#55 [SHINee, Jonghyun/Key]
Fandom: SHINee
Title: a matter of choice
Rating: G
Pairing(s)/Focus: Jonghyun/Key
Length: 2,300~
Summary: Jonghyun is a lot more anxious about the future than his bandmates give him credit for.
Warnings: -none-
Notes: This was an interesting experience; I've never actually thought of JongKey in a serious context before. ibreatheparadox, I hope you like my interpretation of your fics!
Remixee author: ibreatheparadox
Titles and links to works you remixed:
a new beginning - http://smartstar501.livejournal.com/22938.html
the search - http://ibreatheparadox.livejournal.com/4054.html#cutid1
They've always known, of course, long before management decides to make it formal. SHINee isn't forever.
"I guess..." Jinki thinks carefully. "I guess I'll enlist now."
"Acting." Minho volunteers. Then, "What?" when he sees Taemin's incredulous stare.
"I'll go solo," Taemin says with a sideways glance at Jonghyun. "I should probably milk you for all the singing lessons that you're worth."
"There's a fashion institute in New York with my name on it," Kibum huffs, but they all hear the wistful undertone.
"I guess..." Jonghyun thinks long and hard about this. "I guess I'll order take-out. Chicken and beer, anyone?"
There's this recurring dream where Jonghyun is sitting by the riverside. He doesn't even know which river it is, it's just some river somewhere quiet and the sun always shines brightly without stinging his skin. He's cuddling his knees, his hair is in his eyes and the grass is tickling the bare skin of his feet. He feels like a kid. Add a sepia filter and it's picture perfect for TV.
There's a length of thin string tied to his finger; on the other end are his slippers as they float down the river, the current pulling the string taut. It's easy to imagine the string snapping and him going home barefoot and Jonghyun doesn't really know why he's doing this, but the string never breaks when he reels his slippers in and he dreams of putting them on but he doesn't remember what happens after.
Maybe he goes home to live a perfectly normal dream-life only to return to the riverside the next day, string, slippers, and bare feet and all.
It's a dream where nothing ever happens. He doesn't know why he's always so tired when he wakes up.
He wonders for the first time (as he stares at the ceiling while Minho snores loudly across the room and Kibum is making breakfast) whether it's a river in New York. And why he does he suddenly care so much?
"What do you think will happen after?" Jonghyun asks when he finally corners Jinki in the kitchen.
They're alone in the dorm. Management, in a show of rarely seen empathy, had given them all a couple of days to adjust to the news. ("They just don't want us to blurt it out by accident on some talkshow," Kibum said with a roll of his eyes.) Minho rocketed off somewhere without telling anyone, Taemin's probably lost in an arcade in the city to 'watch the normal kids play', and Key said something about Woohyun and Nicole but nobody ever pays attention because that way it's easier to ignore whatever happens when those three get together.
Jonghyun just... doesn't feel like going out. There's this huge creature sitting on his chest. A bear, maybe. Or an elephant. Possibly a blue whale. Whatever it is, it's slowly crushing his heart but maybe talking to someone would scare the creature away.
"It's always hard to see the other side of change," Jinki says philosophically, which Jonghyun knows is Jinki's way of avoiding a topic.
"Hyung," Jonghyun wheedles. Jinki has always had a soft spot for him. Like a pet owner who thinks fondly of a particularly dim-witted puppy that thinks plastic chew toys are dinner. Jonghyun doesn't really mind.
Jinki sighs. The mask changes. "What are you worried about?" and it's Onew speaking this time, SHINee's leader, the perfect one, all polished charisma, not clumsy Jinki who's prone to depression and escapes so easily into the absurd.
"What's not to worry about?" Jonghyun slips an arm around Onew before the latter can squirm away. His breath smells like smoke. He really should stop that soon.
"Jjong. Of everyone here, you should be the least worried about life after SHINee."
"I know that, I'm too awesome to fail." Jonghyun fishes into his pocket for some mints. Jinki takes one guiltily, pops it into his mouth and resumes his persona. "Still. It's... kind of big, huh? You with the army, and Minho with the acting..."
There's this carefully blank look in Onew's eyes. "And New York being so far away?"
The creature on Jonghyun's chest wakes up with a start.
