Don't make me feed you to a model
OK, Top Ten Time Again. I know I did one like two days ago, but it was long overdue and more than one in a week goes along with this week's theme: Excess. In all manners.
1. Keith Richards
Rocker extraordinnaire, Richards has dominated the news recently. He's been pardoned by the governor of Arkansas (apparently for an autograph-- and they say Bill Clinton played favorites) and is set to play Papa Sparrow in the third Pirates movie. Now, if you read that last article, you'll notice Bloom says something about a coconut tree. No, you're not dreaming, Richards actually did fall out of a coconut tree. But he did not, as common opinion might have at this point, fall off the back of a turnip truck.
So I salute you, Keith Richards, and your excess of recent headlines. Way to be, man, way to be. And if you ask, "How is that he's being?" I answer, stone cold drunk.
2. Horses
This year more than ever, the horse racing industry has held our attention. Now, I partially include this in my Top 10 because I wanted an excuse to post about Barbaro. I then found this fabulous piece, Ask Smarty Jones. The five year old Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner now has his own advice column in the St. Paul Pioneer. Perhaps this shouldn't be dedicated to horses and instead be dedicated to Minnesota because it would appear they just don't have enough to do up there.
3. Sexually Transmitted Diseases
While I'm not sure one could ever argue there's an acceptable level of STD news out there, it seems that STDs are plaguing everyone from the Brits with their carefully planned programs, to elderly Scotsmen, to horses (and yes, you have to be a subscriber, but who really needs to read more than like five lines of that story?).
What do we do to prevent this horrible trend? Well, we educate the masses on safe sex, and introduce brand new prophylactics. As horrified as people are, and as I was initially, it's not what it seems in my theory. I don't think that they're trying to encourage sex among younger people, I think they're just trying to hide the fact that they're finally marketing a condom to the man with a tiny prick. (PS: If you were in Singers for Powell, you should go check out the headline on that one-- striking resemblance to a certain piece you sang with references to another).
4. Obesity
Well, we are in America, and we are the fattest nation in the world, sooo... it's only right that I mention obesity here. Especially since we're finally admitting that perhaps, just maybe, in our wildest dreams, childhood obesity is a problem. And, not just that, it's one that needs to be fixed. Because, just in case you didn't notice, fat people die. They also tend to be poor, poorly educated, and from Mississippi. Oh, and more likely to go apeshit if you're rich, white, and fat.
So, who wants a salad?
5. Gas Prices
And yet, we don't stop buying it. With gas officially over $3/gal in Atlanta, I'm really watching where I go these days. I'm using the money Alana's giving me for scanning in her books to fund my skating lessons because Kennesaw's a bit of a drive. And then I stay out there for a while after because it's also a bit of a drive back. And it's rush hour by the time we're done skating. States are raising speed limits in an attempt to burn more gas, thereby... um... well, we're not sure exactly to what point, but I'm going to claim for their sakes that it encourages people to actually drive slower and perhaps less thereby using less gas and stopping the encouragement from consumers that the people controlling gas prices are getting now. Or it's just that Minnesota has nothing to do. Again.
6. Marketing
Well, they figured out we don't watch the commercials on TV anymore, and even though their shows hold down a couple of the top spots in Neilsen ratings, CBS just can't control themselves. Now, I love CSI, I live and breathe it, but what. the fuck. Microsoft, on the other hand, goes in a little bit of a different direction with their marketing, bringing in dragons.
Does this mean that between Microsoft and CBS, I don't have to make my own breakfast anymore? I could get the dragon to come in and cook the bacon and CSI eggs?
7. Super Sweet 16
Yes, yes, I'm utterly willing to admit that there is massive amounts of excess in my secret dirty shameful indulgence, MTV's My Super Sweet 16 (where sometimes 16 isn't so sweet). GoogleNewsing the subject, I find what I desperately didn't want to be true: MTV stages some of the show. OK, so I knew that, and I knew that (like the Real World) not everything is shown and they only show what's the most "enticing" to the public. But did that reporter lady have to go and ruin everything?
