Round 3: If our love ceases to be, that is the end of my world for me
Title: If our love ceases to be, that is the end of my world for me
Team: Canon/AR
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 5,495
Fandom: 2NE1
Pairing: CL/Bom
Summary: Who started it? Bom couldn’t tell. She didn’t really care. Only that they were kissing, and the tiles were so cold against her legs, but Chaerin was so warm-so fucking warm.
Prompt Used: Come Back Home - 2NE1
The many days that are unfinished
It seems they’ll be waiting for us
Where are you? Where? Too far away
2NE1 - Come Back Home
Dara has never seen Chaerin so angry. The younger girl is shaking with rage, fire in her eyes and venom on her tongue.
“What the fuck do you mean she won’t be performing with us? We have never performed as a three before. It’s just not right,” she spits, looking up at Papa YG, who stares back at her with barely disguised disdain.
“What do you want me to do, Chaerin? If she performs, I guarantee it will come back down on you. I promise you, you do not want any more scandal. She’s out of the spotlight until 2015. That’s an order,” he replies, with no hint of emotion in his voice.
Dara feels a hand enclose around hers-Minji, probably, seeking solace-as she watches Chaerin’s face fall and her body crumple. Although Dara doesn’t agree with the way Chaerin phrased it-the leader’s potty mouth had always bothered her-she has a point.
2NE1 has always been a foursome. To perform as a three, without their main vocalist, is unheard of and something they have never even considered.
Well, they hadn’t predicted the scandal breaking, had they?
YG is giving orders about vocal training and arrangements for the songs but Dara can tell Chaerin isn’t listening. She can tell that Chaerin is collapsing in on herself, not taking anything in except that they are performing without Bom.
You can tell these things after a while.
//
“Chaerin.”
She doesn’t turn, continues stalking down the hallway to the dorm, her heels clicking on the tiles.
“Chaerin,” Dara says with a bit more authority.
Reaching the door to the dorm room she shares with Bom, she punches in the code and waits to hear the click of the internal lock opening.
“Chaerinnie,” Dara commands, more forcefully this time.
Age hierarchy makes Chaerin turn at the note in Dara’s voice, as much as she hates doing so (don’t show weakness: her first rule).
Dara is soft around the edges and right now that is no exception. Even her eyes ooze sympathy and concern for Chaerin (which just makes her angrier). She balls a fist.
“I just… I don’t know why you are making a big deal out of this, Chaerin. It’s just one performance. Two songs and we’re done,” she coaxes, trying to get Chaerin to calm down, playing the neutral party as always.
Chaerin sneers, an ugly twist of the lips that she knows makes her look hideous-but at this point she is way beyond caring. “Seriously, Sandara? It’s not the fact that it’s one concert. It’s the fact they are splitting us up. We are 2NE1, we are one, we aren’t fucking three plus one. It doesn’t work like that.”
Dara sags-the use of her full name is a blow and Chaerin knows it. She almost feels sorry for the other girl, before she opens her mouth again and Chaerin is back to being furious.
“I know, and it sucks, but we just have to get through it. I’m sure Bom isn’t upset, I bet she understands.”
Chaerin shakes her head slowly in disgust. “Then I guess you don’t know Bom very well.”
In one smooth manoeuvre, she turns, opens the door and slips inside without any fuss. Inside, she seethes.
//
Bom does mind, although she assures everyone she doesn’t. Minji and Dara believe her; they always do, always looking up to the oldest unnie and taking her word.
Bom is a very good liar.
To them, at least. Chaerin sees right through her, something that scares her and thrills her at the same time. Not that the leader can do anything about it-Minji had told Bom in hushed whispers that Chaerin had gone into YG’s office, demanded Bom be put back in the performance-that didn’t go down well-although she tried her best.
So that is how Bom finds herself in one of the practise rooms, instructing Minji on how to sing the chorus of ‘Come Back Home.’
It hurts. It really does. That chorus is hers, something tangible and real that she could hold close to her chest at night when she can’t sleep through the tears: her voice is beautiful, even if the rest of her isn’t. Her voice is hers and that chorus was hers.
Not anymore, though. Since YG has decided that she will sit out at the SBS Gayo Daejun awards, he had assigned the chorus to Minji, saying she is the only one who could come close to reaching Bom’s powerhouse voice (she can tell he feels bad, is complimenting her to try to make up for it. It isn’t working)
He is right: Minji’s voice has really developed and she is now a powerful singer with a wide range, and her ability to learn impresses Bom.
Even when Chaerin brings her a packet of corn and one of her Poong Poongs from their bedroom it can’t cheer her up. The ache in her chest refuses to budge.
//
Wrong. It’s all wrong. I am the leader, for fuck’s sake. How can I fix this? How can I make it right for Bommie? Chaerin thinks to herself, pacing up and down in her room.
She ignores the little niggling voice at the back of her head that asks her why she cares so much, why it physically hurts her to picture being on stage away from Bom, why she can’t stop thinking of the older woman, why she wants to take care of her, bring her Poong-Poong and bread and water all the time.
It’s just being a good leader. Nothing more.
Right?
She slams her fist into her pillow.
//
Time ticks by, slowly, until the day of the performance is almost on them and Chaerin doesn’t know what to do.
She is poised by Bom’s bedroom door, fist up, ready to knock, when it swings open and Bom slams into her, face first.
“Shit, unnie, I’m sorry, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow, I know how you must be feeling and I’m really sorry-”
Chaerin trails off as she looks-properly looks- and sees Bom wearing nothing but a bra and underwear and feels herself tingle from head to toe. Fuck.
She doesn’t even realise she is staring when Bom’s voice startles her back to reality.
“Thanks, Chaerin, but I don’t need your sympathy.”
And then the door is shut, leaving Chaerin confused and unhappy.
That makes two of them.
//
Normally, backstage at a 2NE1 concert is a fun place to be, but not today. Chaerin isn’t talking, Dara is chewing a nail, and Minji is pacing back and forth.
It’s time.
//
“Baby, I miss you, and it’s gotta be you.”
The words just slip out. She can’t stop them as they fall out of her mouth, pour into the mic, and ring through the crowd.
She is sending a message.
“The only thing left here is your shadow, my longing for you tortures me more than my loneliness.”
As she raps, she hears her voice straining as she struggles to hold back tears. Don’t cry on stage. Don’t show weakness.
“Every night I get nightmares, even in my dreams I call out your name.”
Bom.
“In a time where everything changes, the one thing that doesn’t change…”
I miss you, unnie. I… I love you.
“…Is that you’re my queen, forever.”
I hope you got the message, Bom.
//
Back in the dorm, Bom sits cross-legged on the couch, Poong-Poong clutched to her chest as she sobs. She didn’t know that seeing her band, her sisters, perform without her on stage would hurt this much. Even though Dara is wearing her top, and Minji is wearing her shorts, and Chaerin said “Baby I miss you, and it’s gotta be you,” her two favourite songs, it isn’t enough.