"You've always been so impulsive," Onew tells him with a sigh. Oh wait, is that Jinki? "But you always own your actions. It's all up to you."
They've always believed that Jinki is at least partially crazy, but sometimes Jonghyun wonders if Jinki can actually see the future.
He has a bicycle. It's not new, it's not even clean, but somehow it still gleams under the sun beneath all the tarnish. It's lying on the grass behind him as he takes his slippers off.
There are quiet footsteps. Jonghyun doesn't bother to see who it is. He still cuddles his knees and the sun is still bright, but now there's a kid sitting not so distant to his left and-well, this is kind of new.
They're quiet. Comfortable. Jonghyun almost wants to start a conversation but the kid leaves just as he opens his mouth and Jonghyun wakes up. He turns his head in time to see someone sneaking quietly out of his bedroom. The patch of pillow beside his head smells like Kibum's shampoo.
The internet is such a powerful resource.
New York looks like a city of adventure.
Jonghyun can so easily imagine Kibum strutting down those packed sidewalks with numerous shopping bags dangling from his arms, or taking impossibly artistic shots of questionable food from some hole-in-the-wall place that he just has a knack for finding.
Kibum conquered Paris a few years ago. And Tokyo. New York isn't going to be much of a problem.
Jonghyun shuts his laptop with a sigh.
"So. Acting, huh?"
"It's something to do, at least," Minho huffs, lifting the barbell for his last rep, arms shaking dangerously while Jonghyun holds the weight at the center. They guide it to the bench rest and Minho pulls himself to a sitting position, gets on his feet like he didn't just bench press Jonghyun's body weight.
Jonghyun takes his place and Minho spots him. Men in their natural habitat. "You mean before taking over the family business?"
Minho shrugs. "Inevitable affairs." They've always known that this is just a small phase of Minho's life, an indulgence of extended adolescent whims. In the end, the Choi brothers have their careers written in stone. "What are you going to do?"
But there's something subdued about Minho these days. Some spark of life missing ever since the closed-door announcement, as if an invisible plug was pulled and he's been running on cheap fuel ever since.
Jonghyun doesn't quite have the coordination to speak while pumping iron. Score one for Minho.
"Maybe I'll look into acting," he gasps as Minho guides the barbell on the bench rest and Jonghyun lets his arms flop beside him like useless lumps of rubber. He never gets the hang of it. His pecs always want to kill him.
Minho snorts, unimpressed, but he's very considerate of Jonghyun's pace for the rest of their workout. Even if Jonghyun takes so much longer doing his reps. Gratitude comes in so many forms for so many things.
Half an hour later has both of them in the steam room where Jonghyun is slumped with his elbows on his knees while Minho looks like he's just finished warming up.
"What if you're needed elsewhere?" Minho's deep voice echoes beautifully off the tiles. Maybe they should start looking into recording in the bathroom.
"Where else would I want to be instead of tormenting my favorite dongsaeng?"
"Stop pitting yourself against Jinki-hyung." There's a smirk in that statement even if his face is perfectly neutral. Jonghyun should know better than to play on Minho's loyalties.
It's only when they're toweling themselves dry that Minho says anything more. Sentence fragments: Minho's litmus test when he's working through emotions he hasn't quite learned to express. "But. If you decide to go somewhere, hyung. I'll sort of miss you."
Aha! So maybe Jinki's victory isn't absolute yet. "I'm not going anywhere, kid." He'd ruffle Minho's hair but he doesn't know where the gym keeps their stepladders.
Minho smiles sadly at him.
Jonghyun nudges Taemin's elbow hard. "You do realize that we'll be competing with each other, right? When we go solo? And I won't make it any easier for you. There are no dongsaengs in the solo market so you better give it your all once you're out of my shadow."
Taemin pops his ear buds back in. "That's nice, hyung."
Nobody could give zero fucks quite like Lee Taemin.
There's a dead flower in Kibum's hands, some kind of swamp sunflower whose healthy yellow already turned brittle brown.
Jonghyun hasn't even tied the string to his slippers yet.
"I just realized that we're dying," Kibum says lightly, as if he hasn't heard of morbidity before. "And there isn't anything we can do about it."
