Round 4: A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men And The Money They Give You When You Put Out
Title: A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men And The Money They Give You When You Put Out
Team: Future
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: UKISS
Pairing: none
Summary: Your step-by-step instruction guide to getting the most out of life.
Prompt Used: miss A - Bad Girl, Good Girl
Foreword
They say that money can't buy love or that it can't buy happiness.
Well, my friends, if you've been told this, you've been lied to... and probably by someone who is poor and single.
Money is everything. It has and always will be. It puts food on your table, clothes on your back, gas in your car... it gets you a degree... and the way you go about making this money will be a conversation starter almost everywhere you go in 'the real world.'
For example, "What do you do?"
And you can reply with something simple like "I'm a doctor" or "I fix boats" or something snazzy like "I sing and dance for a living."
Parents these days seem to teach their kids that making a lot of money has no true value, but I really do think they are setting their children up for failure that way.
Last time I checked, you can't go to a store and buy something with a smile.
So let me say this again: money is everything. Anybody who tells you any different is trying to deceive you so that they can have more of it for themselves. The sooner you start making it, the better off you'll be in the long run. Put it in a bank. Get some interest on that. Save up for retirement.
I'm not saying that all other things are unimportant. Family can be kinda cool. Friends can be all sorts of awesome... but money will never let you down as long as you don't give it away (to your friends and family or to a bad investment deal.)
I can go deeper into this, but this is only the introduction. I don't want to put all of my good material in the first few paragraphs. That would be a waste.
So now that I've got you curious, I'll tell you more about this guide.
It's split into several different sections, all of which give advice and tips on different aspects of becoming a successful money maker. We'll cover everything from how to prepare yourself to how to find... clients.
Hopefully, through my errors and efforts, you'll learn some important lessons of your own and go out into the world to make your own stacks and stacks of cash.
Section One - Inner Beauty vs. Outer Beauty
What a fine and non-controversial topic to start off with, am I right? I mean, this won't cause any discomfort at all...
Simply put, we're all made up of muscles and bundles of nerves and bones and blood.
If you've taken any kind of biology class, you know that none of that is pretty. That's why The Cool Guy Upstairs wrapped us up in nice little packages we call "skin."
Skin, just like clothes, come in all variety of colors but the most important thing you'll notice is if it's designer or not. Yes. Just like a discerning shopper who can tell the difference between what's real and what's a knock-off, we can all tell if someone's skin is of good quality or not.
Now you might be thinking "That doesn't make a lick of sense" but think about it. If you see someone with a perfectly designed face, your first thought is "He or she is so hot. I'd do them in the nearest back alley."
Well, maybe you're not so direct. Maybe you're one of those "If I had just one night with them..." or, my personal favorite, "I'd ask them out to lunch."
As beautiful and handsome as some people can be, it's true for the opposite as well. If someone is.. ahem... less fortunate in the facial features department, some of us will politely turn away or keep our distance... a few of us (myself included) will stare slack-jawed until we figure out if that mole on their chin is pulsing or not.
I said all of this to say one thing: the war between inner and outer beauty is a dumb one because outer beauty will always win.
Why? Because no matter how amazing a person is on the inside (amongst their organs and stuff) no one will touch them with a ten foot pole if they are ugly as sin.
You might think this is a bit harsh, but I know for a fact that all of you are thinking it. It's just that when you saw it written down, you realized how terrible it sounds, but we are all terrible people. More on that in another section of this guide.
Anyways, back to outer beauty.
You might be thinking, "Alexander Lee Eusebio! How dare you! Our definitions of beauty are hammered into our culture through the media. The fact that you just said all of those horrible things makes me lose so much respect for you!"
Well, dear reader, you might be right. The media plays a big role in everyone's perception of what's hot and what's not. From magazine ads and television shows, it's easy to get lost in the chaos of beauty, or what a group of advertising executives define as beauty.
Personally, I don't think this is a bad thing.
Seriously, though... why do you think there are so many products on the market designed to keep us looking our best?
From shampoo to lotion to age-reversing creams, beauty is a million dollar industry that will never go away. There will always be people trying to look "great" or "flawless" which means there will always be companies trying to sell things that will make you feel "great" or "flawless."
We live in a superficial world, people. Trying to get deep and philosophical about it is pointless, so just take it as it is.
Sex sells.
I honestly believe that things would run so much more smoothly if we all learned this and went with the flow. I'm not saying you have to completely change yourself (just yet) but there are tiny things about ourselves we can change that will make a huge difference.
Why leave the house looking frumpy in your ragged ponytail, sweatshirt and pajamas bottoms?
Why say "I don't care what I look like?"
Real talk, why would you want to put yourself in a situation where people will look at you and raise an eyebrow at your tackiness?
It's amazing how big of a difference a shower and a comb can make.
You're probably thinking, "Alexander, I'm just going to the grocery to buy a carton of milk. I haven't even had my morning coffee yet. Why would I bother getting dressed? I'm not going anywhere important."
Excuses!
I don't care if you're just going down to the corner store, if you look like a hot mess, somebody is bound to tell you. Or take a picture of you while you aren't looking and show the photo to all of their friends saying "Looking at this hot mess I saw earlier today!"
I mean, have you heard of peopleofwalmart.com? You don't want to end up on that site, I'm sure.
Unless you do... Oh God, if you want to end up on that site, stop reading right now. You don't set your goals high enough.
Anyways, back to my point: putting a little effort into your appearance every day can make a huge difference in your attractiveness level to other people.
Changing something as simple as your hairstyle can, in a few cases, be the thing that gets you bought drinks at clubs.
I'm sure you're skeptical. I'm sure you're thinking that it can't be that big of a deal.
"Alexander, it's such a hassle to straighten my hair in the morning!" I can hear you right now, but if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong.
Just the fact that you know who I am and what I used to do with my life means you know exactly how grand of a change a dye job and a pair of scissors makes.
Before, you may have never noticed an idol, or chose not to pay much attention to them in favor of someone else in a group... but when they receive a decent makeover for their comeback, your interest in that idol skyrockets to the point where they might be your new bias (you think I don't know these things?)
So yeah, admit it. Taking care of yourself makes a huge difference.
Just remember this next time you decide to leave the house and "run to the store" while wearing your wrinkled pajamas with your hair a mess.
You never know what old friend you're going to run into. ("I haven't seen them in months. They look absolutely terrible now. I can't believe I used to crush on them.")
You never know what new person you're going to meet that could turn into a new friend or lover or reference. You never know what possible blessings they can bring into your life or your career (or your wallet.)
You never know these things because you don't put the effort into looking decent.
We'll tackle topics like self-confidence in a later section, but right now, we're just concerned with the things other people can actually see.
If you're unhappy with your appearance, you've got three options: deal with it, change it, or surgically alter it.
Let's go over all of these options.
Dealing with it might take some time and serious effort, but after enough time, you'll eventually learn to deal with it (or just avoid looking at it in the mirror.) Complaining about it will change nothing. Fretting about it will change nothing. All it will do is annoy the people you're complaining to. Besides, when has hate ever cured acne or gotten rid of a few unsightly stomach rolls or made you ten pounds lighter?
Just deal with it.
Or, if you care enough about yourself enough to put in some effort, why don't you change the things you don't like? If it's your weight you're concerned about, eat a little less, exercise a little more, don't put yourself in a situation where the words all-you-can-eat are involved.
If it's something other than your weight, remember that there are hundreds upon hundreds of products you can buy, many are scientifically proven to work. There are many creams and scrubbing pads for acne, several lotions to heal dry skin, shampoos designed to combat dandruff or split ends. Read the back of the bottle or box and see if it can possibly help you. If what's on the shelf doesn't help, go to your doctor and get something prescription-strength. I'm not even joking. Do it. What you think is a simple issue could actually be a symptom of something bigger and badder.
Last, but not least, there's cosmetic surgery. There are a huge variety of operations that all accomplish different things, so read up on it.
There seems to be some huge stigma about plastic surgery. Questions like "Why would you do that to yourself?" or "You were fine before, why change?" constantly pop up. If your surgeon is any good (and if you're smart about your operation) there shouldn't even be an immediately noticeable difference, which avoids the awkward situation of people asking you if you had work done.
That's the best way to go about. Something subtle... a minor "adjustment."
Unless you plan on moving to a new town or country, don't go overboard. The more you get done, the higher the chance of something going wrong and the longer the recovery period afterward.
Another of your questions might be "But Alexander, how can I afford this?"
Depending on the surgery, it might actually be covered by your insurance plan, so look into that.
If not, just think of the money spent as an investment in yourself.
Besides, once you start looking good and getting attention (and money) you'll forget all about this pocket change you're spending.
Let me share a story of a friend of mine. His name is Soohyun. I'm sure you all know him already, so I won't describe him.
Despite his great voice and amazing body and his cute dimples, he honestly believed he wasn't attractive.