It’s never enough. No matter what they do, it’ll never be enough to turn back time, take away the realisation that she is replaceable.
//
These are Chaerin’s rules to live by.
Number one; never show weakness. Never show anyone your soft side, never trust anyone.
Number two; never fall in love.
Number three; be honest.
She has never broken them before. And now, here she is, breaking all three at once.
It’s lunchtime and all four of them are sitting in the dance practise room, panting and sweaty after a hardcore dance rehearsal where YG threw his slipper at Dara twice and Chaerin once. For him to throw it once is a big deal; to throw it three times is unheard of, and both of them are sulking.
Chaerin can feel her sweat running down her back, feel her legs sticking to the hardwood floor, but she doesn’t care that she looks gross and probably smells questionable. She can’t take her eyes off Bom.
The eldest had been quiet for a week or so after the performance, but now, things are slowly getting back to normal, and while dancing, Bom had been as chipper and bright as usual.
Now, she is leaning over, gathering up her hair to tie in a big ponytail. Chaerin takes a gulp of water from her bottle as her eyes run over Bom’s legs, her stomach, and her breasts practically falling out of her top…
And promptly chokes on the water. She coughs, spraying water everywhere, and Minji, who is closest to her, pounds her on the back as hard as she can (which is pretty damn hard, Chaerin thinks to herself, wincing).
Maybe she should amend rule two: never fall in love with your bandmate.
//
Even Chaerin believes her, Bom can tell. She is back to her usual self-happy, carefree, bouncy. That’s what they all think.
She can’t tell them that she cries herself to sleep every night, over a stupid performance. They all think she is happy now, they are all moving on.
She doesn’t know what to say.
//
Maybe it’s not love, maybe it’s just lust, Chaerin thinks as she slips a finger under her panties and rubs herself. Maybe I just want to hold her down and fuck her -
She stifles a moan as she feels herself on the brink of coming. Maybe it’s nothing at all.
//
Things continue, just like that, just like normal, except they aren’t normal, are they?
As much as Chaerin hates to admit it, the experience of performing separately has irrevocably changed them as a group. She doesn’t know how, but it has. They are all starting to do their own thing, slowly separate from each other.
She has been in America for the last few weeks, working with Scooter and Thomas for her debut over there.
She doesn’t think she’ll do well. Not because her music sucks-she loves the music she produces, especially under Scooter, he brings a totally new sound to the whole thing-but just because so many Koreans have tried to make it in the USA and have failed.
Except Jae-sang oppa, but he doesn’t really count. That was an accident.
Dara has flown off to the Philippines, doing god-knows-what. Chaerin knows she feels more at home there than she does in Korea.
Minji… Minji is flitting from place to place, not really doing anything. She’s doing a little bit of dancing, a little bit of composing, a little bit of everything.
And Bom?
Bom is sitting at home in the apartment, miserable and lonely. YG has still not lifted the public appearances ban for her, despite it being 2015 already. He promises it’s coming soon, and that maybe Bom can actually see the sunlight for once, but Chaerin is sceptical.
From the group kakaotalk, she can tell Bom is hurting. She doesn’t use her crazy emojis like normal, and replies with one-word answers. Even when Dara had sent her a pic of some corn candy she had found in the Philippines, Bom had simply replied:
“ㅋ”-which was totally unlike her.
But Chaerin is on the other side of the world and there is nothing she can do.
//
Bom looks at the phone, nearly presses send, changes her mind and bites her thumbnail instead (she hasn’t even been able to get a manicure, so they look like shit).
It’s Chaerinnie’s birthday. She should just send a message. One message, that’s all. Just saying happy birthday.
And yet she can’t bring herself to do it.
She doesn’t really know why she has been retreating as of late. Maybe it’s because the other girls are free to live their lives, free to travel the world and experience things, while she is here, trapped in these four walls.
She knows every inch of the carpet now. Knows the way the fridge hums and ticks like it’s tired. Knows the way the dishwasher sighs when it has finished a cycle.
She knows exactly what Chaerin’s pillow smells like-a mix of her shampoo and her perfume. She knows where Chaerin has hid her diary, her diary that is empty except for a page listing “rules to live by”. She knows where to sidestep out of the room so she doesn’t bang her toes on the bed-frame.
She knows that she misses Chaerin with all her heart and it fucking hurts.
So maybe that’s why she can’t press send. It’s a stupid little message, filled with emojis and smilies and informal language. “Happy birthday Chaerinnie!! I miss you back here in boring old Korea. How is the US? Did you visit Maine for me? Did you like it? I miss you soooooooo much!!! Have a good birthday! I love you!!!! Xxxxxx”
Maybe it’s the “I love you” at the end that’s throwing her off. They rarely say that sort of cutesy shit to each other, rarely show skinship or anything of the like, so she wonders if she is pushing her boundaries by putting that in.
Stuff it. She hits send with her thumb and watches as the message whizzes off into cyberspace, wings its way across the world and into Chaerin’s phone.
She rolls over and cuddles Poong Poong.
//
The message is entirely unexpected.
Chaerin hasn’t heard from Bom in weeks; she only knows the other girl is still alive because Dara had gotten a message from her. Every message in the group chat is
always read, but never responded to.
So when her phone bleeps and she pulls it out of her pocket, she expects it to be Minji, sending her a sample of the stuff she is composing, or Dara, with another silly pic. When she sees it’s from Bom, though, her heart does a double take.
“Hey, Thomas, I just gotta check this message. I’ll be right back.”
Thomas barely looks up from his computer. “Sure, Chae. You know where I’ll be.”
Indeed she does. He never leaves that damn computer, is always sitting there, tapping out beats and dropping them overnight. She stands up and slips out of the recording studio, heads around the corner to the lounge and takes a seat in one of the hugely oversized leather chairs.
“Happy birthday Chaerinnie!! I miss you back here in boring old Korea. How is the US? Did you visit Maine for me? Did you like it? I miss you soooooooo much!!! Have a good birthday! I love you!!!! Xxxxxx”
The message is exactly the sort of birthday message she would expect from Bommie, except for the “I love you” at the end. Her eyes hover on that phrase, straining so hard that when she blinks and looks up, the words are imprinted on her eyes and follow her everywhere she looks.
She’s lying if she says she isn’t touched. Even though it’s a bit early-her birthday isn’t until tomorrow here-she knows this is the most she has heard from Bom in a while.
She hesitates before typing back.
Stupidly, her hands are shaking as she locks her phone and stands up to head back to Thomas. She doesn’t know why she sent that stupid, sincere “I love you” at the end. She doesn’t know why she even initiated conversation if she was going to sound like a dolt. She doesn’t know where her confession came from.
