Round 06: Grace (Part 2/2)

[olymficsmod]

Previous

Kibum had not been able to fall asleep even until Jinki finished his meals, done with his sleeping preparation and climbed onto their bed. He lied still even when he felt Jinki’s hand rested on his waist, and the older man snuggled close to his nape and breathed deeply. He listened to Jinki’s breath gradually slowed as the older man fell into sleep.

When he heard the soft snore Jinki always made when he was exhausted, Kibum carefully removed his partner’s hand from him, and quietly climbed down the bed. He dragged himself back to the rocking chair, finding a little comfort as he rested his back against the soft cotton of the chair’s cushion, and breathed deeply before he reached out for his cellphone from the top of his bedside table. It did not take long for him to find his lawyer’s contact, and quickly typed his message.

‘I need to discuss some change within the arrangement of the affair. Can we meet up soon?’

Knowing that he would probably have to wait until morning before he received any reply, Kibum placed the phone back to its previous place. Again, he took a deep breath; he closed his eyes as he began to experience strong throbbing pain inside his head.

Sitting alone in the darkness of the room, the muted sound of Jinki’s breath on the background, Kibum felt a wave of melancholy washed over him. Even with his eyes closed he could still vividly recall the foreign scent on Jinki, the subtle yet existing trace of betrayal that lingered on his partner’s body. The tighter he closed his eyes, the more apparent the imaginary scent became. In the end, he opened his eyes and stared around the room. But instead of being freed from the phantom of Luna, he seemed to acknowledge its existence in everything Jinki had touched. His room-a place that should have been a sacred sanctuary that only belonged to him and Jinki-suddenly seemed like a foreign and cold place full hostility.

Closing his eyes, he felt the weight of the confining emergence pressed against his chest. In the brink of desperation, Kibum finally allowed his tears to fall as he succumbed into his vulnerability.

It was a cold day in October, when Kibum asked Jinki to invite Luna to have dinner at their house. The request was nothing out of ordinary, but Jinki had first refused considering Luna’s state of last-month pregnancy. Kibum, however, had been adamant about his request; he argued that Luna’s apartment would be too small for the three of them, besides, Luna wouldn’t be exposed to strenuous physical activity anyway. In the end, Jinki complied-he came to pick Luna up on his way from work.

The dinner had been pleasant, albeit the fact that Kibum had been the one who dominated the conversation around the table. They had been talking about the house-Luna was especially curious about Kibum’s method to keep his cosmos plant alive during the harsh winter-when Kibum suddenly came up with his question.

“What do you think about the house, Luna?” His expression was calm and peaceful, toying with the wine glass in his hand.

Luna raised her eyebrows questioningly. “This is a beautiful house. I like the way you decorated it.”

“I think you will enjoy living here. I did-I mean, I do.” Kibum smiled toward her. “But you will have to find an inspiration...you’re probably want to make this place more like yours.”

The course of conversation had gone to the area, which gave Jinki an unpleasant feeling. He exchanged glances with Luna, who felt equally uncomfortable, before asking his partner.

“Kibum, what are you talking about?”

Kibum did not answer him. His eyes remained to train on Luna as he continued his speech. “Please allow me some time, at least until the baby is born. I will pack my things and find another place to stay. I promise, by the time you move in, this house will already be ready for you-and Jinki, for you two to begin your life together-”

“Kibum, STOP!” Jinki seized Kibum’s hand and squeezed the thin fingers to make him stop.

When their eyes met, the older man saw that Kibum’s stare was fixed and straight, and with such intensity that made Jinki realized about the knowledge Kibum had. The surety in Kibum’s voice, how he delivered his statement composedly-they told Jinki that the younger man had planned, plotted and arranged everything probably since the night when he came home after he slept with Luna, to the moment Kibum asked him to invite the woman for dinner. From the corner of his eyes, Jinki saw that Luna was sweating cold, her face blanched.

Jinki swallowed, once again took Kibum’s hand and twined their fingers together. He felt Kibum’s attempt to resist, but he was adamant to maintain the contact of their skin.

