Muffled words
Author: koya_ka
Pairing: Howoo (Hoya x Woohyun)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: I don't own Infinite. (for the moment)
Summary: Writing a letter was a bad idea...
Note: I wrote this one-shot in french first, so I guess there's a lot of mistakes because I'm not really good to translate, and english is not my first langage. Sorry >w<
I feel like an idiot writing those lines.These words are for you, but you'll never read them. By this letter I'm looking for a way to reveal what I feel while keeping it secret. It is contradictory, I know, but I have no alternative. Nobody needs to know, no one should read these words. If I'm writing it's only to find some serenity. And I'm not even sure to find it.
I know it's been several years that we know each other. Besides, I still remember our first meeting. If I felt comfortable with Sungkyu, for both of us it was different. But over time we became friends. But... I don't know how to explain that without feeling shame. I think my feelings for you grown. Since your duet with Wheesung. The first time I saw you rapping for him, sitting in an armchair in our dressing room, my heart suddenly accelerated. You were wonderful. There's no better word to describe you at this moment. Your presence on stage, your charisma ... I thought to be jealous. I was saying to myself that if I reacted this way it's because I was not used to see you on stage when I was not there. Now I am well aware of my mistake.
If I could not take my eyes off of you, it was not out of jealousy or respect. I was just falling in love with you. And each performance you did, I was a little more in love. It's scary, it's shameful. We are two men, we are part of the same group. We have fans. If my secret was discovered it would be terrible for me and the band. But I can't hide it anymore,I can't lie. I am ashamed, but I no longer seek to hide that feeling. I tried at first. That's why I started to avoid you. I thought I'll end up forgetting, yet the opposite was happening. Less I saw you, the more I thought of you. And each rare moment I could see you, my body did not obey. It became too dangerous. I'll probably look like the crazy fans that frighten us, but if I had no conscience, if the members were not there during those times, then I would have certainly take off your clothes. It's vulgar, I'm sorry. But it's the only word that comes to my mind.
I am so ashamed of what I feel, of this attraction. I am ashamed of my behavior, imagining you naked in the shower. I'm starting to hate myself but I do not do anything to avoid it. I imagine this scene, see hundreds of drops of water slide down your body. You're so beautiful. And I'm ridiculous to feel excited because of that. And I continue to dream, I know it will never be reciprocated. Then why every night I imagine us together? I see you taking me in your arms, kissing me on the neck before rising slowly to my lips. I imagine our passionate kisses and I smile, I imagine your breath on my skin, your touch and I shiver.
It's so hard to love you, Hoya.
A sigh escaped from my lips while I fold this sheet and hide it in my desk's drawer. Tomorrow I'll burn it somewhere far from our building, so that no one sees it. It's too late to go out now. I wipe the few tears that have escaped from my eyes before going to the kitchen, eating pizza that our manager has ordered. But I barely eat, I'm not hungry. I'm tired. All I want is to take a shower and go to bed. And that's what I do. I take refuge in the bathroom and I stay under the hot water as long as possible. Until Sungjong claimed that I'm to slow. So I go, go back to my room and see Sngyeol with my letter in his hands.
" What are you doing?!"
In a few steps, I snatched it from the hands and crumpled it with all my strength. I blush, I can feel it. How does he dare to look at my stuff?! That's what I asked, eyes fixed on him and all he can do is a simple stammers.
" I ... I'm sorry. I was looking for a flashlight, the light of the closet is broken, and I know you have one. When I saw the letter I thought it was a fan who had written to you and ... uh. You should not be ashamed Woohyun, these things can happen .. "
" No! This kind of thing never happens! NE-VER! "
I can not say which of shame or anger is the most present in me, but at least it made me cry out loud enough to bring some of our members to my room. Our leader looks through the crack to ask what happened and I say in a dry tone that Sungyeol talks about something that does not concern him. After a shrug they return to their occupations, having not interest in this story.
"Look Sungyeol, I forbid you to repeat anything. You keep this secret to you, and there will be no injuries. "
"Do not worry I will not say anything. But you make a mountain of little if you ask me. "
For answer he got a slap on the head and a slamming door. My heart beats so fast. Writing this letter was a bad idea. I should have keep everything for me. A sigh escapes my lips as I let myself fall on my bed, facing the ceiling. Eyes closed, I hope that I will find sleep so I can forget all that. But I hear the door being open again.
" Sungyeol, I don"t want to speak, leave me alone."
No answer. Maybe he's gone again? But I didn't hear... Suddenly my eyes open while I feel lips landed on mine. My heart missed a beat and then undertakes in a race while my eyes get lost in those dark eyes. I am unable to react when he bites my lower lip and slowly move his tongue on it. Only after a few seconds I finally react, half-opening my lips. And to my delight he responds to the kiss and caressed my tongue sensually. It's out of breath that we separate, my face suddenly blushing.
"Hoya ..." His name escapes my lips and he smiles, before moving his hand in my hair.
"Sungyeol is not the only one who read your letter this evening. I love you too Woohyun. "
And without another word, he seized my lips again, his hand slipping from under my T-shirt to see the damage it caused to my heart ...
