Kris's Doctor Who Adventure: 'The Stolen Earth'
I start off all calm and shit and then it gets SO REAL and I can't even edit this because I have to watch the next episode and seriously guys
what
the
fuck
I always watch the Director’s commentary on things I really like, so I have, of course, watched it for all of the Firefly episodes. In case you’re not familiar with the Firefly ‘verse (shame on you, go watch the show NOW, please. Yes, I’ll wait), there are these things called ‘Reavers’. We don’t see them at all in the tv episodes, except as a ship passing in space, and the inner, civilized planets believe they are a myth. But we hear about them, people who, as they believe in the stories, went to the edge of the universe and saw infinity stretched before them. These people then went with that knowledge, and roam the universe killing, raping, and cannibalizing anyone they get their hands on.
Point is, though, that Joss Whedon describes how he introduced these shadow-villains in a very effective way. He introduced the ship’s mercenary. Jayne is their hired gun, and he is big, tough, always in a fight. We learn straight off that he is not afraid of anything.
And then he hears someone mention Reavers, and he is terrified. Joss Whedon did that again in introducing the Hulk in Avengers. He shows us just how fearless and how capable Natasha is, and then shows her stop stone-dead in fear when she is told she is being sent to retrieve Banner for S.H.I.E.L.D.
Nothing is more frightening than the thing that scares the scary people.
So when Rose, Jack, Sarah Jane and Martha are being their bad-ass selves and dealing rather well with the fact that their planet has just been stolen, when these people are figuring shit out and taking names and just being in charge, and they hear the daleks come over the intercom, and they all freeze up... it is very effective. I mean, Jack just grabs onto his people, Sarah Jane is crying, Rose looks like it is all over... These are the people who don’t scare. These are this world’s Jaynes and Black Widows, and they are terrified.
That is scary shit.
(and then I remember that all Rose does is say the Doctor’s name, and the daleks stepped back... and that is pretty scary too).
BUT WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THESE DALEKS COME FROM??? Didn’t they all die?
AND WE GET TO SEE THE SHADOW PROCLAMATION????? Oh god it is the rhinos.
“Timelords are the things of legend, belong in the myth and whispers of the higher species. You cannot exist.”
This makes me wonder when, exactly, the Time War happened? I was assuming that it was concurrent with the events we see on Earth, since he so often returns to the same year. But if the Timelords are 'myths' and 'whispers', and only among the higher species even then... it sounds as if they have been gone for a long time... I remember one villain (OMG, it was Anthony Head, I don't remember his species here) saying that they had removed themselves from events... maybe they were just kind of... not involved so long they were forgotten?
Anyone know?
“ Fascinating. If I had not elevated you beyond crude emotions, I could almost mistake that tone for one of victory. Beware your pride."
Fucking daleks. And... "...if I had not elevated you...."? What the fuck is this thing?
“The Abomination is insane.
“Show respect! Without Dalek Caan, none of this would be possible. And, he speaks only the truth.”
“He is coming, the three-fold man. He dances in the lonely places. Oh, creator of us all, the Doctor is coming!”
Well, that is terrifying.
“And you will lead us into battle!”
“Right. Yes. Course I will. I’ll just go... get you the key.”
AND THEN HE SIDLES AROUND THE DOOR LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING NINJA HOLY SHIT. AND GRINS AT DONNA LIKE A LITTLE BOY.
This is the most intense cross-over ever. I am interested in the changes to Torchwood, since I am only on ep4 and there are far more members!
"Your voice is different, but its arrogance is unchanged."
WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT. Remember when I was talking about the things that scare the scary people, and COMPLETELY ACCIDENTLY ended that conversation with the Doctor being the scariest, WELL NOW THIS THING HAS HIM FUCKING SPEECHLESS HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT THE FUCK. THE CREATOR? You lil' shit. Look at the mess you caused. Jesus. Go to your cyber-room.
No, wait, what happened to Gwen and Ianto? I am really freaking out, guys, I really like them and they are being gunned down by MOTHERFUCKING daleks.
And Sarah Jane! Whaaaattttttttt. rosaxx50, I kind of WANT TO BLAME ALL OF THIS ON YOU.
I am making dying whale noises ROSE IS RIGHT BEHIND HIM.
I paused it because they are running at each other and I am almost crying and if something happens where they don’t at least reach each other and have a fucking SECOND I am going to break ALL THE SHIT.
Fuck this shit oh my god fuck all the shit. BREAK ALL THE SHIT BECAUSE THAT FUCKING DALEK SHOT THE DOCTOR AND HE IS DYING
Wait a minute, this isn’t the regeneration because... he is still an actor for another season, isn’t he?