“Kibum... What happened between Luna and I-it wasn’t like that. I admitted, Luna and I-” He paused, felt at lost in his effort to explain. “-Anyway, nothing happened between us ever since. It was a one-time thing.”

Kibum smiled sadly, pulling his hand away gently this time. “That one-time thing should have never happened at all, Hyung. That one-time thing means everything, when you have committed yourself to someone. That one-time thing had changed everything, changed you-from the man I know and love-into a stranger I barely recognize...”

The end of Kibum’s statement was left hanging, as the younger man’s voice broke into a tearless cry. For the first time in his life, Jinki felt completely helpless and devastated, as he silently witnessed as Kibum crumbled before his eyes.

Kibum raised his eyes and stared at them; his eyes were gentle with no trace of anger. “You are not someone who could ever succumb to an impulse of emotion, hyung. That’s why I know, when you committed yourself into an action, you must have your own reason.”

Jinki looked away, unable to maintain the gaze with the weight of Kibum’s stare. “Is there no other way, Kibummie? Should we resort in goodbye?”

“There is no point in living a lie, is there? I can’t ignore the fact that I’m no longer the only person who resides in your heart. I can’t continue to be in this relationship with the knowledge I have right now. The least you can do right now is to let me walk out of this full of grace.”

On Kibum’s face was that of a bitter smile, when he took a pause, pondering, before he whispered. “However, I want to ask something from you.”

“What is it?” Jinki asked without even looking at him. He was too lost in trying to digest Kibum’s revelation.

“Please, let me raise the baby.”

Jinki’s head snapped up, his breath hitched; he had not finished processing the entirety of the happening when Kibum hit him with yet another absurdity. His eyes bore deeply into Kibum’s, trying to find any hint of emotion that betrayed the heartless request.

“How could you even come up with such request? What were you thinking?” Jinki felt his rising anger seeped out through his words. “The baby is not yours to begin with.”

“It isn’t, is it?” Kibum challenged his stare. “It’s supposed to be ours. But now that there’s no ‘we’, will it make default that I have no right over this baby, Hyung? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“I-” The older man couldn’t come up with a reply.

“Both of you-together-will have each other, and all the times in the world to try to conceive another baby. But me-I owed you my life, hyung. I will need something to hold onto after you’re gone.”

Kibum’s voice began to crack, but it was the only hint of emotion he allowed himself to show.

“I will raise this baby as mine-God knows I love him probably more than you two could ever do. The baby will take your place as my reason to live, and he will grow-” Kibum swallowed, tearing his gaze away, “…to become you.”

At the end of Kibum’s statement, Jinki knew that no matter how he declined and argued, he would still end up granting Kibum’s request. With a tone of finality, and a last sorrowful glance toward the man he loved, Jinki agreed.

Merciless, time was.

Jinki realized as much as he parked his car in front of the low-rise apartment complex where Luna lived-where he lived after the night the three of them had talked-and realized just how his life had taken a 180 turn from how it was months ago. Gone had his sheltered life with Kibum, the one they had built together for more than five years. The world, in which Jinki never had to experience the feeling of fear. For he knew that Kibum would always be there to lend a hand and help him to get through anything. Gone had the day when he spent his night sleeping in Kibum’s arms; thin and firm they were, but never failed to spare him some kindness and warmth.

It was Luna the one he saw when he came home now; her gentle voice welcomed him with an equal fervor and yet different, the softness of her body forever reminded Jinki that it wasn’t Kibum whom he was with.

Sometimes Jinki questioned himself if he regretted the entirety of the happening-what could have happened instead, if he had not taken the path he was walking. And then he saw Luna, how beautiful and loving she was, and he shook his mind away from the diverting thought. It would be unfair for her if Jinki remained dwelling on the past. How cruel it would be for her.

Maybe it’s for the best. Jinki thought.

And still, he was yet to convince himself.

Luna's first contraction came in a morning, when they were sitting on the dining table for breakfast. Jinki had just finished his meal, was checking on his e-mails when he heard the loud, shattering noise of a broken plate. When he looked up, he saw how pale Luna was, leaning against the kitchen sink for support.