Now since this section isn't on self-confidence, I'll ignore getting further into it than that.
He believed he wasn't attractive, but to many of us, he is. Why? Because he was styled nicely. Be it his clothes or his hair, when it all added up, you just couldn't help but think "wow, that guy is attractive."
If you saw pre-debut pictures, you might not think that... but that, my friends, is the power of taking care of yourself. Of putting effort into what you look like.
It makes a bigger difference than you realize.
Section Two - Personalities
Part One - Knowing Your Folks
So you've gotten a new haircut, you've started working out, you went on a shopping spree and overhauled your wardrobe. For the first couple of days, you might look at yourself in the mirror and declare "I don't like this. I want the old me back."
Just give it a chance. There's a pretty good chance that what you've done or bought are actually good choices, but since we're programmed from birth not to accept change, we just can't stand to change ourselves. Accept ourselves.
So give it a few days. Eventually, you'll grow used to the new you.
Besides, if you made the proper choices with your hairstyle, diet and new clothes, you'll probably have people showering you with compliments, so what's the big deal?
If I haven't stated it before now, let me tell you the mission of this guide: to look so good that men (or women, whichever you prefer, I'm not here to judge) will want to sleep with you... and will buy you things in hopes of getting to sleep with you and then will buy you even more things once they have slept with you, just so that they can sleep with you some more.
As you can see, my mission is about getting you ahead in life by helping you reach a point where money is constantly flowing in. If you play your cards right, you may even find yourself bedding a billionaire and, thus, will never have to work another day in your life.
Since I've already explained how looking your best is superior to having a stunning personality, lets take a closer look at personalities because they can't go completely ignored.
Now I'm no expert on psychology, so I'll split personalities into a few basic and universally understood categories, the 4 Ds: door mat, douche, dickhead and decent.
First off, there's the door mat. They are kindhearted, give everyone second chances, and are always willing to help others or give advice. Now, from that sentence alone, you might be thinking that they are good people. In reality, what's "good" about them is only part of it. Usually, their non-confrontational ways will cause problems, especially in situations where they must choose sides or if they ever have to say the word "no." That's why they are classified as door mats. They practically hand people opportunities to take advantage of them, to walk all over them. I'm not saying that all nice people get abused, but the majority of them are too nice for their own good. I say this because when they finally stand up for themselves, it'll surprise people... but not necessarily in a good way. I mean, how many ways can you react when the one person you can always get something out of finally decides to say "no"?
Second, there's the douche. There are many definitions of a douche, but the one I'm going to use for this guide is: a person who does stupid things regularly. The definitions of "stupid" are just as varied, but in my opinion, stupid behavior is anything that makes other people roll their eyes in annoyance. A douche can (sometimes) be funny and are usually good for a quick laugh or two, but then they quickly cross into the territory of annoying. Problem is, most douches don't know they are douches because no one tells them that they are douches. Why? Because when someone or something is annoying, you usually ignore them, right? Or avoid them... or act like you didn't hear them... or like you don't know them... Unless you are a particularly blunt person, you aren't going to tell a douche that they are a douche, and even if you do, they might think you're just messing with them. Douches are difficult to deal with not just because they don't know they are douches, but also because, somewhere in their minds, they don't think they are causing any harm or trouble with their bad jokes or silly questions or their tendencies to do humiliating things in public.
Thirdly, there's the dickhead. Where douches may not be aware of their behavior, dickheads know what they are doing every step of the way. They can be rude, socially inappropriate, politically incorrect and when questioned about it, they simply state "it's just who I am" or something similar. Where douches can be fun in small doses, dickheads aren't enjoyable at all. When you see them coming, you groan in frustration or start walking in the opposite direction. A douche might think "oh, they must be mad at something else" or "maybe they didn't see me" but a dickhead will continue walking right up to you knowing good and well that you do not want their company. Personally, I think the idea of being proud of who you are is a positive thing, but even I can't wrap my head around a person who thinks that being such a blight on society is perfectly okay. Usually, dickheads gravitate towards other dickheads, which is why they are almost always in groups.
Last, but not least, are the decent people. They are the people who put up with the door mat's whining, the douche's inability to take a hint and the dickhead's narcissism. Decent people are few and far in between, but that doesn't mean they don't have their own problems. Unfortunately, decent people tend to have issues that go beyond small personality defects, so ways to deal with them are varied.
Part Two - Dealing With Folks
Alright, we've covered a lot of ground here and it might feel like you're in above your head, but trust me, understanding personalities will play a big part in your money-gathering ventures now that you look hot.
Being able to read people will keep you from wasting your time with bogus people.
Most importantly, it can keep you out of a situation that won't get you any money.
At first, you'll definitely want to try working on door mats, since they are the least likely to resist. It might take a while to build up the trust, but soon, you'll be able to ask them for money and only have to make vague promises about paying them back or doing favors in order to get what you want. Because of this, door mats are "built" for beginners, but keep in mind that if you ask too much of them (or ask from them too often) you'll start making them think, and if they start thinking, they'll immediately figure out that you're taking advantage of them and they will start saying "no" and once they begin standing up to you, that will completely sever your income... but you'll definitely want to move on to a new target before it reaches this point. It's all about timing.
Once you've had your fill of door mats (I highly recommend no more than three, otherwise you'll start getting lazy) you'll want to move in on a more intermediate challenge, that of the douche. Douches definitely require a ton of patience because you'll have to deal with their annoying habits and constant badgering. Douches are also probably the first personality type where sleeping with them will give you advantages, but you definitely want to hold off on it at first. Now, this is where things get tricky. Do it too soon and you risk either scaring them off or having them think they can bed you for free. Do it too late and they'll probably assume you want a (wait for it) relationship. This is why you shouldn't deal with door mats for too long, because an important aspect of this money-making process is timing, and you use douches to perfect this.
It's difficult to pinpoint an exact moment or time-frame to make the move, but to make the transition easier, you should start asking them for things quite early on... but you'll definitely want to take a more abstract approach. Say things like "Oh, that looks so cool. I wish I had one." or "I'm so hungry. I could really use some pizza right about now." Using this method means that you're not directly asking for anything, meaning that if they offer it to you, you technically have no obligation to pay them back. Unlike door mats, douches will probably keep track of this and will start bugging you (indirectly) about things that they want. This is actually a good thing. Start off by treating them to minor things (I mean, we're trying to make a profit here. Don't spend more than you're given.) This way, you'll develop a bit of trust and can now start directly asking for things that you want... but this might also be the stage where you'll want to introduce sexual favors. The safest way to do this is through jokes or sarcasm. A good line to start off with is, "I'll so totally do such-and-such if you do this for me." The reason why you shouldn't ask this seriously is to gauge their reaction and also as a way to add such talk to your future conversations without making things awkward.
It sounds complicated, but when you're in the moment, it'll probably come naturally. Just don't act surprised when they say "So what about that such-and-such you said you'd do?"
When you've mastered your timing with douches, it's time to hone your patience and focus by dealing with dickheads. It's definitely the toughest challenge yet, but if you've worked your way up this far, several things will make it easier.
A.) You'll be experienced. (Duh, you've been doing this for so long that you've probably mastered a few techniques of your own by now.)
B.) You'll probably have a reputation. (I mean, I'm certain people talk.)
C.) You can start being picky. (In other words, if your reputation hasn't scared them off, you can start making your own choices, rather than taking nearly everything that's being handed to you.)
Just because you have a few situational things on your side doesn't mean you can slack off. You've got to remain diligent because dickheads are crafty. They are people who know they get on other people's nerves, so showing interest in them will immediately raise their suspicions. On the other end of the spectrum, most people tend to fall for dickheads, so they might be used to people fawning over them, which can make the hunt a bit tougher.
No matter the case, dickheads will put your every skill to the test.
They won't let you rest. They won't let you put your guard down.
Dickheads are naturally protective of their money, probably because they have to try so hard to keep a job (I mean, how many people can actually put up with them?), so they won't be willing to part with it. This means you'll have to work harder (yes, even harder than you've already been working) to make any decent progress.
It's not going to be easy, so let me list the things that'll make it even more difficult.
A.) The sexual favors will probably have to come first. (Because now you're dealing with people who don't want to make an emotional connection.)
B.) You'll probably have a reputation. (Yeah, it can be both a help and a hindrance.)
C.) Emotional attachment might get in the way. (You've probably taken advantage of quite a few people by now, but when you encounter someone who knows what you're after, you can drop the charade, which can open you up to this hassle.)
Dickheads are a challenge, but the harder you work, the sweeter the reward. Plus, you have the added bonus of loyalty. If you can work out a good deal with a dickhead (as in, a certain number of booty calls a month in exchange for access to their credit card) then you can keep this up for months, possibly years, as long as you don't mess it up. Of course, these long-term deals have dangers of their own. More than likely it'll be because one or both of you get bored and you'll have to start the long and awkward process of breaking things off. Least likely, but just as dangerous, is a long-term arrangement can lead to the development of... feelings.