Now, according to these folks, not all the episodes are staged. And I'll believe that because, well, I probably go to school with people who could be on that show. Except for that whole not being 16 part...
But to wrap up this section, I'll quote Detroit News Online's article, which provides as good a summary of SS16 as Dan Savage did for NEXT:
The show follows a simple but wildly successful formula: 1. kid makes a series of high-priced demands (a fireworks display, a helicopter ride, perhaps a harem of belly dancers); 2. parents capitulate and cough up the cash; 3. kid gleefully humiliates the uninvited; 4. something goes awry; 5. kid has a meltdown and repeatedly refers to self in the third person; 6. party miraculously comes together; and 7. kid is presented with an automobile before his salivating, less fortunate peers. In Marissa's case, her father, who owns three auto dealerships, presented her with two cars: a red convertible for the weekend and a sturdy SUV for the week.
8. College Tuition
So I probably don't have to find articles to tell you guys that tuition is COMPLETELY ridiculous right now. Hillary Clinton hopes to give a tuition tax at $3k a year, but whether or not that'll make much of a dent for many families is arguable (not that I TOTALLY wouldn't take it because it would help-- every penny, after all) especially when tuition is upwards of $40,000 a year and rising.
9. Hollywood Gossip
Between Brangelina Baby, Jen and Vince, and whateverthefuckelse is going on in Hollywood, at least some of them find the time for a little humor. Oh, the Baldwins. Reminding us daily that at least we're not them.
10. Drunk Driving Arrests
Well, we've already covered Keith Richards' drunk falling, but what about those pesky drunk driving arrests? In California, a boy drove his parents car in to a canal, in Japan, a man proved that despite generations of alcoholism, the Japanese just need to stay away from the alcohol. And apparently the Tokyo Drift.
Oh, and just because you make the beer doesn't mean you should drink it. Just ask Peter Coors. And, you can ask him again now that he's been sentenced despite a not guilty plea.
I also laugh heartily at him after reading this well-put chastisement, one of many in the press.
And that, my friends wraps up another installment
1. Keith Richards
Rocker extraordinnaire, Richards has dominated the news recently. He's been pardoned by the governor of Arkansas (apparently for an autograph-- and they say Bill Clinton played favorites) and is set to play Papa Sparrow in the third Pirates movie. Now, if you read that last article, you'll notice Bloom says something about a coconut tree. No, you're not dreaming, Richards actually did fall out of a coconut tree. But he did not, as common opinion might have at this point, fall off the back of a turnip truck.
So I salute you, Keith Richards, and your excess of recent headlines. Way to be, man, way to be. And if you ask, "How is that he's being?" I answer, stone cold drunk.
2. Horses
This year more than ever, the horse racing industry has held our attention. Now, I partially include this in my Top 10 because I wanted an excuse to post about Barbaro. I then found this fabulous piece, Ask Smarty Jones. The five year old Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner now has his own advice column in the St. Paul Pioneer. Perhaps this shouldn't be dedicated to horses and instead be dedicated to Minnesota because it would appear they just don't have enough to do up there.
3. Sexually Transmitted Diseases
While I'm not sure one could ever argue there's an acceptable level of STD news out there, it seems that STDs are plaguing everyone from the Brits with their carefully planned programs, to elderly Scotsmen, to horses (and yes, you have to be a subscriber, but who really needs to read more than like five lines of that story?).
What do we do to prevent this horrible trend? Well, we educate the masses on safe sex, and introduce brand new prophylactics. As horrified as people are, and as I was initially, it's not what it seems in my theory. I don't think that they're trying to encourage sex among younger people, I think they're just trying to hide the fact that they're finally marketing a condom to the man with a tiny prick. (PS: If you were in Singers for Powell, you should go check out the headline on that one-- striking resemblance to a certain piece you sang with references to another).