IS THIS THE END OF THIS DOCTOR. IS THIS THE LAST TIME WE SEE DAVID? WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT WARNED ABOUT THIS POSSIBILITY? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
I AM LEGITIMATELY PANICKING.
what
the
fuck
I always watch the Director’s commentary on things I really like, so I have, of course, watched it for all of the Firefly episodes. In case you’re not familiar with the Firefly ‘verse (shame on you, go watch the show NOW, please. Yes, I’ll wait), there are these things called ‘Reavers’. We don’t see them at all in the tv episodes, except as a ship passing in space, and the inner, civilized planets believe they are a myth. But we hear about them, people who, as they believe in the stories, went to the edge of the universe and saw infinity stretched before them. These people then went with that knowledge, and roam the universe killing, raping, and cannibalizing anyone they get their hands on.
Point is, though, that Joss Whedon describes how he introduced these shadow-villains in a very effective way. He introduced the ship’s mercenary. Jayne is their hired gun, and he is big, tough, always in a fight. We learn straight off that he is not afraid of anything.
And then he hears someone mention Reavers, and he is terrified. Joss Whedon did that again in introducing the Hulk in Avengers. He shows us just how fearless and how capable Natasha is, and then shows her stop stone-dead in fear when she is told she is being sent to retrieve Banner for S.H.I.E.L.D.
Nothing is more frightening than the thing that scares the scary people.
So when Rose, Jack, Sarah Jane and Martha are being their bad-ass selves and dealing rather well with the fact that their planet has just been stolen, when these people are figuring shit out and taking names and just being in charge, and they hear the daleks come over the intercom, and they all freeze up... it is very effective. I mean, Jack just grabs onto his people, Sarah Jane is crying, Rose looks like it is all over... These are the people who don’t scare. These are this world’s Jaynes and Black Widows, and they are terrified.
That is scary shit.
(and then I remember that all Rose does is say the Doctor’s name, and the daleks stepped back... and that is pretty scary too).
BUT WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THESE DALEKS COME FROM??? Didn’t they all die?
AND WE GET TO SEE THE SHADOW PROCLAMATION????? Oh god it is the rhinos.
“Timelords are the things of legend, belong in the myth and whispers of the higher species. You cannot exist.”
This makes me wonder when, exactly, the Time War happened? I was assuming that it was concurrent with the events we see on Earth, since he so often returns to the same year. But if the Timelords are 'myths' and 'whispers', and only among the higher species even then... it sounds as if they have been gone for a long time... I remember one villain (OMG, it was Anthony Head, I don't remember his species here) saying that they had removed themselves from events... maybe they were just kind of... not involved so long they were forgotten?
Anyone know?
“ Fascinating. If I had not elevated you beyond crude emotions, I could almost mistake that tone for one of victory. Beware your pride."
Fucking daleks. And... "...if I had not elevated you...."? What the fuck is this thing?
“The Abomination is insane.
“Show respect! Without Dalek Caan, none of this would be possible. And, he speaks only the truth.”
“He is coming, the three-fold man. He dances in the lonely places. Oh, creator of us all, the Doctor is coming!”
Well, that is terrifying.
“And you will lead us into battle!”
“Right. Yes. Course I will. I’ll just go... get you the key.”
AND THEN HE SIDLES AROUND THE DOOR LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING NINJA HOLY SHIT. AND GRINS AT DONNA LIKE A LITTLE BOY.
This is the most intense cross-over ever. I am interested in the changes to Torchwood, since I am only on ep4 and there are far more members!
"Your voice is different, but its arrogance is unchanged."
WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT. Remember when I was talking about the things that scare the scary people, and COMPLETELY ACCIDENTLY ended that conversation with the Doctor being the scariest, WELL NOW THIS THING HAS HIM FUCKING SPEECHLESS HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT THE FUCK. THE CREATOR? You lil' shit. Look at the mess you caused. Jesus. Go to your cyber-room.
No, wait, what happened to Gwen and Ianto? I am really freaking out, guys, I really like them and they are being gunned down by MOTHERFUCKING daleks.
And Sarah Jane! Whaaaattttttttt. rosaxx50, I kind of WANT TO BLAME ALL OF THIS ON YOU.
I am making dying whale noises ROSE IS RIGHT BEHIND HIM.
I paused it because they are running at each other and I am almost crying and if something happens where they don’t at least reach each other and have a fucking SECOND I am going to break ALL THE SHIT.
Fuck this shit oh my god fuck all the shit. BREAK ALL THE SHIT BECAUSE THAT FUCKING DALEK SHOT THE DOCTOR AND HE IS DYING
Wait a minute, this isn’t the regeneration because... he is still an actor for another season, isn’t he?
IS THIS THE END OF THIS DOCTOR. IS THIS THE LAST TIME WE SEE DAVID? WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT WARNED ABOUT THIS POSSIBILITY? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
I AM LEGITIMATELY PANICKING.