Although long-term deals offer a certain sense of security and can help you plan your budget, don't rely on them. In fact, don't rely on any one particularly source of income. This is true for any "business." You don't want to become dependent on any one dickhead (or douche, or door mat) simply because going through this whole process is supposed to make you independent! Relying on any one person, becoming dependent, goes against the principles of this guide!
Now, on to the most difficult target of all: decent people.
There is not much I can say about them because every experience you have will be different, will require a new approach, will come with their own set of baggage... It'll take weeks of training and preparation to be able to handle decent people, which is why I suggested going after the other personality types first. Why? Because, believe it or not, there's personal growth in all of this. There will be doubts you'll encounter, fears you'll have to face, obstacles you'll have to overcome... but doing all of this will make you stronger, make dealing with people easier. You'll instinctively know the right things to say, the correct timing to move things in the desired direction... It'll all come naturally to you. This is a requirement because you must be natural dealing with decent people. They are quick to detect lies and bullshit, they won't hesitate to stay clear of things that cause them problems... But more importantly, all of this has been a training exercise for you because it takes a special kind of person to extort the type of people who you used to hang out with.
I'll leave the rest to you.
Section Three - Self Confidence
This is the part of the guide where things get messy and abstract.
Self-confidence is a magnificent but furious beast. Based on how you train it, it can turn into the very thing that gets you a job (a legitimate job!) or the very thing that drives you into a depressed fridge raid.
Self-confidence is difficult (wait, it's impossible) to measure, which is why talking about it forces us to get vague: "If you were self-confident..." or "Self-confidence means, at least for me, that..."
Because of this, the section on this won't be very long, but hopefully it'll be very powerful.
I believe that everyone has the potential to be confident in themselves and their abilities. Regardless of how they grew up (with parents playing favorites or constantly spouting "You're nothing. You won't amount to anything" and similar moo poo.) Regardless of where they went to school (with bullying at an all-time high, teachers taking even less interest in individual children as schools increase in size and classrooms fill to capacity, and NO RECESS.)
I've read enough on psychology to know that our opinions of ourselves (and other people) is highly influenced by the environment we were raised in. Someone surrounded by affection and people who accomplish great things but remain humble will probably be far more successful dealing with the real world rather than someone who grew up in a household full of abuse and parents who talked down to them.
We can't change the way we were raised, but we can change how we live in the present. If we let one person in our past dictate how we handle our future, the only thing we hurt is ourselves. We stunt our own growth, let those bad memories control us and haunt us, let those experiences color the way we deal with any other relationship (romantic or not.)
This is where self-confidence comes in.
This is where we change our belief system and stop letting other people (even if they are family) tell us how we should feel about ourselves.
Although, if you ask me, self-confidence is a behavior more than it's an idea.
What does that mean?
It means that self-confidence is more of a way you act than a way you think or feel.
"Alexander, that's so totally backwards. It's the other way around." You say.
Is it?
If you behave a certain way, even if it's not how you usually act, won't it eventually become "how you usually act"?
If it becomes how you usually act, it'll change the ways you think and feel naturally.
It's like potty training a dog. You're not teaching a dog to feel like he should only use the bathroom outside. You're teaching the dog the behavior of going outside (or waiting by the door to be let outside) to use the bathroom. There's no true way to know how a dog feels about learning this behavior, but if they are successfully trained, we can just assume that they'll eventually think that outside is the only place they are allowed to use the bathroom and if they don't make it outside, then they know they've done wrong.
It's the same idea with self-confidence.
A person lacking confidence in themselves will probably harshly criticize themselves, or not do certain things or jump at certain opportunities because they think they are lacking or don't deserve it. However they learned this behavior, it's become a part of them. This is why they struggle to behave confidently, or if asked why they keep putting themselves, they are quick to say "I'm just telling the truth."
But by behaving confidently, by thinking positively about yourself, it'll become part of your behavior. It'll get to the point where thinking or saying bad things about yourself will feel like you've done something wrong, that being proud of yourself and who you are is the only way things should be.
There's not much else I can say about this because it's different for every single person and no matter how many tips I list or how much advice I give, it won't apply to everyone's situations.
The least I can do, however, is just tell you to stay strong in your journey, that the road to believing in yourself, of being confident in yourself, is a road that you walk yourself. In other words, don't let the opinions of others sway you or stop you.
I know it might sound a bit hypocritical coming from someone who just told you to buy in to the media's idea of beauty, but even if you have the looks, it won't get you money if you aren't confident in yourself.
...and making money is what this whole guide is about.
Section Four - Sex Is Success
"Alexander, is this yet another controversial topic?" You ask. Why, yes it is!
Did you read the title of this guide? What else could you possibly expect?
Yes, some people will view it as controversial. Some people even hate the idea of it.
To be honest, I understand. Despite how much sex is in movies and in books and on television lately, it's surprising that so many people still view sex as a mysterious and dangerous thing that shouldn't be talked about in public.
I will admit that sex doesn't have the best reputation. There are STDs, AIDS, the fear of pregnancy and all of the social stigma that comes from being sexually active and proud of it. It's tough out there. There are so many critics of sex. Whether it's devout religious individuals who shun it for use as anything but procreation... There are concerned parents who will fight day and night to keep their children away from the thought of it... There are marriages torn apart by it (and marriages that don't even have it.) The list goes on and on... but the point I'm trying to make is that a lot of people don't like sex or hate talking about it.
It's a shame.
I know I'm the strangest person to hear this all from, considering my own religious beliefs, but sex isn't some terrible, mind-eating demon that sleeps beneath our beds and preys on our youth.
Contrary to popular belief, sex is wonderful.
I really hate that people let one bad experience turn them away from it for good, or make them jaded about it, or only bring it up just to say they don't ever want to have it.
Sure, sex has its consequences (emotional and physical) if you charge into it unprepared, but it's definitely not worthy of being feared and hated.
I brought all of this up to bring you to a major aspect of this guide.
Sex. And how to make plenty of money by having it.
"Alexander, that's prostitution! That's illegal!" Yes, I understand your confusion, but let's rephrase things.
You're not being paid for the actual act of sex. You're being paid for your... companionship... and your time.
I just wanted to clear that up.
This isn't a guide to teach you how to set up shop somewhere, spread your legs and take whatever money gets tossed your way. No. That's not what this is about.
This book is titled "A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men And The Money They Give You When You Put Out."
Let's break this long title down into more easily digested phrases.
The first phrase is "A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men..."
This is the all-encompassing 'men' meaning humans in general. Not just males.
The next phrase is "...And The Money They Give You..."
This is simple. We've been talking about money and its power this whole entire guide, so this shouldn't be difficult to understand.
"...When You Put Out." is the final phrase.
I used this term to imply that the sex is a mutual choice (although it's usually brought on by the giving of gifts, the promise of money, or hints at a stable relationship.)
This isn't to be confused with prostitution, since in such cases, the only thing happening is a business transaction.
When someone 'puts out' it is usually only after a sizable amount of effort was put into it. Usually in the form of conversations or the relationship taking a natural progression towards 'friends with benefits.'
This is what the guide is all about, becoming extremely skilled in tilting any friendship in a direction where you can obtain a lot of benefits!
Based on personal experience, I can categorize this into three main paths: the friend I have sex with, the sex partner who I'm friends with and the ex who still wants sex.
You may be thinking, "Alexander, it doesn't sound like there's a big difference between those..." but, my readers, there's a huge difference. There's so much of a difference that you can't handle them all the same way.
So let's go over them in order, shall we?
"The Friend I Have Sex With" is a special case because there are so many variables standing between you and success. First of all, you've got to be friends. Usually, when you are friends, there is no danger of romantic entanglement, and if there is any sexual attraction, it's not spoken of. But after a certain period of time, one or both of you will cross the invisible line and bring the possibility of sex into the equation. Usually, it's a drunk confession of "I've always been attracted to you" or "I have sex dreams about you." Sometimes, it's accidentally walking in on them naked (or just half-naked) and then proceeding to take advantage of the situation. A few times, it's simply being so close that you can talk about anything or do anything or "be willing to try" anything.
This situation can prove difficult, because there may be times when you are willing to introduce sex into the friendship (whether as a casual thing or a prelude to a romance) but the other person may not feel the same way or, very commonly, see you as too good of a friend to bring the idea of sex between you.
This is where things can get difficult. How I see it, the fact that your good friend is eager to take things up a notch is a good thing. Why? Because, in the grand scheme of things, wouldn't you rather have someone you know wanting to bed you, rather than a complete stranger? Yeah, there is the risk of making things awkward if the sex itself doesn't go well, or if there's any regret afterward, but the fact that you already know each other should mean that you are comfortable with each other, that you trust each other... and trust and comfort seem to be huge deciding factors when it comes to people choosing their sexual partners.
