Reality Corner: Harry Potter and that NOT Witch
So, after getting back into Pottersues lately and noting how over the top and ridiculous not only the sue characters are, but the reactions to them, I thought it would be fun to pick some of the most ridiculous and rewrite the excerpt with what would REALLY happen if someone attempted such behavior at Hogwarts! I hope I get some interest in this, because it sounds like great fun to me.
So without further ado, I present you my first inspiration, found here at pottersues.livejournal.com/708434.html
I sighed deeply and attempted to apparate on the Hogwarts grounds, but strangely enough, nothing happened - though the momentum from attempting it nearly landed me on my tush. Blinking in confusion, I walked to the closed double doors that led into the dining hall just like any normal person who wasn't as special as me would have to. I pressed my palms firmly against them before pushing them slightly. They opened about a half inch and then closed in my face. With a scowl, I shouldered one door open and weaseled my way inside. Nobody noticed me at first because they were eating, but as I walked down the aisle, forcing a grin onto my face despite my twice-failure, whispers rose around me. At the time, I was too stupid to realize that they were mocking my ridiculous attire.
I stopped right in front of the steps of the professors' table and smiled.
"Hello, Dumbledore. Long time no see," I said bitterly. He looked down and stared at me without any recognition in his eyes. I tilted my head to one side. "What's wrong? Didn't think I'd show?-" But he cut me off before I got any further.
"...Just who are you again, and what are you wearing?" It wasn't the response I was supposed to get. I was supposed to be special, dammit! I thought I'd better do something to prove it, so I turned around to face the crowd.
"Hello, students," I said in a proud and cocky manner, "I am Demetria La Mora. Or Deme for short." I did a little curtsy and the entire hall erupted in laughter. I frowned and examined all the faces. I stopped dead short when my eyes landed on, "Harry Potter." My words were quiet, and somehow he didn't hear me. Why not? I said his name a little louder, but he didn't notice over all the laughter. I finally screamed at the top of my lungs. "HARRY POTTER, NOTICE ME, DAMMIT!"
When he finally looked up, I tried to apparate into his lap, but not only didn't it work, I also landed on my face because of the turning momentum. If I'd thought the collective students couldn't laugh any louder, I was wrong.
My face was red and confused as I jogged ungracefully to the seventh year's table. I plopped myself down in his lap, but instead of wrapping his arms around me or sitting there in numb shock to let me do as I pleased, he acted like a normal person and shoved me right onto the floor.
"What the hell?!" I shouted, tears starting to fill my eyes. "You're supposed to let me make out with you now!" His eyes widened and he stood, backing away from me like I was some sort of lunatic. How dare he think I'm crazy?!
"I'm a professor! You can't get away from me!" I rose to my feet and leapt after him, intent on having my prize, but my lips met air as he dodged around me, and I fell face-first into some Gryffindor's dinner plate.
I couldn't take it anymore. None of this had gone as planned, not a single thing. Everyone was supposed to be mesmerized by me, and Dumbledore should have been shocked into useless silence. Instead, when I looked up, he was rising to his feet. I knew I'd better do something to change the subject.
I did a little turn, trying and failing to mimic a model. "Like my outfit? It's only the latest fashion in the muggle world, and it's nothing like those disgusting robes you wear." Of course, if I really thought the wizarding world was so disgusting, why was I even here? I was wearing a tight black halter top with red diamonds on the straps. My lovehandles bulged around my hips in an unseemly way, and the blood red short shorts and knee high black boots made it hard to walk. Especially since the boots had spikes on the soles. Who designed these?
"The latest fashion, perhaps, if you work the street corner," Professor Snape put in, and unable to face the humiliation any longer, I ran from the room crying.
So without further ado, I present you my first inspiration, found here at pottersues.livejournal.com/708434.html
I sighed deeply and attempted to apparate on the Hogwarts grounds, but strangely enough, nothing happened - though the momentum from attempting it nearly landed me on my tush. Blinking in confusion, I walked to the closed double doors that led into the dining hall just like any normal person who wasn't as special as me would have to. I pressed my palms firmly against them before pushing them slightly. They opened about a half inch and then closed in my face. With a scowl, I shouldered one door open and weaseled my way inside. Nobody noticed me at first because they were eating, but as I walked down the aisle, forcing a grin onto my face despite my twice-failure, whispers rose around me. At the time, I was too stupid to realize that they were mocking my ridiculous attire.
I stopped right in front of the steps of the professors' table and smiled.
"Hello, Dumbledore. Long time no see," I said bitterly. He looked down and stared at me without any recognition in his eyes. I tilted my head to one side. "What's wrong? Didn't think I'd show?-" But he cut me off before I got any further.
"...Just who are you again, and what are you wearing?" It wasn't the response I was supposed to get. I was supposed to be special, dammit! I thought I'd better do something to prove it, so I turned around to face the crowd.
"Hello, students," I said in a proud and cocky manner, "I am Demetria La Mora. Or Deme for short." I did a little curtsy and the entire hall erupted in laughter. I frowned and examined all the faces. I stopped dead short when my eyes landed on, "Harry Potter." My words were quiet, and somehow he didn't hear me. Why not? I said his name a little louder, but he didn't notice over all the laughter. I finally screamed at the top of my lungs. "HARRY POTTER, NOTICE ME, DAMMIT!"
When he finally looked up, I tried to apparate into his lap, but not only didn't it work, I also landed on my face because of the turning momentum. If I'd thought the collective students couldn't laugh any louder, I was wrong.
My face was red and confused as I jogged ungracefully to the seventh year's table. I plopped myself down in his lap, but instead of wrapping his arms around me or sitting there in numb shock to let me do as I pleased, he acted like a normal person and shoved me right onto the floor.
"What the hell?!" I shouted, tears starting to fill my eyes. "You're supposed to let me make out with you now!" His eyes widened and he stood, backing away from me like I was some sort of lunatic. How dare he think I'm crazy?!
"I'm a professor! You can't get away from me!" I rose to my feet and leapt after him, intent on having my prize, but my lips met air as he dodged around me, and I fell face-first into some Gryffindor's dinner plate.
I couldn't take it anymore. None of this had gone as planned, not a single thing. Everyone was supposed to be mesmerized by me, and Dumbledore should have been shocked into useless silence. Instead, when I looked up, he was rising to his feet. I knew I'd better do something to change the subject.
I did a little turn, trying and failing to mimic a model. "Like my outfit? It's only the latest fashion in the muggle world, and it's nothing like those disgusting robes you wear." Of course, if I really thought the wizarding world was so disgusting, why was I even here? I was wearing a tight black halter top with red diamonds on the straps. My lovehandles bulged around my hips in an unseemly way, and the blood red short shorts and knee high black boots made it hard to walk. Especially since the boots had spikes on the soles. Who designed these?
"The latest fashion, perhaps, if you work the street corner," Professor Snape put in, and unable to face the humiliation any longer, I ran from the room crying.