“I-I think it’s time.” She told him in the midst of the shooting pain.

It was still three weeks before the expected date, Jinki realized, as he helped her to sit. While taking the prepared duffle bag from Luna’s room, he managed to give Kibum a call, at the same time warned him of the possible complication due to the early delivery. Kibum said that he would come as soon as he dropped some important paper at the office, since he was already driving there.

Later, they met at the hospital; Jinki was sitting in front of the delivery room. Their greeting was awkward, nothing more than an exchange of insincere words from strangers. Jinki felt the irony, of how intimate they used to be, but he set the feeling aside.

"She's getting a caesarean." Jinki informed, "The baby's position wasn't quite aligned."

Kibum nodded curtly, not saying anything else in return. They waited for the procedure to end in silence, sitting on the same couch but keeping their distance. Kibum was busy with his phone despite doing nothing but flipped through the menu pages, and Jinki busied himself with the empty coffee cup in his hand.

An hour had passed, and finally the door was opened. Both of them stood up to welcome the doctor in charge that walked toward them with a look of relief on his face.

"Both of the mother and the baby are healthy. He is a lively kid-handsome and loud-voiced."

Kibum swallowed the lump in his throat and, during the seconds that he forgot everything that had happened, reached for Jinki's hand. They looked at each other, and smiled when their eyes met.

"You can go inside and meet the mother. I will arrange the nurse to take the baby to you before he is taken to the pediatrician for a complete checkup to anticipate the complication of the early delivery."

Both Jinki and Kibum stepped forward eagerly, anxiously anticipated the chance to hold the baby, but the doctor had stopped them.

"I'm sorry, I can only allow the family to go in. Which one of you is the father?"

The question had struck them both, rendered them speechless as they were confronted by the complexity of their situation. Kibum glanced at Jinki, whom he found stared at him, and then pulled his hand away from Jinki's grasp.

"You go, hyung."

Jinki stared at him tentatively, hesitated to do as Kibum said. However, a second later the younger man smiled at him, and lightly patted his shoulder.

"Come on, appa, say hello to your son."

In the end, Jinki nodded and followed the doctor inside the recovery room. Kibum watched his back disappeared behind the closed door before he stepped closer. From the narrow glass panel on the door he watched Jinki smiled as he got to hold the baby for the first time. Luna was at his side, her hand rested on Jinki's arms naturally like she had done it a million times, she looked pale but beautiful and happy.

It should have been him. It could have been him. It was his place, besides Jinki, not Luna's. The bright smile on her face was supposed to adorn his instead, her happiness was supposed to be the exact feeling Kibum should experienced. And yet he was standing alone, unacknowledged, separated by the sterile hospital door from the new so-called family.

Never before Kibum wished she had born a woman instead of a man. Never before, Kibum had felt so lonely in his life.

Later than night, for the first time in months, Jinki parked his car on the driveway of their house. Kibum had sent him a message earlier, a short apology for leaving the hospital without telling Jinki because something important had come up at the office that he needed to attend. It took Jinki a while before he could gather the courage and strength to leave his car and knocked on the door.

"Hyung, what are you doing here?" Kibum's voice carried the hint of surprise. "Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital?"

"It's alright. Luna is sleeping; the nurse gave her sedative to help her with the post-op pain. Both her and the baby are allowed to leave the hospital in a few days." Jinki tried to ignore the uneasiness from talking about Luna with Kibum. "Can I come in?"

Kibum nodded silently, opened the door wider and stepped aside. "Would you like some coffee?"

Jinki smiled and nodded, he followed Kibum to the kitchen instead of waiting at the living room. Silence befell upon them as Jinki stared at Kibum's back, watching every small movement the younger man made. When the coffee was ready, Jinki pulled a chair at his side, inviting Kibum to sit with him.

"How's your trial?" Jinki asked.

"Complicated. The evidences are mostly circumstantial, and it turns into another he said she said. But I believe we're going to win the case as soon as we convince the victim's friend to testify."