To begin this type of relationship takes skills in timing and a good grasp of leading conversations in certain directions. It's all about introducing the concept of having sex with each other in small doses. Being affectionate can help, because sometimes all it takes is a certain lingering touch to send the right message. It is a science, and I'm certain there are more in-depth books on it, but I just covered as many of the bases as possible and, hopefully, answered quite a few questions.
Although, with this path, the possibility of obtaining money (or any type of gift such as a new video game system or a car) is quite slim, since you're already friends and the trust has already been established. In other words, your friend doesn't have to win you over with a glorious amount of material things, seeing as they've already won you over, otherwise you wouldn't be "friends" in the first place.
I'm not trying to talk bad about this class of relationship. I'm just saying that the opportunity for profit is low and you won't always be successful, but if you're just starting out (and working on that self-confidence thing) this might be the boost you need.
Although you need to be extremely careful and let your partner know that you are still "just friends" and although you can talk about sex (with each other and probably even other people) more openly now, there's still no room for romance.
"The Sex Partner Who I'm Friends With" is a completely different path. It's also a more common path to take and will more than likely end up being how the majority of your income-making adventures start.
With this style of relationship, sex isn't an awkward or bad thing to bring up because sex is probably the thing that brought you two together anyway.
Whether it's someone you met at a bar who actually called you back a few days afterward, a one-night stand who stayed for breakfast or a smooth-talking guy at a party who made out with you, gave you a good groping and ended up with your number, the varieties of this style are too great to list.
This is a good thing, because no two experiences will be the same, but it's also a bad thing seeing as I can't give too much advice on the subject.
Out of all the different types, I must say that this kind is my favorite. It's human nature at it's most primal. Two consenting adults, both of them knowing exactly what they want and exactly what the other wants... Not resorting to cheap pick-up lines or bullshitting their way through conversation. Just two people who are comfortable enough with themselves and their instincts to have sex with each other without needing to put a ring on it first.
It's beautiful.
The possibility of romance is slim, seeing as such a time-wasting thought was on neither of your brains when you met.
The opportunity for profit is relatively high here, but just know that it'll take a time or two (or even three) before it even becomes a possibility. Not because it's like the other relationship type where trust is already established, but because it'll take time to establish the fact that you are not a free ride.
You must be quick about this. After the first time or two, you'll want to put emphasis on the fact that there are things (beyond sex) that you want. Tickets to a movie. A nice dinner. A new pair of jeans.
If the sex is good enough (which only practice can help improve) then your partner will still want it even if there is a price on it. Not because they are willing to so easily part with these things, but because it's the simple exchange of work and reward. If they work (or in this case, woo you with objects and cash) they get rewarded (a round or two in bed.)
If things go smoothly, you'll have a stream of income.
A good person will have one or two of these streams, a great person will have three or more.
Since this isn't a relationship, there's no actual reason to be exclusive... but based on how often these romps occur or how much money (or objects that are worth money) that you're getting, it might serve you well to at least let these people know that there are "others."
"The Ex Who Still Wants Sex" is a tricky beast, seeing as you're already dealing with some level of emotional attachment (however great or small) and the awkwardness that may arise when old habits resurface.
When your ex proposes the idea to you, don't let your emotions control your decision. Don't ever believe that this is a "He or she wants me back! I'm so happy!" moment.
It's simple, really.
The fact that they are hitting you up for sex is good for only two reasons: a) they liked having sex with you enough to want to have it with you again without the messiness of commitment and b) the fact that you are not in a relationship puts you in an advantageous position seeing as you have more room to call the shots about the terms of agreement.
There are also bad or negative reasons for being sought out like this: a) they miss having sex on a regular basis and you could be the first (or the ffifth) ex they called up to do it with and b) there's a chance that if you act desperate enough, they think they are doing you a favor by paying attention to you again and, thus, the window for income shrinks.
Just know that this kind of relationship can be a hassle, as there is always the danger of falling into "relationship territory" again. This proves to be true if there is still a great amount of emotional attachment remaining. Plus, if things didn't end on the best of terms, there's the stirred-up emotions and memories that come with that...
There aren't too many tips I can give on this one. Just stay in command of your feelings at all times. Don't let them get out of hand. Get it in your head that this deal has nothing to do with the relationship you had. It's an entirely separate partnership that should remain separated from the weeks or months (or years) you used to be together.
I know I'm coming off as heartless, but it's a necessary harshness. The past has to stay dead, especially if there's money involved.
Section Five - Making Bank
So I've talked you through changing (or accepting) your physical appearance, I've coached you through dealing with the people of this world, I've taught you how to keep your head on straight through all the confusion this will surely bring, and I've given you tips on how the quickest ways to make a profit off of man's natural and instinctive desire.
Now it's time to return to what we discussed in the beginning, how money makes the world go round.
It's a topic that makes many people fidget in their seats. Not because there's something wrong about wanting to make money, but because it's so absolutely necessary to have money just to be able to function comfortably in this society.
It's a truth a lot of people aren't willing to deal with directly, even though we worry about it every time the electric bill comes in the mail, or when the deadline to paying off our student loans draws that much closer or when something at home breaks that needs to get fixed immediately.
If you've been following my step-by-step instructions, you at least have a good amount of money coming in at any given point in time.
So now that you're making money, I want to give you pointers on how to handle your cash.
First of all, it's called making bank for a reason.
Put your money in a bank! I cannot stress this enough!
Not only is it safer than having your dollar bills stashed in a cookie jar beneath your bed, but it'll be easier to keep track off. That's what banks are there for, to keep our money all in one place and to let us know how much money it is we have.
That way, there's no reason to ask "Where did I put those Benjamins?" or "I just bought myself this, how much do I have left?"
The bank answers those questions for you with a simple "Here" and a "Just over three grand."
The most important reason to ever use a bank is interest! I've said it in the introduction, but let me keep saying it.
Money stuffed in zip-loc bags on the top shelf of the cabinet will never be more than what you yourself put in it. If you only take, the money will eventually run out... and there will only be as much as you make.
However, if that money is in a bank, it'll grow over a length of time. Find a bank with a decent interest rate going and you'll notice how quickly that money can stack up over the months.
In the beginning, when your number of partners is low, it might feel a bit shameful or disheartening to get the bank statement every month with only a couple of cents added in interest, but the more you have stored away, the more money will be added over a period of time.
It's simple math.
Now, for more tips on what to do with your money:
1.) Have multiple accounts.
It's mainly so that you can split your funds into "touchable" money and "untouchable" money. Your "touchable" money meaning what's there for you to spend. It's the money you tap in to when you want to buy those shoes that are on sale or that designer outfit you've been watching on the runways.
The "untouchable" money is exactly that, the money you shouldn't touch. It's the money that's there to bulk up on interest and, in cases of emergency, is there for you to draw from in case something happens.
2.) Set up automatic transfers.
Some banks even have simple set ups to automatically transfer funds from one account to another.
In this case, I'd get it set up so that a portion of your "touchable" money is automatically transferred to your "untouchable" money.
Why? Because if you leave it up to yourself, you'll quickly realize how hard it is to not be able to spend even a chunk of that money, even if you're literally giving it to myself.
To be honest, I wouldn't even keep close tabs on how much you have in your "untouchable" account, because knowing the exact number will make the temptation to spend it that much harder to resist.
Don't ignore it completely, though. Pay enough mind to it to notice if the numbers aren't right when your bank statements come in.
3.) Don't spend it all in one place.
This is a rule I learned from my father growing up and it's true.
I think he meant it more along the lines of "Shop around at different stores and find the cheapest prices." but I mean it as "If you spend it all in one store, you won't be able to buy anything else at any other store. Then you'll be forced to window shop and what fun will that be?"
Take this one either way you want to, because they both apply.
Afterword
Well, dear readers, if you've come this far, you've learned everything I can teach you. So go forth, eat well, be merry.
In life, you'll come across obstacles, but the greatest roadblock you'll ever face is yourself.
Remove all doubt from your mind, speak with purpose and conviction, learn from every mistake, grow from every challenge. Don't let something trivial stop you... or don't think that you've failed just because you didn't immediately succeed.
A lot of things take patience. Even more things take money. Everything takes time.
Don't rush in without thought, but don't spend too much time mulling over the consequences that you miss out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.
In other words, be cautious... but not too cautious. Take risks, but don't end up dead... Make sense, but more importantly, make cents.
Although there will be plenty of people who will want to get close to you because of your money, or will like you only for what you can do for them between the sheets, none of it will really matter if you don't like yourself and everything you do.
So like yourself. Be proud of your money-making skills.
I may have been "let go" from UKISS, but it wasn't for school.... or lack of talent...