Jonghyun glances at the grass beneath their feet. At the river. At the bright sunlight against their skin. At Kibum, who looks so resigned about something that never really bothered Jonghyun. "I can think of one thing to do," he says. "Would you mind staying longer than you usually do today?"
Kibum does and the dream changes even more. Jonghyun forgets to throw his slippers into the river.
"So. New York, huh?"
"Radio silence for three days and suddenly you're talking to me while I'm at my busiest." Kibum doesn't bother to turn around and look at him. There are two piles of clothes on his bed: one for 'Okay, maybe I can bring this with me' and the other for 'Just... No'. The second pile is significantly more massive.
"I'm just saying it's kind of a big decision." Jonghyun leans a shoulder against the door jamb. "Do you already have a long-term visa?"
"It's in the works." A cardigan gets thrown on the 'maybe' pile. "Have you decided on how you're going to ruin your life next?"
"Depends on who you ask." Jonghyun slinks closer and rescues a denim shirt from the heap of discards. Kibum hisses and snatches it back quickly, accidentally making eye contact for the first time in days. "I think Minho likes the idea of me getting into acting."
"Of course he does, he just wants to rub your face in the fact that he has more experience." Kibum goes back to sorting through his wardrobe. This takes a lot of concentration. There are a lot of clothes.
"And Jinki-hyung thinks I should go solo."
"Always the sensible one, that man." A red and white blazer makes the cut causing Jonghyun to question everything he knows about fashion. "And Taemin?"
Jonghyun pauses to consider that one. "I'm not sure. I think he's glad that I'm alive. But don't quote me on that, I could be wrong."
Kibum's laughter is definitely something he'll miss, no matter how reserved it sounds right now. "If you got a reaction, any reaction at all, then it means he likes you."
"See, I've been living with him for over half a decade by now and I still don't think I can agree with you." Jonghyun takes the letterman jacket Kibum hasn't thrown anywhere yet and plays with the fabric between his fingers. "So. New York, huh?"
"Yeah." And the wall between them collapses, the invisible maginot line between the melodramatic and the unromantic; Kibum leans in and Jonghyun stumbles to support the weight of two people on a knee that never really fully healed. "I'm going to miss you, Jjong."
"You say it like you're leaving tomorrow." He resists the urge to tangle his fingers through Kibum's hair, settles for cupping the back of Kibum's neck instead.
"I say it because I really am going to miss you, you unappreciative twat." But it's all fondness, no matter how exasperated Kibum sounds. "No more hyena laughter, no more bad guitar-playing when I'm trying to sleep, no more threats of the kitchen burning when I'm not around. You ruined me, you know."
"Maybe I'm not done ruining you yet," Jonghyun teases. Kibum laughs again - unguarded this time, something to bottle up for a lonely day - and he shoves Jonghyun away. "All I'm saying is that life has a lot of surprises up its sleeves."
Jonghyun has a piece of paper in his hands.
He's confused for a moment because this hasn't happened in the dream before. Sure, there's been a few changes with the conversations between him and Kibum being the biggest one, but he's always sitting on the grass and watching the river try to steal his slippers and Kibum just... happens to be there; he's never actually waited for the dream-version of Kibum to slide carefully down the steep riverbank and come to him.
His bicycle is propped up properly today, too.
"What's that?" Kibum asks, pointing at the paper.
"I think I'm supposed to give this to you." Jonghyun shrugs and crumples it instead. "But you know what, it doesn't matter. Why don't we go somewhere today? I've got wheels and I know how to use them."
Kibum spares Jonghyun's bicycle a glance. One of his eyebrows almost twitches and yup, that's it, this is the Kibum who Jonghyun knows, dream or not. "Let's not torture the poor thing. We can just walk."
"Sure, that could work." Jonghyun hasn't even taken off his slippers yet. He wonders if his dreams will ever be the same again.
"Any idea where we should go?" Kibum asks as they climb up the riverbank to the dirt road nearby.
Jonghyun hums while he thinks about it. He grins brightly when he gets an idea. "Let's go see the world."
It turns out that New York is much farther away when he has to pay for it out of his own pocket.
But what the hell, Jonghyun thinks, years under the spotlight taught him that life is an adventure. It's time to live it on his own terms.
(Maybe Jinki can see the future and maybe Minho will miss him. And maybe Taemin is glad that Jonghyun's alive.