"That's good. I'm sure you're going to make it through." Jinki took a pause and sipped his coffee. "Mr. Cho passed away last week; I thought you might want to know."

Kibum's face changed, and Jinki could see how his eyes were glazed with tears. The aforementioned man was Jinki's patient for years; their connection dated back even before Jinki had met Kibum, during when Jinki diagnosed his kidney failure. He was actually the first person in Jinki's life that Kibum got to know and came to like. The news about the man's death had actually made him sad.

"Oh no! That sweet old geezer... How did it happen?"

"His kidney just shut down one night. We had expected it to happen, but not this fast."

Jinki looked down, the memory of the minutes he uselessly spent trying to bring Mr Cho back from the flat line returned pressed against his chest. "I thought he still has weeks, months..."

As a doctor, it wasn't the first time Jinki had lost a patient. Through the years they had spent together, Kibum had witnessed some nights in which Jinki came home crushed and devastated over the death of the patients he failed to safe. Kibum had spent nights in which he cleaned up the mess Jinki had made during his drunken frustration, or held the older man in his arms when Jinki was haunted by nightmare and helpless tears. That was why Kibum could tell, that despite his composed manner, Jinki was probably concealing such annihilating pain inside of him. Perhaps, he had not had the chance to channel his frustration, for whatever reason it might be.

Upon sensing the older man's undercurrent of emotion, Kibum had for once deliberately overlooked the fact that they were no longer together. Driven by his nurturing instinct-and the love for Jinki that still remained-he shifted closer toward the older man, taking Jinki into his arms.

"Everything is going to be alright, Hyung-ah..." He heard himself whispered the ever so familiar words into Jinki's ear.

By the time Jinki held Kibum back, both had already forgotten the account of everything that happened during the last few months. Suddenly, everything was nothing but them-Kibum and Jinki, two people who were one. Kibum breathed in the scent of Jinki that he missed so dearly, large hands that warmly pressed against his back, the older man's overnight stubble rubbed against his forehead.

And it felt so right, the way their lips met; Jinki tasted like coffee, his mouth was soft and warm and at the same time dangerously provocative. The older man's teeth were tugging on his lower lips, and Kibum smiled into the kiss, and all he knew was that he was willing to surrender once again into Jinki's domination as the older man led them to their bedroom.

They had not bothered to turn on the light, not wanting to spare even a second to break the contact of their skin. And yet, they took time in undressing each other; Jinki's eyes turned dark as he hungrily stared at Kibum who deftly peeled off every layer of his clothes. When Jinki finally stepped out of his trousers, Kibum knelt in front of him, taking Jinki's erection in his hand and kissed it-and act through which Jinki discovered Kibum’s deference, the younger man’s dedication toward him. Kibum closed his eyes, inhaling the musky scent that was Jinki. The older man found himself biting his lips in anticipation, his fingers lost inside the soft tresses of Kibum's hair. Kibum's mouth was warm, like sunshine, the hearth that saved him from cold winter days. And Jinki knew instantly, that there was nothing that could make him forget the exact feeling he experienced at the moment.

In the end, Jinki brought Kibum to stand. He kissed his partner once more, and felt the saltiness of Kibum's tears. Jinki couldn't tell what the tears were for, but he knew it was for a reason that Kibum deserved. He couldn't imagine the nights Kibum had spent crying alone, the idea itself had made him unable to breathe. Jinki did the only thing he could do-he took Kibum into his arms, kissed him like he never kissed Kibum before.

And he made love to Kibum (and afterward, taking the younger one to sleep on his chest) like he would never make love to Kibum again.

Jinki woke up to the view of Kibum peacefully slept by his side. He smiled over the fact that the younger man's hand remained latched on his chest, his slender fingers curled in a loose fist like a baby. Jinki never managed to notice before-or maybe he had taken the previously given chances for granted-but as he looked closer, he discovered with his eyes subtle age lines that began to gracefully defined on Kibum's face. He wondered if it was there before, or if it materialized during the period Jinki had looked away.

Seemingly to be aware of Jinki's stare, Kibum stirred awake and smiled upon seeing his partner's face.