Deuces,
Alexander L. Eusebio
Poll Round 4: A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men And The Money They Give You When You Put Out
Team: Future
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: UKISS
Pairing: none
Summary: Your step-by-step instruction guide to getting the most out of life.
Prompt Used: miss A - Bad Girl, Good Girl
Foreword
They say that money can't buy love or that it can't buy happiness.
Well, my friends, if you've been told this, you've been lied to... and probably by someone who is poor and single.
Money is everything. It has and always will be. It puts food on your table, clothes on your back, gas in your car... it gets you a degree... and the way you go about making this money will be a conversation starter almost everywhere you go in 'the real world.'
For example, "What do you do?"
And you can reply with something simple like "I'm a doctor" or "I fix boats" or something snazzy like "I sing and dance for a living."
Parents these days seem to teach their kids that making a lot of money has no true value, but I really do think they are setting their children up for failure that way.
Last time I checked, you can't go to a store and buy something with a smile.
So let me say this again: money is everything. Anybody who tells you any different is trying to deceive you so that they can have more of it for themselves. The sooner you start making it, the better off you'll be in the long run. Put it in a bank. Get some interest on that. Save up for retirement.
I'm not saying that all other things are unimportant. Family can be kinda cool. Friends can be all sorts of awesome... but money will never let you down as long as you don't give it away (to your friends and family or to a bad investment deal.)
I can go deeper into this, but this is only the introduction. I don't want to put all of my good material in the first few paragraphs. That would be a waste.
So now that I've got you curious, I'll tell you more about this guide.
It's split into several different sections, all of which give advice and tips on different aspects of becoming a successful money maker. We'll cover everything from how to prepare yourself to how to find... clients.
Hopefully, through my errors and efforts, you'll learn some important lessons of your own and go out into the world to make your own stacks and stacks of cash.
Section One - Inner Beauty vs. Outer Beauty
What a fine and non-controversial topic to start off with, am I right? I mean, this won't cause any discomfort at all...
Simply put, we're all made up of muscles and bundles of nerves and bones and blood.
If you've taken any kind of biology class, you know that none of that is pretty. That's why The Cool Guy Upstairs wrapped us up in nice little packages we call "skin."
Skin, just like clothes, come in all variety of colors but the most important thing you'll notice is if it's designer or not. Yes. Just like a discerning shopper who can tell the difference between what's real and what's a knock-off, we can all tell if someone's skin is of good quality or not.
Now you might be thinking "That doesn't make a lick of sense" but think about it. If you see someone with a perfectly designed face, your first thought is "He or she is so hot. I'd do them in the nearest back alley."
Well, maybe you're not so direct. Maybe you're one of those "If I had just one night with them..." or, my personal favorite, "I'd ask them out to lunch."
As beautiful and handsome as some people can be, it's true for the opposite as well. If someone is.. ahem... less fortunate in the facial features department, some of us will politely turn away or keep our distance... a few of us (myself included) will stare slack-jawed until we figure out if that mole on their chin is pulsing or not.
I said all of this to say one thing: the war between inner and outer beauty is a dumb one because outer beauty will always win.
Why? Because no matter how amazing a person is on the inside (amongst their organs and stuff) no one will touch them with a ten foot pole if they are ugly as sin.
You might think this is a bit harsh, but I know for a fact that all of you are thinking it. It's just that when you saw it written down, you realized how terrible it sounds, but we are all terrible people. More on that in another section of this guide.
Anyways, back to outer beauty.
You might be thinking, "Alexander Lee Eusebio! How dare you! Our definitions of beauty are hammered into our culture through the media. The fact that you just said all of those horrible things makes me lose so much respect for you!"
Well, dear reader, you might be right. The media plays a big role in everyone's perception of what's hot and what's not. From magazine ads and television shows, it's easy to get lost in the chaos of beauty, or what a group of advertising executives define as beauty.
Personally, I don't think this is a bad thing.
Seriously, though... why do you think there are so many products on the market designed to keep us looking our best?
From shampoo to lotion to age-reversing creams, beauty is a million dollar industry that will never go away. There will always be people trying to look "great" or "flawless" which means there will always be companies trying to sell things that will make you feel "great" or "flawless."
We live in a superficial world, people. Trying to get deep and philosophical about it is pointless, so just take it as it is.
Sex sells.
I honestly believe that things would run so much more smoothly if we all learned this and went with the flow. I'm not saying you have to completely change yourself (just yet) but there are tiny things about ourselves we can change that will make a huge difference.
Why leave the house looking frumpy in your ragged ponytail, sweatshirt and pajamas bottoms?
Why say "I don't care what I look like?"
Real talk, why would you want to put yourself in a situation where people will look at you and raise an eyebrow at your tackiness?
It's amazing how big of a difference a shower and a comb can make.
You're probably thinking, "Alexander, I'm just going to the grocery to buy a carton of milk. I haven't even had my morning coffee yet. Why would I bother getting dressed? I'm not going anywhere important."
Excuses!
I don't care if you're just going down to the corner store, if you look like a hot mess, somebody is bound to tell you. Or take a picture of you while you aren't looking and show the photo to all of their friends saying "Looking at this hot mess I saw earlier today!"
I mean, have you heard of peopleofwalmart.com? You don't want to end up on that site, I'm sure.
Unless you do... Oh God, if you want to end up on that site, stop reading right now. You don't set your goals high enough.
Anyways, back to my point: putting a little effort into your appearance every day can make a huge difference in your attractiveness level to other people.
Changing something as simple as your hairstyle can, in a few cases, be the thing that gets you bought drinks at clubs.
I'm sure you're skeptical. I'm sure you're thinking that it can't be that big of a deal.
"Alexander, it's such a hassle to straighten my hair in the morning!" I can hear you right now, but if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong.
Just the fact that you know who I am and what I used to do with my life means you know exactly how grand of a change a dye job and a pair of scissors makes.
Before, you may have never noticed an idol, or chose not to pay much attention to them in favor of someone else in a group... but when they receive a decent makeover for their comeback, your interest in that idol skyrockets to the point where they might be your new bias (you think I don't know these things?)
So yeah, admit it. Taking care of yourself makes a huge difference.
Just remember this next time you decide to leave the house and "run to the store" while wearing your wrinkled pajamas with your hair a mess.
You never know what old friend you're going to run into. ("I haven't seen them in months. They look absolutely terrible now. I can't believe I used to crush on them.")
You never know what new person you're going to meet that could turn into a new friend or lover or reference. You never know what possible blessings they can bring into your life or your career (or your wallet.)
You never know these things because you don't put the effort into looking decent.
We'll tackle topics like self-confidence in a later section, but right now, we're just concerned with the things other people can actually see.
If you're unhappy with your appearance, you've got three options: deal with it, change it, or surgically alter it.
Let's go over all of these options.
Dealing with it might take some time and serious effort, but after enough time, you'll eventually learn to deal with it (or just avoid looking at it in the mirror.) Complaining about it will change nothing. Fretting about it will change nothing. All it will do is annoy the people you're complaining to. Besides, when has hate ever cured acne or gotten rid of a few unsightly stomach rolls or made you ten pounds lighter?
Just deal with it.
Or, if you care enough about yourself enough to put in some effort, why don't you change the things you don't like? If it's your weight you're concerned about, eat a little less, exercise a little more, don't put yourself in a situation where the words all-you-can-eat are involved.
If it's something other than your weight, remember that there are hundreds upon hundreds of products you can buy, many are scientifically proven to work. There are many creams and scrubbing pads for acne, several lotions to heal dry skin, shampoos designed to combat dandruff or split ends. Read the back of the bottle or box and see if it can possibly help you. If what's on the shelf doesn't help, go to your doctor and get something prescription-strength. I'm not even joking. Do it. What you think is a simple issue could actually be a symptom of something bigger and badder.
Last, but not least, there's cosmetic surgery. There are a huge variety of operations that all accomplish different things, so read up on it.
There seems to be some huge stigma about plastic surgery. Questions like "Why would you do that to yourself?" or "You were fine before, why change?" constantly pop up. If your surgeon is any good (and if you're smart about your operation) there shouldn't even be an immediately noticeable difference, which avoids the awkward situation of people asking you if you had work done.
That's the best way to go about. Something subtle... a minor "adjustment."
Unless you plan on moving to a new town or country, don't go overboard. The more you get done, the higher the chance of something going wrong and the longer the recovery period afterward.
Another of your questions might be "But Alexander, how can I afford this?"
Depending on the surgery, it might actually be covered by your insurance plan, so look into that.
If not, just think of the money spent as an investment in yourself.
Besides, once you start looking good and getting attention (and money) you'll forget all about this pocket change you're spending.
Let me share a story of a friend of mine. His name is Soohyun. I'm sure you all know him already, so I won't describe him.
Despite his great voice and amazing body and his cute dimples, he honestly believed he wasn't attractive.
Now since this section isn't on self-confidence, I'll ignore getting further into it than that.