Or maybe not.)
Title: a matter of choice
Rating: G
Pairing(s)/Focus: Jonghyun/Key
Length: 2,300~
Summary: Jonghyun is a lot more anxious about the future than his bandmates give him credit for.
Warnings: -none-
Notes: This was an interesting experience; I've never actually thought of JongKey in a serious context before. ibreatheparadox, I hope you like my interpretation of your fics!
Remixee author: ibreatheparadox
Titles and links to works you remixed:
a new beginning - http://smartstar501.livejournal.com/22938.html
the search - http://ibreatheparadox.livejournal.com/4054.html#cutid1
They've always known, of course, long before management decides to make it formal. SHINee isn't forever.
"I guess..." Jinki thinks carefully. "I guess I'll enlist now."
"Acting." Minho volunteers. Then, "What?" when he sees Taemin's incredulous stare.
"I'll go solo," Taemin says with a sideways glance at Jonghyun. "I should probably milk you for all the singing lessons that you're worth."
"There's a fashion institute in New York with my name on it," Kibum huffs, but they all hear the wistful undertone.
"I guess..." Jonghyun thinks long and hard about this. "I guess I'll order take-out. Chicken and beer, anyone?"
There's this recurring dream where Jonghyun is sitting by the riverside. He doesn't even know which river it is, it's just some river somewhere quiet and the sun always shines brightly without stinging his skin. He's cuddling his knees, his hair is in his eyes and the grass is tickling the bare skin of his feet. He feels like a kid. Add a sepia filter and it's picture perfect for TV.
There's a length of thin string tied to his finger; on the other end are his slippers as they float down the river, the current pulling the string taut. It's easy to imagine the string snapping and him going home barefoot and Jonghyun doesn't really know why he's doing this, but the string never breaks when he reels his slippers in and he dreams of putting them on but he doesn't remember what happens after.
Maybe he goes home to live a perfectly normal dream-life only to return to the riverside the next day, string, slippers, and bare feet and all.
It's a dream where nothing ever happens. He doesn't know why he's always so tired when he wakes up.
He wonders for the first time (as he stares at the ceiling while Minho snores loudly across the room and Kibum is making breakfast) whether it's a river in New York. And why he does he suddenly care so much?
"What do you think will happen after?" Jonghyun asks when he finally corners Jinki in the kitchen.
They're alone in the dorm. Management, in a show of rarely seen empathy, had given them all a couple of days to adjust to the news. ("They just don't want us to blurt it out by accident on some talkshow," Kibum said with a roll of his eyes.) Minho rocketed off somewhere without telling anyone, Taemin's probably lost in an arcade in the city to 'watch the normal kids play', and Key said something about Woohyun and Nicole but nobody ever pays attention because that way it's easier to ignore whatever happens when those three get together.
Jonghyun just... doesn't feel like going out. There's this huge creature sitting on his chest. A bear, maybe. Or an elephant. Possibly a blue whale. Whatever it is, it's slowly crushing his heart but maybe talking to someone would scare the creature away.
"It's always hard to see the other side of change," Jinki says philosophically, which Jonghyun knows is Jinki's way of avoiding a topic.
"Hyung," Jonghyun wheedles. Jinki has always had a soft spot for him. Like a pet owner who thinks fondly of a particularly dim-witted puppy that thinks plastic chew toys are dinner. Jonghyun doesn't really mind.
Jinki sighs. The mask changes. "What are you worried about?" and it's Onew speaking this time, SHINee's leader, the perfect one, all polished charisma, not clumsy Jinki who's prone to depression and escapes so easily into the absurd.
"What's not to worry about?" Jonghyun slips an arm around Onew before the latter can squirm away. His breath smells like smoke. He really should stop that soon.
"Jjong. Of everyone here, you should be the least worried about life after SHINee."
"I know that, I'm too awesome to fail." Jonghyun fishes into his pocket for some mints. Jinki takes one guiltily, pops it into his mouth and resumes his persona. "Still. It's... kind of big, huh? You with the army, and Minho with the acting..."
There's this carefully blank look in Onew's eyes. "And New York being so far away?"
The creature on Jonghyun's chest wakes up with a start.
