen asleep. He almost felt guilty for waking him, though he knew that he had no choice.
“Adam,” he murmured, gently nudging him with his shoulder. “Adam, wake up. We’re here.”
Adam startled awake, looking up at Kris through wide, fearful eyes.
“It’s okay.” Kris gave him a warm, reassuring smile. “We’re home. At my house. Let’s go in.”
Adam blinked at him in sleepy confusion for a moment before Kris’s words seemed to finally register, and he nodded, turning and fumbling for the door handle. Kris led Adam up the walk to his front door, unlocking it and then stepping aside to allow Adam to enter first. Gradually waking up, Adam hesitated a moment, a look of uncertainty crossing his face as he glanced at Kris before reluctantly crossing the threshold into the house.
It wasn’t hard to tell that Adam’s doubts were starting to return.
The sooner I can get him comfortable and resting, the better. It’d suck to get this far, just to have him change his mind and leave now…
“I’m gonna find you something to sleep in, Adam,” he explained, guiding his unusually passive friend to the sofa. “I’ll be right back.”
Adam slowly sat down on the sofa, nodding but not meeting Kris’s eyes. Kris waited until he leaned back, resting his head against the back of the sofa and closing his eyes, to head toward his bedroom upstairs. Adam seemed utterly exhausted, lacking the strength, if not the will, to leave on his own. Still, Kris hurriedly dug through his dresser drawers in search of anything that might come remotely close to fitting Adam, eager to get back to him before he had the time to rethink his decision to stay with Kris for the night.
Kris found the baggiest pair of sweatpants he owned and an oversized t-shirt. He knew they would still be too snug and too short on Adam, but it was the best he had to offer - and somehow, he didn’t think Adam would care that much what he was wearing.
I just have to get back to him before he changes his mind… just have to keep him here… and safe…
Kris needn’t have worried.
He let out a soft sigh of relief when he returned to the living room to find that Adam had drifted back to sleep on the couch. He was lying on his side, his head resting against the arm of the sofa, his long legs folded to fit the sofa that was a little too short for him to comfortably stretch out. Kris’s expression softened with a combination of sadness and affection as he drew nearer to his friend, noting how vulnerable he appeared, his brow creased in a troubled expression even in sleep.
Kris knelt beside the sofa, setting the clothes down on the coffee table and reaching out a cautious hand to brush Adam’s disheveled hair back from his eyes. Adam did not stir, though a shiver passed through him at the light brush of contact. Kris allowed his gaze to drift downward, frowning when he noticed for the first time the thick bandage around Adam’s left hand.
Must be why the doctor came to the venue, he realized. What did that monster do to him?
The bruises on Adam’s neck stood out in livid detail in the brighter lights of Kris’s living room, the shape of Jordan’s fingers clearly visible. Kris winced when he saw the dried blood at the corner of Adam’s mouth, next to a deep purple bruise, and imagined the blow that must have caused it. His fingers brushed lightly across the bruised skin, as he tried to suppress the smoldering fury that rose up in him at the sight.
I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him before I’ll let him touch Adam again…
Adam stirred slightly under the touch of Kris’s hand - then jerked awake with a gasp, frightened.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” Kris gently gripped his shoulder, steadying him as he met his startled gaze. “It’s okay. You just dozed off.” He leaned back on his knees, giving Adam a little space, and nodded toward the folded clothes on the coffee table. “You wanna change out of your show clothes? All that spiky leather stuff can’t be comfortable to sleep in.” He gave Adam a teasing grin, hoping to put him more at ease.
Adam just stared at him blankly, his eyes shifting to the clothes, then back up to Kris’s face.
“Go ahead,” Kris softly urged him with another nod. “Get changed. I’ll be right back.”
He went to the bathroom and found a tube of ointment and some gauze, then ran a washcloth under warm water and wrung it out. He knew that what little he could do for Adam’s physical injuries was not much, but he just had to do something, anything, to try to undo the damage that Jordan had done.
But it’s more than a couple bruises and a little blood. Kris’s heart ached with the undeniable realization. He’s… he’s damaged. Broken. Jordan has hurt him worse than you’ve seen yet… and you might not be able to make this right.
Kris paused for a moment just inside the bathroom door, his arms full of the supplies he’d gathered. He leaned his head against the door, drawing in a slow, shaky breath in an attempt to steady himself.
You can’t fall apart now. You have to take care of Adam. Just keep it together for a little while longer…
Kris returned to the living room with a bright smile, no trace of his inner panic on his face - to find Adam sitting on the edge of the sofa, still fully clothed in his outfit from the concert, the t-shirt and sweatpants clutched in his trembling good hand. His eyes were downcast, his face frozen in an expression of shame and despair.
“What’s the matter?” Kris asked, sitting down beside him and nudging him lightly with his shoulder. “Why aren’t you changed?”
Adam swallowed hard, not raising his head. He spoke, but the words were barely over a breath, and Kris couldn’t quite make them out.
“What?”
Adam closed his eyes, grinding out the words in a voice filled with quiet defeat. “I can’t.”
Kris frowned, confused - until Adam raised his bandaged hand in silent explanation.