He believed he wasn't attractive, but to many of us, he is. Why? Because he was styled nicely. Be it his clothes or his hair, when it all added up, you just couldn't help but think "wow, that guy is attractive."
If you saw pre-debut pictures, you might not think that... but that, my friends, is the power of taking care of yourself. Of putting effort into what you look like.
It makes a bigger difference than you realize.
Section Two - Personalities
Part One - Knowing Your Folks
So you've gotten a new haircut, you've started working out, you went on a shopping spree and overhauled your wardrobe. For the first couple of days, you might look at yourself in the mirror and declare "I don't like this. I want the old me back."
Just give it a chance. There's a pretty good chance that what you've done or bought are actually good choices, but since we're programmed from birth not to accept change, we just can't stand to change ourselves. Accept ourselves.
So give it a few days. Eventually, you'll grow used to the new you.
Besides, if you made the proper choices with your hairstyle, diet and new clothes, you'll probably have people showering you with compliments, so what's the big deal?
If I haven't stated it before now, let me tell you the mission of this guide: to look so good that men (or women, whichever you prefer, I'm not here to judge) will want to sleep with you... and will buy you things in hopes of getting to sleep with you and then will buy you even more things once they have slept with you, just so that they can sleep with you some more.
As you can see, my mission is about getting you ahead in life by helping you reach a point where money is constantly flowing in. If you play your cards right, you may even find yourself bedding a billionaire and, thus, will never have to work another day in your life.
Since I've already explained how looking your best is superior to having a stunning personality, lets take a closer look at personalities because they can't go completely ignored.
Now I'm no expert on psychology, so I'll split personalities into a few basic and universally understood categories, the 4 Ds: door mat, douche, dickhead and decent.
First off, there's the door mat. They are kindhearted, give everyone second chances, and are always willing to help others or give advice. Now, from that sentence alone, you might be thinking that they are good people. In reality, what's "good" about them is only part of it. Usually, their non-confrontational ways will cause problems, especially in situations where they must choose sides or if they ever have to say the word "no." That's why they are classified as door mats. They practically hand people opportunities to take advantage of them, to walk all over them. I'm not saying that all nice people get abused, but the majority of them are too nice for their own good. I say this because when they finally stand up for themselves, it'll surprise people... but not necessarily in a good way. I mean, how many ways can you react when the one person you can always get something out of finally decides to say "no"?
Second, there's the douche. There are many definitions of a douche, but the one I'm going to use for this guide is: a person who does stupid things regularly. The definitions of "stupid" are just as varied, but in my opinion, stupid behavior is anything that makes other people roll their eyes in annoyance. A douche can (sometimes) be funny and are usually good for a quick laugh or two, but then they quickly cross into the territory of annoying. Problem is, most douches don't know they are douches because no one tells them that they are douches. Why? Because when someone or something is annoying, you usually ignore them, right? Or avoid them... or act like you didn't hear them... or like you don't know them... Unless you are a particularly blunt person, you aren't going to tell a douche that they are a douche, and even if you do, they might think you're just messing with them. Douches are difficult to deal with not just because they don't know they are douches, but also because, somewhere in their minds, they don't think they are causing any harm or trouble with their bad jokes or silly questions or their tendencies to do humiliating things in public.
Thirdly, there's the dickhead. Where douches may not be aware of their behavior, dickheads know what they are doing every step of the way. They can be rude, socially inappropriate, politically incorrect and when questioned about it, they simply state "it's just who I am" or something similar. Where douches can be fun in small doses, dickheads aren't enjoyable at all. When you see them coming, you groan in frustration or start walking in the opposite direction. A douche might think "oh, they must be mad at something else" or "maybe they didn't see me" but a dickhead will continue walking right up to you knowing good and well that you do not want their company. Personally, I think the idea of being proud of who you are is a positive thing, but even I can't wrap my head around a person who thinks that being such a blight on society is perfectly okay. Usually, dickheads gravitate towards other dickheads, which is why they are almost always in groups.
Last, but not least, are the decent people. They are the people who put up with the door mat's whining, the douche's inability to take a hint and the dickhead's narcissism. Decent people are few and far in between, but that doesn't mean they don't have their own problems. Unfortunately, decent people tend to have issues that go beyond small personality defects, so ways to deal with them are varied.
Part Two - Dealing With Folks
Alright, we've covered a lot of ground here and it might feel like you're in above your head, but trust me, understanding personalities will play a big part in your money-gathering ventures now that you look hot.
Being able to read people will keep you from wasting your time with bogus people.
Most importantly, it can keep you out of a situation that won't get you any money.
At first, you'll definitely want to try working on door mats, since they are the least likely to resist. It might take a while to build up the trust, but soon, you'll be able to ask them for money and only have to make vague promises about paying them back or doing favors in order to get what you want. Because of this, door mats are "built" for beginners, but keep in mind that if you ask too much of them (or ask from them too often) you'll start making them think, and if they start thinking, they'll immediately figure out that you're taking advantage of them and they will start saying "no" and once they begin standing up to you, that will completely sever your income... but you'll definitely want to move on to a new target before it reaches this point. It's all about timing.
Once you've had your fill of door mats (I highly recommend no more than three, otherwise you'll start getting lazy) you'll want to move in on a more intermediate challenge, that of the douche. Douches definitely require a ton of patience because you'll have to deal with their annoying habits and constant badgering. Douches are also probably the first personality type where sleeping with them will give you advantages, but you definitely want to hold off on it at first. Now, this is where things get tricky. Do it too soon and you risk either scaring them off or having them think they can bed you for free. Do it too late and they'll probably assume you want a (wait for it) relationship. This is why you shouldn't deal with door mats for too long, because an important aspect of this money-making process is timing, and you use douches to perfect this.
It's difficult to pinpoint an exact moment or time-frame to make the move, but to make the transition easier, you should start asking them for things quite early on... but you'll definitely want to take a more abstract approach. Say things like "Oh, that looks so cool. I wish I had one." or "I'm so hungry. I could really use some pizza right about now." Using this method means that you're not directly asking for anything, meaning that if they offer it to you, you technically have no obligation to pay them back. Unlike door mats, douches will probably keep track of this and will start bugging you (indirectly) about things that they want. This is actually a good thing. Start off by treating them to minor things (I mean, we're trying to make a profit here. Don't spend more than you're given.) This way, you'll develop a bit of trust and can now start directly asking for things that you want... but this might also be the stage where you'll want to introduce sexual favors. The safest way to do this is through jokes or sarcasm. A good line to start off with is, "I'll so totally do such-and-such if you do this for me." The reason why you shouldn't ask this seriously is to gauge their reaction and also as a way to add such talk to your future conversations without making things awkward.
It sounds complicated, but when you're in the moment, it'll probably come naturally. Just don't act surprised when they say "So what about that such-and-such you said you'd do?"
When you've mastered your timing with douches, it's time to hone your patience and focus by dealing with dickheads. It's definitely the toughest challenge yet, but if you've worked your way up this far, several things will make it easier.
A.) You'll be experienced. (Duh, you've been doing this for so long that you've probably mastered a few techniques of your own by now.)
B.) You'll probably have a reputation. (I mean, I'm certain people talk.)
C.) You can start being picky. (In other words, if your reputation hasn't scared them off, you can start making your own choices, rather than taking nearly everything that's being handed to you.)
Just because you have a few situational things on your side doesn't mean you can slack off. You've got to remain diligent because dickheads are crafty. They are people who know they get on other people's nerves, so showing interest in them will immediately raise their suspicions. On the other end of the spectrum, most people tend to fall for dickheads, so they might be used to people fawning over them, which can make the hunt a bit tougher.
No matter the case, dickheads will put your every skill to the test.
They won't let you rest. They won't let you put your guard down.
Dickheads are naturally protective of their money, probably because they have to try so hard to keep a job (I mean, how many people can actually put up with them?), so they won't be willing to part with it. This means you'll have to work harder (yes, even harder than you've already been working) to make any decent progress.
It's not going to be easy, so let me list the things that'll make it even more difficult.
A.) The sexual favors will probably have to come first. (Because now you're dealing with people who don't want to make an emotional connection.)
B.) You'll probably have a reputation. (Yeah, it can be both a help and a hindrance.)
C.) Emotional attachment might get in the way. (You've probably taken advantage of quite a few people by now, but when you encounter someone who knows what you're after, you can drop the charade, which can open you up to this hassle.)
Dickheads are a challenge, but the harder you work, the sweeter the reward. Plus, you have the added bonus of loyalty. If you can work out a good deal with a dickhead (as in, a certain number of booty calls a month in exchange for access to their credit card) then you can keep this up for months, possibly years, as long as you don't mess it up. Of course, these long-term deals have dangers of their own. More than likely it'll be because one or both of you get bored and you'll have to start the long and awkward process of breaking things off. Least likely, but just as dangerous, is a long-term arrangement can lead to the development of... feelings.