She smooths down her skirt and heads back to the recording studio. She has work to do.
//
The words ring around and around in Bom’s head, until she has to leave the apartment before she puts her fist through the wall. She knows she isn’t allowed out, but even the most dedicated sasaengs have left, moved on to chase Chaerin or Minji. She wraps herself up in a scarf, puts her sunglasses on and leaves her hair unbrushed and tangled. She doesn’t even have fake nails on. She is unrecognisable.
That’s how she ends up at the nearest take-away, eating fried chicken and letting tears roll down her cheeks.
She doesn’t realise how much this hurts. How much she values the outside, being able to go anywhere, have her freedom.
She doesn’t realise how much she misses Chaerin.
//
Weeks pass, and Chaerin keeps texting Bom, trying to draw her out of her shell a little bit.
It’s not working.
They chat about inane things, about the weather and the US and Korea and it’s all so dull Chaerin is surprised Bom even replies anymore. It’s like they are just getting to know each other again, which is so, so stupid-this is the girl she has known for years, the girl she has slept in the same bed as, the girl who held her whenever she cried.
And still the conversation is awkward and stilted, with Chaerin being too stoic and Bom too overzealous to make up for the awkwardness.
But at least they are talking, and after a while things do get easier, and the conversation flows like before. Even her lyrics begin to come to her faster and with ease; Thomas is impressed. So is Scooter, and he’s the one who really matters.
All too soon, her time in the US comes to an end and she faces the reality of having to go home and face Bom, face this girl that she now realises she has come to love, and not just like a sister.
//
The days crawl past, getting closer and closer to the day Chaerin arrives back in Korea. Bom doesn’t know how to feel about this. She still hasn’t come to terms with the butterflies in her gut whenever her phone vibrates and it’s Chaerin, hasn’t come to terms with the fact that she may have a huge crush on the leader.
On the upside, she has started taking her excursions more and more regularly, and loves being out in the real world again. The chicken place knows her order now, and if they recognise who she is, they don’t seem to care. She even went to the art gallery-Chaerin had howled down the phone at her when she had found out: “YOU? Going to an art gallery? Unnie, you think art is a new emoji on kakaotalk. Since when did you get cultured?”-but she had actually really enjoyed it.
Every time she opens her calendar to put a reminder in, it smacks her in the face. “Leader-nim gets back!! <3” the offending reminder states, the days whirling by insultingly. First it is two weeks, and she can handle that. Then it is just a week, and then it is five days, and then three, and then two, and then it is the night before.
She slams the door on the microwave and presses the buttons with extreme difficulty. God, after so long without fake nails she isn’t used to them and has to start all over again. As the machine hums soothingly, she goes over the plan in her mind.
First: welcome Chaerinnie at the apartment. She has considered waiting at the airport, but she knows there are going to be fans and photographers there, and if she gets caught outside, YG will probably throw her out of the group entirely.
Second: ask to see photos of her trip from the USA and ask about the trip in general.
Third: ask if she’d like to watch a movie.
Fourth: snuggle closer to her on the lounge, maybe try to hold her hand or even cuddle her.
As for after that? Bom hasn’t let herself get that far. The fact that she is acknowledging this illicit crush is too much for her brain to handle.
The microwave beeps, throwing her out of her thoughts and back into the real world. Tucking a strand of (freshly-dyed, pristine) hair behind her ear, she grabs the instant ramen and leans against the kitchen counter with it.
Where had this even come from?
//
April, 2009
The fact that she was filming a music video with Big Bang-BIG BANG of all people! - should have shocked Bom to her core.
Instead, the only thing that had shocked her to her core was Chaerin, who, as she stared, raised a finger and jabbed Jiyong on the chest.
Bom covered her face with her hands. What was Chaerinnie doing? You don’t just poke a sunbae in the chest. Especially not Kwon Jiyong, aka G-Dragon, aka the man who Bom had a secret poster of hiding under her bed (secret because the others would tease her relentlessly if they knew).
Sure, 2NE1 and Big Bang had met before-they were in the same company, after all-you’re bound to run into someone famous in the halls at YG-but not like this. Now they were leading up to the big moment, their debut, and to get to that, they had to film this music video.
With Big Bang.
And there was their leader, poking Jiyong in the chest while Seunghyun watched on, doubled over laughing.
Bom couldn’t even remember what the argument is about. Oh, wait-it was Jiyong poking fun at Chaerin’s outfit, which, Bom had to admit, was kinda ugly. The leotard did her no favours (Bom was just glad she didn’t have Dara’s hairstyle). Still, that was no excuse.
Bom hurried over to stand next to her leader, and put a hand on her wrist-part soothing, part restraining.
“At least my hair doesn’t look like a poodle’s! God, Jiyong, you think you’re top shit. You’re so not,” Chaerin spat.
Bom gasped and yanked Chaerin away, bowing while walking backwards the whole time, unable to look Jiyong-sunbae in the eye. She can’t believe Chaerin had just sworn at him.
Once she was a safe distance from the boys-who didn’t appear to be angry at all, thank goodness-she drew back her hand and slapped Chaerin across the face.
That had the opposite effect to what she intended. Everyone turned to stare as the sound of the slap rang across the room, and Chaerin glared at her, anger glittering in those beautiful dark brown eyes.
And then she was being dragged across the room by the wrist, by her dongsaeng, no less. Chaerin dragged her around a corner, into the ladies bathroom, and slammed the door.
The two women stood, feet apart, arms tense and eyes narrowed-and then-before Bom could even move, before she could even blink-Chaerin’s hand was flying towards her face and she reached up and grabbed it and stopped it inches away from her face.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Chaerin hisses. “Get your hand off me. How dare you slap me?”
Bom narrowed her eyes a tiny bit and flung Chaerin’s hand away. “And how dare YOU disrespect us as a group in front of our sunbaes? How dare YOU speak to ME like that? Learn some respect.”
“Respect? Don’t you talk to me about respect. I am the leader of this group, and you will listen to me!” Chaerin seethed through gritted teeth, reaching out to snatch Bom’s wrist again.
“Leader? You’re only a child, Chaerin. Grow up,” Bom snarled. She had never been this mad in her life. A small, niggling part of her brain said ‘you are the older one. Take the higher ground.’
She ignored this part.
“You always have to butt your nose into everything, Park Bom! I can’t do anything without you breathing down my neck. I am over it. Learn your place.”
Chaerin had backed her against the wall by now, and her legs felt cold against the tiles. The younger girl was pushed right up against her, breasts on hers, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat.
The mood changed instantly. Chaerin’s grip loosened on her wrists, and they fell to settle on her hips, where they instantly felt right. Instinctively, Bom’s hand slid behind that stupid leotard and skittered its way up the other girl’s back, stroking in soothing circles. Chaerin had visibly relaxed, her pupils dilating as she licked her lips and closed her eyes.