"Good morning," he said shyly, pulling the sheet up to cover his exposed body. It felt like the first week they moved in together all over again. "You're still here."

"Of course!" Jinki chuckled.

His fingers traced upon Kibum's face-from the high cheekbone, down to the small nose, and the rosy lips that quivered under his thumb a second before the kiss.

"Can I use the shower?" Jinki asked, when they broke the kiss.

Kibum nodded, his smiled lingered. As soon as Jinki closed the bathroom door, he put on his clothes and went to the kitchen, where he cooked the breakfast he knew Jinki liked. When the older man came out of the bathroom, still toweling his wet hair, he was surprised to find that Kibum had laid some clothes for him to wear. It was nothing more than a routine that Kibum picked up during when they were together, which began after realizing that helping Jinki to dress worked better than telling Jinki to be more concerned about his look. However, after the separation, Jinki hadn't thought that Kibum would still do as such. Not that he complained; Jinki's sentiment toward fashion was like a puzzle he couldn't solve-irritation, while Kibum's taste was impeccable.

"I've prepared some coffee and breakfast. Could you help me to arrange the food on the table while I showered? We can have breakfast together, I won't be long."

Jinki nodded, and still in his perplexity he went to the kitchen and did as Kibum asked. When the younger man came to join him for breakfast, he too was donned in his usual working outfit.

"So, are you going straight to the hospital after this? To see Luna, I mean."

"What? No..."

Jinki was surprised that he actually felt reluctant to talk about her. He quickly dismissed the feeling and concentrated on his breakfast-toward the man who was sitting right across him at the moment.

"I have to attend the ER today. Besides, the doctor said she should get as much rest as possible."

"Speaking about work," Kibum said, taking Jinki's hand into his, "Hyung, you have to take care of yourself better. I-it's only been a month since the last time I saw you, and you already grow thinner."

"Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? I remember you complained that I gained a few centimeters around my belly-" Jinki tried to joke, but Kibum cut him off.

"Hyung, I'm not kidding. Listen to me," Kibum cupped the older man's cheek. "Things will change from now on. I will no longer be able to nag you about health anymore. There's a baby in our life now. I want you to be able to be there when he got married one day."

Jinki was dumbfounded by the statement. He saw Kibum's gaze softened, and felt the gentle stroke of Kibum's thumb on his chin.

"I want you to think about it. As for now, let's get going." Kibum finally said, "It's a long day for both of us."

Jinki nodded numbly, taking his belongings and followed the younger man outside. Kibum watched him walked to his car, and when Jinki was about to drive away, he knocked on the driver’s window.

Jinki lowered the glass and asked. "Yeah?"

The kiss that Kibum gave him was subtle and innocent, it carried no hidden intention, but it was enough to make Jinki baffled. Kibum pulled away smilingly, his hands moved to straighten Jinki's crooked tie.

"You are the most wonderful person, the most beautiful man I have met in my whole life, hyung. Nothing could ever be said and done to change the fact. I will never love someone else the way I love you."

Jinki stared at the pair of feline eyes for few seconds that felt like forever, before he managed to say-with broken voice, "I will see you at the hospital."

The last of Kibum that Jinki saw was of him waving goodbye, the sight of him was slightly blur, for Jinki saw him through the fogged rear mirror of his car.

Maybe was it not the fog, but the tears that laced his eyes. Really, Jinki didn’t feel like finding out the truth

That morning, the first snow of the winter fell, earlier than usual.

It was the day when Luna was discharged, as well as the day when they could bring their baby home. Untrue to his words, Kibum never showed up at the hospital. Jinki thought it was unusual, Kibum's lack of interest toward the baby, but he tried to rationalize it by thinking that Kibum might want to avoid any possible awkwardness-especially after what happened between that one night at their house. He figured, now that the baby was born, they would have more time to deal with their problems.