"You've always been so impulsive," Onew tells him with a sigh. Oh wait, is that Jinki? "But you always own your actions. It's all up to you."
They've always believed that Jinki is at least partially crazy, but sometimes Jonghyun wonders if Jinki can actually see the future.
He has a bicycle. It's not new, it's not even clean, but somehow it still gleams under the sun beneath all the tarnish. It's lying on the grass behind him as he takes his slippers off.
There are quiet footsteps. Jonghyun doesn't bother to see who it is. He still cuddles his knees and the sun is still bright, but now there's a kid sitting not so distant to his left and-well, this is kind of new.
They're quiet. Comfortable. Jonghyun almost wants to start a conversation but the kid leaves just as he opens his mouth and Jonghyun wakes up. He turns his head in time to see someone sneaking quietly out of his bedroom. The patch of pillow beside his head smells like Kibum's shampoo.
The internet is such a powerful resource.
New York looks like a city of adventure.
Jonghyun can so easily imagine Kibum strutting down those packed sidewalks with numerous shopping bags dangling from his arms, or taking impossibly artistic shots of questionable food from some hole-in-the-wall place that he just has a knack for finding.
Kibum conquered Paris a few years ago. And Tokyo. New York isn't going to be much of a problem.
Jonghyun shuts his laptop with a sigh.
"So. Acting, huh?"
"It's something to do, at least," Minho huffs, lifting the barbell for his last rep, arms shaking dangerously while Jonghyun holds the weight at the center. They guide it to the bench rest and Minho pulls himself to a sitting position, gets on his feet like he didn't just bench press Jonghyun's body weight.
Jonghyun takes his place and Minho spots him. Men in their natural habitat. "You mean before taking over the family business?"
Minho shrugs. "Inevitable affairs." They've always known that this is just a small phase of Minho's life, an indulgence of extended adolescent whims. In the end, the Choi brothers have their careers written in stone. "What are you going to do?"
But there's something subdued about Minho these days. Some spark of life missing ever since the closed-door announcement, as if an invisible plug was pulled and he's been running on cheap fuel ever since.
Jonghyun doesn't quite have the coordination to speak while pumping iron. Score one for Minho.
"Maybe I'll look into acting," he gasps as Minho guides the barbell on the bench rest and Jonghyun lets his arms flop beside him like useless lumps of rubber. He never gets the hang of it. His pecs always want to kill him.
Minho snorts, unimpressed, but he's very considerate of Jonghyun's pace for the rest of their workout. Even if Jonghyun takes so much longer doing his reps. Gratitude comes in so many forms for so many things.
Half an hour later has both of them in the steam room where Jonghyun is slumped with his elbows on his knees while Minho looks like he's just finished warming up.
"What if you're needed elsewhere?" Minho's deep voice echoes beautifully off the tiles. Maybe they should start looking into recording in the bathroom.
"Where else would I want to be instead of tormenting my favorite dongsaeng?"
"Stop pitting yourself against Jinki-hyung." There's a smirk in that statement even if his face is perfectly neutral. Jonghyun should know better than to play on Minho's loyalties.
It's only when they're toweling themselves dry that Minho says anything more. Sentence fragments: Minho's litmus test when he's working through emotions he hasn't quite learned to express. "But. If you decide to go somewhere, hyung. I'll sort of miss you."
Aha! So maybe Jinki's victory isn't absolute yet. "I'm not going anywhere, kid." He'd ruffle Minho's hair but he doesn't know where the gym keeps their stepladders.
Minho smiles sadly at him.
Jonghyun nudges Taemin's elbow hard. "You do realize that we'll be competing with each other, right? When we go solo? And I won't make it any easier for you. There are no dongsaengs in the solo market so you better give it your all once you're out of my shadow."
Taemin pops his ear buds back in. "That's nice, hyung."
Nobody could give zero fucks quite like Lee Taemin.
There's a dead flower in Kibum's hands, some kind of swamp sunflower whose healthy yellow already turned brittle brown.
Jonghyun hasn't even tied the string to his slippers yet.
"I just realized that we're dying," Kibum says lightly, as if he hasn't heard of morbidity before. "And there isn't anything we can do about it."
Jonghyun glances at the grass beneath their feet. At the river. At the bright sunlight against their skin. At Kibum, who looks so resigned about something that never really bothered Jonghyun. "I can think of one thing to do," he says. "Would you mind staying longer than you usually do today?"