Who started it? Bom couldn’t tell. She didn’t really care. Only that they were kissing, and the tiles were so cold against her legs, but Chaerin was so warm-so fucking warm. Her hand slid out from underneath the leotard, ran its way up Chaerin’s body, skipping slowly past her breasts - this earned a shiver and a breathless moan from the younger girl-to wind gently in her hair. Their tongues touched, once, twice, and Bom felt like she was melting.
Chaerin used her knee to part Bom’s legs and then her thigh was right there in that spot and Bom broke the kiss to moan, quietly, into Chaerin’s ear. The other girl giggled.
“Shh…” Was all she said before she kissed Bom again. Without meaning to, Bom ground down on Chaerin’s thigh, felt a wave of pleasure rock her, and did it again. She had never felt anything like this, never tasted anything as sweet as Chaerin before.
“Yah, what the hell are you two doing in there? You’ve been in there for ages!” Minji yelled, through the bathroom door, sending Bom three feet straight up in the air in shock.
They stepped away from each other, eyeing each other warily. Bom ran a hand through her hair and watched Chaerin do the same. They stared at each other, having a conversation without words.
‘What was that?’
‘Forget it.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘I said, forget it.’
The moment was broken. Chaerin turned, adjusted her leotard smoothly, and yelled back, “We were making up. Everything’s okay now. We’re coming out.”
‘Coming?’
‘I have to.’
‘Exactly. Come on.’
//
Today
Her ramen has gone cold and her legs are stiff from where she has leant on the bench, but she doesn’t really care. That memory so rarely presents itself-she keeps it locked away and only brings it out on special occasions.
Only today, it swims to the surface by itself.
She dumps the now rubbery-looking ramen into the bin and sighs. She should have known that kiss wouldn’t just disappear, as much as Chaerin wanted it to. She shouldn’t have trusted her feelings.
She looks at her watch. Only a few hours until Chaerin gets home.
//
“Unnie, I’m home!” Chaerin calls as she kicks open the door and dumps her (numerous) bags in the hallway. She steps over them, wobbling dangerously in her high heels, when Bom comes down the hallway, barrels into her and wraps her into a tight bear hug.
Ah, fuck. This is too much. She had thought she might have some time to prepare, some time to brace herself for touching Bom, for being in close contact with Bom, but no-here she is. Pressed against Chaerin. Every inch of her.
Automatically, her arm goes around the other girl’s back and pulls her close, while the other reaches up to stroke her hair soothingly. She squeezes her eyes shut, feels her whole body loosen, stretch, relax, until she feels six feet tall. This is what she was waiting for.
“I missed you, unnie.” She murmurs into Bom’s hair, half-hoping she won’t catch it. But she does.
“I missed you too, leader-nim. More than anything.” The other girl sighs, pulls away, but stops when they are face to face.
Fuck fuck fuck. Bom is right there, right fucking there, that face she has been thinking about while she touches herself, while she sleeps, while she works, whatever she was doing it was that face and now she’s so close she can see the marks on Bom’s lip where she has nibbled at it (Chaerin knows this means she is stressed) and feel her minty breath wash over her face and see her eyelashes fan against her cheeks and it’s too damn much-
She steps out of the embrace and shucks off her heels as she walks down the hall, into the living room, and plops onto the couch. And, of course, starts talking entirely too loudly. “Ugh, unnie, you wouldn’t believe the idiots I had to deal with on my flight. I hate people sometimes, you know? I just want to be left alone. But no…” She trails off when Bom comes to curl on the couch next to her.
“...Sorry. I know you don’t want to hear this. How have you been? You look great.”
Awkward, stilted conversation. Conversation reserved for acquaintances and friends-of-friends. Bom knows this.
“I went to the new nail place down the road. They’re pretty good, except this time, they recognised me. It’s only going to be a matter of time before YG catches me, and then I’m in deep trouble.” She sighs.
Chaerin reaches across the lounge, nudges her in her leg. “Hey! You won’t have to go out anymore. You have a prison buddy now. I’m not going anywhere.”
Bom visibly brightens at that, and smiles tentatively at Chaerin.
//
Chaerin bolts upright, her back screaming at her for mercy. What…?
She looks down and remembers. They had been watching Orange is the New Black, lying on the lounge together, when they both drifted off to sleep under the coziness of the blanket. She blindly reaches for her phone and groans quietly when she sees the time: 4:03 am. It will be getting light soon.
Still, she doesn’t get up. Mainly because Bom is draped across her like a cover, snoring gently, and the weight of the older girl is comforting. Without consciously realising she is doing so, she strokes the long, brown hair that is everywhere, tries gently to draw it back into some semblance of a ponytail.
But Bom stirs, and Chaerin is again faced with the realisation that Bom is close, very close-about as close for two human beings to be, in fact. The older girl squints.
“What’s the time?”
“Like, 4 am. We fell asleep.”
“Yeah, I gathered that. I like sleeping with you.”
Is Chaerin imagining things, or is that a hint of flirtatiousness in Bom’s voice? She is grateful for the dark, because she blushes, ferociously.
“God, I missed this.” Bom sighs, running her hands gently up and down Chaerin’s sides.
“Missed what? Using me as your mattress?” She teases, poking Bom gently.
“No. You. Everything about you, I’ve missed. It’s so nice for you to finally be home.” Bom replies, softly. Then, she hesitates, her voice growing smaller, her hands on Chaerin’s sides stilling momentarily. “Did you mean it?”
“Did I mean what?” Chaerin inquires, gently.
“On… At Gayo. When you said ‘baby I miss you, and it’s gotta be you’. And it felt… It felt like you were rapping to me. When you said ‘the one thing that doesn’t change, is that you’re my queen forever’… I don’t know... it sounds stupid…” Her voice trails off, lost in the darkness.
Chaerin’s heart stills, but she knows she has no other choice. Gently, oh-so-gently, she lifts Bom’s head to hers and kisses her, softly, but not chastely, either.
Bom freezes, a million thoughts colliding in her head at once, like a supernova, all exploding and rupturing and detonating. All she can feel is Chaerin under her, and her lips on her own.
Chaerin pulls away quickly. “I’m-I know that was out of line. I just…”
But then Bom is on her, kissing her passionately, furiously, hungrily, and her hands go straight to wind in the long hair that drapes down her back, and she gives it a tug and feels Bom’s moan and responds with one of her own.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do this, Chaerin.” Bom gasps, before kissing Chaerin again; the younger girl feels lightheaded with want.
As Bom trails kisses down her neck, slips a hand underneath her panties, Chaerin writhes and moans and knows she is finally, decisively, home.