Before picking up Luna in her room, Jinki dropped by at the nurse station to settle hospital bill. He couldn't risk taking Luna everywhere with her post surgery condition. How surprised he was, when the nurse told him that a gentleman named Kim Kibum had settled all the bills that were not covered by Luna’s insurance. Jinki recalled there had been no discussion about the hospital bill between them, and it made him felt uneasy. He quickly went to Luna's room, where she had waited for him on a wheelchair.

"Are you ready? Come on, let's get the baby." Jinki smiled at her.

Luna, however, did not smiled back. Jinki noticed the fact, which led him to ask. "What's wrong, Luna?"

"Oppa, there's something that I need to tell you...."

It was when Jinki realized that something had been going without him knowing.

It was the quickest, most reckless ride back home Jinki ever experienced. He couldn't concentrate on the traffic; his mind was full of Luna's voice and the shocking information she shared.

"Kibum-ssi came earlier and picked the baby." She told Jinki, "Yesterday, he came with his lawyer, and we finalized the adoption paper."

no, no Luna, no! You have no right to go through the process without me Jinki remembered himself spoke, shaking Luna's shoulder out of anger.

"Technically, the baby was still mine. Despite the fact that you were the biological father, there is no legal evidence of that. And the surrogacy arrangement was designed to allow only one of you to finalize the adoption process, before you can settle with the joint custody among you and Kibum-"

Jinki had not wait for Luna to finish his statement. Ignoring Luna's call, he rushed out of the room toward the parking lot. And now, he was parking his car in front of the house he left just few days before, praying as he could to be able to find Kibum.

The house, however, was empty.

By empty Jinki found, not only the fact that Kibum and the baby was gone, but also how barren the house had become. The younger man had taken away with him every single artifact that even remotely represented him; clothes and personal care, pictures and paintings, films and music collections-not even mugs, beddings and flower bouquets Kibum had personally bought. Kibum had even scraped off the wallpaper in the nursery, and re-painted their old room white from its original pinkish beige. It was like Kibum had never been there, let alone spending more than half a decade of his life in the house.

Jinki’s eyes looked around, searching for the tiniest remain of Kibum’s presence he could find. But all he could find was the ghost of Kibum's fragrance, the slight depression in the shape of Kibum's body on his side of bed, the echo of Kibum's laughter, and the phantom of thousands of memories they had together though all the years. If it weren't due to the painful clench in his chest, the strong throbbing ache he couldn't dismiss, it felt like Kim Kibum had never existed in Lee Jinki's life at all.

Inside the room that used to be theirs, Jinki found himself kneeling on a patch of sunshine that shone through the gap of the curtain. And when the realization of their separation hit him, the perception that Kibum's kiss was indeed his final goodbye, Jinki closed his eyes and cried.

7 years,
7 winters,
Another lifetime,
A different significance of ‘happiness

Kibum cursed his carelessness, which forced him to endure the frozen wind of dawn that blew into his direction, as soon as he stepped out of the airport building. Had been spending years in countries with friendlier weather, he had forgotten how cold Seoul could be even in autumn. And yet, nothing could flatten his mood, jubilant as it was out of the prospect of having dinner with his parents that night. He was so eager to have his parents met their grandson who had grown into a beautiful and healthy boy.

Except, the boy was nowhere in sight.

Kibum searched around in panic, before finding out that his son was keenly talking to an airport officer who was passing by. Hauling his luggage cart along, he embarrassedly came toward them, and apologized to the officer.

"I'm so sorry. This kid is too excited to be here. We had not returned to Korea since he was a baby."

The officer smiled at them understandingly, kindly patted the boy's head while mumbling some 'welcome home', and resumed his duty. Kibum turned toward the boy, who seemed to be able to tell what was coming and showed a remorse look.

"I'm thorry daddy. I juth want to know if the man underthant if I thpeak to them in Korean." He said.

Kibum stared into the round, clear eyes and sighed, as he was once again defeated in the battle of wits against his son.

"I know, but we’re in a hurry now. You can try to speak Korean as much as you want later, okay? Your grandparents would love to talk to you. They have been waiting for us. "

The boy nodded and obediently followed Kibum to the car park to fetch the sedan he had rented from the booth inside the arrival lounge. The attendant helped him to stow his suitcases, while Kibum inspected the car in dismay. The car was nice and clean, albeit not a new one. However, it was the same model as the one he used to drive before he left Seoul.