Kris thought his heart would break for his strong, proud, fiercely independent friend, reduced to a state where he wasn’t even able to undress himself on his own. He knew that the clothes Adam wore for his concerts were complicated and tight enough to be difficult to get out of under the best of circumstances.
Of course he can’t get out of them one-handed. Should have thought of that.
Kris shrugged, keeping his tone light and easy as he replied. “Well, that’s no big. Let me help you.” He reached for the sleeve of Adam’s jacket, tugging lightly.
Adam jerked away, turning to face Kris in a defensive posture, eyes wide with fright. “No!”
Kris was quiet for a moment, calmly holding Adam’s gaze. “Adam,” he began cautiously. “I won’t ask. I already promised you - I won’t say a word. All right? Just… please.” He paused, unable to keep the deeper meaning from his tone as he finished softly, “Let me help you.”
Adam hesitated, and the confusion and fear in his eyes broke Kris’s heart. Finally, he relented, his shoulders falling with resignation. He had no other choice, really. He couldn’t stay in his stage clothes forever. Under normal circumstances, Jordan would have helped him undress, Kris realized - which was awfully convenient for Jordan.
No one to see the damage he’s done except him - no one to notice that Adam needs help…
It was all Kris could do to force himself to keep his promise as he carefully stripped off the damp layers of leather and fabric that covered Adam’s body - revealing more damage than he had allowed himself to imagine. Bruises layered his pale, freckled frame - far thinner than Kris remembered from the days in the Idol mansion, when Adam seemed to have no shame when it came to walking around in all states of dress and undress. It hurt Kris’s heart to remember the easy confidence with which Adam had moved back then - with no trace of self-consciousness whatsoever.
Now, Adam kept his head bowed the entire time, his eyes glued to the floor, unable to bring himself to meet Kris’s eyes. His face was flushed with shame, his mouth quivering slightly as he fought to hold back the humiliated tears that rose to his eyes. Kris kept his promise and kept silent, even as he noted with quiet rage the vicious marks that scored his skin, and could not prevent his mind from visualizing the events that might have put them there.
He saw finger-shaped bruises on Adam’s upper arms, and pictured Jordan shaking Adam roughly and shoving him into a wall. He discovered deep, dark bruises on Adam’s ribcage, so deep that he could imagine nothing that could have formed them besides a brutal kick with a hard-toed shoe. There were similar marks on Adam’s thighs, and Kris knew that Adam couldn’t have been standing when those blows were delivered.
The thought of his friend, battered to the floor, pleading and terrified as he was brutally kicked and beaten by someone who was supposed to love him - it was almost more than Kris could bear. But he made himself bear it, staying calm and composed for Adam’s sake as he gently, carefully helped him into the soft, comfortable clothes he’d brought him.
As he pulled the t-shirt over Adam’s head and Adam lowered his arms back down to his sides, their eyes met for just an instant before Adam averted his gaze. Kris ached inside at the vulnerable question he read in Adam’s gaze. Adam swallowed hard, his lips parted to speak, though he couldn’t seem to find the words at first.
“Kris… I… it’s not… I…”
“Adam.” Kris’s voice was firm, but understanding, drawing Adam’s stammered attempt at explanation to a halt. “You don’t have to lie to me…”
Adam looked up sharply, shaking his head in objection, but Kris went on before he could speak.
“… because you don’t have to explain. Okay? I meant it. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me.”
Adam stared at him for a long time, searching, a trace of suspicion in his eyes - before visibly relaxing with a soft sigh of relief. He nodded once, closing his eyes and lowering his head, his voice barely over a whisper.
“Th-thank you.”
“You’re beat, man,” Kris observed softly, for Adam’s comfort, not acknowledging the grateful words. “No wonder. It’s already past two. Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll show you the guest room.”
Adam followed obediently as Kris led the way, pulling back the blankets and helping to get him settled. When he was satisfied that Adam would be comfortable for the night, Kris ventured to tentatively grasp Adam’s good hand, squeezing gently. Adam looked up to meet his eyes, a wary question there.
“Good night,” Kris said softly, turning to go.
Adam did not let go of his hand.
Kris turned to face him, a puzzled frown on his face. “Adam…?”
“Can you… can you not… not go? Just yet?” Adam wouldn’t look at him, and Kris could sense his terror, knew that he was probably equally afraid that Kris would refuse him - and that Kris would grant his request. “I just… I don’t wanna be…”
Kris didn’t need Adam to finish the statement to know what he needed. Without a word, he lay down on the bed beside Adam, positioning the pillows on his side of the bed so that he was partially sitting up, then drawing Adam’s head down onto his chest. Adam settled in close to him, eyes closed, already beginning to fall back to sleep. Kris was sure that had Adam not been so thoroughly exhausted, he likely would not have allowed himself to ask Kris to stay.
For his part, Kris was simply grateful that he had asked.
He lay there in silence, cradling Adam’s head against his chest, running his fingers through his hair and soothing him to sleep. Eventually, Kris drifted off as well, his mind filled with one promise circling through his thoughts again and again.
No matter what it takes… there is no way I’ll ever let that monster touch him again…
TBC...