Even if your love ruins me and hurts me
To me, it’s only you
My love starts with you and ends with you
I’m waiting for you right here
2NE1 - Gotta Be You
Poll
Team: Canon/AR
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 5,495
Fandom: 2NE1
Pairing: CL/Bom
Summary: Who started it? Bom couldn’t tell. She didn’t really care. Only that they were kissing, and the tiles were so cold against her legs, but Chaerin was so warm-so fucking warm.
Prompt Used: Come Back Home - 2NE1
The many days that are unfinished
It seems they’ll be waiting for us
Where are you? Where? Too far away
2NE1 - Come Back Home
Dara has never seen Chaerin so angry. The younger girl is shaking with rage, fire in her eyes and venom on her tongue.
“What the fuck do you mean she won’t be performing with us? We have never performed as a three before. It’s just not right,” she spits, looking up at Papa YG, who stares back at her with barely disguised disdain.
“What do you want me to do, Chaerin? If she performs, I guarantee it will come back down on you. I promise you, you do not want any more scandal. She’s out of the spotlight until 2015. That’s an order,” he replies, with no hint of emotion in his voice.
Dara feels a hand enclose around hers-Minji, probably, seeking solace-as she watches Chaerin’s face fall and her body crumple. Although Dara doesn’t agree with the way Chaerin phrased it-the leader’s potty mouth had always bothered her-she has a point.
2NE1 has always been a foursome. To perform as a three, without their main vocalist, is unheard of and something they have never even considered.
Well, they hadn’t predicted the scandal breaking, had they?
YG is giving orders about vocal training and arrangements for the songs but Dara can tell Chaerin isn’t listening. She can tell that Chaerin is collapsing in on herself, not taking anything in except that they are performing without Bom.
You can tell these things after a while.
//
“Chaerin.”
She doesn’t turn, continues stalking down the hallway to the dorm, her heels clicking on the tiles.
“Chaerin,” Dara says with a bit more authority.
Reaching the door to the dorm room she shares with Bom, she punches in the code and waits to hear the click of the internal lock opening.
“Chaerinnie,” Dara commands, more forcefully this time.
Age hierarchy makes Chaerin turn at the note in Dara’s voice, as much as she hates doing so (don’t show weakness: her first rule).
Dara is soft around the edges and right now that is no exception. Even her eyes ooze sympathy and concern for Chaerin (which just makes her angrier). She balls a fist.
“I just… I don’t know why you are making a big deal out of this, Chaerin. It’s just one performance. Two songs and we’re done,” she coaxes, trying to get Chaerin to calm down, playing the neutral party as always.
Chaerin sneers, an ugly twist of the lips that she knows makes her look hideous-but at this point she is way beyond caring. “Seriously, Sandara? It’s not the fact that it’s one concert. It’s the fact they are splitting us up. We are 2NE1, we are one, we aren’t fucking three plus one. It doesn’t work like that.”
Dara sags-the use of her full name is a blow and Chaerin knows it. She almost feels sorry for the other girl, before she opens her mouth again and Chaerin is back to being furious.
“I know, and it sucks, but we just have to get through it. I’m sure Bom isn’t upset, I bet she understands.”
Chaerin shakes her head slowly in disgust. “Then I guess you don’t know Bom very well.”
In one smooth manoeuvre, she turns, opens the door and slips inside without any fuss. Inside, she seethes.
//
Bom does mind, although she assures everyone she doesn’t. Minji and Dara believe her; they always do, always looking up to the oldest unnie and taking her word.
Bom is a very good liar.
To them, at least. Chaerin sees right through her, something that scares her and thrills her at the same time. Not that the leader can do anything about it-Minji had told Bom in hushed whispers that Chaerin had gone into YG’s office, demanded Bom be put back in the performance-that didn’t go down well-although she tried her best.
So that is how Bom finds herself in one of the practise rooms, instructing Minji on how to sing the chorus of ‘Come Back Home.’
It hurts. It really does. That chorus is hers, something tangible and real that she could hold close to her chest at night when she can’t sleep through the tears: her voice is beautiful, even if the rest of her isn’t. Her voice is hers and that chorus was hers.
Not anymore, though. Since YG has decided that she will sit out at the SBS Gayo Daejun awards, he had assigned the chorus to Minji, saying she is the only one who could come close to reaching Bom’s powerhouse voice (she can tell he feels bad, is complimenting her to try to make up for it. It isn’t working)
He is right: Minji’s voice has really developed and she is now a powerful singer with a wide range, and her ability to learn impresses Bom.
Even when Chaerin brings her a packet of corn and one of her Poong Poongs from their bedroom it can’t cheer her up. The ache in her chest refuses to budge.
//
Wrong. It’s all wrong. I am the leader, for fuck’s sake. How can I fix this? How can I make it right for Bommie? Chaerin thinks to herself, pacing up and down in her room.
She ignores the little niggling voice at the back of her head that asks her why she cares so much, why it physically hurts her to picture being on stage away from Bom, why she can’t stop thinking of the older woman, why she wants to take care of her, bring her Poong-Poong and bread and water all the time.
It’s just being a good leader. Nothing more.
Right?
She slams her fist into her pillow.
//
Time ticks by, slowly, until the day of the performance is almost on them and Chaerin doesn’t know what to do.
She is poised by Bom’s bedroom door, fist up, ready to knock, when it swings open and Bom slams into her, face first.
“Shit, unnie, I’m sorry, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow, I know how you must be feeling and I’m really sorry-”
Chaerin trails off as she looks-properly looks- and sees Bom wearing nothing but a bra and underwear and feels herself tingle from head to toe. Fuck.
She doesn’t even realise she is staring when Bom’s voice startles her back to reality.
“Thanks, Chaerin, but I don’t need your sympathy.”
And then the door is shut, leaving Chaerin confused and unhappy.
That makes two of them.
//
Normally, backstage at a 2NE1 concert is a fun place to be, but not today. Chaerin isn’t talking, Dara is chewing a nail, and Minji is pacing back and forth.
It’s time.
//
“Baby, I miss you, and it’s gotta be you.”
The words just slip out. She can’t stop them as they fall out of her mouth, pour into the mic, and ring through the crowd.
She is sending a message.
“The only thing left here is your shadow, my longing for you tortures me more than my loneliness.”
As she raps, she hears her voice straining as she struggles to hold back tears. Don’t cry on stage. Don’t show weakness.
“Every night I get nightmares, even in my dreams I call out your name.”
Bom.
“In a time where everything changes, the one thing that doesn’t change…”
I miss you, unnie. I… I love you.
“…Is that you’re my queen, forever.”
I hope you got the message, Bom.
//
Back in the dorm, Bom sits cross-legged on the couch, Poong-Poong clutched to her chest as she sobs. She didn’t know that seeing her band, her sisters, perform without her on stage would hurt this much. Even though Dara is wearing her top, and Minji is wearing her shorts, and Chaerin said “Baby I miss you, and it’s gotta be you,” her two favourite songs, it isn’t enough.