The knowledge somehow had roused his memory, and resided inside his mind longer than he wanted, that instead of driving into the interstate that would take them to Daegu, he took the one that led to Seoul. He was surprised by how his subconscious switched his navigation into auto pilot; how he remembered exactly the exact lanes and exits, which route to avoid and which ones to take, until the car finally stopped by the curb of a quiet street in a peaceful neighborhood full of small houses painted in pastel colors which roofs were thickly covered in premature snow.

Oh yes, the snow season Kibum used to hate so much because it meant that the cuff of his pants would often get wet. It also meant that he would have to wake up earlier to shovel the driveway because Jinki was too lazy. Snow also meant winter and December, Jinki's birthday month, in which during one of his attempt to make Jinki the happiest person, Kibum was forced to regret his decision-

The puny tug on his sleeve snapped him back from his idle thought-at the same time saved him from the dreadful recollection Kibum had managed to bury for few-years long-and he turned to see his son's questioning look.

"Daddy, where are we? Ith thith where grandma and grandpa live?"

Kibum forced himself to smile. "No, it isn't. This is where Daddy used to live, before you were born."

Kibum's eyes automatically scanned the house across the street. Almost everything was the same, except for small details like the curtain that was vaguely visible behind the frosted glass, his beloved cosmos bushes were gone, replaced by a row of tiny herb plants, and there was only one car instead of two on the garage way. Everything was still the same, except for the evidence of Kibum's existence.

"Daddy," Kibum heard his son called again, "Who ith that man? Why doeth he live at your houth?"

Kibum felt his heart beat faster, as he glanced toward the direction pointed by his son, he saw the figure of a man walked out of the door toward the car. He recognized the shoulder, the hair, and especially the smile that was warmer than sunshine. It was Jinki. The man had grown older though the year, Kibum noticed; His hair had some thin streaks of grey, and he had grown thinner.

Following him a step behind was also someone Kibum recognized. Luna was still the same beautiful woman she once was. She was wrapped in thick clothing that hid her figure, but from the way she walked and the roundness of her face, Kibum would tell that they were expecting a baby.

It was strange how-after years of imagining the kind of pain he would experience if he ever saw the couple again-the first thought that came into Kibum's mind was if Jinki had reconciled with his parents, now that he was no longer having a relationship with a man. Kibum found it strange that, instead of the anticipated pain and jealousy, he only wished for them to be happy. He silently watched Jinki drove away, and Luna returned inside the house with careful steps.

"Daddy, I'm hungry~"

The tug on his sleeve was more insistent this time, and for the uncountable time, Kibum felt grateful for his son's existence. He released the brake and glanced at his son, apologized to the boy who in turn demanded a cup of ice cream out of him after the breakfast they would be having.

Kibum took a last glance toward the house that signified the life he once had-the life he had lost-and smiled. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but most of all, there was liberation for he was finally free. He realized that life had been truly gracious toward him. For when it took something precious from him, he received not only an equal replacement, but also something much more.

Glancing at the boy who sat next to him, Kibum found himself once again feeling like the happiest man. It was a different kind of happiness, perhaps, but nothing less.

The baby will take your place as my reason to live, and he will grow to become you...

He remembered the words he once told Jinki. And thought by the time he made such statement he couldn’t have known what sort of future would come before them, Kibum realized as much, now, how those words had come true. The boy was as smart, as kind and gentle as his father was. But strangely, somehow his persistence, curiosity and pride reminded Kibum so much of himself. And while Jinki’s facial feature was delicate and round, the boy’s feature was more angular. It was as if the boy was really theirs-his and Jinki’s.

“Alright Lee Taemin, how about some warm pancakes for breakfast?” He asked, to which the boy had answered with eager nods.

Driving away, Kibum made a mental note about a way to train Taemin to talk without lisp, before the boy would start attending first grade of elementary school that upcoming spring.

The End

Poll Round 06: Grace