Kibum does and the dream changes even more. Jonghyun forgets to throw his slippers into the river.
"So. New York, huh?"
"Radio silence for three days and suddenly you're talking to me while I'm at my busiest." Kibum doesn't bother to turn around and look at him. There are two piles of clothes on his bed: one for 'Okay, maybe I can bring this with me' and the other for 'Just... No'. The second pile is significantly more massive.
"I'm just saying it's kind of a big decision." Jonghyun leans a shoulder against the door jamb. "Do you already have a long-term visa?"
"It's in the works." A cardigan gets thrown on the 'maybe' pile. "Have you decided on how you're going to ruin your life next?"
"Depends on who you ask." Jonghyun slinks closer and rescues a denim shirt from the heap of discards. Kibum hisses and snatches it back quickly, accidentally making eye contact for the first time in days. "I think Minho likes the idea of me getting into acting."
"Of course he does, he just wants to rub your face in the fact that he has more experience." Kibum goes back to sorting through his wardrobe. This takes a lot of concentration. There are a lot of clothes.
"And Jinki-hyung thinks I should go solo."
"Always the sensible one, that man." A red and white blazer makes the cut causing Jonghyun to question everything he knows about fashion. "And Taemin?"
Jonghyun pauses to consider that one. "I'm not sure. I think he's glad that I'm alive. But don't quote me on that, I could be wrong."
Kibum's laughter is definitely something he'll miss, no matter how reserved it sounds right now. "If you got a reaction, any reaction at all, then it means he likes you."
"See, I've been living with him for over half a decade by now and I still don't think I can agree with you." Jonghyun takes the letterman jacket Kibum hasn't thrown anywhere yet and plays with the fabric between his fingers. "So. New York, huh?"
"Yeah." And the wall between them collapses, the invisible maginot line between the melodramatic and the unromantic; Kibum leans in and Jonghyun stumbles to support the weight of two people on a knee that never really fully healed. "I'm going to miss you, Jjong."
"You say it like you're leaving tomorrow." He resists the urge to tangle his fingers through Kibum's hair, settles for cupping the back of Kibum's neck instead.
"I say it because I really am going to miss you, you unappreciative twat." But it's all fondness, no matter how exasperated Kibum sounds. "No more hyena laughter, no more bad guitar-playing when I'm trying to sleep, no more threats of the kitchen burning when I'm not around. You ruined me, you know."
"Maybe I'm not done ruining you yet," Jonghyun teases. Kibum laughs again - unguarded this time, something to bottle up for a lonely day - and he shoves Jonghyun away. "All I'm saying is that life has a lot of surprises up its sleeves."
Jonghyun has a piece of paper in his hands.
He's confused for a moment because this hasn't happened in the dream before. Sure, there's been a few changes with the conversations between him and Kibum being the biggest one, but he's always sitting on the grass and watching the river try to steal his slippers and Kibum just... happens to be there; he's never actually waited for the dream-version of Kibum to slide carefully down the steep riverbank and come to him.
His bicycle is propped up properly today, too.
"What's that?" Kibum asks, pointing at the paper.
"I think I'm supposed to give this to you." Jonghyun shrugs and crumples it instead. "But you know what, it doesn't matter. Why don't we go somewhere today? I've got wheels and I know how to use them."
Kibum spares Jonghyun's bicycle a glance. One of his eyebrows almost twitches and yup, that's it, this is the Kibum who Jonghyun knows, dream or not. "Let's not torture the poor thing. We can just walk."
"Sure, that could work." Jonghyun hasn't even taken off his slippers yet. He wonders if his dreams will ever be the same again.
"Any idea where we should go?" Kibum asks as they climb up the riverbank to the dirt road nearby.
Jonghyun hums while he thinks about it. He grins brightly when he gets an idea. "Let's go see the world."
It turns out that New York is much farther away when he has to pay for it out of his own pocket.
But what the hell, Jonghyun thinks, years under the spotlight taught him that life is an adventure. It's time to live it on his own terms.
(Maybe Jinki can see the future and maybe Minho will miss him. And maybe Taemin is glad that Jonghyun's alive.
Or maybe not.)