It’s never enough. No matter what they do, it’ll never be enough to turn back time, take away the realisation that she is replaceable.
//
These are Chaerin’s rules to live by.
Number one; never show weakness. Never show anyone your soft side, never trust anyone.
Number two; never fall in love.
Number three; be honest.
She has never broken them before. And now, here she is, breaking all three at once.
It’s lunchtime and all four of them are sitting in the dance practise room, panting and sweaty after a hardcore dance rehearsal where YG threw his slipper at Dara twice and Chaerin once. For him to throw it once is a big deal; to throw it three times is unheard of, and both of them are sulking.
Chaerin can feel her sweat running down her back, feel her legs sticking to the hardwood floor, but she doesn’t care that she looks gross and probably smells questionable. She can’t take her eyes off Bom.
The eldest had been quiet for a week or so after the performance, but now, things are slowly getting back to normal, and while dancing, Bom had been as chipper and bright as usual.
Now, she is leaning over, gathering up her hair to tie in a big ponytail. Chaerin takes a gulp of water from her bottle as her eyes run over Bom’s legs, her stomach, and her breasts practically falling out of her top…
And promptly chokes on the water. She coughs, spraying water everywhere, and Minji, who is closest to her, pounds her on the back as hard as she can (which is pretty damn hard, Chaerin thinks to herself, wincing).
Maybe she should amend rule two: never fall in love with your bandmate.
//
Even Chaerin believes her, Bom can tell. She is back to her usual self-happy, carefree, bouncy. That’s what they all think.
She can’t tell them that she cries herself to sleep every night, over a stupid performance. They all think she is happy now, they are all moving on.
She doesn’t know what to say.
//
Maybe it’s not love, maybe it’s just lust, Chaerin thinks as she slips a finger under her panties and rubs herself. Maybe I just want to hold her down and fuck her -
She stifles a moan as she feels herself on the brink of coming. Maybe it’s nothing at all.
//
Things continue, just like that, just like normal, except they aren’t normal, are they?
As much as Chaerin hates to admit it, the experience of performing separately has irrevocably changed them as a group. She doesn’t know how, but it has. They are all starting to do their own thing, slowly separate from each other.
She has been in America for the last few weeks, working with Scooter and Thomas for her debut over there.
She doesn’t think she’ll do well. Not because her music sucks-she loves the music she produces, especially under Scooter, he brings a totally new sound to the whole thing-but just because so many Koreans have tried to make it in the USA and have failed.
Except Jae-sang oppa, but he doesn’t really count. That was an accident.
Dara has flown off to the Philippines, doing god-knows-what. Chaerin knows she feels more at home there than she does in Korea.
Minji… Minji is flitting from place to place, not really doing anything. She’s doing a little bit of dancing, a little bit of composing, a little bit of everything.
And Bom?
Bom is sitting at home in the apartment, miserable and lonely. YG has still not lifted the public appearances ban for her, despite it being 2015 already. He promises it’s coming soon, and that maybe Bom can actually see the sunlight for once, but Chaerin is sceptical.
From the group kakaotalk, she can tell Bom is hurting. She doesn’t use her crazy emojis like normal, and replies with one-word answers. Even when Dara had sent her a pic of some corn candy she had found in the Philippines, Bom had simply replied:
“ㅋ”-which was totally unlike her.
But Chaerin is on the other side of the world and there is nothing she can do.
//
Bom looks at the phone, nearly presses send, changes her mind and bites her thumbnail instead (she hasn’t even been able to get a manicure, so they look like shit).
It’s Chaerinnie’s birthday. She should just send a message. One message, that’s all. Just saying happy birthday.
And yet she can’t bring herself to do it.
She doesn’t really know why she has been retreating as of late. Maybe it’s because the other girls are free to live their lives, free to travel the world and experience things, while she is here, trapped in these four walls.
She knows every inch of the carpet now. Knows the way the fridge hums and ticks like it’s tired. Knows the way the dishwasher sighs when it has finished a cycle.
She knows exactly what Chaerin’s pillow smells like-a mix of her shampoo and her perfume. She knows where Chaerin has hid her diary, her diary that is empty except for a page listing “rules to live by”. She knows where to sidestep out of the room so she doesn’t bang her toes on the bed-frame.
She knows that she misses Chaerin with all her heart and it fucking hurts.
So maybe that’s why she can’t press send. It’s a stupid little message, filled with emojis and smilies and informal language. “Happy birthday Chaerinnie!! I miss you back here in boring old Korea. How is the US? Did you visit Maine for me? Did you like it? I miss you soooooooo much!!! Have a good birthday! I love you!!!! Xxxxxx”
Maybe it’s the “I love you” at the end that’s throwing her off. They rarely say that sort of cutesy shit to each other, rarely show skinship or anything of the like, so she wonders if she is pushing her boundaries by putting that in.
Stuff it. She hits send with her thumb and watches as the message whizzes off into cyberspace, wings its way across the world and into Chaerin’s phone.
She rolls over and cuddles Poong Poong.
//
The message is entirely unexpected.
Chaerin hasn’t heard from Bom in weeks; she only knows the other girl is still alive because Dara had gotten a message from her. Every message in the group chat is
always read, but never responded to.
So when her phone bleeps and she pulls it out of her pocket, she expects it to be Minji, sending her a sample of the stuff she is composing, or Dara, with another silly pic. When she sees it’s from Bom, though, her heart does a double take.
“Hey, Thomas, I just gotta check this message. I’ll be right back.”
Thomas barely looks up from his computer. “Sure, Chae. You know where I’ll be.”
Indeed she does. He never leaves that damn computer, is always sitting there, tapping out beats and dropping them overnight. She stands up and slips out of the recording studio, heads around the corner to the lounge and takes a seat in one of the hugely oversized leather chairs.
“Happy birthday Chaerinnie!! I miss you back here in boring old Korea. How is the US? Did you visit Maine for me? Did you like it? I miss you soooooooo much!!! Have a good birthday! I love you!!!! Xxxxxx”
The message is exactly the sort of birthday message she would expect from Bommie, except for the “I love you” at the end. Her eyes hover on that phrase, straining so hard that when she blinks and looks up, the words are imprinted on her eyes and follow her everywhere she looks.
She’s lying if she says she isn’t touched. Even though it’s a bit early-her birthday isn’t until tomorrow here-she knows this is the most she has heard from Bom in a while.
She hesitates before typing back.
Stupidly, her hands are shaking as she locks her phone and stands up to head back to Thomas. She doesn’t know why she sent that stupid, sincere “I love you” at the end. She doesn’t know why she even initiated conversation if she was going to sound like a dolt. She doesn’t know where her confession came from.