4. Obesity
Well, we are in America, and we are the fattest nation in the world, sooo... it's only right that I mention obesity here. Especially since we're finally admitting that perhaps, just maybe, in our wildest dreams, childhood obesity is a problem. And, not just that, it's one that needs to be fixed. Because, just in case you didn't notice, fat people die. They also tend to be poor, poorly educated, and from Mississippi. Oh, and more likely to go apeshit if you're rich, white, and fat.
So, who wants a salad?
5. Gas Prices
And yet, we don't stop buying it. With gas officially over $3/gal in Atlanta, I'm really watching where I go these days. I'm using the money Alana's giving me for scanning in her books to fund my skating lessons because Kennesaw's a bit of a drive. And then I stay out there for a while after because it's also a bit of a drive back. And it's rush hour by the time we're done skating. States are raising speed limits in an attempt to burn more gas, thereby... um... well, we're not sure exactly to what point, but I'm going to claim for their sakes that it encourages people to actually drive slower and perhaps less thereby using less gas and stopping the encouragement from consumers that the people controlling gas prices are getting now. Or it's just that Minnesota has nothing to do. Again.
6. Marketing
Well, they figured out we don't watch the commercials on TV anymore, and even though their shows hold down a couple of the top spots in Neilsen ratings, CBS just can't control themselves. Now, I love CSI, I live and breathe it, but what. the fuck. Microsoft, on the other hand, goes in a little bit of a different direction with their marketing, bringing in dragons.
Does this mean that between Microsoft and CBS, I don't have to make my own breakfast anymore? I could get the dragon to come in and cook the bacon and CSI eggs?
7. Super Sweet 16
Yes, yes, I'm utterly willing to admit that there is massive amounts of excess in my secret dirty shameful indulgence, MTV's My Super Sweet 16 (where sometimes 16 isn't so sweet). GoogleNewsing the subject, I find what I desperately didn't want to be true: MTV stages some of the show. OK, so I knew that, and I knew that (like the Real World) not everything is shown and they only show what's the most "enticing" to the public. But did that reporter lady have to go and ruin everything?
Now, according to these folks, not all the episodes are staged. And I'll believe that because, well, I probably go to school with people who could be on that show. Except for that whole not being 16 part...
But to wrap up this section, I'll quote Detroit News Online's article, which provides as good a summary of SS16 as Dan Savage did for NEXT:
The show follows a simple but wildly successful formula: 1. kid makes a series of high-priced demands (a fireworks display, a helicopter ride, perhaps a harem of belly dancers); 2. parents capitulate and cough up the cash; 3. kid gleefully humiliates the uninvited; 4. something goes awry; 5. kid has a meltdown and repeatedly refers to self in the third person; 6. party miraculously comes together; and 7. kid is presented with an automobile before his salivating, less fortunate peers. In Marissa's case, her father, who owns three auto dealerships, presented her with two cars: a red convertible for the weekend and a sturdy SUV for the week.
8. College Tuition
So I probably don't have to find articles to tell you guys that tuition is COMPLETELY ridiculous right now. Hillary Clinton hopes to give a tuition tax at $3k a year, but whether or not that'll make much of a dent for many families is arguable (not that I TOTALLY wouldn't take it because it would help-- every penny, after all) especially when tuition is upwards of $40,000 a year and rising.
9. Hollywood Gossip
Between Brangelina Baby, Jen and Vince, and whateverthefuckelse is going on in Hollywood, at least some of them find the time for a little humor. Oh, the Baldwins. Reminding us daily that at least we're not them.
10. Drunk Driving Arrests
Well, we've already covered Keith Richards' drunk falling, but what about those pesky drunk driving arrests? In California, a boy drove his parents car in to a canal, in Japan, a man proved that despite generations of alcoholism, the Japanese just need to stay away from the alcohol. And apparently the Tokyo Drift.
Oh, and just because you make the beer doesn't mean you should drink it. Just ask Peter Coors. And, you can ask him again now that he's been sentenced despite a not guilty plea.
I also laugh heartily at him after reading this well-put chastisement, one of many in the press.
And that, my friends wraps up another installment