Pairing: Howoo (Hoya x Woohyun)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: I don't own Infinite. (for the moment)
Summary: Writing a letter was a bad idea...
Note: I wrote this one-shot in french first, so I guess there's a lot of mistakes because I'm not really good to translate, and english is not my first langage. Sorry >w<
I feel like an idiot writing those lines.These words are for you, but you'll never read them. By this letter I'm looking for a way to reveal what I feel while keeping it secret. It is contradictory, I know, but I have no alternative. Nobody needs to know, no one should read these words. If I'm writing it's only to find some serenity. And I'm not even sure to find it.
I know it's been several years that we know each other. Besides, I still remember our first meeting. If I felt comfortable with Sungkyu, for both of us it was different. But over time we became friends. But... I don't know how to explain that without feeling shame. I think my feelings for you grown. Since your duet with Wheesung. The first time I saw you rapping for him, sitting in an armchair in our dressing room, my heart suddenly accelerated. You were wonderful. There's no better word to describe you at this moment. Your presence on stage, your charisma ... I thought to be jealous. I was saying to myself that if I reacted this way it's because I was not used to see you on stage when I was not there. Now I am well aware of my mistake.
If I could not take my eyes off of you, it was not out of jealousy or respect. I was just falling in love with you. And each performance you did, I was a little more in love. It's scary, it's shameful. We are two men, we are part of the same group. We have fans. If my secret was discovered it would be terrible for me and the band. But I can't hide it anymore,I can't lie. I am ashamed, but I no longer seek to hide that feeling. I tried at first. That's why I started to avoid you. I thought I'll end up forgetting, yet the opposite was happening. Less I saw you, the more I thought of you. And each rare moment I could see you, my body did not obey. It became too dangerous. I'll probably look like the crazy fans that frighten us, but if I had no conscience, if the members were not there during those times, then I would have certainly take off your clothes. It's vulgar, I'm sorry. But it's the only word that comes to my mind.
I am so ashamed of what I feel, of this attraction. I am ashamed of my behavior, imagining you naked in the shower. I'm starting to hate myself but I do not do anything to avoid it. I imagine this scene, see hundreds of drops of water slide down your body. You're so beautiful. And I'm ridiculous to feel excited because of that. And I continue to dream, I know it will never be reciprocated. Then why every night I imagine us together? I see you taking me in your arms, kissing me on the neck before rising slowly to my lips. I imagine our passionate kisses and I smile, I imagine your breath on my skin, your touch and I shiver.
It's so hard to love you, Hoya.
A sigh escaped from my lips while I fold this sheet and hide it in my desk's drawer. Tomorrow I'll burn it somewhere far from our building, so that no one sees it. It's too late to go out now. I wipe the few tears that have escaped from my eyes before going to the kitchen, eating pizza that our manager has ordered. But I barely eat, I'm not hungry. I'm tired. All I want is to take a shower and go to bed. And that's what I do. I take refuge in the bathroom and I stay under the hot water as long as possible. Until Sungjong claimed that I'm to slow. So I go, go back to my room and see Sngyeol with my letter in his hands.
" What are you doing?!"
In a few steps, I snatched it from the hands and crumpled it with all my strength. I blush, I can feel it. How does he dare to look at my stuff?! That's what I asked, eyes fixed on him and all he can do is a simple stammers.
" I ... I'm sorry. I was looking for a flashlight, the light of the closet is broken, and I know you have one. When I saw the letter I thought it was a fan who had written to you and ... uh. You should not be ashamed Woohyun, these things can happen .. "
" No! This kind of thing never happens! NE-VER! "
I can not say which of shame or anger is the most present in me, but at least it made me cry out loud enough to bring some of our members to my room. Our leader looks through the crack to ask what happened and I say in a dry tone that Sungyeol talks about something that does not concern him. After a shrug they return to their occupations, having not interest in this story.
"Look Sungyeol, I forbid you to repeat anything. You keep this secret to you, and there will be no injuries. "
"Do not worry I will not say anything. But you make a mountain of little if you ask me. "
For answer he got a slap on the head and a slamming door. My heart beats so fast. Writing this letter was a bad idea. I should have keep everything for me. A sigh escapes my lips as I let myself fall on my bed, facing the ceiling. Eyes closed, I hope that I will find sleep so I can forget all that. But I hear the door being open again.
" Sungyeol, I don"t want to speak, leave me alone."
No answer. Maybe he's gone again? But I didn't hear... Suddenly my eyes open while I feel lips landed on mine. My heart missed a beat and then undertakes in a race while my eyes get lost in those dark eyes. I am unable to react when he bites my lower lip and slowly move his tongue on it. Only after a few seconds I finally react, half-opening my lips. And to my delight he responds to the kiss and caressed my tongue sensually. It's out of breath that we separate, my face suddenly blushing.
"Hoya ..." His name escapes my lips and he smiles, before moving his hand in my hair.
"Sungyeol is not the only one who read your letter this evening. I love you too Woohyun. "
And without another word, he seized my lips again, his hand slipping from under my T-shirt to see the damage it caused to my heart ...