She smooths down her skirt and heads back to the recording studio. She has work to do.
//
The words ring around and around in Bom’s head, until she has to leave the apartment before she puts her fist through the wall. She knows she isn’t allowed out, but even the most dedicated sasaengs have left, moved on to chase Chaerin or Minji. She wraps herself up in a scarf, puts her sunglasses on and leaves her hair unbrushed and tangled. She doesn’t even have fake nails on. She is unrecognisable.
That’s how she ends up at the nearest take-away, eating fried chicken and letting tears roll down her cheeks.
She doesn’t realise how much this hurts. How much she values the outside, being able to go anywhere, have her freedom.
She doesn’t realise how much she misses Chaerin.
//
Weeks pass, and Chaerin keeps texting Bom, trying to draw her out of her shell a little bit.
It’s not working.
They chat about inane things, about the weather and the US and Korea and it’s all so dull Chaerin is surprised Bom even replies anymore. It’s like they are just getting to know each other again, which is so, so stupid-this is the girl she has known for years, the girl she has slept in the same bed as, the girl who held her whenever she cried.
And still the conversation is awkward and stilted, with Chaerin being too stoic and Bom too overzealous to make up for the awkwardness.
But at least they are talking, and after a while things do get easier, and the conversation flows like before. Even her lyrics begin to come to her faster and with ease; Thomas is impressed. So is Scooter, and he’s the one who really matters.
All too soon, her time in the US comes to an end and she faces the reality of having to go home and face Bom, face this girl that she now realises she has come to love, and not just like a sister.
//
The days crawl past, getting closer and closer to the day Chaerin arrives back in Korea. Bom doesn’t know how to feel about this. She still hasn’t come to terms with the butterflies in her gut whenever her phone vibrates and it’s Chaerin, hasn’t come to terms with the fact that she may have a huge crush on the leader.
On the upside, she has started taking her excursions more and more regularly, and loves being out in the real world again. The chicken place knows her order now, and if they recognise who she is, they don’t seem to care. She even went to the art gallery-Chaerin had howled down the phone at her when she had found out: “YOU? Going to an art gallery? Unnie, you think art is a new emoji on kakaotalk. Since when did you get cultured?”-but she had actually really enjoyed it.
Every time she opens her calendar to put a reminder in, it smacks her in the face. “Leader-nim gets back!! <3” the offending reminder states, the days whirling by insultingly. First it is two weeks, and she can handle that. Then it is just a week, and then it is five days, and then three, and then two, and then it is the night before.
She slams the door on the microwave and presses the buttons with extreme difficulty. God, after so long without fake nails she isn’t used to them and has to start all over again. As the machine hums soothingly, she goes over the plan in her mind.
First: welcome Chaerinnie at the apartment. She has considered waiting at the airport, but she knows there are going to be fans and photographers there, and if she gets caught outside, YG will probably throw her out of the group entirely.
Second: ask to see photos of her trip from the USA and ask about the trip in general.
Third: ask if she’d like to watch a movie.
Fourth: snuggle closer to her on the lounge, maybe try to hold her hand or even cuddle her.
As for after that? Bom hasn’t let herself get that far. The fact that she is acknowledging this illicit crush is too much for her brain to handle.
The microwave beeps, throwing her out of her thoughts and back into the real world. Tucking a strand of (freshly-dyed, pristine) hair behind her ear, she grabs the instant ramen and leans against the kitchen counter with it.
Where had this even come from?
//
April, 2009
The fact that she was filming a music video with Big Bang-BIG BANG of all people! - should have shocked Bom to her core.
Instead, the only thing that had shocked her to her core was Chaerin, who, as she stared, raised a finger and jabbed Jiyong on the chest.
Bom covered her face with her hands. What was Chaerinnie doing? You don’t just poke a sunbae in the chest. Especially not Kwon Jiyong, aka G-Dragon, aka the man who Bom had a secret poster of hiding under her bed (secret because the others would tease her relentlessly if they knew).
Sure, 2NE1 and Big Bang had met before-they were in the same company, after all-you’re bound to run into someone famous in the halls at YG-but not like this. Now they were leading up to the big moment, their debut, and to get to that, they had to film this music video.
With Big Bang.
And there was their leader, poking Jiyong in the chest while Seunghyun watched on, doubled over laughing.
Bom couldn’t even remember what the argument is about. Oh, wait-it was Jiyong poking fun at Chaerin’s outfit, which, Bom had to admit, was kinda ugly. The leotard did her no favours (Bom was just glad she didn’t have Dara’s hairstyle). Still, that was no excuse.
Bom hurried over to stand next to her leader, and put a hand on her wrist-part soothing, part restraining.
“At least my hair doesn’t look like a poodle’s! God, Jiyong, you think you’re top shit. You’re so not,” Chaerin spat.
Bom gasped and yanked Chaerin away, bowing while walking backwards the whole time, unable to look Jiyong-sunbae in the eye. She can’t believe Chaerin had just sworn at him.
Once she was a safe distance from the boys-who didn’t appear to be angry at all, thank goodness-she drew back her hand and slapped Chaerin across the face.
That had the opposite effect to what she intended. Everyone turned to stare as the sound of the slap rang across the room, and Chaerin glared at her, anger glittering in those beautiful dark brown eyes.
And then she was being dragged across the room by the wrist, by her dongsaeng, no less. Chaerin dragged her around a corner, into the ladies bathroom, and slammed the door.
The two women stood, feet apart, arms tense and eyes narrowed-and then-before Bom could even move, before she could even blink-Chaerin’s hand was flying towards her face and she reached up and grabbed it and stopped it inches away from her face.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Chaerin hisses. “Get your hand off me. How dare you slap me?”
Bom narrowed her eyes a tiny bit and flung Chaerin’s hand away. “And how dare YOU disrespect us as a group in front of our sunbaes? How dare YOU speak to ME like that? Learn some respect.”
“Respect? Don’t you talk to me about respect. I am the leader of this group, and you will listen to me!” Chaerin seethed through gritted teeth, reaching out to snatch Bom’s wrist again.
“Leader? You’re only a child, Chaerin. Grow up,” Bom snarled. She had never been this mad in her life. A small, niggling part of her brain said ‘you are the older one. Take the higher ground.’
She ignored this part.
“You always have to butt your nose into everything, Park Bom! I can’t do anything without you breathing down my neck. I am over it. Learn your place.”
Chaerin had backed her against the wall by now, and her legs felt cold against the tiles. The younger girl was pushed right up against her, breasts on hers, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat.
The mood changed instantly. Chaerin’s grip loosened on her wrists, and they fell to settle on her hips, where they instantly felt right. Instinctively, Bom’s hand slid behind that stupid leotard and skittered its way up the other girl’s back, stroking in soothing circles. Chaerin had visibly relaxed, her pupils dilating as she licked her lips and closed her eyes.