Although long-term deals offer a certain sense of security and can help you plan your budget, don't rely on them. In fact, don't rely on any one particularly source of income. This is true for any "business." You don't want to become dependent on any one dickhead (or douche, or door mat) simply because going through this whole process is supposed to make you independent! Relying on any one person, becoming dependent, goes against the principles of this guide!
Now, on to the most difficult target of all: decent people.
There is not much I can say about them because every experience you have will be different, will require a new approach, will come with their own set of baggage... It'll take weeks of training and preparation to be able to handle decent people, which is why I suggested going after the other personality types first. Why? Because, believe it or not, there's personal growth in all of this. There will be doubts you'll encounter, fears you'll have to face, obstacles you'll have to overcome... but doing all of this will make you stronger, make dealing with people easier. You'll instinctively know the right things to say, the correct timing to move things in the desired direction... It'll all come naturally to you. This is a requirement because you must be natural dealing with decent people. They are quick to detect lies and bullshit, they won't hesitate to stay clear of things that cause them problems... But more importantly, all of this has been a training exercise for you because it takes a special kind of person to extort the type of people who you used to hang out with.
I'll leave the rest to you.
Section Three - Self Confidence
This is the part of the guide where things get messy and abstract.
Self-confidence is a magnificent but furious beast. Based on how you train it, it can turn into the very thing that gets you a job (a legitimate job!) or the very thing that drives you into a depressed fridge raid.
Self-confidence is difficult (wait, it's impossible) to measure, which is why talking about it forces us to get vague: "If you were self-confident..." or "Self-confidence means, at least for me, that..."
Because of this, the section on this won't be very long, but hopefully it'll be very powerful.
I believe that everyone has the potential to be confident in themselves and their abilities. Regardless of how they grew up (with parents playing favorites or constantly spouting "You're nothing. You won't amount to anything" and similar moo poo.) Regardless of where they went to school (with bullying at an all-time high, teachers taking even less interest in individual children as schools increase in size and classrooms fill to capacity, and NO RECESS.)
I've read enough on psychology to know that our opinions of ourselves (and other people) is highly influenced by the environment we were raised in. Someone surrounded by affection and people who accomplish great things but remain humble will probably be far more successful dealing with the real world rather than someone who grew up in a household full of abuse and parents who talked down to them.
We can't change the way we were raised, but we can change how we live in the present. If we let one person in our past dictate how we handle our future, the only thing we hurt is ourselves. We stunt our own growth, let those bad memories control us and haunt us, let those experiences color the way we deal with any other relationship (romantic or not.)
This is where self-confidence comes in.
This is where we change our belief system and stop letting other people (even if they are family) tell us how we should feel about ourselves.
Although, if you ask me, self-confidence is a behavior more than it's an idea.
What does that mean?
It means that self-confidence is more of a way you act than a way you think or feel.
"Alexander, that's so totally backwards. It's the other way around." You say.
Is it?
If you behave a certain way, even if it's not how you usually act, won't it eventually become "how you usually act"?
If it becomes how you usually act, it'll change the ways you think and feel naturally.
It's like potty training a dog. You're not teaching a dog to feel like he should only use the bathroom outside. You're teaching the dog the behavior of going outside (or waiting by the door to be let outside) to use the bathroom. There's no true way to know how a dog feels about learning this behavior, but if they are successfully trained, we can just assume that they'll eventually think that outside is the only place they are allowed to use the bathroom and if they don't make it outside, then they know they've done wrong.
It's the same idea with self-confidence.
A person lacking confidence in themselves will probably harshly criticize themselves, or not do certain things or jump at certain opportunities because they think they are lacking or don't deserve it. However they learned this behavior, it's become a part of them. This is why they struggle to behave confidently, or if asked why they keep putting themselves, they are quick to say "I'm just telling the truth."
But by behaving confidently, by thinking positively about yourself, it'll become part of your behavior. It'll get to the point where thinking or saying bad things about yourself will feel like you've done something wrong, that being proud of yourself and who you are is the only way things should be.
There's not much else I can say about this because it's different for every single person and no matter how many tips I list or how much advice I give, it won't apply to everyone's situations.
The least I can do, however, is just tell you to stay strong in your journey, that the road to believing in yourself, of being confident in yourself, is a road that you walk yourself. In other words, don't let the opinions of others sway you or stop you.
I know it might sound a bit hypocritical coming from someone who just told you to buy in to the media's idea of beauty, but even if you have the looks, it won't get you money if you aren't confident in yourself.
...and making money is what this whole guide is about.
Section Four - Sex Is Success
"Alexander, is this yet another controversial topic?" You ask. Why, yes it is!
Did you read the title of this guide? What else could you possibly expect?
Yes, some people will view it as controversial. Some people even hate the idea of it.
To be honest, I understand. Despite how much sex is in movies and in books and on television lately, it's surprising that so many people still view sex as a mysterious and dangerous thing that shouldn't be talked about in public.
I will admit that sex doesn't have the best reputation. There are STDs, AIDS, the fear of pregnancy and all of the social stigma that comes from being sexually active and proud of it. It's tough out there. There are so many critics of sex. Whether it's devout religious individuals who shun it for use as anything but procreation... There are concerned parents who will fight day and night to keep their children away from the thought of it... There are marriages torn apart by it (and marriages that don't even have it.) The list goes on and on... but the point I'm trying to make is that a lot of people don't like sex or hate talking about it.
It's a shame.
I know I'm the strangest person to hear this all from, considering my own religious beliefs, but sex isn't some terrible, mind-eating demon that sleeps beneath our beds and preys on our youth.
Contrary to popular belief, sex is wonderful.
I really hate that people let one bad experience turn them away from it for good, or make them jaded about it, or only bring it up just to say they don't ever want to have it.
Sure, sex has its consequences (emotional and physical) if you charge into it unprepared, but it's definitely not worthy of being feared and hated.
I brought all of this up to bring you to a major aspect of this guide.
Sex. And how to make plenty of money by having it.
"Alexander, that's prostitution! That's illegal!" Yes, I understand your confusion, but let's rephrase things.
You're not being paid for the actual act of sex. You're being paid for your... companionship... and your time.
I just wanted to clear that up.
This isn't a guide to teach you how to set up shop somewhere, spread your legs and take whatever money gets tossed your way. No. That's not what this is about.
This book is titled "A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men And The Money They Give You When You Put Out."
Let's break this long title down into more easily digested phrases.
The first phrase is "A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men..."
This is the all-encompassing 'men' meaning humans in general. Not just males.
The next phrase is "...And The Money They Give You..."
This is simple. We've been talking about money and its power this whole entire guide, so this shouldn't be difficult to understand.
"...When You Put Out." is the final phrase.
I used this term to imply that the sex is a mutual choice (although it's usually brought on by the giving of gifts, the promise of money, or hints at a stable relationship.)
This isn't to be confused with prostitution, since in such cases, the only thing happening is a business transaction.
When someone 'puts out' it is usually only after a sizable amount of effort was put into it. Usually in the form of conversations or the relationship taking a natural progression towards 'friends with benefits.'
This is what the guide is all about, becoming extremely skilled in tilting any friendship in a direction where you can obtain a lot of benefits!
Based on personal experience, I can categorize this into three main paths: the friend I have sex with, the sex partner who I'm friends with and the ex who still wants sex.
You may be thinking, "Alexander, it doesn't sound like there's a big difference between those..." but, my readers, there's a huge difference. There's so much of a difference that you can't handle them all the same way.
So let's go over them in order, shall we?
"The Friend I Have Sex With" is a special case because there are so many variables standing between you and success. First of all, you've got to be friends. Usually, when you are friends, there is no danger of romantic entanglement, and if there is any sexual attraction, it's not spoken of. But after a certain period of time, one or both of you will cross the invisible line and bring the possibility of sex into the equation. Usually, it's a drunk confession of "I've always been attracted to you" or "I have sex dreams about you." Sometimes, it's accidentally walking in on them naked (or just half-naked) and then proceeding to take advantage of the situation. A few times, it's simply being so close that you can talk about anything or do anything or "be willing to try" anything.
This situation can prove difficult, because there may be times when you are willing to introduce sex into the friendship (whether as a casual thing or a prelude to a romance) but the other person may not feel the same way or, very commonly, see you as too good of a friend to bring the idea of sex between you.
This is where things can get difficult. How I see it, the fact that your good friend is eager to take things up a notch is a good thing. Why? Because, in the grand scheme of things, wouldn't you rather have someone you know wanting to bed you, rather than a complete stranger? Yeah, there is the risk of making things awkward if the sex itself doesn't go well, or if there's any regret afterward, but the fact that you already know each other should mean that you are comfortable with each other, that you trust each other... and trust and comfort seem to be huge deciding factors when it comes to people choosing their sexual partners.