Who started it? Bom couldn’t tell. She didn’t really care. Only that they were kissing, and the tiles were so cold against her legs, but Chaerin was so warm-so fucking warm. Her hand slid out from underneath the leotard, ran its way up Chaerin’s body, skipping slowly past her breasts - this earned a shiver and a breathless moan from the younger girl-to wind gently in her hair. Their tongues touched, once, twice, and Bom felt like she was melting.
Chaerin used her knee to part Bom’s legs and then her thigh was right there in that spot and Bom broke the kiss to moan, quietly, into Chaerin’s ear. The other girl giggled.
“Shh…” Was all she said before she kissed Bom again. Without meaning to, Bom ground down on Chaerin’s thigh, felt a wave of pleasure rock her, and did it again. She had never felt anything like this, never tasted anything as sweet as Chaerin before.
“Yah, what the hell are you two doing in there? You’ve been in there for ages!” Minji yelled, through the bathroom door, sending Bom three feet straight up in the air in shock.
They stepped away from each other, eyeing each other warily. Bom ran a hand through her hair and watched Chaerin do the same. They stared at each other, having a conversation without words.
‘What was that?’
‘Forget it.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘I said, forget it.’
The moment was broken. Chaerin turned, adjusted her leotard smoothly, and yelled back, “We were making up. Everything’s okay now. We’re coming out.”
‘Coming?’
‘I have to.’
‘Exactly. Come on.’
//
Today
Her ramen has gone cold and her legs are stiff from where she has leant on the bench, but she doesn’t really care. That memory so rarely presents itself-she keeps it locked away and only brings it out on special occasions.
Only today, it swims to the surface by itself.
She dumps the now rubbery-looking ramen into the bin and sighs. She should have known that kiss wouldn’t just disappear, as much as Chaerin wanted it to. She shouldn’t have trusted her feelings.
She looks at her watch. Only a few hours until Chaerin gets home.
//
“Unnie, I’m home!” Chaerin calls as she kicks open the door and dumps her (numerous) bags in the hallway. She steps over them, wobbling dangerously in her high heels, when Bom comes down the hallway, barrels into her and wraps her into a tight bear hug.
Ah, fuck. This is too much. She had thought she might have some time to prepare, some time to brace herself for touching Bom, for being in close contact with Bom, but no-here she is. Pressed against Chaerin. Every inch of her.
Automatically, her arm goes around the other girl’s back and pulls her close, while the other reaches up to stroke her hair soothingly. She squeezes her eyes shut, feels her whole body loosen, stretch, relax, until she feels six feet tall. This is what she was waiting for.
“I missed you, unnie.” She murmurs into Bom’s hair, half-hoping she won’t catch it. But she does.
“I missed you too, leader-nim. More than anything.” The other girl sighs, pulls away, but stops when they are face to face.
Fuck fuck fuck. Bom is right there, right fucking there, that face she has been thinking about while she touches herself, while she sleeps, while she works, whatever she was doing it was that face and now she’s so close she can see the marks on Bom’s lip where she has nibbled at it (Chaerin knows this means she is stressed) and feel her minty breath wash over her face and see her eyelashes fan against her cheeks and it’s too damn much-
She steps out of the embrace and shucks off her heels as she walks down the hall, into the living room, and plops onto the couch. And, of course, starts talking entirely too loudly. “Ugh, unnie, you wouldn’t believe the idiots I had to deal with on my flight. I hate people sometimes, you know? I just want to be left alone. But no…” She trails off when Bom comes to curl on the couch next to her.
“...Sorry. I know you don’t want to hear this. How have you been? You look great.”
Awkward, stilted conversation. Conversation reserved for acquaintances and friends-of-friends. Bom knows this.
“I went to the new nail place down the road. They’re pretty good, except this time, they recognised me. It’s only going to be a matter of time before YG catches me, and then I’m in deep trouble.” She sighs.
Chaerin reaches across the lounge, nudges her in her leg. “Hey! You won’t have to go out anymore. You have a prison buddy now. I’m not going anywhere.”
Bom visibly brightens at that, and smiles tentatively at Chaerin.
//
Chaerin bolts upright, her back screaming at her for mercy. What…?
She looks down and remembers. They had been watching Orange is the New Black, lying on the lounge together, when they both drifted off to sleep under the coziness of the blanket. She blindly reaches for her phone and groans quietly when she sees the time: 4:03 am. It will be getting light soon.
Still, she doesn’t get up. Mainly because Bom is draped across her like a cover, snoring gently, and the weight of the older girl is comforting. Without consciously realising she is doing so, she strokes the long, brown hair that is everywhere, tries gently to draw it back into some semblance of a ponytail.
But Bom stirs, and Chaerin is again faced with the realisation that Bom is close, very close-about as close for two human beings to be, in fact. The older girl squints.
“What’s the time?”
“Like, 4 am. We fell asleep.”
“Yeah, I gathered that. I like sleeping with you.”
Is Chaerin imagining things, or is that a hint of flirtatiousness in Bom’s voice? She is grateful for the dark, because she blushes, ferociously.
“God, I missed this.” Bom sighs, running her hands gently up and down Chaerin’s sides.
“Missed what? Using me as your mattress?” She teases, poking Bom gently.
“No. You. Everything about you, I’ve missed. It’s so nice for you to finally be home.” Bom replies, softly. Then, she hesitates, her voice growing smaller, her hands on Chaerin’s sides stilling momentarily. “Did you mean it?”
“Did I mean what?” Chaerin inquires, gently.
“On… At Gayo. When you said ‘baby I miss you, and it’s gotta be you’. And it felt… It felt like you were rapping to me. When you said ‘the one thing that doesn’t change, is that you’re my queen forever’… I don’t know... it sounds stupid…” Her voice trails off, lost in the darkness.
Chaerin’s heart stills, but she knows she has no other choice. Gently, oh-so-gently, she lifts Bom’s head to hers and kisses her, softly, but not chastely, either.
Bom freezes, a million thoughts colliding in her head at once, like a supernova, all exploding and rupturing and detonating. All she can feel is Chaerin under her, and her lips on her own.
Chaerin pulls away quickly. “I’m-I know that was out of line. I just…”
But then Bom is on her, kissing her passionately, furiously, hungrily, and her hands go straight to wind in the long hair that drapes down her back, and she gives it a tug and feels Bom’s moan and responds with one of her own.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do this, Chaerin.” Bom gasps, before kissing Chaerin again; the younger girl feels lightheaded with want.
As Bom trails kisses down her neck, slips a hand underneath her panties, Chaerin writhes and moans and knows she is finally, decisively, home.
Even if your love ruins me and hurts me
To me, it’s only you
My love starts with you and ends with you
I’m waiting for you right here
2NE1 - Gotta Be You
Poll