To begin this type of relationship takes skills in timing and a good grasp of leading conversations in certain directions. It's all about introducing the concept of having sex with each other in small doses. Being affectionate can help, because sometimes all it takes is a certain lingering touch to send the right message. It is a science, and I'm certain there are more in-depth books on it, but I just covered as many of the bases as possible and, hopefully, answered quite a few questions.
Although, with this path, the possibility of obtaining money (or any type of gift such as a new video game system or a car) is quite slim, since you're already friends and the trust has already been established. In other words, your friend doesn't have to win you over with a glorious amount of material things, seeing as they've already won you over, otherwise you wouldn't be "friends" in the first place.
I'm not trying to talk bad about this class of relationship. I'm just saying that the opportunity for profit is low and you won't always be successful, but if you're just starting out (and working on that self-confidence thing) this might be the boost you need.
Although you need to be extremely careful and let your partner know that you are still "just friends" and although you can talk about sex (with each other and probably even other people) more openly now, there's still no room for romance.
"The Sex Partner Who I'm Friends With" is a completely different path. It's also a more common path to take and will more than likely end up being how the majority of your income-making adventures start.
With this style of relationship, sex isn't an awkward or bad thing to bring up because sex is probably the thing that brought you two together anyway.
Whether it's someone you met at a bar who actually called you back a few days afterward, a one-night stand who stayed for breakfast or a smooth-talking guy at a party who made out with you, gave you a good groping and ended up with your number, the varieties of this style are too great to list.
This is a good thing, because no two experiences will be the same, but it's also a bad thing seeing as I can't give too much advice on the subject.
Out of all the different types, I must say that this kind is my favorite. It's human nature at it's most primal. Two consenting adults, both of them knowing exactly what they want and exactly what the other wants... Not resorting to cheap pick-up lines or bullshitting their way through conversation. Just two people who are comfortable enough with themselves and their instincts to have sex with each other without needing to put a ring on it first.
It's beautiful.
The possibility of romance is slim, seeing as such a time-wasting thought was on neither of your brains when you met.
The opportunity for profit is relatively high here, but just know that it'll take a time or two (or even three) before it even becomes a possibility. Not because it's like the other relationship type where trust is already established, but because it'll take time to establish the fact that you are not a free ride.
You must be quick about this. After the first time or two, you'll want to put emphasis on the fact that there are things (beyond sex) that you want. Tickets to a movie. A nice dinner. A new pair of jeans.
If the sex is good enough (which only practice can help improve) then your partner will still want it even if there is a price on it. Not because they are willing to so easily part with these things, but because it's the simple exchange of work and reward. If they work (or in this case, woo you with objects and cash) they get rewarded (a round or two in bed.)
If things go smoothly, you'll have a stream of income.
A good person will have one or two of these streams, a great person will have three or more.
Since this isn't a relationship, there's no actual reason to be exclusive... but based on how often these romps occur or how much money (or objects that are worth money) that you're getting, it might serve you well to at least let these people know that there are "others."
"The Ex Who Still Wants Sex" is a tricky beast, seeing as you're already dealing with some level of emotional attachment (however great or small) and the awkwardness that may arise when old habits resurface.
When your ex proposes the idea to you, don't let your emotions control your decision. Don't ever believe that this is a "He or she wants me back! I'm so happy!" moment.
It's simple, really.
The fact that they are hitting you up for sex is good for only two reasons: a) they liked having sex with you enough to want to have it with you again without the messiness of commitment and b) the fact that you are not in a relationship puts you in an advantageous position seeing as you have more room to call the shots about the terms of agreement.
There are also bad or negative reasons for being sought out like this: a) they miss having sex on a regular basis and you could be the first (or the ffifth) ex they called up to do it with and b) there's a chance that if you act desperate enough, they think they are doing you a favor by paying attention to you again and, thus, the window for income shrinks.
Just know that this kind of relationship can be a hassle, as there is always the danger of falling into "relationship territory" again. This proves to be true if there is still a great amount of emotional attachment remaining. Plus, if things didn't end on the best of terms, there's the stirred-up emotions and memories that come with that...
There aren't too many tips I can give on this one. Just stay in command of your feelings at all times. Don't let them get out of hand. Get it in your head that this deal has nothing to do with the relationship you had. It's an entirely separate partnership that should remain separated from the weeks or months (or years) you used to be together.
I know I'm coming off as heartless, but it's a necessary harshness. The past has to stay dead, especially if there's money involved.
Section Five - Making Bank
So I've talked you through changing (or accepting) your physical appearance, I've coached you through dealing with the people of this world, I've taught you how to keep your head on straight through all the confusion this will surely bring, and I've given you tips on how the quickest ways to make a profit off of man's natural and instinctive desire.
Now it's time to return to what we discussed in the beginning, how money makes the world go round.
It's a topic that makes many people fidget in their seats. Not because there's something wrong about wanting to make money, but because it's so absolutely necessary to have money just to be able to function comfortably in this society.
It's a truth a lot of people aren't willing to deal with directly, even though we worry about it every time the electric bill comes in the mail, or when the deadline to paying off our student loans draws that much closer or when something at home breaks that needs to get fixed immediately.
If you've been following my step-by-step instructions, you at least have a good amount of money coming in at any given point in time.
So now that you're making money, I want to give you pointers on how to handle your cash.
First of all, it's called making bank for a reason.
Put your money in a bank! I cannot stress this enough!
Not only is it safer than having your dollar bills stashed in a cookie jar beneath your bed, but it'll be easier to keep track off. That's what banks are there for, to keep our money all in one place and to let us know how much money it is we have.
That way, there's no reason to ask "Where did I put those Benjamins?" or "I just bought myself this, how much do I have left?"
The bank answers those questions for you with a simple "Here" and a "Just over three grand."
The most important reason to ever use a bank is interest! I've said it in the introduction, but let me keep saying it.
Money stuffed in zip-loc bags on the top shelf of the cabinet will never be more than what you yourself put in it. If you only take, the money will eventually run out... and there will only be as much as you make.
However, if that money is in a bank, it'll grow over a length of time. Find a bank with a decent interest rate going and you'll notice how quickly that money can stack up over the months.
In the beginning, when your number of partners is low, it might feel a bit shameful or disheartening to get the bank statement every month with only a couple of cents added in interest, but the more you have stored away, the more money will be added over a period of time.
It's simple math.
Now, for more tips on what to do with your money:
1.) Have multiple accounts.
It's mainly so that you can split your funds into "touchable" money and "untouchable" money. Your "touchable" money meaning what's there for you to spend. It's the money you tap in to when you want to buy those shoes that are on sale or that designer outfit you've been watching on the runways.
The "untouchable" money is exactly that, the money you shouldn't touch. It's the money that's there to bulk up on interest and, in cases of emergency, is there for you to draw from in case something happens.
2.) Set up automatic transfers.
Some banks even have simple set ups to automatically transfer funds from one account to another.
In this case, I'd get it set up so that a portion of your "touchable" money is automatically transferred to your "untouchable" money.
Why? Because if you leave it up to yourself, you'll quickly realize how hard it is to not be able to spend even a chunk of that money, even if you're literally giving it to myself.
To be honest, I wouldn't even keep close tabs on how much you have in your "untouchable" account, because knowing the exact number will make the temptation to spend it that much harder to resist.
Don't ignore it completely, though. Pay enough mind to it to notice if the numbers aren't right when your bank statements come in.
3.) Don't spend it all in one place.
This is a rule I learned from my father growing up and it's true.
I think he meant it more along the lines of "Shop around at different stores and find the cheapest prices." but I mean it as "If you spend it all in one store, you won't be able to buy anything else at any other store. Then you'll be forced to window shop and what fun will that be?"
Take this one either way you want to, because they both apply.
Afterword
Well, dear readers, if you've come this far, you've learned everything I can teach you. So go forth, eat well, be merry.
In life, you'll come across obstacles, but the greatest roadblock you'll ever face is yourself.
Remove all doubt from your mind, speak with purpose and conviction, learn from every mistake, grow from every challenge. Don't let something trivial stop you... or don't think that you've failed just because you didn't immediately succeed.
A lot of things take patience. Even more things take money. Everything takes time.
Don't rush in without thought, but don't spend too much time mulling over the consequences that you miss out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.
In other words, be cautious... but not too cautious. Take risks, but don't end up dead... Make sense, but more importantly, make cents.
Although there will be plenty of people who will want to get close to you because of your money, or will like you only for what you can do for them between the sheets, none of it will really matter if you don't like yourself and everything you do.
So like yourself. Be proud of your money-making skills.
I may have been "let go" from UKISS, but it wasn't for school.... or lack of talent...
Deuces,
Alexander L. Eusebio
Poll Round 4: A Guide To Taking Advantage Of Men And The Money They Give You When You Put Out